I'm So Human

[Aminia Rosendale]

Aminia Macksimov felt pathetic as the sun rose, sat frustrated, alone in the news room. It was early in the morning, but that didn't matter much to Mini whom had been up all night. She'd come to the News Room at some point, making sure not to get caught and shutting the door quietly behind her. She had only planned on spending an hour or so in the room, but when she got there, completely in solitary, she couldn't help the ensuing breakdown. She'd had the best small break of her life, had avoided the Valentine's dance to stay home and write more in her poetry, just so she could have it ready for Chaser's birthday. It had been ready, he'd liked it - they loved each other. Why couldn't her mother just let her have a moment? She didn't want to go to a dance Academy, she didn't want to leave Chaser for longer than she needed to - longer than her school made her. Once she was done they were going to start a museum; not now that her mother had enrolled her in a boarding academy for dance.

Throwing herself into work that she was passionate about, Aminia wrote for the paper the article she wanted to publish this semester. It was due soon after all. The interview had been completed over the Brightstone weekend when she made her way to St. Mungo's and it just needed to be compiled and written neatly, and she needed a closing statement. It should have come easily to her, but as frustrated tears soaked the parchment Aminia couldn't help but feel it was a useless battle of try and fail, and fail again. She crumpled up the fifteenth piece of parchment and threw it against the wall. She let out a frustrated grown and buried her head in her arms on the table. Was there even a point in having chaser meet her dad now? They were probably just going to make sure she never saw him again. It definitely felt like that was her mother's intentions. Sighing and closing her eyes for a moment, the Ravenclaw only intended to rest her eyes for a second, but that second turned into sleep - and Mini, head buried surrounded by trashed work dozed off into light sleep.

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

It was a surprise to no one that Lennon liked to spend a majority of his time in the newsroom; since there weren't many staff members in comparison to the size of the rest of the school's population, it was always a peaceful escape for him. It was like having an exclusive place to eat breakfast when he didn't feel like being around others in the great hall. This morning was one of them. He'd had a restless night so he knew he was going to need coffee and some peace and quiet away from the rest of the castle. Once he'd gotten himself a bagel and a hot cup of coffee, the Ravenclaw walked into the room, rather surprised to see it wasn't empty at this early morning hour.

Lennon frowned deeper once he grew closer and recognized the sleeping figure right away. Judging by the wadded up scraps of paper, she had been working hard on her article presumably, and Lennon wondered whether he should wake her up or let her get some more rest. But sleeping on a hard surface was hardly a good place to rest, so Lennon carefully set his coffee and bagel down on another a short distance away and leaned down to be at eye level with Aminia. He placed his hand on her shoulder carefully and gently nudged her, whispering, "Hey Mini," and then again, "Mini, wake up," laughing softly at how deeply she seemed to be asleep.
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[Aminia Rosendale]

Aminia hadn't realized how tired she was until she was asleep. The normally proud and graceful Veela would never have been caught dead before doing something so embarrassing, but there she was. In her sleep she heard somewhere distant her name being called, which didn't translate to the waking world until she felt a gentle nudge. At first the blonde shrugged at the touch. But soon after she realized where she was, and who the familiar voice talking to her was, and then she was no longer tired. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and Aminia's head shot up, a red mark on her forehead from having tested it on her arm for too long. "Awake!" She said almost too loudly - obviously meaning to tell Lennon that she was awake, but failing in English.

The blonde, with red eyes, pink cheeks, and left over mascara, would under normal circumstances never be caught looking less than perfect, but her human side was exposed as she wiped st her face. "I am so sorry." She apologized gently, quickly standing from the desk assuming he must have wanted to sit down and gathering the paper. This was the first time Aminia had been alone with Lennon since their 'break up' and she could feel a rock sitting in the pit of her stomach. Looking again at the Editor, grabbing wads of paper in between glances she spoke trying for once to seem like she wasn't afraid to talk to him. "Good morning." Her voice nearly cracked, and Aminia wished she could sink into the ground where she was for a moment. This was so absolutely mortifying and once she got everything cleaned up she was going to leave Lennon to his tasks and never speak to anyone - except maybe a Chaser - about this moment.

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

Lennon couldn't help but chuckle when Mini startled awake. "Sorry!" he said immediately, noticing she seemed flustered. He shook his head when she apologized and then noticed all the crumpled papers around her as she stood up. "Oh, you don't have to go!" he said quickly, gesturing for her to stay seated where she was at. They hadn't spoken in so long so Lennon wanted to take up as much conversation with her as she could. The boy smiled when she said good morning and he replied, "Morning," unsure what else to say to keep her here. He could tell her cheeks were pink and he wasn't sure if it was from being startled or just from the puffiness of sleep. Lennon looked down at the cup of coffee he'd put down on the desk earlier and then picked it up. "Coffee" he offered her with a small smile. "Did you sleep here all night? You must need it," he added reassuringly.
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[Aminia Rosendale]

Aminia heard Lennon's apology but she knew she didn't deserve it. The monthly was most likely Lennon's safe haven, and it was safe from people like her. The blonde dumped her armfuls of paper in the trash and adjusted the outfits top before she turned to the editor and looked at the cup he was offering her. She wiped under her eyes, clearing a majority of the black mascara away that was left over and slowly approached the table, sitting in a seat opposite the one she had originally been in, still trying to gather and move her stuff to an area she deemed not in the way. The hot embarrassment on her face didn't disappear as she answered, voice slightly raspy from having just woken up. "You don't have to give me part of your breakfast." She spoke in a tone that almost sounded guilty that he'd even offer her as such. "Not all night, I don't know what time I fell asleep if I am to be honest." She admitted, moving to put her blonde locks into a pony tail. "I am sorry you had to see me like... this. I just needed to get away." She offered. Then there was silence, before Aminia made eye contact with Lennon. "H-how have you been?" She asked, before glancing him over, and looking back at the table. The conversation itself made Aminia's chest hurt with nerves, Lennon was so much harder to talk to now than he ever had been.

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

It had been so long since Lennon had talked to Aminia, seeing her like this was a little strange. She seemed different, less restrained and freer, which he definitely approved of for her own sake, but suddenly it made him feel like he didn't know her anymore and wasn't privileged to this new version of her. Just that thought, and her refusal to take the coffee, made him feel so far removed. "It's just coffee, I can always make more," he said weakly, and placed the cup down in front of her so she had the freedom to choose whether she wanted it or not without the pressure of him holding it out for her.

He liked that she'd taken a seat and before he could overthink the gesture, he sat down across from her as she tried fixing herself up. He sighed so softly he wasn't sure she heard it and shook his head. "Mini, stop apologizing for being human," he said with a small chuckle, hoping the light tone in his voice would ease the tension in the room. "You look beautiful either way," he said before he could stop himself, and then quickly shook his head as he said, "Sorry." He ran a hand over his face and exhaled as she asked how he'd been and then he simply shrugged. "Oh you know, same old same old," he said, feeling more pathetic by the minute. While Aminia had been changing and adapting, Lennon still felt exactly the same as he had when he'd first met her years ago, with nothing new to show. "How are you?" he asked, already dreading the answer in comparison to his lack of change, but still extremely curious to know.​

 

[Aminia Rosendale]

Aminia glanced at the coffee set before her and then back up at Lennon. "Thank you." She murmured before accepting the drink and holding it with both of her hands. Thin tendrils warmed at the sensation and she sipped from the cup, feeling warm for a moment before it faded. She supposed she was only cold because she had just woken up, and ignored the goosebumps that made themselves known at the top of her otherwise smooth skin. At his next remark Aminia gave a weak laugh. She was so accustomed to needing to be perfect in the school that being anything less was like a mistake. If only the freedom she felt with Chaser could follow her back to Hogwarts every time she left his side.

However the woman's gently relaxing frame stiffed - though not visibly - when Lennon told her she looked beautiful. While blushing had never been an issue for her when she refused human contact and natural emotions, now that she had begun to crack herself open she found her cheeks heated at compliments she felt she didn't deserve to accept. "Thank you. You look... really well." She stammered our a return compliment, drawing the line between what was okay to say and what would be innapropriate for a woman in a relationship to say. "Do not apologize." She whispered before sipping the drink once more. "Still taking nature photographs?" She asked when he gave her very little information, unaware that perhaps it showed how much she remembered. How often she had thought about him before falling in love with Chaser.

Aminia wasn't prepared to be asked how she was in return. Though she knew it was common curtesy she wasn't prepared to hear Lennon say those words to her. She attempted to choke out and answer s fresh teas welled in her eyes. Finally, with all the honesty she could muster she spoke. "poop." Though why she was poop was a multitude of reasons. Between discovering about the dance academy, missing Chaser, and the guilt she felt talking. To Lennon suddenly the teen was overwhelmed. She sniffed back the tears and drank again from the mug to hide herself away. "My parents are sending me to an academy when I turn 17. I will not even get the chance to finish my last semester in school." She admitted. More open now than she had ever even toLennon. She regretted that more than he would ever know.

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

Lennon smiled grimly when she returned the compliment, though he didn't feel he looked any better than she probably felt after groggily waking up. He'd grown a few more inches and his voice had gotten deeper but that was about it, other than that he was still the same old Lennon she'd grown tired of years ago. He smiled and nodded when she asked if he was still taking nature photographs, ruffling his hair a little as he said, "I've moved on to portraits, but landscapes are still my favorite I think." He shrugged a little, wondering briefly how it would be to photograph Aminia but didn't even entertain the idea because it was a lost cause.

He wasn't expecting her to cry when he asked how she was so he immediately became alarmed and asked, "Mini, what's wrong?" as she sniffed her tears away. He furrowed his brows when she explained she'd be moving schools when she was 17 and bit his lip as he hesitated on what to say. "It clearly seems like that's not what you want to do, so why are you letting them send you away?" he asked softly. He didn't have a very good relationship with his distant mother so he and Zara usually had more freedom to do what they wanted than most, but even he knew that this seemed like an unfair thing to put Aminia through.
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[Aminia Rosendale]

Aminia's guilt grew when she realized she was taking the attention away from him. Hadn't she always done that? Made everything about her when she was with him? The blonde wanted to bury her head but instead her amber eyes found Lennon's face, full of concern for her still. So willing to throw away normal conversation for her. Her chest ached, and she found herself feeling pale, knowing that she had pushed him away and he had held onto their friendship. Or perhaps he was just reenamored with her Veela blood. Perhaps that was all it really was. Aminia shrugged in response to his words.

"I do not. But... I do not want to disappoint them like I have everyone else. Like I did you..." if Aminia was going to make up for her wrongs, and be the person Chaser saw her as, perhaps this was where she should start. For a moment the way Chaser looked when she told him how she had treated Lennon came to mind, and she reassured herself that this was the right choice. "Lennon I am so sorry." She whispered, rubbing harshly at her tears. "I am so, so sorry." She spoke quietly, looking at the coffee rather than the editor.

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

Lennon was not used to seeing Aminia in this way, so open and vulnerable as she cried. Of course, seeing her cry was not a good thing, but he was simply surprised at this new part of her he'd never seen before. Usually she put up walls and dismissed and pushed him away so he could never get too close, but this was new and different. Lennon hushed her softly so she'd stop crying and furrowed his brows as she brought him up and violently shook his head. "Mini stop. Stop worrying about me or what I feel - felt - and stop worrying about everyone else," he said in a rush, ruffling his hair, half flustered, half frustrated. "What do you want to do? You should do what makes you happy, not anyone else," he said firmly. Of course it was a lot easier said than done, especially when standing up to parents, but he still felt it was something she needed to hear. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever met, you can do it," he said reassuringly. He held back his thoughts on how being strong willed didn't necessarily mean she was happy though.

Lennon sighed as she apologized to him and shook his head. "It's okay," he said honestly. "Whatever guilt you're holding on to, you can let it go," he said. She was under no obligation to return the affections he had for her and it had taken him a while to realize that but now he was okay with it. She seemed a lot better off without him so he wasn't going to try and regress any sort of progress she seemed to have made while he was out of her life. "Really Mini, it's okay. We were young and dumb, no hard feelings," he said, trying his best to downplay it and keep things light to make her stop crying and feel better. He hesitated slightly as he reached out to put a hand on hers and ran his thumb softly over her hand to soothe her.
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[Aminia Rosendale]

Things that were natural to Aminia included Dance, and her spot on impersonation of her angry mother when mocking her. Things that were not natural included the way she felt in the pit of her stomach, and the open way she behaved currently toward a boy she no longer longed to be around. At least she thought she didn't want to be around him. Confusion set in when Aminia heard him say something he asked her tome and tome again. What did she want. Something Chaser often asked her. What would make her happy. The blonde was unsure. "I love writing. I am happy to have the opportunity you gave me, Lennon. Despite the things I said and did." Her head did not raise from the cup of coffee seated on the table before her, amber eyes wavering as what seemed like nearly the last droplets of tears spilled forth.

Finally, at the contact of Lennon's hand on hers, Aminia looked to him. Her eyes settled directly on his, and she was unaware that she now chewed gently at her bottom lip, a nervous habit she never picked up on before that moment. Upon making eye contact Aminia's heart sank, drowning in a pool of unfamiliar emotions, a resurgence of words on the tip of her tongue reminding her that she was cruel, and had never been less than so. Finally her eyes traveled to his hand on hers, the comforting gesture enough to put a smile on her face. "Thank you, Lennon. You mean a lot to me. Even if I never show it." She spoke gently, before moving to his side, breakin contact and leaning over to awkwardly hug him, grateful that someone would be so patient and caring. She was lucky to have the friendships she did, and hoped that Lennon could always be considered as such

 

[Lennon Cohen-Knight]

Lennon was silent as he waited for Mini to speak up and worried he might have said something that offended or hurt her, but he was glad she didn't seem to be crying anymore and spoke up. He was rather surprised to hear her admit that she did love writing. It wasn't new to him, he could clearly tell how talented she was at it from her time on the paper so far. And now that he was aware of how she had a way with words, he had gone back to re-read some of the notes he'd received in roses for Valentine's day and deduced it was from her, a thought that still confused him because her words said one thing but her actions said another. At least now, even in this confused, sad state, he could see the pieces of Aminia slowly forming together to show who she really was.

Lennon smiled briefly at her, not expecting the hug but chuckling lightly once she did, and waved off her thanks. He didn't want her to keep beating herself up for stuff in the past, so he didn't think he deserved any sort of praise, but he did like hearing that he meant something to her. "I'm glad you're on the staff," he said truthfully, flashing her a genuine smile; she had brought a new substance to the paper that had been missing before. "Though I do have a question," he said a little hesitantly. He was glad that Aminia had admitted to enjoying writing because this allowed him the perfect opportunity to bring up something that had been nagging him in the back of his mind ever since she'd joined. "Your writing is so great, so why do you hide behind Anonymous? Everyone deserves to know it's you," he said earnestly. "If you stop hiding the best parts of you, I think you can begin to be truly happy, doing what you like and want to do freely," he said, hoping he wasn't overstepping.
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