I Really Don't Need This

[Isabella Chaos]

Isabella lay on the large bed in the bedroom of her home in Italy, with the door locked, as if 'Alohamora' wasn't going to make it pointless, and sighed into her silk pillows. The nineteen year old was admittedly acting childish and had stomped off to her room to sulk as soon as her father had told her he'd contacted someone for her to talk to about the 'issue.' Isabella had heard this for the past few months already and had always dismissed her family's requests, but now it seemed her father had had enough and had taken action.

It wasn't as if her family hadn't tried before; they had lured Isabella to a therapist's office under false pretenses, claiming they were going to visit a sick relative at St. Mungo's. Once Isabella had realized what they were doing she had Disapparated immediately, furious for using her vulnerability and lying about a sick relative against her. Now her father had gotten smarter and invited someone over to their home, where she wasn't allowed to Apparate in or out, and he'd hidden the Floo Powder, unable even to Summon it. Isabella knew, she had tried it just a few minutes ago.

Isabella had no idea who her father had requested come visit the former Slytherin, but she was sure they wouldn't be able to help her cope with the loss of her baby. Just the thought of it made her heart ache and her stomach twist in knots. Instinctively she extended an arm to her stomach, now flattened by the lack of a tiny human being in it, hoping to feel something again, but the knowledge of its absence only intensified her pain.

Her eyes stung with the pain of fresh tears welling up but she swallowed them back hard as she heard the doorbell ring. Still the Slytherin didn't get up from her sprawled position on the bed. If she just pretended to be napping perhaps they'd go away? Isabella heard the chatter of formalities being exchanged below and rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Any minute now the stranger and her father would be climbing up the steps to her bedroom.

Giving in, Isabella finally sat up and brushed her hair out of her face; once curled to perfection, her hair was now straight and unkempt. It just didn't matter to Isabella anymore. She didn't have a reason to anyway, she never left her house anymore. She slid off the bed and slipped on her Toms as she adjusted her oversized shirt, concealing her figure or the fact that she'd 'let herself go' despite being so petite.

Finally she heard a knock on the door as her father called out to her. The brunette stood there leaning against the bed for a while, not ready to face the Healer or her problems. She knew her father must be flicking his wand now to open her door. As if on cue, she heard the click of the lock as her door swung open to reveal a broken nineteen year old standing in the middle of a room scattered with baby bottles and toys and other paraphernalia.

 

[Colton Kovac]

Colton Kovac had an appointment to go over to someone's house, across the world to help assist someone from what he gathered from a traumatic experience that fell in his area of work that included anything to do with children, miscarriages and pregnancy. He wondered why not a psychiatrist, but then he discovered that one was not around to cover the job, so that was why he was given the rewards to travel to Italy to get this done. He had left his office early, visited with his girlfriend and the love of his life, as well as his son, kissed them goodbye and set off on his journey to Italy. He would be back within two days, so it was not like he was going to be leaving forever. Colton had arrived in Italy, but the problem was, finding the address. At first he thought that it was a joke, because of the last name Chaos, but then again he had heard of many last names before, and this one should not ring out as strange. He moved his long, brown hair to the side and away from his eyes as if that would make any difference. His brown eyes absorbed the area around him as he looked at the country of Italy. It was beautiful, but he preferred his little home in New Zealand and then the one in England he had yet to sell. One could not part with the first house that one would end up buying. Colton had his backpack with him and he looked more like a hiker than he did a Healer. There was just one difference now, and that was the look in his eyes. It was deep with wisdom, looked as though he knew more than someone twice his age. Depending on the subject, it could be true. Finding the address, and knocked on the door. Once an older man entered, Colton introduced himself as who he was, a Healer, even though he did not look like it. That and he was a midwife as well. There were not many, if any, males that were midwives in Saint Mungo's, but the former Slytherin was not going to allow that little note to disrupt his work.

He was here to help out Ms. Chaos, and he remained standing where he was, looking around the place, taking it in and wondering what type of people were the Chaos'. Then the father apparently motioned for Colton to follow him, and Colton nodded and set his things down in the corner while he climbed the stairs. He straightened his white shirt, and wiped the dust off of his jeans to look as formal as possible, but he still looked like a young man that was going out for a casual walk. Colton glanced down at the doorknob while Mr. Chaos had used a spell to unlock it, and the door opened. Colton's eyes feasted onto what he thought was a case and a half. This was the woman that had a stillborn? She seemed much too young to even want a child, and the fact was, it did not just happen either. Colton folded his arms across his chest, and his expressionless face did not phase, not even when his brown eyes went over what was going on inside of the bedroom. The baby things were in the room, and when he had suffered from his girlfriend had those miscarriages. He had blocked all entrances to the nursery, but once Gavin was born, they were using it once more, and it seemed to fit more now than it ever had before. Colton looked over the sullen nineteen-year-old girl, and he introduced himself, "My name is Colton Kovac, and I am the Healer that you both were expecting. We can either go downstairs, or stay in here if you want." His Slovakian accent was showing in his words, making it sound gentle to the ears. Colton did not want this to turn out like a basket case because he did not think that he would be able to stand through it all in one session. From the way it looks, he would just have to convince her that she may have to store all the baby items, and wait a few years until she was old enough to even have a baby. Probably in about five to ten years. Colton could not bring himself to smile, but overall, he just seemed a little awkward, but strong.​

 

[Isabella Chaos]

At first Isabella thought her father had made a mistake. Was this the Healer? she wondered, or had her father invited someone else up? How was this young guy possibly going to help her? Sure he was older than Isabella, but she had to wonder how long ago he'd finished his Healer training; was he qualified to helping her now? Not that Isabella felt that talking about it would help her anyway. However as soon as the man introduced himself, confirming that he was a Healer, Isabella's mind seemed to change. Just by the tone of his voice she could tell that he was fully equipped to help her out and almost had her comforted.

As he asked where they should conduct their session, if that's what this was, Isabella looked around her room, noticing how messy it had become since she had demanded no one enter, not even their maid. "Um, downstairs would be better," she spoke quietly. The state of her room reflected the same state she felt in, but she was only now realizing it. She knew the realization had to be from the arrival of the Healer, a stranger to her. Everything and everyone in this house was the same, repetitive, it drove her crazy. From the moment her father had found out she had been pregnant she had been confined to this house, literally. So really, in her room, or downstairs in the living room, there was no difference to Bella, she felt trapped either way; she just chose the living room for the sake of cleanliness, it would've been rude to have Colton sit in her mess.

Isabella walked past her father and led the way down the stairs to the living room. Once they had reached the living room Isabella motioned for Colton to take a seat where ever he'd like before sitting down on a white armchair and tucking her feet beneath her. She realized she hadn't yet introduced herself, even though her father had probably already done it for her, but didn't want to be rude all the same. "Um, I'm Isabella by the way," she said, hating that her lack of confidence had reduced her to saying 'um' before everything.

 

[Colton Kovac]

Shifting in his sneakers, Colton Kovac was becoming more confident with helping the state of mind that this could cause someone, however it was not helping the nerves. For one, he did not personally know Isabella Chaos like he had with his other patients when they visited as they had multiple times. He knew how they worked, whereas this was the first time he had laid eyes on this girl. He had not had the privilege to have been there when she had been pregnant and lost the child. If he had been, then he would have known what to expect, and by the looks of the room, would have been able to rectify some of these issues before they had escalated to this. Colton listened to the tone of voice that the young woman had carried, and Colton wondered how long ago had this happened. How much of an affect had it been on the woman and if there were any way to fix it. Damage like this for too long can warp the mind to something that a miracle would have to fix; and Colton was no miracle-worker. He did not have the patience to be one.

Following Isabella downstairs from where he had came, Colton was motioned once they had arrived into the living room, to sit wherever he had pleased. He decided to take the couch, and truthfully did not mind if the father was here to listen to this. Colton would behave the same way if he had a daughter that had gone through this. Then again, he had a son, but he would have to worry about his son knocking up some female. His son was pure-blood too, coming from two pure parents, but he had no idea if Gabrielle would want the child to have a pure-blood mate as well. Colton looked over at Isabella when she had introduced herself, even though Charles had done so for her already. Colton stated with a smile, "My half-sister has that name, Isabella. However I think we should go on ahead and get started on this, to get right to the issue and see what has been keeping you so depressed, which I can understand." However he was not about to tell her his life story, because this was about her. That and she was a stranger to him. Colton leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees before he inquired, "After looking back at the experience, what about it really bothers you the most?" Colton had already assumed the answer would be the fact that the baby died. But was there more underneath it? That was what he was looking for, a source.​

 

[Isabella Chaos]

Isabella gave what barely passed for a smile as the Healer revealed that he had a half-sister with her name. It wasn't that she didn't want him sharing this information or anything, it was just she really hadn't smiled, let alone interacted with anyone that wasn't her family, in such a long time. How was it such simple acts seemed foreign to her? Feeling like she was worse than she thought she nodded her head quietly in agreement with Colton when he proposed they get straight to the point.

After the Healer had asked his first question Isabella bit her lip anxiously, wondering how best to respond. Before could give him an answer however, she had asked for her father to be excused from the room, as she had wanted to be able to talk to Colton privately. She didn't even know what it was she was going to reveal to the older man, she just knew that for some reason she felt uncomfortable doing so in front of her father. Once her father had reluctantly retreated into his study Isabella pulled out her wand and muttered a Silencing Charm so that her father wouldn't be able to overhear.

Now feeling slightly better, she looked over at Colton again with her brown, sorrowful eyes. The Slytherin girl sighed as she rested her elbow on her knee and her head fell lightly in her palm, deep in concentration. What bothered her the most about this entire situation? Well certainly there were many things that bothered her about it. Well for one thing Isabella was tired of her father making it seem as if she had been 'seduced' by the professor at Durmstrang when she had told him it was completely mutual. She supposed she understood that he didn't want his 'little girl' to be so grown up but to be so deeply in denial it was practically delusion? It made her feel worse than she already was, because her father had gotten Edward fired from his job and she couldn't even contact him to tell him she had nothing to do with it and apologize. She also really hated the fact that she hadn't been allowed to contact anyone else during her lock down either.

The brunette had been sitting there in silence for a while, going over the past two years when the answer had finally hit her. She opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to figure out how best to phrase it. Finally she began, "Um, I guess it all started with the pregnancy really," she said, as if that wasn't obvious, though she was talking about something specific. "As soon as I told my father I was pregnant he pulled me out of school and forced me into hiding here, completely cutting me off from the outside world," she gave a little back story in case her father had conveniently left that out. "The way he treated me, the situation, he seemed so...disgusted. I mean I guess it was disappointment," she trailed off, looking down at her hands and chipping her nail polish. She continued though, "He made me feel deeply ashamed so even though I knew I had gotten myself into an unfortunate circumstance, it made it hard for me to be excited about this baby. I had no reason to be excited, I had no real support and was made to believe that this baby was a huge humiliation for me. But still, as the months went on and I began to actually feel life inside of me, I grew excited and welcomed it," she said, biting down on her lower lip to keep from crying. She referred to the baby as 'it' because during the pregnancy she didn't know what sex it was. She had thought it would be fun to be surprised during the delivery, but the surprise she ended up getting was more than she bargained for.

"After the delivery I was completely heartbroken," she said with a slight eye roll to say 'naturally.' "But my father had the opposite reaction. He tried convincing me that I was blessed to have a second chance at a normal life," she scoffed, tears trapped in her long lashes. "As if I could just go back to living normally after that," she said bitterly. "Naturally I mourned for my son," her voice choked just a little at the word 'son', "but my dad just kept at it, making me feel ashamed for mourning him. But I didn't want to be ashamed, I was allowed to feel heartache wasn't I?" she asked rhetorically. "So I guess, that's what really bothers me about all this," she sighed. "Throughout the entire pregnancy I was made to feel ashamed for having the baby and afterward was meant to feel ashamed for mourning him," she left out 'from my own father' but felt that Colton could've deduced that by now.

 

[Colton Kovac]

To be perfectly honest, Colton was not known for his kindness, but he was known for his healing. His healing had a variety of different ways, some worked on some people better than others which was why he preferred to get to know his patients before he really got to treat them. There was not an ounce of sympathy in his eyes, as much as there was just wonderment. He nodded once Charles Chaos had left the room, and he noticed that silencing spells were placed around the room to give them some privacy, which he did not mind too much. Everyone needed some privacy when they were talking to someone. His deep, brown eyes studied the girl, and he could have sworn that her father mentioned something beforehand, before he had met her, about the man being an older male. However he could have heard wrong as well. He knew as much as he could possibly need, but as her story went on, Colton could not believe what he was hearing. Colton could definitely see what was going on, and why the father would need to be out of the room. Sure, Colton knew the pain of losing a child, and he remembered that the first baby that he was going to have was a daughter. The pain was still there, but he did not dwell on it, and he most certainly could have raised the child as well if the baby had survived through the second trimester. Colton had lost at least three possible children before he had Gavin. And it still hurt him to this day. Colton looked over at Isabella before he heard her finish her story. He would have to begin his healing process, and he figured that she might not like what he would have to say. Colton could be blunt with his words, and he could very well hurt feelings and emotions if he wanted, but that was not what he was wanting to do, and he was not going to be the one that takes sides in this as well. He could see both Isabella's point of view, and also her father's seeing as he was a father now as well. So, he was going to tell her what he thought about it, and what he knew would be the best course of action for the young woman to take. Colton stated in a firm tone, "I can see where you are coming in at, and I can also see your father's point of view. Now, what I am going to tell you is what I believe would be the best course of healing. But before you can heal, you need to understand."

Simple but powerful words. Colton looked down at his hands, and he shifted his gaze up so that he could stare at Isabella without fear, and his eyes were without judgment. "I had not known about Mr. Chaos taking you out of school when you fell victim to being pregnant, however, if I had a daughter, I would have done the same thing. I can understand where he was coming from because being pregnant while still in school, you would have been ridiculed to feel horrific anyhow, if not worse. Though he damaged your feelings about it, but it was obviously the best choice. From what I am understanding, it was not disgusting, but moreover disappointment. If he was disgusted, I would not think he would have shielded you from the world to what it seems like to me to protect you. But I don't know your father, not on a personal level, but I am just assuming as to what my own would have done if he were still around." Colton paused for a moment before continuing, "Though I do think he should have allowed you to at least owl your closest friends, which really could have helped with the support, granted if they were true friends." Colton obviously had no idea that the woman that he was in love with, the mother of his baby happened to be Alyssa Chevalier, a woman that had gone to school with Isabella Chaos. Colton let out a sigh, and he stated, "Now, naturally, you know that this circumstance could have been avoided, and no one at your age during that time should be proud to be a mother before they graduate for obvious reasons. However, what is done is done, and you should be allowed to grieve for your lost son. However," Colton glanced down and he thought over how he had dealt with his own for a moment, before he finished, "you grieve and then you move on. I am not saying that everything will be back to normal because it will not without a good Obliviate, and I am not saying that everything will be okay. Things will get better." Colton wondered what else he could say to her that would get to better. For something like this, he would tell her to go on and get her dream job, granted if she had the grades to do so. Colton smiled lightly, "What you need to do now, is to slowly get out into the real world, perhaps move out of here, but keep in close contact because family should not be split apart. Get the job you have always wanted, and stay out of the past, as hard as that may be. There will be other chances, and other options in the future, so do not forget that. I know that from experience." Colton already had the job of his dreams but it was about time that this one got on with her own.​

 

[Isabella Chaos]

Isabella didn't know what to expect after she'd finally let out what she had been feeling for a while to Colton, a stranger to her, though she supposed since this was his job he was probably used to hearing problems that had nothing to do with him. This thought comforted her slightly, whether or not it happened to be true, she did not know Colton's exact job title, she was just glad she had someone to talk to that wasn't a family member. Back then when her father had tricked her into going to a therapist's office she had not been ready to talk yet, but now even she knew it was time to move on.

The brunette nodded her head in agreement with Colton's words. It wasn't that she didn't agree with how her father felt, she had been ashamed of herself at first too, so his feelings toward it all were reasonable. But what she felt was unreasonable was the way he went about it, being harsher than he should've been and completely cutting off contact from everyone, friends included. She felt she was allowed some support system since she obviously wasn't getting it at home.

But Colton was right, she had to stop living in the past, and those feelings of hostility towards her father for that were in the past, and they had to stay there. But as he mentioned the process of Obliviation Isabella couldn't help but wonder, why hadn't she ever thought of this? This would've been so much easier for her to just forget all the pain and not have to deal with it all, the regret and remorse; but something deep inside her told her she wouldn't forget her son that easily, or want to either. So she quickly shook those thoughts away and focused on what else Colton had to say. She raised her eyebrows and said, "Move out? Fat chance getting my Dad to agree to that," she half scoffed. Though her hiding out here after the delivery was mostly by choice, she knew that the restrictions her father had set were still in place. She looked into Colton's eyes, deep with experience though he wasn't that much older than her. His words were so simple but she had little faith, confidence in herself. "Could I really move out..be on my own?" she questioned aloud, more to herself than anything. It was a terrifying thought but it was quickly replaced with annoyance because she had never been the type to be afraid to take a leap like that. She was a Slytherin after all, and part of being ambitious meant taking risks to go out there and chase after what she wanted. She sighed, not knowing where to even begin and asked Colton, "I'm not going to try to dive headfirst into everything, but how do I just...reach out to my friends after years of nothing?" she asked. That was what worried her most right now.