Closed I Need Help

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava had been debating about this, but she knew this was something she needed to do. She stood hesitant in front of the office door, feeling absolutely ridiculous. She knew she couldn't handle herself, not anymore, but she didn't know if this would really help, either. She sighed softly, wrapping one arm around her chest and raising a hand up to knock softly. She quickly wrapped her other arm around her chest, waiting nervously. Maybe the counselor wasn't even in, that was it, she had come and tried and no one was home. She took a deep breath, waiting a moment to see if there would be a response.

 

[Maria Madison]

((I'm so sorry this is so late! Things have been hectic and I somehow managed to jump over all of Maria's waiting threads without realising @_@ ))

Maria had wound up with more intake paperwork this year than usual, and it had been difficult to schedule time between appointments to get it all done. So she had her head buried in a pile of parchment when she heard a knock on the door, looking up in alarm. Setting her quill aside, Maria straightened her hair as she approached the door, hoping the bags under her eyes didn't show. She smiled warmly as she opened the door, slipping into her well-practiced welcoming speech. "Hi. I'm Maria, I'm the school counsellor." She smiled, opening the door wider in case the girl wanted to come into her office. "Can I help you?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava nearly jumped out of her skin when the counselor actually opened the door. She tensed up, looking very shocked and vulnerable. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but instead it just opened and shut again just as quickly. Tears filled her eyes but she quickly blinked them back. Ava realized in that second she was very much afraid of this entire thing. She turned without saying a word, taking several deep breaths to try and calm herself down. It wasn't working very well; she still so tense she was sure she would break if she so much as breathed wrong and tears were slipping silently down her cheeks. She shouldn't have come here. All she wanted was to curl up in Vader's lap, under his hoodie, and block out the world.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria was well adjusted to outbursts of emotion inside her office, but she wasn't very used to them showing up on her doorstep. She was well practiced in what to do though, giving the girl a sympathetic look. "Here." Maria pulled a small packet of tissues from her pocket, resting one hand on the girl's shoulder, and holding them out with the other, trying to encourage her without words to turn back around. "Why don't you come on in, I'll make you a cup of tea or hot chocolate and we can talk about it." She said softly.

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava tensed up a little bit, looking up at the woman with wide, wet blue eyes. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She felt very much like a bird that had just fallen from its nest and landed in a lake. She hesitated a moment, before nodding quietly and turning to walk inside, ducking her head down again and wrapping her arms tightly around her torso, worried she would fall apart if she let go.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria rubbed the girl's shoulder gently before letting go, closing the door behind her once the girl was safely inside her office and gesturing to the sofa. "Make yourself comfortable." She said gently, crossing to where she kept the kettle and starting it boiling with a flick of her wand. "Would you like tea or hot chocolate?" She asked, well practiced at the technique of using grounding questions to pull someone out of a spiral. "And how do you take it.... sugar? Milk?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava sat on the sofa, curled in on herself. She took a few deep breaths, trying to focus again. "U-um... hot chocolate?" She offered shakily, fingers white as they dug into her sides. She wished Vader was here. Could she go get Vader? Emotional support sith lord and all that. "A... a little bit of milk." She offered shyly, her voice a little steadier as she wiped her cheeks. "I'm- I'm sorry," she managed, biting her lip and glancing up to the counselor.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria smiled warmly as the girl finally spoke, the grounding techniques never having failed her yet. She set about making the hot chocolate quickly, shaking her head as the girl apologised. "You have nothing at all to apologise for." Maria said gently, bringing the mug over and handing it to the girl. "This is what I'm here for." She crossed to her desk and picked up her enchanted quill and notebook, setting them up to take notes for her before she began speaking. "I imagine you know who I am, but just in case, my name is Maria, I'm the counsellor here at Hogwarts. I need to let you know before we talk any more how privacy works here, so that you understand your rights. You can say anything to me in this office, and it will never leave the room. Your confidentiality and safety is my number one concern. There are only two exceptions to that rule, if you tell me that you have immediate plans to hurt yourself or someone else, I'm legally obligated to reach out to your Head of House to make sure you get the support to prevent that happening." Maria explained gently, settling into her usual seat and folding her ankles. "Now that the official stuff is out of the way, do you think you could tell me your name, and what's brought you here today?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava thanked the counselor softly for the hot chocolate, sipping it and letting the warmth wash through her. It was comforting, really, and she clung to that to try and pull herself together. She listened quietly to the woman speak, hesitating a moment when she had finished before talking again herself. "Avaria. Ava." She looked into the hot chocolate again. "Timmy- I mean, Vader, my best friend, he told me to come see you," She took a deep breath. "I can't sleep. It feels like my entire life is falling apart and I'm coming undone. I don't know who to talk to." She sighed, running a finger gently along the edge of her cup.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded as the girl introduced herself and explained her situation, the soft scratching of her quill filling the room as it began filling the page with notes of its own accord. "Well, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable reason to be upset." She said softly, giving Ava a reassuring smile. "Can you tell me why you've been having trouble sleeping? Do you know what the cause of these problems is?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava watched the dark liquid in her cup, hesitant to answer. She reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, not really knowing where to begin. Maybe that was a beginning in itself. "Do you want the entire story?" She asked softly, "Or just the breaking point?" She bit her lip a bit. "If it's just what pushed me over, Elio left and I'm never going to see him again, and Elsie died and I can't sleep without her in the dorms." She paraphrased her most recent issues, sniffling a little at the thought of losing two of the people closest to her.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded sympathetically, watching Avaria. "Whatever you want to tell me is fine, but the more information you can give, the more I can help." She explained gently. "Let's start with Elsie. You were close friends?" Maria had known all too well that there had been a death in the student body, grief counseling being an important part of her role. It had been a while now, though, and she was a bit surprised she was only meeting Avaria so much later.

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava watched her hot cocoa, sipping at it a little and sighing. "I don't know," She replied softly. "I don't know what she thought. We would stay up late and talk when we couldn't sleep and she let me sleep in her bed with her and we would cuddle," Ava bit her lip, tears filling her eyes again. "I went home. I wanted a year to be with my dad, my new mom, the rest of my family, I wanted to have a chance to be a kid, and I- I-" She shook her head. "I wasn't here. She died, and Zephyr- Elio, he was here alone taking care of Rowan, I know he was. And I was gone, and I wasn't here, and now- now they're all gone, Elsie is gone forever and I'll never see Zephyr again and I just- I just," Ava was crying again, sobbing quietly into her cup, curling in on herself. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't seem to catch her breath.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria listened quietly as Ava explained her situation, heart sinking as the girl dissolved into tears again. She was all too familiar with clients crying in her office, but having people so upset they couldn't even speak wasn't entirely conducive to good therapy. "Here." Maria said softly, moving closer and holding a box of tissues out to Ava. "It's alright, slow, gentle breaths." She said softly, trying to meet Ava's eyes and initiating a slow, calming breathing pattern for the girl to follow, hoping she could get her to calm down enough to speak.

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava sat the cup down, taking the tissues with a strained thanks and copying the breathing the counselor was doing to try and pull herself together. After several long moments, Ava felt like she had a bit of a grip again. Ava leaned back into the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tucking her arms around herself and shutting her eyes, leaning her head against the back of the couch.

Ava took in a shaky breath, and not knowing what else to do, she started at the beginning. "My name is Avaria Lockwood. I'm a seventh year. I was raised with my mother and grandmother until I was nine," she began softly, going on to talk about how her mother had grown sick, how her mother had died and then her grandmother shortly after, and then how they had found her father shortly after she'd turned ten, and how she had been shipped away to school so soon after he'd found her. How he had never been in her life before her mother's death, how they had traveled and had barely settled down in their home before she'd been sent away again.

She continued to tell her of Philip, how they'd met and how he'd abandoned her, hurt her, all the broken promises, and how he'd tried to force her to choose between him and Vader. She told the counselor how she had taken care of Vader from the beginning, how she and Elio had always been close. She talked about her siblings, how Emily was a year younger, and how Arthur was so close to her as well. How betrayed she'd felt by her father, how he'd forgotten her and gone on to replace her, again and again, how he had gotten married to Arthur's mother and had the kids.

She tried going over the main events of her life as quickly as she could, trying not to talk too much. "They're leaving. One by one. No matter what I do, no matter what I try. Mother left, Grandmother left. Dad replaced me, I've had to share him with more and more people. Philip left me. Elsie... Elsie left me," her voice cracked. "Elio left. I won't ever see him again. Vader doesn't need me anymore. I- I had faith in him, once, I told him he was my best friend soul mate and he rejected it. Rejected me. He found a boyfriend. He doesn't need me, I can't take care of him, he's going to forget me too,"

Ava shut her eyes, sighing softly. "I lost my prefect status. I didn't even think of it, I just- all I wanted was to be closer to my dad, but he spent so much time working, I barely saw him. I'm losing everything and I don't know what to do," she bit her lip, tears spilling over again.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria was relieved when her breathing techniques managed to help Avaria calm down, shaking her head gently when the girl apologised. She listened patiently as Avaria finally began to speak, quill flying back and forth across the parchment by her head as it took her notes diligently. She paused for a moment when Avaria finally finished, considering how best to approach so much information all at once. "It sounds like you've had a very difficult life." Maria said softly. "I appreciate you giving me the bigger picture, but I think it would be most helpful to... break this down into smaller parts. Is there a particular thing you think it would be helpful to start with today?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava swallowed nervously, feeling raw and upset and unsure. She was always so unsure. "I don't know," she sighed, curling in on herself a little more. "I just... I just hurt. All the time," she sighed, shaking her head. "I'm worried. Vader- he's the only really solid thing left in my life. We graduate this year. I- what if he leaves me, like everyone else ever?" She asked, her voice breaking.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded quietly. "It sounds to me like you have some fairly serious fears when it comes to abandonment. Does that sounds fair to say?" Maria asked softly, pausing a moment for Avaria to reply before continuing. "It makes sense, considering the way you've described your past, but it's clear from the amount of distress that you're in that you've developed a very unhealthy way of viewing relationships. This is something we can address through therapy, but it's going to take time and work." She said gently. "We can look at what causes you to feel this way, and alternate ways of approaching those feelings, so you can approach relationships in a more healthy way. Does that sound good?"

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava hesitated at the counsellors question, but nodded. "Yes," she agreed softly. She bit her lip as the woman said it would take time, but nodded shakily. "Okay," she agreed softly, sipping on her drink and trying to stay calm, swiping her sleeve over her eyes. "What..." Ava took a deep breath. "What do you need me to do?" She asked.