- Messages
- 340
- OOC First Name
- Kaitlyn
- Wand
- Willow 15" Essence of Belladonna
- Age
- 4/2004
One could mention that Colton Kovac was one of the most secretive boys that one has ever met when it came to showing and revealing his true feelings about his one love, Gabrielle Desideria Snow. Colton had thought about proposing many times, but he let on that no one knew this, and that he brushed it off as something else when he was caught looking through jewelry stores to see what ring would look the best on Gabrielle's finger. But one had to remember, as he told himself many times, "She has to love me first before I would take it that far." He was still convinced that she did not love him like he did - yet that was just the same as she was feeling, that he did not love her like she did. One could be amazed by how sweet they were, actually. Colton was currently at home, and he was looking at the door that held the unfinished room of their first daughter that passed so long ago. It was still pained him so much, and each miscarriage just made him feel even worse. That and the stress of not telling her how he felt was even worse on his muscular body. His appearance seemed to change subtly as well. The skin right under his eyes seemed a little darker, and his brown eyes seemed to hide his emotions even more now, making him seem more like a blank canvas than anything, scared that he would show how he felt about her to her and then end up destroying everything that they had that he truly did not ever want to lose in his life. She was too important to him for him to lose, and he did not think that he could be able to live through it. Colton let out a sigh and he cracked the door open to the nursery that he had once thought about finishing. Just looking in there hurt him so much, the thought of having a baby girl right now running around through the house would have been fantastic. She could have been a miniature Gabrielle, or a girl that looked more like Colton with brown hair and brown eyes. But he did not care. All he wanted was the child to have his last name, that was all he could ask for. But in the end, none of them survived. Was it a curse? Did a higher being love to see him writhe on the ground in pain like a bug under a magnifying glass? His breathes became a little more shallow, as he shut the door and was glad that he was home alone for the time being. It gave him time to think about things, and he wondered if he should have himself checked out. Maybe that was why none of the children ever seemed to live. What if there was something wrong with him? Colton would have to tell her that it was not her, it was him.
Those were the absolutely worst words in the history of dating. Colton locked the door, and he leaned against the wooden panel, before he closed his eyes and just slid down to the floor. He was just tired, exhausted. Dealing with emotional things were just hard on him. Having to suffer through his girlfriend's constant miscarriages, the false hope of having children with her was always depressing and then there was the fact that his work dealt with pregnancy ongoing, and it was like a slap to the face every time. He did not know how something could affect him so much. During school, Colton did not allow anything to affect him, and then even afterward, nothing could phase him though he was literally working himself to death. And then the heavens sent down an angel of light, and she helped him out through the dark times, and she was the love of his life. The moment that she helped him, unknowingly also causing him to experience emotions that he had never felt before. Love, happiness, curiosity, everything. And then there was loss. The loss of a father-to-be. It was hard to describe that feeling to someone that had no idea how that felt. Gabrielle, he knew, must feel a lot worse. She had the feeling to actually feel the fetus in her body, the close bond that was formed while the child was still in the womb. It was something that no man would or could ever feel. Colton nibbled on the inside of his lip, and he wondered what Gabrielle would think when she came in to see him on the floor, sitting and leaning his head back against the door that was once going to be a nursery. Colton thought vaguely of his family, and how Adrian and Yvo were doing. And then there was Ariah, and the want to confront Asparuh still. How could he not do that, despite Gabrielle's pleas not to do so? He was Ariah's older brother, and then there was the thoughts of his other siblings that had no connection to Ariah. Isabella, Ostensia, Isaia, Sergios and Acia Romanes. He wondered how they were doing. He needed to spend some time with them too. Colton listened has he heard the front door open, and he did not move a muscle. The house was neat, and clean. Nothing was going on, but silence from everywhere in the house. It was eerie, almost. Colton knew that Gabrielle was home, and she was going to be looking for him - well, that is what he figured at least. Colton wondered if he should let her know where he was, but he smiled lightly, and knew that once you walked through the living room, and look down the hall, right there he would be, sitting down on the hardwood floor with his leg pull up to his chest and the other one outstretched across the floor. It was almost as if he had fallen or something, but he was just sitting there, leaning against the floor and trying to gather his thoughts.
Those were the absolutely worst words in the history of dating. Colton locked the door, and he leaned against the wooden panel, before he closed his eyes and just slid down to the floor. He was just tired, exhausted. Dealing with emotional things were just hard on him. Having to suffer through his girlfriend's constant miscarriages, the false hope of having children with her was always depressing and then there was the fact that his work dealt with pregnancy ongoing, and it was like a slap to the face every time. He did not know how something could affect him so much. During school, Colton did not allow anything to affect him, and then even afterward, nothing could phase him though he was literally working himself to death. And then the heavens sent down an angel of light, and she helped him out through the dark times, and she was the love of his life. The moment that she helped him, unknowingly also causing him to experience emotions that he had never felt before. Love, happiness, curiosity, everything. And then there was loss. The loss of a father-to-be. It was hard to describe that feeling to someone that had no idea how that felt. Gabrielle, he knew, must feel a lot worse. She had the feeling to actually feel the fetus in her body, the close bond that was formed while the child was still in the womb. It was something that no man would or could ever feel. Colton nibbled on the inside of his lip, and he wondered what Gabrielle would think when she came in to see him on the floor, sitting and leaning his head back against the door that was once going to be a nursery. Colton thought vaguely of his family, and how Adrian and Yvo were doing. And then there was Ariah, and the want to confront Asparuh still. How could he not do that, despite Gabrielle's pleas not to do so? He was Ariah's older brother, and then there was the thoughts of his other siblings that had no connection to Ariah. Isabella, Ostensia, Isaia, Sergios and Acia Romanes. He wondered how they were doing. He needed to spend some time with them too. Colton listened has he heard the front door open, and he did not move a muscle. The house was neat, and clean. Nothing was going on, but silence from everywhere in the house. It was eerie, almost. Colton knew that Gabrielle was home, and she was going to be looking for him - well, that is what he figured at least. Colton wondered if he should let her know where he was, but he smiled lightly, and knew that once you walked through the living room, and look down the hall, right there he would be, sitting down on the hardwood floor with his leg pull up to his chest and the other one outstretched across the floor. It was almost as if he had fallen or something, but he was just sitting there, leaning against the floor and trying to gather his thoughts.