Closed I don't want to talk about it

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Adjusting to his new way of life was hardly the easiest thing he had ever done. The days mostly sucked and he couldn't find enjoyment in anything anymore, but that didn't mean he wanted to actually speak to anyone about his problems. Especially not the school counsellor. Sitting down and having a nice old heart to heart just sounded completely aggravating and the last thing he wanted to be doing with his time. Unluckily for him, he didn't really get much of a choice in the matter and was told he needed to see her at least once just to see how things were doing this early on in the year. And the second year was making sure that his feelings towards the subject were completely known as he practically stomped (the best he could with a prosthetic leg, anyhow) towards the small office at the back of the library five minutes late to his appointment, a full-on scowl on his face as he stopped in front of the door before knocking loudly on it a couple of times. Maybe the counsellor wasn't in and she had simply forgotten she was supposed to be seeing him right now.

@Maria Madison

 

[Maria Madison]

Students returning to Hogwarts meant new clients for Maria, and she had made sure to take the time to check over all of her new referrals and familiarise herself with the students' information before their sessions. Today's new client had required a bit more research than she was used to, as the particular grief associated with the loss of a limb wasn't something Maria had ever counseled someone through before. She had done the reading though, and felt that she was as prepared as she could be for Flynn's appointment. She had gotten the office ready and neat for a new rush of students as the year began, and was just making herself a cup of tea when the knock she had been expecting came. Abandoning her mug by the kettle, Maria made her way over to the door, smiling warmly at the boy on the other side. "You must be Flynn. I'm Maria, come on in." She opened the door wider for the boy to enter her office, lingering to close it behind him for privacy. "Make yourself comfortable, would you like a cup of tea? The kettle's just boiled."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

His scowl only darkened ever so slightly when the office door actually opened. And there went his hopes that the counsellor wasn't actually in and had forgotten about this appointment. But he supposed it was a little late to turn around and walk away from this now, so the second year simply sighed, shoulders sagging ever so slightly as he made his way into the office and had a quick look around. A part of him even wanted to refuse to sit, but standing in place for a long time was hardly very comfortable anymore, so it was with an annoyed huff that he slumped into the empty chair, promptly folding his arms across his chest. "I don't drink tea," and he certainly wasn't about to start now.

 

[Maria Madison]

If a less-than-warm reception had ever been enough to put Maria off a client, she certainly never would have gotten as far as adopting Charlie. So she took Flynn's gruffness in stride, smiling as she crossed to the kettle. "Well, I hope you won't mind me making myself one quickly." She said, resuming the familiar tea process as she began her well-rehearsed first session introduction. "Before we get started, there are a few basic ground rules I need to tell you about how this all works." She said, adding sugar to her cup and stirring it as she returned to her seat. "In this room, everything you say to me is entirely confidential. We can talk about anything you like, entirely consequence free. I won't be discussing any of it with your family, your teachers, your classmates, anyone at all. There are only two exceptions to that rule. If I feel that you're in direct, immediate risk of hurting yourself or someone else, I'm legally obligated to disclose that information to your Head of House, so we can work together to keep everyone safe. But that's all. You can say absolutely anything in this room, and it'll only ever stay between the two of us." She smiled warmly, taking a sip of her tea and setting it down as she picked up her quill and notebook. The quill was enchanted to take her notes for her, and she set the two to hover by her head as they spoke, ready to jot down anything important Flynn had to say. "Now that that's out of the way, I understand you've been referred to me for support after an accident that happened during the holidays, is that accurate?"

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

He honestly didn't care about the tea, then again, if she wasted enough time in making one for herself than maybe that would mean less time he would have to sit there being forced to talk about things he would rather not. But, rather unfortunately, the tea making didn't exactly take that long to get through and it wasn't very long before the counselor was sitting herself down and going on with all the stuff you would expect to hear. And Flynn didn't care, this meeting could be completely confidential and he still didn't really want to say anything. Having to talk about things with anyone was bad enough for him. If he didn't even want to talk about it with his friends who he trusted what made anyone think that he wanted to talk about it with some member of staff he hadn't spoken to before? But he didn't say anything, just sighing before offering a quick glance down to his right foot, the prosthetic leg hidden under his trousers and shoe, before he glanced up again. "Yeah," , that was about the gist of what was going on here, "But I don't need any support. This is a waste of time. I'm fine."

 

[Maria Madison]

Given his general demeanour when he had entered the room, Maria wasn't surprised by Flynn's response at all. She nodded slightly, trying to make a plan for how best to approach this situation. "You've been through a very difficult experience." She said slowly, measuring each word as she spoke. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with needing support after that. But asking for that support is a decision you need to make yourself. I can't force you to tell me about your feelings, that wouldn't be comfortable for either of us. So it's up to you how we use this time... if there's anything else on your mind we can talk about that instead, or... anything you like, really. I'm not going to tell you how to do counselling." She smiled slightly. "It's your choice what we talk about."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Flynn almost felt like 'difficult situation' was an understatement. It was more than just difficult to lose you foot, but he doubted anyone who hadn't gone through the experience would know that. And he certainly didn't need someone to tell him it was difficult, it was not like he didn't already know that. "I don't really want to talk about anything," he did have to huff with a small roll of his eyes as if that wasn't obvious by his current attitude. "I don't need to talk about anything, I'm doing fine. Everything is fine. Sure, my life absolutely sucks and I'm not happy, but that doesn't mean I need to talk to anyone about it. Talking isn't going to change anything, anyway."

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria was well-practiced at her job, and she knew an invitation-that-wasn't-an-invitation when she saw one. She didn't let her thoughts show on her face at all though, nodding sympathetically as Flynn spoke. "Well, talking may not fix problems by itself, but it can help you work through things and come to your own solutions and conclusions." She shifted in her seat, smiling slightly as she spoke. "Talk therapy can be particularly helpful for people who... what was it? Who aren't happy, and whose lives "absolutely suck"." She said gently. "If nothing else, feel free to think of me as someone you can complain to, who won't get sick of listening to you complain."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Talking was not going to change anything. It was not going to make his foot grow back and it was not going to make him feel any better about anything. So what was even the point in talking? "What good does talking to? It isn't going to bring my parents back, it isn't going to make it easier to fly. It's not going to make walking any easier, either" and he could go on about the number of things it wasn't going to do, "And it hardly makes me feel any better." He couldn't help but add that last bit, huffing somewhat with his sudden outburst as he slumped back in his seat.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria listened sympathetically as Flynn spoke, nodding gently. She shrugged at his last statement. "'Hardly' isn't nothing." Maria said gently. "It would be silly to pretend that talking would change your circumstances, of course it's not going to. But it can change how you process and cope with those circumstances, and give you tools to handle other difficulties later on in life. That's not nothing." She repeated gently, shifting her weight and meeting Flynn's eyes. "You're obviously a smart young man, Flynn. I'm not interested in pretending counselling will magically fix your life, of course it won't. But it will help, with time."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

"Let me rephrase then: it doesn't make me feel better," not even marginally. As far as he was concerned this whole sitting there and talking about his problems was just a huge waste of his time and he didn't need any kind of help to help deal with things. He was simply managing just fine on his own. "But what if I say I'm coping with everything just fine? I'm dealing, I'm managing with all of this rubbish. And I would rather not talk about it and wish that everyone else would just mind their own business and stop looking at me with their fake sympathy. Because I don't need it or even want it. I'm just... fine." Though he realized he probably sounded a little tired at the end there, sighing as tried to maintain his composure.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded as she listened, keeping her expression calm and gentle. She had known from the jump that this was going to be a difficult appointment, and she had prepared herself accordingly. Kids so young with so much anger reminded her painfully of her own youth, and she was determined to do what she could to help, the way she wished someone had helped her all those years ago. "What makes you think their sympathy is fake?" She asked, meeting Flynn's eyes. "And I don't mean that in a condescending way, I want to know how people have been treating you."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

To be honest, he didn't really know of the sympathy was fake or not, it was more a feeling he had about the whole thing. So he simply shrugged a shoulder, folding his arms a little tighter across his just, "It just is. They didn't care about me before, they only care now because they think they'll look like a**holes if they don't." But he would much rather they continued to not care instead of pretending that they actually gave a damn about what had happened. And he especially hated the people who told him they were sorry as if they had anything to do with it. He didn't need their pointless apologies.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded as she listened, considering how to approach this. "Someone changing their mind doesn't mean their feelings aren't genuine." She said gently. "If you feel that people haven't cared for you before, consider that it's possible that they're regretting that now, or even that they did care, but didn't know how to show it. Human relationships are tricky, and people often don't behave the way they should, or wish they could. When we're reminded by trauma how fleeting life is though, people often scramble to express those feelings, because the thought is present in their mind that they might never get the chance. People are expecting you to need more support in this time, whether you feel that's true or not, and trying to fill that need by expressing feelings they haven't felt able to before. It's natural and normal for them, but it may not be helpful to you." She paused, considering her words. "If someone's expressing support for you that you don't find helpful, sometimes all you need is to let them know that. You could say something like, "I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I need to cope with this in my own way, and the kind of support you're giving makes things more difficult." If the person really cares about you they'll back off, and if they continue to try and push help on you for their own ego, you'll know for sure it was fake." She said with a small smile.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

"All these strangers I have never even talked to before just keep giving me these looks," he just stressed with a small sigh, "Like they feel like they have to be sorry for me just because I'm different. They don't know me, and I don't know them, so why can't everyone just leave me the hell alone?" It was frustrating and once someone found out what had happened they started to treat him differently. It was why he didn't like telling anyone what had happened to him, preferring to simply keep the problem cooped up and avoiding any sort of explanation on the matter. It was just easier that way than actually opening up and allowing people to get close to him. Pushing people away was almost a default for him. "I just..." he sighed, almost completely giving up with the scowling at this point, "I just want people to treat me normal."

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded sympathetically as she listened to Flynn, relieved that his tone seemed to finally be changing. "Of course you do." She said softly. "Everyone wants to be treated normally, and when people reduce you to your disability they're ignoring all the other facets of who you are. That's not an easy feeling." She paused, thinking back to her work outside Hogwarts. "Do you want to know a trick though? I learned this from an old client who was in a wheelchair. When people stare, just stare right back. Maybe even give them a smile and a wave. Sometimes getting the same treatment they're giving is all it takes to show people how inappropriate their behaviour is. Remind them that you're a person, and that their looks have an effect. It's much harder to give you sad eyes when you're..." Maria sat up a bit straighter to demonstrate, giving Flynn a visibly sarcastic smile and wave, before returning to her usual demeanour. "...right at them."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Maybe it would just be easier to become a complete hermit and just go back to the orphanage and lock himself in his room and never come out again. Though no doubt he would end up getting bored of that, the idea was still more appealing than having to put up with all these people giving him sorry looks and apologizing as if they had anything to do with it. "I already scowl at people," he admitted with a small shift of his shoulders, "it makes them stop, but it doesn't change the fact that they gave me some pitiful look in the first place. It's just frustrating. Maybe I should just walk around with a big note pinned to my back telling people to piss off and leave me alone."

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria nodded as she listened. "I know it doesn't help in the moment, but do remember that this will wear off." She said gently. "Your accident is still fresh in people's minds, but it won't be forever. With time, your leg will just be a normal part of you, and people will forget about all of this." She said softly, crossing her ankles. "I know that that doesn't help in the moment, but it's a thought to carry. People's interests are fleeting, and this will all pass."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Wear off? How could any of this possibly wear off? "No it won't," he responded stubbornly, quite sure that she didn't know what she was talking about, "I'm going to have to live the rest of my life with just one foot. And I'm always going to be bumping into new people who don't know me, who will be seeing me with a prosthetic leg for the first time and it'll just start all over again with the sorry looks and stupid apologies." The only way he was really going to avoid ever having to put up with it again was by locking himself away and only letting a few select people ever interact with him."It isn't just going to wear off as you put it. I have to live with it for the rest of my stupid life."

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria winced slightly as she realised how her words had come across, shaking her head quickly. "I apologise, I wasn't clear." She said softly. "I was talking about the people who know you and see you every day. It's definitely true that you're going to keep encountering people who don't know you, though." She sighed softly, wishing she had better news. "There is no controlling other people's actions, unfortunately, and sometimes other people's actions are hurtful, even if they come from a place of sympathy or curiosity. The only thing you can control is how you react to them. Over time you'll develop a toolbox of responses for defusing situations you find hurtful or uncomfortable, and that's a thing we can work on in our sessions, if you'd like to."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Conselling was supposed to help make him feel better, wasn't it? Well, the only thing this was doing was making him feel worse about everything. He still didn't think there was any positive to any of this, and having to sit here and talk about his issues was really not helping with his grouchy mood. "I think I can tell people to piss off and mind their own business just fine by myself, thanks," he didn't need any lessons on that, he had been doing it his whole life. The boy who refused to open up to anyone and kept his emotions close to his chest, the boy who pushed people away in fear of getting hurt all over again, who would rather be alone than the chance of getting his heart broken all over. "I'm just considering becoming a hermit at this point, it'll be easier."

 

[Maria Madison]

((I'm so sorry this is so late! Things have been hectic and I somehow managed to jump over all of Maria's waiting threads without realising @_@ ))

Maria smiled sympathetically at Flynn's comment about becoming a hermit. "It's definitely a tempting possibility sometimes." She said, deciding to drop the offer of help entirely. Flynn's situation was difficult for her to get a read on, but she felt like she was starting to get a handle on him. "But since it's hard for hermits to go to school, let's do what we can with the way things are for the moment." Maria paused, trying to decide how to progress the conversation. "On that note though, I did want to ask if there's anything the school can do to help you out? Just in general, I mean. If you have any concerns or accessibility needs, I can take them to Professor Alicastell or Kingsley for you any time, so you don't have to advocate on your own behalf."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

((It's fine!!!!)

Flynn did have to lift his shoulders into a small shrug at the comment about the school, it was really not like he cared very much about coming to Hogwarts. "I think I could live without coming to school," though he liked getting away from the orphanage for as long as possible, at least back there he didn't have to walk up and down hundreds of steps every day or attend any boring lessons like Astronomy or History of Magic. But as for what the school could do for him, he pressed his lips together for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and slouching back again. "Nothing. There is nothing anyone here can do." Not exactly true, he would love some other way to get around which didn't involve having to get up and down all the stairs, but he wasn't going to mention it.

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria chuckled softly at Flynn's comment about not coming to school, electing not to fight him on that one. It didn't take Professor Le Fey's powers to see that that conversation would quickly turn bad, so she just let the remark linger and moved on. She was more interested in the answer to her question anyway, nodding sympathetically at Flynn's answer. "Well then... can I ask what's been the most difficult for you? Other than dealing with other students, I mean. If the stairs have been a problem, or any of your classwork, that's something we can work out solutions for."

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Maybe he was a little disappointed that the counsellor didn't seem to say anything on his comment about not even bothering with coming to school anymore. And it was a real possibility, almost actually considering just not coming back after the Christmas break. But not really wanting to bring that up, he was more than willing to move onto the next question, having to laugh out loud when she brought up the stairs. "Oh, you have no idea how much of a pain all the stairs are," it was bad enough when he had both working feet, now he only had the one. "But not really like anything can be done about that," because he very much doubted they would install an elevator or something of the like just for him.