I Don't Mean To Frustrate, But I Always Make The Same Mistakes

[Saveli Pendleton]

Everything in Saveli's life was out of control, and the blonde felt as if she was drowning. She thought that in the Summer she'd move out on her own, maybe with Reuben, maybe they'd get a dog. But after Talking to Gabriel and doing thinking she'd separated herself from her Hogwarts Sweetheart, and decided to try very hard not to think about how broken it left her. The best distraction from that was friends. or at least the one she coudl see. Viviana was always with Axel, they had so much going on planning a wedding - something Sav felt she'd never plan. Slipping a jacket over her dress Sav told Monty she was going out, quickly leaving to dodge any questions she thought he'd have. She made her way out to the floo in the garden and whisked herself away to a floo area near Gabriel's house. From there it was a short walk to the man's place where she'd stay, probably drink, and watch sh*tty movies until she cried herself out. The blonde arrived on the doorstep and knocked fervently, the night air cold on her legs.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

When Gabriel had invited Saveli over to his house, he hadn't expected her to actually show up. He'd hoped - boy, he'd hoped - but he'd messed up pretty bad back when they'd been at school together, and for a long time it had seemed as if the damage were irreparable. But of course, that was the good thing about Saveli: she craved love and attention, needed to know that she was needed. And Gabriel could make her feel needed. He knew exactly what to say to have her come crawling back every single time. In fact, he thought, he should never have doubted Saveli would turn up.

Saveli had a very recognisable knock, and when he heard it on his front door, his heart leaped into his throat. The place was an absolute mess. Still struggling with his cleaning spells, Gabe quickly carried the rubbish to the bin and tried to straighten out the dirty dishes to at least look as if they were in some sort of order. Whatever. Sav probably wouldn't mind. She was just here to watch a film, or something. He headed quickly for the front door and pulled it open. "I'm glad you came," he said, as way of greeting, stepping aside to let her in. "Aren't you cold?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

saveli smiled when the door opened. Gabriel's concern about if she was cold was endearing, after all at leas to meant he took notice of what she was wearing. Rueben hadn't usually been one for looking at her outfits. Perhaps he was looking at her eyes. The blonde looked down and smiled trying to push back tears. "A little so let me in." She responded before entering Gabe's place. It was small and a little poorly lit. Maybe for his birthday he'd receive a lamp from her. The blonde looked around. "Thank you for inviting me. I've been a bit... out of sorts. I left Reuben and now I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even bring myself to press flowers..." the blond shook her head. "But that's okay. Because we will watch a scary movie and forget everything right?"

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Gabriel closed the door behind his friend, suddenly feeling self-conscious about his flat. It wasn't really the kind of place to be proud to bring a girl back to - but at least it was something. At least he wasn't still living with his dad. He'd rather have been living by himself in a ditch than in a mansion with that good-for-nothing piece of dirt.

Suddenly Gabe looked up. Saveli had broken up with Reuben? Well, it was about time, but... Gabe hadn't thought Saveli would ever see sense. She was full of surprises lately, and smarter than he'd given her credit for. "Oh," he said. "Do you mind me asking what happened?" He led the way into the living room and opened the cupboards of a small cabinet to find a DVD to watch. It was strange, living like a muggle after so many years in magical schools, but Gabriel liked it. Living like a muggle was comfortable, easy. In many ways, he wished he wasn't a wizard at all.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Sav took notice of the way Gabriel also looked around his flat. Perhaps he knew she thought it was small or poorly lit. But she still lived with Monty so did she have room to talk? Sav headed into the area where there was a TV. She took a breath, and though she knew it would be hard to talk about she did so anyways. After all Gabriel said he'd be there for her didn't he? "I thought a lot about losing Prue... and just thought about what we talked about. How if I don't learn to love myself that no one else will love me..." she sighed and shook with a small sob of emotion. "I don't know. I thought about how... you know maybe he'd leave because he got what he wanted. I just decided it would be easier this way you know? I wouldn't give him the chance to leave..." she wiped at her face roughly to hide the tears. "But I don't know. I just I haven't opened the letter he sent me yet. I'm too afraid he'll tell me he was too good for me anyways. After all he was. Too nice. I don't deserve that." Finally true colors spilled from Saveli as she lamented using her low self esteem to base her words as facts.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Gabriel didn't feel anything as Saveli cried. He wanted to feel bad for her, but just couldn't bring himself to. She was better off without Reuben. He was just a kid - he could hardly stand up for himself, let alone for her. So when Gabe said, "I'm sorry, Sav," even though he sounded genuine, he wasn't. He chose a DVD and shut the cupboard, standing up to face her. "Reuben's... a weird one. Never really knew what to say, did he?" Gabe inserted the DVD into the machine and invited Sav to sit down on the couch, moving a few cushions and an empty beer can. "Anyway, forget about him tonight. We're just going to watch a film, chill out a bit, yeah?" He smiled at her, and for a moment he was taken back to the days they'd spent at each other's houses as children. The sleepovers and the playdates. What had happened to put so much distance between them? Gabe guessed the happy-family life had gotten to her. When they'd been kids, neither of them had had loving parents, or a big house, or fridges stocked full of food. Now Saveli had it all, and it had changed her. She didn't get Gabe any more. She didn't need him. Well, she did, but now he had to work hard to remind her of it.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli shrugged her shoulders. "I guess not. Sure he's got a lot to say in the letter..." the blond looked at the couch and nodded, sitting down comfortably beside Gabriel. She wasn't leaning on him but did not put distance between them either. After all it was just friends watching a movie, nothing was wrong with that. The slytherin Alumni couldn't quite stop the tears though, and while it was a quiet cry she remained emotional, thinking of how hard the past couple weeks had been. Not to mention how busy Monty had been with the holidays and doing things to prepare going back to school. She hadn't really bothered him much the past few days because of it - though she knew if she had said she was coming over here he would have made time to question her decision. Maybe it would have been better if he had. No. Sav trusted Gabriel. He was all that would be left if she lost Monty and Viv. She wouldn't let go of that. Sav leaned her head over onto his shoulder, staring blankly at the screen

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

The film was some paranormal one - not particularly scary, but creepy at times, in the way that made you slightly hesitant to turn out the lights after it was finished. He'd chosen it purposely because neither of them really seemed to be in the mood for anything gory or full of cheap jump-scares. They just wanted a distraction from the crap that was going on in their lives. Gabriel might have had his own flat, and his independence, but he was far from happy. He had a job in a muggle DIY store, which was about as interesting as watching paint dry, and every day he stared at the clock for hours on end, waiting for the minute he could go home. And then what? He drank a couple of beers, watched some TV. It was hardly the life he'd dreamed of.

So the film was nice. It was even nicer when Saveli rested her head on his shoulder. Gabe moved his arm to wrap it around her shoulder - a friendly gesture, and nothing more. But when the movie started to get dull, he found his fingers start to stroke back the hair at Sav's temple. She had soft hair. Almost like silk. "Are you asleep?" he whispered. He couldn't see her eyes.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

saveli didn't mind the tactile attention. She rarely got any of it in general and considering it was only a friendly gesture it felt even better. Aveli sniffed back more tears before answering. "No..." she whispered back. Her arms were covered in goosebumps, visible on the shoulder skin that was revealed by the dress falling off her shoulder. She moved a little closer shuddering in the cold, perhaps she was a little tired. Crying often did that to her. Her eyes would become heavy. Her mind clouded with grief usually blurred the lines of dream and reality before she slept.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

She was still crying. Gabriel felt a flutter in his heart at that. He didn't feel bad that she'd split up with Reuben, but he did feel bad that she was so sad. Noticing her dress had begun to slip down her arm, he moved his hand to pull it back up again - and then stopped. The skin of her shoulder was cold beneath his hand. He left his palm there, moving it in slow circles, hoping to warm her up. "You're cold," he mumbled, trying to recall whether he had any blankets. Not as far as he knew. Her skin was so smooth against his that after a moment or so he could not help but feel a little more of it: he traced his fingers carefully down the side of her arm, his heart growing animated in his chest. He should have stopped - this must have been the last thing on Saveli's mind - and yet somehow, he couldn't. He'd loved her for so long, and he'd never been able to touch her this way. Maybe just tonight, she'd want him to.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli sat still, though she felt warmer the now Gabe placed contact on her skin. After all he was much like a space heater. She was like a black hole for heat. The blonde nodded. "It's chilly in here. Guess I shouldn't have worn this dress." She muttered back. The escalating music in the background from the movie silenced her for a moment and she sat there, allowing Gabriel to stroke her arm. This was nothing nerve wracking. Sometimes she and Viviana took turns giving each other shoulder rubs, or laid on each other's laps while talking. She was even closer with Gabriel so nary a thought of romantic interest or inappropriate nature passed through her mind. The petite blonde curled closer into herself, shuddering under the feather light touch of her best friend.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Sav wasn't pulling away. In Gabe's mind, that meant she was enjoying his touch; he smiled softly at the top of her head, no longer paying any attention to the movie. Her arm was nice to stroke, but after a while lost its satisfaction, and he drew his hand back up to her shoulder, up to the base of her neck, behind her ear. He didn't have enough experience to know whether everybody's skin was sensitive there, but he figured it couldn't hurt to try. His fingers brushed her roots, and he leaned down to kiss her head, inhaling the sweet smell of her shampoo. "Sav."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Sav's frame, from head to toe, was covered in goosebumps and she sighed with contentedness at the touch. She'd just closed her eyes on a scene where the main character was finding out who the haunting was being done by, when she heard her name. Moving from her comfortable position Saveli looked at Gabe, hands on the couch next to him to prop her up. "Yeah?" She inquired.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Gabe lifted his head to look Saveli in the eyes. Though the lighting in the room was dim, he could have sworn they were lit like beacons, drawing him in, guiding the way. He closed his own eyes just as his lips met hers, soft, gentle, tentative, making sure Saveli wanted it too. Her body was cold, yet against him she felt like fire, igniting his bones, melting the ice around his heart. He moved his free hand to cup her jaw, fingers brushing her cheekbone. How long had he dreamed of doing this? Longer than he could remember. Kissing Saveli, the room around them could have been a gilded ballroom, marble pillars and chandeliers winking in the light. He didn't care where he was. He was home.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

surprise was the first emotion Saveli could convey when Gabriel kissed her full on the lips. Of course she'd always wondered if he had had interest in her. Or if perhaps she was just wanting to pat herself on the back for maybe achieving attention from someone. The blonde wasn't sure. The beating of her heart reached up her throats and her wide with surprise eyes gently closed. In all honesty Saveli though kissing Gabriel would feel much colder, worse, but she allowed it because it was a distraction. A distraction from remembering every way Roo had kissed her and every time he'd said he loved her. She sighed into the kiss, adjusting to be closer to her best friend. Maybe this was an open door. Maybe this was what was supposed to happen. If that was the case why did it feel so wrong?

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Nothing had ever felt so right. As Saveli responded to the kiss, Gabriel moved to hold her the way he wanted to, wrapping his arms around her waist and sighing into her lips. Every inch of his body was electric, her hands supplying the current. His kisses grew deeper, and after a moment he broke away to trail them down her neck, across her shoulder. The music on the television grew more and more distant as they escaped to a world in which only the two of them existed - a world Gabriel wished he could live in forever. But if all he could have there was an hour or two, he wasn't going to turn it away. And who knew? Maybe Saveli would like it there too.

---

The room was getting cold again. Gabriel ran his finger in a circular motion around Saveli's shoulder. "Do you have to go?" he asked, sadly. Of course, he didn't necessarily mean that minute - what he was asking was whether Monty was expecting her back. He probably was. Something had to ruin the evening. After all, nothing good in Gabriel's life ever stuck around for very long.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli laid on the couch looking at the title screen for the movie. Her hair was a mess and her heart was as well. Why she'd allowed affection to get the best of her she'd never understand. But it was clear in her mind that maybe this wasn't the right decision. She still loved Reuben. More than anything or anyone. More than all the dogs in the world. The blonde sat up and begun to slip into her dress when Gabriel spoke. "Yeah. I do." She spoke quietly. Maybe the wound was still fresh. Maybe that was all it was. However unlike when sleeping with Reuben she didn't want to say she loved Gabriel. "Sorry to go so soon... I'll write you later yeah?" She asked, putting her shoes on slowly, almost giving the appearance she didn't want to leave when in truth she felt sick to her stomach the longer she stayed.

 

[Gabriel Fletcher]

Gabriel pressed his lips together and nodded, pulling away to let her move. He didn't watch as she dressed - even though they'd shared an intimate evening together, he still felt... awkward, somehow. Maybe it was the lack of connection. He couldn't deny it had not been all that he had expected. Then again, they were both new to this sort of thing. Maybe it just took time to build up the spark. "Right," he said. "Yes. See you." Was that it? Gabriel had expected something more. The stars hadn't suddenly aligned. Nothing had fallen out of the sky. Everything was just as crap as it had been before, except now he had something to miss. He pulled on some clothes and showed Sav to the door. "Safe journey, yeah?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli walked slowly to the door and gathered up her shoes, Gabriel still close behind her. What else was she supposed to say to him? She wanted to ask him to walk her to the floo, but she couldn't muster up the words. "Thank you, yeah. Tonight was... great." It was a lie, but Saveli had no tell. It was a bold faced lie though adn she knew it in her heart. Why would their loveless love life be wonderful and why did she think it would fill a hole in her gut that was left from the past two weeks. Saveli left then and walked to the floo area. Once home she did not go inside right away - instead she walked out to her hut where she'd been studying potions, where she had pressed flowers with Reuben.

Where they'd had her first kiss

Something inside of the fragile woman snapped and she felt the tears come in small bursts. "F*** you." She whispered to no one before moving over to the desk where her book filled with pressed flowers were. She flipped to the first one they'd pressed together and ripped it out of the book. Then any flower he'd gotten her or anything after was torn out one by one. Saveli cleared her desk in moments shoving everything to the floor and listening as it broke. Why did Prudence have to die, why did she leave Reuben, why was she so afraid to be abandoned by the one person she'd felt a human connection to. And Gabriel. It struck Saveli that perhaps he'd invited her over because she was vulnerable - but the large part of her fought that back and she wondered why she couldn't just settle for him, and be happy with him. He was easy to be happy with wasn't he? She just had to say and do everything right and it wouldn't be so bad. Saveli looked in her mirror and saw her face. Red streaked with pain she felt. She picked up the nearest item to her and threw it at the mirror that she'd hung in the room, and it shattered - like her heart. Finally Saveli stumbled back to sit on the dirt in the shed, and cried. Knees pulled tightly against her chest she wept and wept, until sleep took her over in the cold shed with nothing but a thin blanket. She'd explain in the morning when she woke up, or she wouldn't, at that moment she just needed sleep.