I Almost Do

[Faxen Lowart-Kozlova]

Standing on stage, looking out into the crowd at the venue tonight, Faxen Lowart was overcome with emotion. The lights were bright as they shone down on her, making it difficult to see the particular faces in the crowd. What she could see was the amount of people crowded in to hear her sing. Granted, Faxen was the opening act, but the crowd was still cheering for her. The lovely brunette grinned out at her audience as she finished her opening song. "Good evening! I am Faxen Lowart! Thank you so much for coming out; I hope you enjoy the show!" she said brightly, turning around to face the band. The last year and a half had been an emotional ride for her. Her break up with Dymetris Kozlov had shattered her almost beyond repair. Things had been dark for her as she drank down the bottle to numb the pain, bouncing from guy to guy to guy. However, Jeremy and Enzo had helped to pick her up off her knees and gotten her back on track. Jeremy had turned into nothing more than a close friend. Enzo? Well, she still wasn't sure what was going on there. They weren't together, together, but they had been fooling around with each other ever since last summer. It had been a few weeks though since she last saw him. Faxen's musical career had been growing and expanding in the last few months. She had acquired a manager who believed in her and helping her along her route to success. Things were looking up.

Faxen grinned at her band as they began to play. She turned around and sang. "Puttin' my defenses up. Cause I don't wanna fall in love." Faxen flipped her brunette locks as she sang out into the crowd really putting on a show. She thrived on stage; it was where she was meant to be. "Yes, you, make me so nervous that I just can't hold your hand." Faxen's caramel eyes made eye contact with a set of eyes that were much too familiar to her. Her heart began pounding in her chest as she turned to go to the other side of the stage. There was no denying whose eyes those were even though she had only briefly glanced at them. Dymetris. The last person that she expected to see. Did he notice the ring on her finger that should have been her engagement ring? What did he make of that? It was a quirky habit of hers to wear it when she performed. The slender girl felt as though it brought her luck as if a piece of Dymetris was still with her. Faxen ended the song and turned away from the crowd as they applauded her. The slender girl walked back to center stage, going to get her guitar. Faxen knew what she had to do. This song was not part of her scheduled set list, but the band knew it. They would join in after she began. Faxen put her microphone in the stand so she could have her hands free to play.

"This song is for someone who I hurt and disappointed. It's about all the things I wish I could say to you. I'm sorry." Faxen told the crowd, knowing it would sound like gibberish to everyone, but the one person who still meant the world to her. She began the guitar chords that started off the song. She was singing from her heart on this one. It was to let Dymetris know everything that she had not been able to say. To explain herself if only a little bit. "I bet you think I either moved on or hate you cause each time you reach out there's no reply. I bet it never, ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye." Faxen couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with him again. It would only strengthen her resolve to go running back to him. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing that she had ever had to do. She couldn't go through that twice. It would kill her. "And I confess, babe that in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I want to try again with you and I almost do." Faxen dared to look over in his general direction. The lights were dimmed, and there was no mistaking it. Dymetris was there in the crowd, watching her sing. The pretty brunette wondered if this was a coincidence or if he intentionally sought her out. Was he here with anyone? "And I hope sometimes you wonder about me." she said out in her clear beautiful voice. Faxen hoped that he would forgive her someday. She loved him then, and she loved him now. He was her first love, and the brunette thought that she would go to her grave still loving him.

Faxen finished her set, trying not to stare at her former boyfriend out in the audience. Yet, it felt as though all of her songs were about him, or their relationship even if they weren't. "Good night, everyone! Thank you for being a wonderful audience!" she said, brightly, as she waved goodbye to the crowd. Making her way back to her dressing room, Faxen suddenly started feeling anxious. The reason behind this nervousness was because she already knew what she was going to do. With a sigh, she wrote a note. Faxen handed it to one of the workers outside the door, describing where he was sitting and what he was wearing. The worker nodded and agreed to find him before leaving her alone. Faxen went back inside the room, shut the door, and briefly considered taking off her ring and changing clothes. The brunette decided against it. He would have already seen it. Maybe he would choose to ignore her invitation backstage. Faxen had no idea what was going on inside his head.

 

[Dymetris Kozlov]

Dymetris didn't know why he was here, it's as if he were summon by pure magic. Well magic exist in his world, but what kinda magic brought him to be sitting in a crowd while his ex-girlfriend perform on stage? He should be mad at her, disappointed that she left him with no good reasoning. It's as if he didn't matter no more to the fair brunette, but he knows to well that's not true. She loved him, and as she sang the song right up that stage he could sense there was still love in her heart. The song held so much meaning to it, all he could do was sit there and listen for a little while. He wasn't sure how long he'll stay. He wasn't sure if he'll muster up some courage to confront Faxen. He was never one to make a scene in front of everyone, after all the trouble they went through during their school years, Dymetris shy away from the spot light. So much so his last year at Hogwarts was barley memorable to the now twenty year old man.

And when she was done singing her pretty little song, he let out a sigh. It ended to soon, he wanted to hear more of her. He wanted to see her too. Right before he took off for the evening to return back to his lonely flat at the village, someone slipped him a note. He looked down at it, and read it, Faxen had requested for him to go backstage with her or dressing room. He wasn't so sure, but he went anyways, the man given him direction to where her dressing room is. Nerves and tension filled his shoulder as he grew closer to the room, when he found it he knocked three times at the door."Faxen?" he called out to his ex-girlfriend, his heart was beating fast, he could almost feel the blood rushing to his face. Maybe he should, maybe it's not the best time. It sounded real easy just to bail out, but he stayed back. "It's me, Dymetris. You wanted to see me?"

 

[Faxen Lowart-Kozlova]

The twenty year old girl paced nervously in her dressing room as she wondered if she was doing the right thing. Would seeing Dymetris be good for her? Probably not. Faxen had a feeling that it would only cause her pain. The tears would come tonight as she laid alone in her bed. The brunette thought that she had been doing so well recently. Would seeing his face up close, hearing his voice send her back into the depression she had struggled with for over a year? Faxen twisted the diamond ring she was wearing, the one he had given her, impatiently as was her habit when she was nervous. She briefly considered apparating away, but she knew she couldn't. Not when the one and only person she had ever loved was so close to her. There was a knock on the door, followed by a voice that sounded so sweet to her. Her heart skipped a beat. Quickly, the slender girl went to open the door.

Faxen drank in the sight of him. It had been such a long time since they last met. The hurtful things they had said to each other, the tears, and everything seemed to disappear as she looked at him. She thought she was over him. She thought she could move on. Faxen had been so very wrong. It was all she could do not to throw herself into his arms and beg for his forgiveness. However, she held her composure. "Yes. I wanted to see you." she said with a small smile. "Come in, please." she said, stepping aside so he could enter the room. The brunette motioned to the couch across the room as she shut the door behind him. Her caramel eyes drank him in. He looked so good, so incredibly good. Different than he had looked when she last saw him. Faxen wondered briefly if he had been able to move on from her when she had not been able to. Sure, she had dated and fooled around with other boys. None of them matched up though. Jeremy had turned into nothing more than a close friend. Enzo, well she wasn't sure where he stood. Dymetris was the one her heart longed for. She anxiously resumed fidgeting with the ring that should have been her engagement ring as she went to take a seat next to him. "Honestly, I'm surprised you are here. I thought you hated me." she said, glancing down at the ring. "I hated me." she said under her breath before looking back up at his face. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know how he felt about her. "How have you been?" Faxen asked rather lamely. How could it be so difficult to talk to him when the words had once flowed between them with ease.

 

[Dymetris Kozlov]

Dymetris smile when she greeted him, its all he could do really when he saw Faxen. Its so easy to want to be mean and nasty to those who hurt you, even if he wanted to be mean he felt like he couldn't. It was Faxen, not some random number. If she means the world to you then, she meant the world to him now. Regardless if she felt the same way or not, the blonde's heart remain the same. He idly stood along in the middle of her room and took a seat when offered. He looked different, by looks and posture. He grew a few more inches taller and his hair was cut short. It pain both his mothers, but at the end of the day he was his own man now. No longer a child. He made decisions on his own, and it felt liberating to live how you wanted without someone else dictating his every decision. Life was life for him, he was only missing his source of happiness. Sadly his happiness decided to let him go, and he wished on everything he loved he could get back what he once had with the beautiful brunette.


"You were always so insecure sometimes, its too cute it hurts" he smirks, his eyes had fallen to where the ring laid perched on her pretty little finger. It shine only some, not enough to its full potential. See he charmed it, so he knows she was happy or not with him. Sort like a mood ring, and she'll never know. It was his secret solemn alone to keep. "I can never hate you Faxen, and you know that." He hope she took that to heart. "I was just a little upset how it all went down, and I don't blame you for what you did." He spoke softly, he looked ahead so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with him. He said nothing after a while, felt like some of that tension was lifted from his shoulder, not all of it but enough for Dymetris to stay longer. "Good I suppose, moved out on my own doing whatever feels right." He smiles a little. "And you? How's the music career of yours going? I hope great, you always had a lovely singing voice."

 

[Faxen Lowart-Kozlova]

Dymetris' smile put her somewhat at ease as he proceeded to call her insecure. The brunette wasn't sure what he meant by that. If it was meant to be an insult or a compliment. Instead of commenting, Faxen chose to let it go unanswered as he looked down at her hands where she was still fidgeting with the ring he had given her. Faxen suddenly felt self-consious and stopped. She allowed her caramel eyes to look up at him, examining his face. He looked really good. Handsome. The long dreads he had worn in school were gone and his hair was a pleasant blonde color. Dymetris was a little taller though he had always been taller than she was. Faxen wished she could cross the space between them and feel his arms around her once more. Faxen didn't move. She had to remind herself that she could not wish for those things anymore. The pretty brunette had decided to end things with Dymetris, a choice she regretted almost everyday, but she wouldn't take it back. She still loved him, and she probably always would. However, it wouldn't be fair of her to say these things to him. Maybe he had moved on. Faxen wouldn't want to take anymore of Dymetris' happiness from him.

Faxen was a bit surprised when he made it clear that he did not hate her, that he couldn't. Somehow, Faxen found that idea dubious. She looked into those familiar green eyes as he spoke to her. He threw her off when he said he didn't blame her for what she did. "What?" she said startled. "How can you not blame me?" she asked, honestly wanting to know. She blamed herself. Why shouldn't he? Faxen probably should have kept her mouth shut, but she was impulsive. The last thing she wanted to do was chase Dymetris off right now. She changed the subject, choosing to answer his later questions. "I'm okay. I'm living in an apartment near the Harbour. I bought Quality Quidditch Supplies, and I run it now. I play music on the nights and weekends. I should be releasing a single soon to test the waters and see if anyone likes it. My manager seems to think it's promising." she said, knowing that Dymetris had always been one of her biggest supporters. Now, he was also in her music. She wondered how he would feel about that if he knew. Even now, he complemented her. It made her feel worse after what she had done to him. A pause spread between them. Faxen sighed. "Dymetris, I think you should know, I really am so very sorry about what happened between us." she said, avoiding his eyes in case he was upset with her. Also, she didn't want him to see the pain that lingered in hers even now.

 

[Dymetris Kozlov]

He wouldn't be able to answer that question right now, he only felt it. Everything was a mushed in his head, so he left it that way. His uncle would be seething in rage, he always thought Dymetris was a little to soft. And he could only blame his sisters for that. He didn't care, if he felt that way so be it. Good thing about aging other people's opinion didn't matter to him much anymore. Only hers. "That's great, its more then I'm doing." His uncle wanted him to deal with dark magic but he refused so. No ones gonna make a killer out of him……not by force anyways. He still thinking about joining whatever cause those pure blooded prejudice wizards are fighting for. Still made no sense to him at all, even more so seeing as he's part veela.

"Don't be" he blurts out. "I'm still tryna get over it yes, but let's save it? Please Faxen. I didn't come here to fight about what's already happen" he said his voice shaken, god he was doing a bad job keeping control. "I mean we were kids, young and stupid. I asked you because I was afraid, afraid you'd leave. You know after all that's happen." he sighs heavy hearted looking down. You were the best thing ever, why must the pretty ones be so evil? "Plus, you were so getting into your career, I didn't want to like knock you up and stop that from happening. I'd hate myself for it" he looked her over, smile crossed his lips. We were just kids in love, and he chasing a dream of another life. So easy to be deceived.

 

[Faxen Lowart-Kozlova]

The slender brunette pursed her lips as Dymetris told her to save it. Faxen couldn't just let it go though. She needed him to understand, to know how sorry she was even if she didn't have a right to say anything to him after the way she had behaved. He looked pained as he spoke. How easily he dismissed their past relationship as young and stupid kids. Sure, they had been young and probably stupid, but her love for him had not been so. Her caramel eyes examined his face, wondering if he honestly believed the things he was telling her. Dymetris seemed to feel that he was just as much to blame as she was, and maybe that was true. Faxen had certainly hated him for asking her that question that wrecked their relationship in the weeks immediately following the break-up. There had been all sorts of emotions running through her. The brunette didn't often like to think about the days, weeks, and months that had followed. Faxen had been at a very low place. It had taken Enzo to pull her out and piece her back together. He had saved her though she didn't think he knew it. It would have only been a matter of time before she had accidentally done something to damage herself permanently.

A sigh escaped her red lips. Faxen shook her head. "I was afraid, too." she admitted. "That's really why I said no. I was afraid of making a mistake because we were so young. I couldn't handle it." she admitted. He might not want to hear these things, but she desperately needed to say him. Faxen wanted things to be out in the open. She didn't hate him, and she wouldn't be able to ever hate him. "I know I shouldn't have ignored your letters, but I just couldn't face it. I didn't even read them until months later." Faxen said. She wasn't a weak, helpless girl, but she had regretted losing him with every fiber of her being. Dymetris would always be her first love. They shared that connection. Faxen had given herself to him, and she would never get that back. Not that she wanted to. She didn't regret it. "We can leave it at that though. As long as you know I am sorry." Faxen said with a smile. Hesitatly, she reached across and placed her hand on top of his, giving it a squeeze before releasing it. Faxen didn't want to make him uncomfortable. "I'm really glad you were hear tonight. I always imagine you in the audience. You have always been my biggest fan." the pretty brunette said with an honest smile.

 

[Dymetris Kozlov]

He let her have what she needed, and that was closure. Oh what it seem like to him, honestly he felt a little let down. Maybe he was expecting much more. Maybe not. There was no clear visual to him right now. It all seemed like a blur to Dymetris. "Yeah, you sing great." He said quietly. It reached that time where he needed to go, make sense to all of this keep his walls high so he wouldn't get so upset over nothing. "Well I should be going, I have to visit my parents for a bit. Micky wants to see me." He mustered up a half smile, his little brother always make his day better. "You take care, yeah?" He stood up, but before he left for good he gave her a hug and kiss on her cheek. "Don't get too famous or else you'll forget about me all together." He cracked a grin and then he was gone. He left her room and headed to his parent's. Time that's all he needed, time away from the rest of the world.

 

[Faxen Lowart-Kozlova]

Faxen didn't really know what else to say to him. This was awkward and uncomfortable for them both, and she knew it. She didn't know what she had been expecting from him. Maybe a part of her wished that he would ask her on a date or something, but she knew they couldn't go down that path again. Faxen would be broken beyond repair if she ever lost him again, so it was better to not try it. The brunette smiled at the mention of Dymetris' brother and mothers. Faxen had met them a few times, and she really liked them. Mickey was so cute. "Tell them I said hello. They were always so kind to me." she said a bit wistfully. She stood up and moved in the direction of the door to show him out. "I'll be fine." she assured him. Faxen hugged him back tightly, breathing in his scent a final time. She brushed her lips against his check. "Don't be a stranger." Faxen managed to say as a farewell to her first and only love. "I could never forget you." she responded to his last wish, but he had already gone. Apparated back out of her life just as quickly as he had returned.