Holding Onto You

[Saveli Pendleton]

The very last time that Saveli Matveev had written to her pen pal, and even spoken to him, was here in this owlry. The last time she'd spoken to her best friend before he'd completely forgotten her - was also in this owlry. Why was she coming back to it? With notebook in hand, rump planted firmly on the ground and a blanket over her lap, she sat as if she'd pen a great novel. Instead she was surrounded by crumpled letters to a friend that would never be sent, heart heavy in her chest as she thought about her semesters rocky start - and her lack of support from her best friend. The blonde set the pen that her sister had given to her to the side and pulled her knees to her chest, notebook smooshed between her front and her legs. Saveli let out a long sigh for no one to hear, startling some sleeping owls whom ruffled their feathers making similar sounds to the crinkling paper as if to mock her.

Beneath her she halfheartedly traced patterns in the floor to keep herself occupied. She felt mixed feelings inside - why had Gabe completely abandoned her? She didn't understand why they couldn't be friends. Was Lydia her replacement? Had her father found a replacement as well. All of the thoughts of life and death that swarmed the teens head were too much for a developing mind to handle. So there she sat, tracing haphazard shapes into a concrete slab that wouldn't retain the memory of her fingers, and eyes closed wishing for something to change and make her feel better.

 

[Felix Warrick]

With Valentines day in his rear view mirror the beginning of term now felt like a distant memory and exams were now looming on the horizon. Sometimes Felix would count himself lucky that his exams were the main thing he had to worry about. Some people had real problems but that didn't make Felix feel any better about his own, and now that Quidditch was over Felix's one good distraction was over for the year and all he had left to focus on was prefect duties and classes. Not the most joyus combination. Felix woke that morning with every intention to study, though not in the library as that was Lydia's sanctuary. Despite his best intentions Felix left his pile of books on his bed and headed to the owlery.

After a lecture from his mother on what it was like to go through a whole semester without so much as a letter, Felix decided he would at least throw her a bone and write to her before he retreated to pre exam hibernation. Felix made his way made his way up to the owlery clutching a hastily writtem letter just filling his mother in on the little adventures he'd had so far. He opted to omit how he spend Valentines day. It hadn't exactly been his favourite night of the year. Once he tracked down an owl and sent it on its way he turned to leave when he noticed someone in the corner of his eye.

The owlery wasn't exactly known as the place to hangout so maybe something was wrong? Felix decided to approach the person and as he got closer he noticed who it was and his stomach flipped. It was Saveli, and she was just as breathtaking curled up in thw owlery as she had been in her Yule ball dress. And Felix had fond memories of that dress. "Sav?" He asked moving closer to her. "Are you ok?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Sav had been so concentrated on the fact that she was in a pity party that she'd not even heard another soul in the Owlry until they spoke her name. The blonde's eyes snapped open quickly and she looked up at the source of the familiar baritone. "Felix, hey." She muttered, scooching over to leave room in case he wanted to sit down - though she doubted he would since her blanket ran out at her and the owlry floor was fairly dirty. "Yeah I guess. Maybe. How are you?" She inquired, trying to change the subject from her lack luster life to what she assumed would be Felix's more exciting tales. After all, wasn't he popular and a quidditch player - maybe they'd won a game. Saveli honestly hadn't paid any attention to know.

 

[Felix Warrick]

Felix hadn't seen Saveli since the Yule ball, where she had told him in no uncertain terms that nothing was going to happen between them going forward. Felix had to admit he had been disappointed. He had been hoping that something would happen with Saveli, she was fun and that had been what he needed. He noticed her scooch over to create some room for him on the floor. The blanket didn't cover much passed her so he would be on the floor, but he didn't care. The girl looked troubled so he took a seat next to her, attempting to sweep away some of the dust and hay with his foot before he did so. "I know I don't know you that well, but you don't exactly look like your in a good mood, you wanna talk about it?" He asked ignoring her question of how he was, that could wait, not that there was much to tell anyway.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli knew Felix meant well, but if Gabriel heard she was complaining about him wouldn't he get upset with her? Did it even matter anymore? He wanted nothing to do with her that was obvious. Ignoring her for the brunette girl he'd given his heart to. Saveli hoped that if she ever found love she didn't abandon Viv or Monty for them. Saveli sighed, giving in to the need to have a friend to listen to her troubles. "You remember when I told you about the belly button piercing? About my friend? Well I guess we aren't friends anymore." Saveli felt her eyes well up and for a moment remember her father's words about emotions. But why bother to hid what you felt? Why bother to cause pain to yourself or others by not expressing it. Her father abandoned her, why was Saveli still holding his values?

"I don't think it would suck so much but everyone keeps disappearing out of my life. I live with Monty Pendleton right now. He fostered me after both of my parents decided they didn't want me in my second year. I've known Gabe since I was little, like maybe since I was five and he'd always just been there for me. Always. He was like a guardian angel growing up. If someone was mean to me he was the first one to defend me." Saveli sighed remembering the times Gabe had truly stood up for her. The times he was her only family. "But now he's dating some girl and he wont talk to me. I feel like I'm going to lose everyone from my life one by one. My parents, my brothers, Gabe... I shouldn't be this upset but he really was my best friend..." She sighed, placing her head down in her knees.

 

[Felix Warrick]

None of the time he had spent with Saveli could have prepared him for what was about to happen. Saveli seemed to accept him as a friend and she unloaded on him. Where ever he went Gabriel seemed to follow him, and he was the main subject of Saveli's problems it seemed. Felix did his best not to judge, surely she and Lydia must see something in this guy that he didn't, because from what Felix saw he was an awful person, he was a complete jerk and came across as rather controlling, he didn't like Lydia being with him and he didn't like that Saveli's happiness seemed to be determined by if she was talking to him or not.

Felix remained quite and let her get everything out before he even began to think about saying anything. "Yes I know Gabriel, and the girl he is currently dating, she's my ex as it happens, small world right?" He chuckled in an attempt to keep the situation light. "So Gabriel was the reason you took out the belly button ring, and the reason you weren't going to go to the Yule ball with me, I mean I hate to be that guy but maybe you're better off without him," He said. It was risky, the same line of conversation went over Lydia's head. Saveli might end up being a little more resistant.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli listened and was honestly shocked. Did every guy in this school find that hufflepuff woman attractive. For a moment Saveli felt a tinge of self-consciousness for the way she looked, but brushed it off. This wasn't about making people attracted to her it was about how empty she felt. She listened to Felix and rolled her eyes. "Everyone keeps saying that about him but they don't know him like i do. He comes from a really sh!t home, and just last year he was telling me how useless he felt, like his dad adn I was there to help him feel better. And now he doesn't even walk me to breakfast. Felix he's all I have left from my life in Ireland I'm not ready to let that go yet." A tear slid over Saveli's delicate waterline and she thrust her face back into it's spot in her knees.

 

[Felix Warrick]

Felix sighed, he could almost understand why Saveli would want to hold onto Gabriel the way she did, especially if he was all she had from her old life. He just couldn't understand why she was blind to how Gabriel truly was, Lydia too. At least Lydia had the excuse of history with him, Lydia not so much. "Ok fine, I concede that you know him better than I do, and that maybe there is more to him, but I don't like him especially if this is what he can do to you, lets not forget the belly button ring, I don't like how controlling he is of you, he's doing the same to Lydia now," He sighed. Nobody wanted to here that Gabriel was a bad guy, was he really the only person who could see him for the controlling person he way? "I get it, it's hard to let someone go when they've been so important to you for so long, you should know that if you do lose him and I'm not saying you will, but you're not alone, you have Professor Pendleton, and you have me," He shrugged. Felix didn't know what they were exactly, but he cared about her all the same.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli listened to what Felix said and nodded slowly. She tried hard not to think Gabe was a controlling person, but the more she considered it the more she knew that he was right and that she truly didn't want to admit that she was being controlled by someone she trusted. Sav looked up at Felix. "Thank you." She muttered for a moment. "Even with me being a bit of a nutter you've stuck around. Lydia is really missing out." She muttered. While Saveli had made things clear between them, that she was not looking for any sort of relationship, she couldn't help but feel the only way she could show her gratitude was as she was about to. Thus the blonde leaned in and sealed a chaste kiss on Felix's lips. "You really are amazing. If things weren't so crazy right now and I wasn't so determined to keep my grades up I would not have let you go." She admitted, her tone blunt.

 

[Felix Warrick]

Felix was quite surprised by Saveli's reaction. He expected her to fight him on what he had said about Gabriel but it was almost as if she accepted it, or maybe she just didn't want to talk about him anymore. Felix was happy with either case, as he really didn't want to keep talking about Gabriel either. Felix really didn't know what to say when she turned the conversation round on him. Felix wasn't used to someone gushing over him so he remained silent while Saveli told him what a great guy he was and how amazing he was, all he could do was smile at her. He nodded as she added that she wouldn't have let him go, if things had been different, but alas they weren't. The kiss caught him completely by surprise, but it wasn't unwelcome, he leaned into it and kissed her back but it was over before it had really started. "It's ok, I mean we could have been great together, but a relationship isn't what you needed from me, you need a friend and that's what you've got," He smiled at her and took hold of her hand.

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli smiled at Felix and nodded. "Thank you." She whispered to Felix, now moving from her spot. "I think I need to get some sleep. You should too." She smiled and offered a hand to help Felix up, feeling slightly better. Things were hard for Saveli at the time, but she knew that her life could get better. Saveli just needed to take initiative and release the negative from her life. Even if that meant letting go of Gabriel.

 

[Felix Warrick]

Felix was warmed to see Saveli smile despite everything they had discussed, he was overwhelmed by the strength of the girl. She felt like she was loosing her only connection to home and yet she was still able to put up a smile. Maybe he had something to do with that or maybe not, he was just glad to see it. "Yeah you're right, we should get going," Felix took her hand and pulled himself to his feet. "I mean it Sav, I'm here if ever you need anything," He smiled taking her hand and kissing the back of it. "Come on, its late and I'm covered in sawdust," He grinned at her.