From Morning to the Night

[Gabriella Tillington]

Gabriella Tillington was happy to be back at Hogwarts, even if the school stressed her out to some degree. In third year, things really started to change. Electives were now on her schedule, and in the back of her mind she was already counting down to the OWLs, as they seemed to come closer at an alarming rate. She was also wondering if she shouldn't join a club, as it seemed to be something others her age were doing. It would be kind of nice to spend time with other students, though there would always be a part of her that felt like any time not studying was wasted time. She was trying to push that thought away.

For now, she had another mission entirely. That mission being her older sister. To Gabriella's surprise, she had actually missed the other girl quite a bit during the holidays. The slightly older Gryffindor had been on her mind more than she wanted to admit, even though she had barely been able to talk about the subject with her father. Right now, Gabriella just wanted to see her and talk to her. In classes, she had only spotted her sister in Transfiguration. It made sense to her that they had very different schedules, though. They were opposites in many ways, so it wasn't a surprise they liked different subjects. Gabriella had no doubt Frankie had picked Care of Magical Creatures, while she herself had avoided that subject like the plague. She also knew the best place to look for her sister was outside, so she headed to the Great Lawn in order to find her. A small smile appeared on her lips as she spotted her from a small distance. It pleased her to know she knew her sister fairly well. "Frankie?" She called out as she approached.

 

[Frankie Tillington]

Frankie had been making her way down the grounds toward the lake, hoping that she would find her sister down by the water. It was a curious similarity they had both quickly realised they shared, once they had seen each other down there far more times than could have been coincidence. There were plenty of other places that she could have tried to look for Gabby, but there was something about the water that just made Frankie feel like she should try there first. This year she had something to give her sister, and it felt kind of weird to hand it over when they were surrounded by other people in corridors or the Great Hall. This kind of thing needed... space around them.

Frankie hadn't made it far across the Great Lawn when she heard someone calling her name behind her. Turning around, she lifted a hand to shade her eyes and see who it was - and then raised the hand to give them a large wave in greeting. "Hey!" She refrained from shouting until her sister got closer, although her excitement at seeing Gabby was clear on her face. "How have you been? Good summer? How much swimming did you get in?" There was nervous excitement building up in Frankie now; the good kind. But she didn't want to throw her sister headfirst into the conversation she wanted to have, so she allowed the other girl some time to reply and ask her own questions before giving Gabby a slightly questioning smile. "So. I, uh... have something for you. But it's not from me." With her hands dug deep in her jacket pockets, Frankie ran her thumb along the object's edge. Her sister was pretty smart. She probably already had some idea of who this might be from, and Frankie could only hope she would be... at least receptive to it.

 

[Gabriella Tillington]

Gabriella couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face at Frankie's greeting. The girl seemed genuinely happy to see her, and that warmed her heart. She was excited to see her sister as well, and a part of her wished they could have spent the holidays together like sisters. "My summer was nice, thank you. I trained a lot." She said, sighing softly. "My time has gone back a lot, though. It's really a shame Hogwarts doesn't have a pool." She glanced at the lake, then turned back to her sister. "But enough about me. How was your summer? Did you spend all your time at the beach?" She asked her, giving her an amused smile. She was happy to know this much about Frankie, though she could also be completely wrong. When the other girl told her she had something for Gabriella, she was horrified for a moment. Had her sister bought her something? She hadn't gotten her anything. But Frankie had said it wasn't for her. That made her pause, before she realized what that meant. Her eyes widened slightly. "You mean... from our mother?" She asked, her voice soft and hopeful, but also a little scared. If this was what she thought it was, she would be hearing from her mother for the first time since she was three years old.

 

[Frankie Tillington]

Frankie couldn't help grinning at her sister's reply. "Training, you're so funny." But the teasing was light-hearted, and she knew her sister really did enjoy swimming in that fashion - she supposed it would be like herself and Quidditch, if Gabby actually enjoyed flying more than she seemed to. "But it sucks, you're right." Frankie followed her sister's gaze out toward the lake, but knew better than to suggest to the other girl that they should try swimming in it. Gabby was far too sensible for such things, and Frankie grinned at the thought. "We should start a petition for one," she remarked off-handedly, before being distracted by her sister's questions. "Yeah, I did," Frankie laughed, always amused by other people pointing out her fascination with the beach. "I've started learning how to surf! I fell off the board a bunch of times, but it's fun." She smiled then, but the curve of her mouth trailed off from one of warmth to one of apprehensiveness as Gabby reacted to the news of her present.

For a moment, she thought her sister had seemed horrified by the idea that their mother might send something to her, and that hurt a bunch, but then she realised that she had misjudged the reaction - she had clearly just taken Gabby by surprise. "Yeah," was all Frankie could think to say in reply. She drew her hand out of her pocket, and pulled a letter out with it. One of the corners was sort of crumpled from sitting in her pocket, but Frankie just straightened it out with her thumb and then held the envelope out to her sister. "You don't have to... you know, do anything you don't want to. And this isn't, like, an expectation that I should get anything in return," she hastened to add, "but, um... Mom wanted to, and... we thought this would be better than a random owl." It had been a fairly serious decision to make this contact in the first place, Frankie remembered. But she was ready - she and her mother were both ready - to try to take this step forward.

Spoiler: Letter

My dearest Gabriella,

This is a strange moment, because for the first time I am trying to put into words the countless letters I have written in my head. I struggled for far too long to try to think where to begin this letter, but I think it was only important that I did begin it, rather than strive for perfection. Judging by what Frankie has told me about you, I hope that you can forgive the untidy fumbling for what it is - the knowledge that no words will ever be enough.

Gabriella, I love you, and I have always loved you since the moment I first knew of your existence. I want you to know that it was never easy to make the decision to be apart from you and your father, and I increasingly believe that it was the wrong decision. There are so many things I can never make up to you. I know this.

I brought Frankie up to see the positives in life, and she has helped me see that the surprise of your meeting each other again is the nudge we may have needed to begin moving forward. We haven't been a family together for a long time, but every day I have thought about you and hoped that you were doing well. That you were happy. That you were embracing your life with all the strength and grace at your disposal.

Your feelings are your own, Gabriella. I have no wish to force anything upon you. If you would ever consider letting me know the girl you have become in our years apart, even if only through Frankie, I would be happier than I suppose I could ever describe. I continue to miss you Gabriella. I hope it could be time we can decide to move forward to better memories.

Love,
Mom

XX

 

[Gabriella Tillington]

Frankie often seemed to find things humorous when Gabriella had meant them seriously. When they first met, it had made Gabriella feel like she was making fun of her, but she was slowly starting to realize it was just how Frankie saw the world. It was so fundamentally different from Gabriella, that it was sometimes hard to adjust to. "It is unpleasant, yes." She said, not wanting to repeat her sister's word choices. "A petition is a nice idea, but I doubt it will work. The Hogwarts castle is ancient, they are not going to make a pool in it just because some third years want one." She gave Frankie a wry smile. "Though I appreciate the thought." Frankie seemed to be very practically minded, always coming with a solution. The solution just wasn't always very realistic. "Surfing sounds like it suits you." She said, "I don't think I would be very good at it."

The subject of the possible letter made Gabriella's heart pound, and there was a part of her that just wanted to bolt. Gabriella wasn't a person too used to being open about her emotions, and receiving anything from her mother was sure to make her emotional. Her gaze locked to the letter Frankie took out of her pocket, immediately taking in all the details. Shakily, she reached out for it. "Thank you," she said softly, unable to think of anything else to say. With a last nervous glance at her sister, Gabriella opened the letter. She hoped Frankie couldn't see her hands shaking as she held it in front of her. Her eyes filled with tears at the first sentence, but she blinked them back. Forcing herself to stay steady, she read through the entire thing. She forced herself to read every word, taking in everything her mother had written to her. Gabriella wasn't sure what she had expected, but it wasn't this. The letter was full of love, sweet words and genuine sentiments. Her father loved her, of course, but he wasn't one to say it often. He showed his affection in actions rather than words. This letter brought up emotions the girl had suppressed for years. A yearning for a mother she hadn't let herself acknowledge, a feeling of loss, but also one of joy. Her thoughts jumbled in her head, and when she got to the end she immediately tried to read it again. But by now, the tears were no longer listening to her and her vision was too blurry to make out the letters. With a sob, she covered her face with one of her hands, holding the letter in the other. Even now, she had the practical mind to keep the letter far away from her tears so she wouldn't stain it. Another sob escaped her, and before she knew what she was doing, Gabriella clung to her sister. She buried her face in the Gryffindor robes and let herself cry, holding onto her as if she was the only thing keeping her upright.

 

[Frankie Tillington]

Although Gabby seemed largely sceptical of the idea of a petition, Frankie only shrugged with a smile at her sister's reaction. "I mean, you never know if you don't try, right? But you're welcome." She was happy to leave the idea for now, even if she knew Gabby really would be happier if they managed to get a swimming pool at school. Frankie wouldn't mind one for herself either, actually. It was definitely a thought to table for another day. "It's great, I love it," she said of surfing, and then laughed a little. "Gabby, I'd pay money to see you surfing – and I bet you would be good at it. All it takes is practice; I reckon if both of us were learning together you'd practice way more than me!" Frankie meant every word of this. She knew her sister worked a lot harder than her at classes, and she had this idea that Gabby could do absolutely anything in the world if she put her mind to it.

However, once the other girl had taken the letter Frankie's usual confidence melted away, and she started to feel a weird jumping in her stomach. It had always been so important to her that Gabby at least... at least accept the idea of the letter, but if she read it and... and, she didn't want to think about it. Gabby would be happy about it, there was no other outcome Frankie wanted to see. She watched her sister intently, seeing the nervous look the other girl gave her before she began reading. Frankie jammed her hands deep into her robe pockets, keeping them clenched tight in an effort to be as still as possible. It was hard – she'd never realised how much she moved around before. Gabby's hands were shaking, she could see, but Frankie's gaze was fixed more on her sister's face as she read the letter. At first Frankie wasn't sure, but then... was Gabby crying? She began to feel a hollow, empty pit open up inside her. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Frankie tried to repeat the thought over and over in her head to banish the negative feeling, but she couldn't make herself believe it. In the end, it wasn't her actions at all that caused the feeling to disappear – it was Gabby suddenly pulling Frankie close, crying into the front of her robes. Frankie was stunned, but she reacted quickly, pulling her hands out of her pockets to wrap them around her sister. "Hey, it's... it's okay, right?" She didn't know what exactly had been in the letter, after all. "You don't... hate her? Because it was stupid for them to— it is stupid; we all live apart and we're all sad, and—" Frankie didn't know why all of this was coming out of her suddenly, but she didn't seem to be able to stop it. "I just don't want you to hate her," she continued desperately, "even though it's stupid that we had to leave. It's so stupid..." Frankie didn't know what else to say after that, and instead she just held Gabby tighter, hoping that somehow the action would communicate all the feelings roiling inside her right now. Just because her mother had tried to explain this situation to her for most of her life, that didn't mean that Frankie had always just been able to accept it herself. It had always been so draining, trying to ignore it for so long, and she clutched at her sister a little tighter. She was so glad Gabby was here with her.

 

[Gabriella Tillington]

Frankie seemed so much more optimistic than Gabriella, and she couldn't help wondering if that was their mother's influence or just a part of Frankie's personality she had missed out on. The idea that maybe she would be good at surfing gave her pause, and her mind flashed to an image of them trying together. Her heart ached, she wanted that. To learn something new with her sister. "Maybe." She said, a little breathless at the idea. "It would be great to learn together."

The letter had made Gabriella's usual mask slip, and she clung to Frankie's Gryffindor robes as she cried. Her sister's words registered in her mind, but she was unable to reply to them immediately. She had to get herself together, to stop embarrassing herself like this. But her body wouldn't listen, the sobs kept coming and she kept being unable to push them down. Maybe she shouldn't have to. Maybe it was alright to be sad about the years she had missed with a mother who loved her. Frankie was right, it was all very stupid. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Gabriella stepped back from Frankie. Sniffling, she wiped her eyes with her sleeve before looking at her sister. "Apologies." She muttered, averting her gaze again. "Of course I don't hate her. I just hate... this." She gestured vaguely, though she was sure she knew what Frankie meant. "It is stupid. But maybe... maybe it doesn't have to stay this way." She swallowed, wiping away a few last traitorous tears. "M-mother wrote me. I don't think our father would think of doing the same, but I know he misses you." She said, lowering her gaze. "I could ask him to write you, and perhaps I could write back our mother. That way, maybe... maybe things can begin to change."

 

[Frankie Tillington]

Frankie was absolutely okay with just letting Gabby sob into her shoulder forever, but she recognised that her sister wanted to draw back and so let her. She wished she had a tissue or something to give her sister – she looked like she would have rather used it than the sleeve of her robe. Having a sudden brainwave, Frankie pulled a small, crushed paper bag from out of her pocket, which had once held candy a couple of days ago, and roughly transfigured it into a kind of tissue-hanky hybrid. It wasn't the best example of a well-thought-out spell, but she hoped it would keep Gabby from what she thought was ruining her robe sleeve. "Here," Frankie said, holding the tissue-hanky out to her sister. "And don't apologise, you're allowed to cry. I don't blame you, I should probably be crying, too." She thought she could feel it starting, actually, or maybe she just wanted it to so she didn't look so unaffected.

Because she was affected. It was such a relief to hear that Gabby didn't hate their mother, more of a relief than even Frankie had expected it to be. She definitely agreed with her sister that she hated the situation. And she didn't really know how to go on from here. Frankie supposed that there was a logical next step, but she didn't feel that it was her place to mention it – she might have already pushed her sister's boundaries to their limit today. But it seemed a bit like Gabby knew what she had been thinking. "Do you ... do you think he would? I don't want to make this about me, but ..." Frankie had thought about writing to her father many, many times over the years, but apart from one failed attempt when she was a child she had never quite managed to convince herself to do it. A letter from him, however ... she'd never really thought about it. The idea that he could talk back was ... strange. "Mom would be so stoked if you replied though, if that's what you wanted to do. You totally don't have to, there's no pressure or anything," she hastened to add. "But ... I'd really like it if things could change. This sounds stupidly shallow in comparison, but ... I really want to do stuff like surf with you." Frankie let out a short, almost bitter, laugh. "Can't do that here." Hogwarts was great, but if it was the only place she could see her sister ... it felt more like a trap.

 

[Gabriella Tillington]

Gabriella swallowed and focused on getting her emotions under control, it was something she was quite good at by now. She didn't cry very often, especially not in front of other people. Frankie was her sister, so Gabriella knew it wasn't the same as any random person, but it wasn't like they had grown up together. They had only known each other for the past two years and a bit. She looked up as Frankie offered her a tissue. Or was it a handkerchief? Gabriella stared at it for a moment in puzzlement before using it to wipe her cheeks. "Thank you." She said quietly.

Talking this out felt strange, especially because Gabriella rarely talked about emotions with anyone. This entire experience felt surreal, almost like a dream. But she knew deep down that it was important. She smiled weakly when Frankie said she didn't want to make it all about her. "You're not. It's about us both... it has been from the start." She said softly. It was true. The only person in the world who understood the loss and pain Gabriella had experienced growing up without her mother or sister was in front of her right now. "I think he would. Don't... don't think he doesn't want to just because he hasn't yet. He's not very good at talking about things." She laughed weakly. "A letter is probably best. Though I guarantee he'll write twenty versions before he ever sends one." Her father was scatterbrained, chaotic and emotionally closed off, but Gabriella loved him very much. Change would be hard for him, but she thought it would be good for him too. Sometimes she felt some resentment about how he had let her mother leave with Frankie, but she knew deep down he had thought he had done the right thing. He had always done his best for her, and she had done her best to help him too. Taking a deep breath, Gabriella took a decision. It was time to create a plan. "I'll write back to our mother. And I'll write to our father too to ask him to write you. How is that?" She asked nervously "Things do need to change... I want to do those things with you too." She brushed some hair off her shoulders so she wouldn't have to look at Frankie. "I... have been imagining visiting you in America sometimes." She admitted quietly.

 

[Frankie Tillington]

There was a curious mixture of feelings building up inside Frankie as her sister laid out a plan. Hope that her father really would write, pride that Gabby had laid out such a practical plan, joy that her mother would receive a reply to the letter that had started this all – and for some strange reason, there was also ... worry. Frankie knew the feeling couldn't be coming from anything to do with her mother or sister communicating, so that only left her father as the possible source. She knew she could believe Gabby about the way he tended to communicate, she knew she was probably imagining things ... what she didn't know was ... Frankie realised that she was letting negativity build up inside her, so she straightened her shoulders, pushed the feeling down, and ignored it. There was no reason to be thinking such things – everything was going to work out perfectly, that's what she had to believe. "That sounds perfect – wouldn't have thought of a better plan myself." She directed a wide smile at her sister, but then became slightly more serious.

"Thanks for saying you'll ask Dad to write. Even if it's only, like, three sentences, I'd like that." It hadn't been Frankie's intent to come out of this delivery to Gabby with a promise for contact from her father in return, but she couldn't deny that she was glad it seemed like it was going to happen. Gabby had been so protective over him the first time they had talked in the Owlery, the morning after sorting. Frankie was grateful that things had already changed so much for them all. The fact that her Gabby had thought about visiting her in America was proof enough, and Frankie grinned at the news. "Really? You want to? You totally should, I can show you the beach, and the pier, and we can go to the best candy store in the whole state – it really is, I swear – and the surfing, and I guess you're still not really into skateboarding, but roller-skating? We could try that?" Frankie had to stop herself from continuing; she was getting excited just thinking about it. "Or whatever you want to do, that's cool too," she said as an attempt to reel herself back in. "I'd just be totally on board with you visiting, if that happened."

 

[Gabriella Tillington]

Gabriella finally felt like her emotions were under control again, she was no longer in fear of crying or anything else embarrassing. Though, Frankie had seen her cry now and didn't seem to react too badly to it. It still wasn't something Gabriella wanted to make a habit out of. They had a plan now, a clear sense of direction. There was no sense in wallowing in the past when they had a whole future ahead of her. She smiled when Frankie said she wouldn't have thought of a better plan herself. "We sort of came to this together." She said with a small shrug, not wanting to take all the credit.

Gabriella nodded at Frankie's statement about their father, though she made a mental note not to actually say she would be happy with three sentences. She had a feeling her father would take that literally, and Frankie deserved more. Maybe it wouldn't be bad for him to feel a little guitly about not letting her hear anything from him for years. She was glad when Frankie seemed enthusiastic about the idea of her visiting. Even though this conversation had gone well, a part of her had still feared rejection on this part. She smiled and ndoded. "That sounds amazing. I would like all of those things. Except perhaps the skateboarding." She said with a small laugh. "But I could try roller-skating. I would likely be very bad at that too though." She said, happy to see her sister so excited. There was another thought that popped into her mind. What if Frankie visited her? But without any contact so far between Frankie and her father, it felt too early to bring that up. "Let's work toward that goal, then." She said instead with a firm nod. "If we work together, I'm sure we can start being a family, in our way." She said, touching her sister's arm. "Thank you for the letter." She said softly. It had really meant a lot to her.