Closed Fallout

[Kasim Safir]

Kas had spent time milling around the dance after Michael had left but no matter how long he stared morosely down at his shoes they didn't make him feel any better. The sick guilt he'd been feeling since kissing Eric had grown into a hollow pit in his stomach and Kas felt like he was swallowing air just to stop it from eating from eating him alive. He was used to messing things up for himself, but he'd never screwed up this bad.

After what he desperately hoped was enough time for Michael to clear the hall and get back upstairs, Kas made his own outside, gasping at the cooler night air as the noise from the dance inside faded away. His throat was tight and his face felt hot against the breeze that ran through the courtyard. "Sh*t," he said thickly, rubbing his face on his arm and mentally begging to keep things together just a bit longer. He didn't have any right to fall apart right now, but he could at least wait till he was back in his room.

 

[Eric Holland]

While Eric had mostly had eyes for Minnie at the party, it had been hard to miss that something had happened between Kas and Michael. The 'surprise' Michael had been talking about had been very loud, and even from across the room Eric had seen that Kas had been mortified. He had wanted to stay with Minnie, but as he saw Kas leave the great hall, Eric excused himself with Minnie and headed out to follow him. He followed the Hufflepuff to the courtyard, where he saw him clearly upset. Eric considered returning to the great hall and pretending not to have seen him for a moment, but... he couldn't let Kas be by himself like this, not even if he was crying or about to cry. He approached carefully. "Kas?" He asked softly. "You... want to talk?"

 

[Kasim Safir]

Kas' entire body tensed when he hear Eric, taking a moment to breath hard out his nose, not sure if he wanted to look at Eric yet or not. "You see all that then?" he said simply, scrubbing a hand over his face again for good measure when his voice didn't come out as wry has he'd been aiming for. "I thought you'd be in with Minnie," he added, exhaling again before finally looking at Eric. It wasn't an accusation or even really all that bitter, as much as part of Kas really wanted it to be. It'd be so easy to be mad at Eric right now, but Kas was still just furious with himself. Only he had the ability to screw things up repeatedly for himself on this scale.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric shrugged at Kas' words, approaching him cautiously. "Not... all. But it was kind of hard to miss there was something going on." He said quietly. "Michael is not known for his subtlety." He added, then winced. Maybe he shouldn't have brought him up at all. But while he was on the subject, he forced himself to say a bit more. "If this is about- well, I just mean. I didn't say anything." He added haltingly. "I just want you to know that." He added. At the comment about Minnie, Eric shrugged. "I was. But you seemed to need some company. I guess you're just unlucky it's me. I'm not the best at listening and offering advice. Though I can try." He said, then smiled a bit. "If you need me to punch someone, though, I'm your guy." He said, hoping to coax at least a little smile out of Kas.

 

[Kasim Safir]

Kas laughed, the sound completely devoid of humour, before shoving his hands into his pockets. "Something is definitely a word for it," he said, the knot in his chest still tight, and he swallowed hard again as Eric mentioned Michael. "I probably should have known better than to expect anything else," he said quietly.

Eric's mention of the kiss made Kas shake his head sharply, as if he could make Eric stop talking with the just movement. "No, no, it's fine. I never thought you- It wasn't about that. At least not on your side," he said. "But.. Thanks." Kas had never for a second thought Eric would sell him out like that, it was part of why he stood by Eric and Connor with no hesitation, but he appreciated Eric saying what he had either way. "I think the only person who needs punching is me," Kas said, smile twisting into some wry even as he could feel his eyes were still wet. "I'm just... Tired of messing everything up, you know," he admitted, suddenly overwhelmed with enough exhaustion he needed to sit, dropping onto a nearby bench, as if all his emotions had suddenly gained enough weight to press on down on his shoulders till his knees gave out.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric sighed. "Listen, I know you feel like crap, but anyone dating you should know you well enough to realize you'd rather get eaten by the eel than be part of some public romantic spectacle at one of the dances." Eric said with an awkward shrug. "It wasn't a very smart move on his part, really." He said, not really caring if he was being too harsh to Michael. Eric a rather liked his roommate, or at least tolerated him, but if he had been in Kas' shoes a similar romantic gesture definitely would have activated his fight or flight response. Which in Eric's case usually resulted in fight. At the very least, Kas hadn't punched Michael. That was something.

He had known bringing up the kiss was risky, and he blushed slightly when Kas sort of admitted it did have something to do with the breakup, just not on Eric's side. "Right. I... am sorry for how I reacted with all that. I hope you're okay." He said softly. He thought of telling Kas he didnt feel that way about him, but that was needlessly cruel. Eric had already made himself clear, and Kas obviously didn't want to talk about it. "I don't think you're messing anything up. You and Michael probably just weren't meant for each other. Yeah it sucks that he's upset now but he'll get over it. And you'll find someone better for you, someone with less need for spectacle." He said with a shrug, sitting down on the bench next to Kas and putting a hand on his shoulder. "It sucks though, I know." He muttered. "In your place I'd probably be breaking random crap already, so I'd say you're doing well."

 

[Kasim Safir]

Kas appreciated Eric trying to cheer him up, he really did. If he had the energy, he'd be reveling in how funny it was that Eric was trying to be reasonable for once. But as it was, Kas was too busy wallowing in his own self-pity to really want to listen to Eric. "Yeah but, it wasn't about that. Not really. I mean I hated it, don't get me wrong. But I just. I dunno." Kas sighed. How was he supposed to explain this, especially to someone like Eric, who wore just about every emotion (usually anger) on his sleeve. Kas didn't do emotions. He didn't do grand gestures and knowing how to tell people you loved them. Michael deserved someone who did. That was why Kas had ended it. So Michael would stop being stuck throwing all his affection into a bottomless pit.

"What makes you think I'm not okay?" Kas asked Eric, voice flat, though he felt a tiny hint of a smile. How genuine it was he didn't know, but he hoped Eric could tell he was at least sort of joking. Joking was so much better than crying Kas thought viciously, scrubbing a hand over his face again for good measure. And he was happy to never bring up the kiss thing again. "Maybe I should just run away with Freya and raise 20 cats or something. I could live with that," he said with a shrug before sighing again and letting himself lean against Eric's shoulder for a minute. "I never said breaking stuff was off the table, if you have any good ideas," he added after a moment of silence.