Closed Falling Leaves Might Hide Your Path

[Rion Pendleton]

Rion sat sideways on the stone bench by the pond, hugging her knees. It was peaceful in the gardens this morning. The chorus of birdsong and the susurration of the trees quieted the chaos in her head. But she couldn't completely relax. While she was out here, watching insects hovering over the water, the other Ravenclaws were up in the castle having another Defence lesson. Rion should have been with them. She wanted to be with them. But the clamour of students had overwhelmed her, and just as she had arrived at the classroom door, she had lost her nerve and bolted. When was it going to get easier, like Granddad had said it would? So far, things had only gotten worse; and if she kept following the same trajectory, tomorrow's quidditch match was going to be a complete and utter disaster.

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

One thing Kahurangi enjoyed about being Head of House was the opportunity to engage with students of all ages, rather than only her older Runes students. Although she had spent more than a decade working with teenagers now, her training still lay in the primary age group, and she missed working with younger kids at times. So taking responsibility for the care of an entire house had been a delight, and she always made sure to keep an eye on the younger Ravenclaws, to see who was in need of any kind of support.

And unfortunately, this year Rion Pendleton had very quickly shot to the top of that list. She knew in broad strokes what had happened and had made certain to keep an eye on the girl, but it was very clear that she needed more than just supervision. So spotting Rion in the gardens by herself, Kahurangi decided to make the most of the opportunity. She gave a gentle smile as she approached the bench, hands in her pockets. "Do you mind if I join you?" She asked kindly, tone soft.

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Rion looked away, frowning, as her head of house approached. Yes, she was supposed to be in class. No, she wasn't going to go. Professor Josephs couldn't make her - surely wouldn't make her, if she had any heart. Reluctantly, still without looking up, Rion turned to sit normally on the bench. Do your worst, she thought. There were cracks in her wall, but it was holding. Nothing Kahurangi said could hurt her.

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Taking the girl's movement as assent, Kahurangi sat down with a fond smile. "I'm friends with your grandfather, did you know that?" She said gently. "We met back when he was a teacher here. He was one of the first friends I made when I started." Kahurangi looked away for a moment, thinking back to those first lonely days, when she had been too focused on her new job to actually make any connections with the people around her. Looking back, it was easy to see how empty her life had been now that it had become so full. "He asked me to keep an eye on you, especially this year. I wanted to talk to you about that though, because I know that right now being expected to just live your normal life must be very overwhelming. I'm here to help you - so is everyone else who works at Hogwarts - and I want to work with you to make sure you're being looked after the way you need right now." She chose her words very carefully, doing her best to center Rion's autonomy. "If you think it would be helpful I can arrange for you to see the school counsellor, or have some private tuition, or organise a quiet place you can go if you ever need some time alone, anything you need. So that's what I'm here to talk to you about, ways that we can look after you here."

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Rion did know. Her granddad had given her a short list of professors at the castle that he knew and trusted, and who Rion could turn to if she needed, and Professor Josephs, also being her head of house, was right at the top. Still, the reminder that she and her granddad were friends comforted her. She listened quietly, her glower softening, her heart thumping. All this time, it hadn't been cruelty that had the power to collapse her wall, but kindness. Without warning, she began to cry. She leaned into Professor Josephs as she sobbed, shoulders shaking with paroxysms of grief. Only one thing could fix this. Only one thing, and not even the most powerful witch on earth could make it happen. "I just want my mum."

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Kahurangi's heart cracked and ached as she saw Rion's walls crumble, and she didn't hesitate to put an arm around the girl when she leaned in, holding her close and doing her best to keep her own emotions in check. "I know, treasure..." She said softly, rubbing Rion's back and rocking her slightly. "It's not fair, and you don't have to pretend things are okay. They're not, and you can be as upset as you need to be." She did her best to keep her tone level despite the tears pricking at her eyes, fighting with every part of her not to think of Hinemoa. She had always known that having a child so late in life meant her daughter would say goodbye to her sooner than most had to, but this was such a painful, horrifying reminder of what it meant to lose a parent so young. Every fiber of her being wanted to undo this, to find a way to go back in time and protect Rion from ever having to feel this way, but all she could do was hold the girl and soothe her through her tears.

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Kahurangi was the closest person to a mother Rion still had, and she held onto her tightly, as if she were afraid of losing her too. All she had done was pretend to be OK. She had thought it was the right thing to do. But the pressure of keeping her pain contained had compounded it, and with no release it had come out as anger instead, knocking down everybody in her way. Ainmere, Ruby, her granddad... She had been so unkind. And all those bitter words intended to hurt them had only come back to hurt her in the end.

"I'm so stupid," she said. Her voice was thick and muffled against Professor Josephs' cloak. "I said I'd be OK. I thought I could do it. But I'm so angry, and scared. And everyone hates me, and I have to play quidditch tomorrow and I can't. I can't. Please. I want to go home. I need to go home."

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Kahurangi ached all over with the need to take Rion in her arms and wipe her pain away, in a way she had never felt so deeply before. She shook her head gently when Rion called herself stupid, rubbing her back softly. "You're not stupid." She said gently, voice cracking a little with emotion. "It's okay to be angry and scared, and hurt, and anything else you're feeling right now. I know adults who wouldn't be able to cope with as much as you have. The last thing you have to do right now is hide your feelings for other people's sakes." She sighed softly. "And I'm sure nobody hates you - everyone knows you're not going to be your best self right now, and the people who love you will keep loving you regardless." She faltered as she got to the end of Rion's sentence, trying to find the best way to answer. "If you can't play, we can talk to Xiuying." She said softly, thinking ahead as she spoke. "There are alternates on the team for a reason, and I know they would understand. And... if you really do need to go home, we'll... we can talk to Monty." She stroked Rion's hair gently as she spoke. "I can floo him from my office, and the three of us can figure out the best way to look after you."

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Rion closed her eyes. The relief of admitting to her emotions, of being given permission to feel them, immediately defused those most violent, and she sat for a moment in silence, searching for her anger, waiting for it to come back. It didn't. It was gone, at least for now, and in its absence she finally acknowledged what Professor Josephs was telling her. Not just acknowledged it. Believed it. She was OK. She was loved. Nothing that she had broken could not be fixed.

This, combined with Kahurangi's offer to floo her grandfather, dispelled the last of her fears, and she relaxed against the professor completely, months of tension leaving her body. She didn't need to go home. The option alone was enough.

"I'm OK," she said, after a while. This time, she wasn't putting on a brave face. She felt safer than she had in weeks. But it had to last, and she was terrified that the moment Professor Josephs let her go, the feelings would come flooding back. "Please can I see the counsellor?"

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Although her own heart was still bursting with second-hand grief, Kahurangi could feel Rion settling as she spoke, the wave of relief as she realised her words were helping immense. She kept gently rubbing the girl's back as she collected herself, giving her whatever time and space she needed to sort through her feelings and express them. When Rion finally did speak, Kahurangi believed her. As okay as she could be in the circumstances, at least. Something had eased in her, and that spoke volumes. "Of course you can." She said softly, grateful that she had been heard. "We'll make you an appointment with Maria so you can start working with her. She knows your grandfather too, we all used to work together." She added with a small smile. "And if you need someone at any other time, you can always come find me, okay? Even in the middle of the night, if it all gets too much and you need to talk, or a hug, or just need to not be alone for a little while, you're always allowed to come talk to me. You don't have to do anything alone, okay? We're here to take care of you, the whole school staff. You've got all of us in your corner looking out for you."

 

[Rion Pendleton]

Monty hadn't mentioned knowing the counsellor. Rion wondered why. Wiping her face, she finally pulled away. Though the talk (and the cry) had helped, she didn't want Professor Josephs thinking she was a baby, and she certainly didn't need the entire faculty worrying about her. She just wanted to be normal. For life to go on, as much as it could without her parents. "I know," she said. "Thank you. For everything." Her granddad had the kindest friends. "I'm glad... I'm in Ravenclaw." She watched a small bird hop around by the side of the pond. "I'm meant to be in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Please could you take me back? I don't want to get told off."

 

[Professor Kahurangi Josephs]

Kahurangi released Rion when she moved back, glad to see her face much calmer. She smiled fondly, gently brushing a lock of the girl's hair back into place. "I'm glad you're in Ravenclaw too. We're all happy to have you here." She said gently, nodding at the request. "Of course." She said with a small smile. "I'll tell Professor Abberline you were helping me with something, he won't mind." Having colleagues she remembered as students was still something Kahurangi was getting used to, but she ignored that thought as she stood up to escort Rion, relieved that the talk seemed to have actually had the effect she hoped.

 

[Rion Pendleton]

As Rion stood up, she almost reached for Professor Josephs' hand automatically. Thank Merlin she caught herself in time. Maybe she was more of a baby than she thought. But she was still here. Though she longed for the comfort and quiet of her granddad's house, she hadn't given in to it, and now that she had spoken to Professor Josephs, she was determined that she wouldn't. For the castle was her second home, and she was strong, and she was not alone.

---

END​