Closed Everything You Lose Is a Step You Take

[Celia Vu]

Celia wasn't sure how the other prefects were doing with their patrols — terribly, she hoped — but hers were going great. Just as she'd suspected, Louis was equally disinterested in doing any work, and it had taken her no time at all to convince him that they could pretty much ditch their duties if they played things right. So, for the better part of the year, they'd spent their patrols outdoors. Celia had never liked the stuffiness of the castle, especially at night. It was much nicer to be under a wide open sky, away from the watchful eyes of the castle's many portraits, elves, and ghosts. But most importantly, there was very little chance of running into any curfew breakers out here.

Tonight they were going to patrol the cliffs. In theory, that meant making sure no one got close to this very dangerous and forbidden area of the grounds. In reality, it meant sitting by the edge and chatting with Louis while she halfheartedly attempted to study for Astronomy. As they approached the cliffs, Celia cast a Cave Inimicum to hide them from view in case any professors were also patrolling tonight. Then she conjured a cushion for herself and took a seat. "If anyone shows up, you're in charge of dealing with them," she said dryly. As much fun as taking points could be, sometimes it was a whole ordeal, and she really did not feel like dealing with any mouthy troublemakers tonight.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis had sort of feared that patrolling with Celia meant they had to do everything by the rules, but to his delight, Celia didn't care. He had the feeling she would care if someone else slacked off, but since Louis was paired up with her, she didn't mind. It was great. He just got to hang out with one of his friends instead of having to do any work, which was nice. Strangely, his friendship with Celia was probably the easiest one he had right now. No romantic feelings no weird fights about Quidditch. It was a topic he didn't really bring up around her, though, just in case. He wasn't sure if he could take teasing yet.

He followed Celia to the cliffs, plopping down in the grass and lying back to look up at the night sky."No way." He told her, glancing in her direction. "You're the head girl, that's your job. I can only take points from Gryffindor anyway." He paused. "Though odds are good it'd be a Gryffindor." He admitted.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia snorted a little. "Because I so clearly care about my job," she said sarcastically, though the statement was blunted by the fact that she was talking to Louis, who cared as much about patrolling as she did. She wondered if Castillo and Kingsley could have predicted this when they'd made their prefect selections. At Louis' comment about Gryffindors, Celia gave him a smug smile and gestured vaguely, as if to say "Well, there you go." "Yes, your house is weirdly obsessed with breaking the rules. But if anyone else comes along, I give you full permission to take points on my behalf," she said airily. Perhaps the cliffs weren't the best place to patrol if they wanted to avoid troublemakers, but it was March, and Celia was hoping the novelty of the cliffs as a forbidden area had worn off by now for all the first years. Besides, it had the nicest view, and she was ostensibly here so she could study. She withdrew her handheld telescope from the pocket of her robes before glancing at Louis, who was lying back. "If you fall asleep, I'm leaving you here," she warned, though she wasn't being serious. Maybe.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis shrugged at Celia's words and grinned at her. "You care enough to keep it. I just know you've got some epic speech brewing for the end of the year." He told her teasingly, though he had the feeling he was right. Louis laughed and stretched a bit as Celia talked about his house. "I guess it's like... tradition? Or expectation. I sometimes pity Professor Kingsley." He said, then he yawned. "But she chose to become a teacher, so..." He let the sentence trail off. He lazily watched Celia as she grabbed a telescope, wondering what she was doing. "Astronomy homework?" He guessed. Then he snorted, nudging her weakly with his knee. "No you won't." He said easily. "I might roll off the cliff and you'd be lost without me." He said jokingly. Then, after a beat, he muttered. "You'd probably be the first to notice, anyway."

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia had, in fact, thought about her graduation speech, though she still wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Part of her just wanted to skip it. Graduation was supposed to be a celebration of the seventh years, and present company aside, she didn't like any of them. "Who's to say I'll even show up? Or maybe it'll just be two words, and then I'll hop on my broom and fly off." It probably wouldn't happen, but it was a nice daydream. "Sounds exhausting," she commented as he talked about Gryffindor. "I'd say I pity you as well, since you're a prefect, but I doubt you've been doing anything to discourage your housemates."

At Louis' question, Celia shook her head. "Just studying." She wouldn't be using her NEWTs, especially not her Astronomy one, but she still wanted to do well. Celia brought the telescope up to her eye, hiding an eye-roll as Louis nudged her. "I'll be sure to give a touching eulogy at the funeral," she said dryly. In years past, she would've said something mean, but she'd made a concerted effort to be nicer to Louis ever since their conversation last year. And there was an element of truth to his words. She had so few friends that she knew she would be lonelier if he weren't around. Louis' next comment was so unlike him that it took a moment for his muttering to register, and when it did, she put her telescope down. "As if the whole school wouldn't notice," Celia said, giving him a curious look.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis laughed when Celia mentioned the possiblity of not even showing up for graduation. He eyed her for a moment. "Nah." He said, shaking his head confidently. "You'll use the platform you were given to stir up some sh*t. I just know it." He told her, grinning. "Can't wait to see my uncle's face, honestly." He added with a lazy stretch. Louis smirked a little as Celia spoke about his housemates. "What's the fun in discouraging them? Can't let the professors have it too easy." He told her.

He should have known Celia was studying for the NEWTs, but he had done an admirable job convincing himself not to think of them. "Oh, right." He said, waving it away quickly. He knew he probably shouldn't have said what he did, but he was feeling pretty bad for himself. It was nice to see Celia take notice, though it meant he had to open up to her which was always a bit dangerous. Louis sighed. "Sure." He said. "But- ugh, I'm just being dramatic." He admitted, sitting up slightly. "Stuff has just been weird with my friends. I had a big fight with René." He said then, frowning over at the lake. "I guess some stuff I said rubbed him the wrong way and he got really upset with me when I was sulking after losing the match. Seems to think I don't respect him as a captain or something, has a real chip on his shoulder." He frowned. "And I think his girlfriend's making it worse."

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia smiled in spite of herself. "That would be fun," she admitted. Louis was right. The school was giving her a platform, and it would be stupid of her not to take advantage of it. "I could probably come up with something outrageous." She paused. "I'm surprised they're even letting me speak considering my column for the Monthly. It's mostly criticism of the school," she explained, knowing he probably didn't read it. Apparently the teachers didn't either if they were going to give her free rein over her graduation speech. Celia rolled her eyes a little at Louis' comment about his housemates and shrugged. "I didn't say I disagreed," she said lightly. As annoying at it was to occasionally have to deal with one of the Slytherin troublemakers, Celia had to admit that it gave her great pleasure knowing that they likely annoyed Professor Castillo as well.

It was rare that Louis was ever self-deprecating or self-reflective, and Celia had learned by now to take such incidences seriously. She glanced over at him, frowning as he spoke. "Wait, so he was upset that you were upset after you'd lost a match? In what world does that make any sense? Did he expect you to be happy?" Celia hesitated as Louis went on. Out of respect for him, she generally tried not to talk too badly about the people he cared about in front of him. It was why she'd never really gone after Giulia despite thinking it absolutely ridiculous that the girl had somehow managed to snag the Monthly editorship. But if Louis was the one doing the criticizing, well, all bets were off. "Okay, but has René ever done anything as captain to deserve respect? He played awfully last year, and he's not even the best beater on his team. Everyone knows Hufflepuff's victories were a result of their seekers getting lucky. If René has a chip on his shoulder, that's his own fault. He knows that we all know he doesn't deserve his position, and he's just terrified someone will eventually call him out on it." It was so obvious to Celia that Renata should have been the Hufflepuff captain. She was by far the most talented person on that team. At the mention of Gwen, Celia's frown deepened. "What do you mean? Did she say something to you?" she asked, thinking of all the sh*t Gwen had said about Louis to her.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis smiled. "Maybe the teachers don't really read it that closely." He suggested, sitting up a bit to look at her properly. "Or they think you'll be less critical out loud." He glanced up at the sky for a moment. "I mean, they could hardly ban you from speaking when it's like, the whole Head Girl deal. It would be wildly unfair if they let every head girl speak but not you." He told her. Though maybe Celia meant she was surprised she had been picked as Head Girl in the first place. Louis had no answers there, though in his mind Celia definitely deserved it.

As Celia summarized what he said about René, Louis got the feeling he hadn't been entirely fair to the Hufflepuff. But then again, it was nice to have someone on his side. He shrugged. "I guess... he had been upset for longer. I think he wanted more of an acknowledgment that he was captain before me or something." There was a guilty feeling of vindication as Celia went on to talk about René not being that good at Quidditch. Louis knew he probably shouldn't ask Celia about her opinion of his talents, but he liked to think she thought he was better than René at least. "I guess he's just insecure. And I know I can be insensitive... but I don't have to go around praising him every moment, right?" He asked. When Celia asked if Gwen said anything to him, Louis snorted. "No, she doesn't talk to me. Barely acknowledges me. I just think she's..." He frowned. "I don't know, I guess I'm reading too much into it, it feels a bit unlikely, but I sometimes get the feeling she's encouraging his grudge, you know? René never used to be mad this long. And I know she doesn't like me."

 

[Celia Vu]

"Maybe," Celia conceded. It was true that she wasn't argumentative in class (although that was mostly because classroom discussions weren't really a thing at Hogwarts); in fact, she was positively placid. She shrugged at Louis' comment about fairness. Her whole life was a never-ending series of "wildly unfair" moments. Losing the opportunity to speak at graduation wouldn't even crack the top ten. "Who knows, there's still three months left. Maybe they'll call me in later and warn me not to try anything during graduation." It wouldn't be the first time she'd gotten such a talk. "Or they'll ask to read my speech ahead of time." Of course, there was nothing they could do if she went off-script once she was up at the podium. They'd have to literally silence her to stop her.

Louis explained the situation further, though it didn't make her any more sympathetic to René. The Hufflepuff sounded pathetically insecure, and Celia was going to say as much when Louis beat her to it. "No, his pathological insecurity isn't your problem." People who required constant praise and reassurance were exhausting, and Celia generally didn't bother indulging them if she could help it. (In fact, she kind of enjoyed tearing them apart.) "It's ridiculous that he wanted praise after you lost a match. Could he be any more pathetic?" She was starting to wonder if René even considered Louis a friend. Celia listened carefully as Louis explained his suspicions about Gwen, snorting a little at his last sentence. It felt like an understatement. "That does sound like something she would do," she agreed. "She's absurdly petty and two-faced." Another understatement. Celia sighed and tipped her head back so she could stare at the stars. Naming a problem and solving it were two different things, and she didn't have any useful advice for Louis, short of forgetting about René completely or trying to break him and Gwen up. Somehow, she had a feeling Louis wouldn't go for either suggestion. "If she's involved, I doubt he'll ever contradict her. He's always been a wimp," she said dismissively.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis laughed softly as Celia said they might call her in to warn her not to try anything, realizing it would be uncle Matt who would have to do something like that. "I don't know, can't see my uncle doing that." He admitted. "I think he knows he has no shot at intimidating you." He added jokingly. He couldn't even really imagine his uncle Matt having that conversation with anyone. He almost felt a little bad for him, but Celia pulling something at graduation would mostly be funny. Uncle Matt would get over it, probably.

The topic of René was a difficult one. On the one hand, it was nice to have someone in his corner. He felt a real appreciation towards Celia and their friendship. It was nice. On the other hand... he also felt like he was being a bit unfair to René, like he wasn't explaining quite well enough. Still, he couldn't help himself. It wasn't his fault Celia didn't like René. And the validation was really nice. "I mean, he was trying to console me... but kind of in that way where he was really just rubbing it into my face." He said, rolling his eyes slightly. "But I don't know- he's not all that bad," he added weakly, not wanting to sound too harsh. He snorted and then felt guilty when Celia called him a wimp. "I wouldn't say that, but... he's really smitten with her. I don't get the appeal." He said with a shrug. "Pretty, but not much else to her, is there?"

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia laughed a little. "He's—" she was going to say "a complete pushover" but figured that might not go over well, "—definitely more chill than I expected," she said, thinking of the time Professor Alcott-Ward had overheard her calling him boring in the Monthly newsroom. The memory still made her cringe. It was a good thing the teachers worked as a group to make the head student selection (or however they did it) because if it was solely up to the headmaster, she probably wouldn't have gotten it.

Louis had a lot of friendships that Celia didn't understand, but she'd never considered René to be the worst of them. However, the more Louis talked about the Hufflepuff, the more Celia wondered why they were even friends in the first place. "That doesn't really sound like consoling," she commented, raising her eyebrows slightly. "That sounds like passive aggression." Celia was almost impressed René could be such a d*ck since she'd never really thought him capable of anything but awkward stammering. She gave Louis a skeptical look when he tried to claim that René wasn't a wimp. "He can barely make eye contact with me, and he always starts awkwardly rambling whenever we talk." To be fair, that might have been because she'd once threatened him, but Celia had little interest in being fair to René. She was still resentful of the fact that he'd witnessed her boggart meltdown. "I bet he forfeited the last match because he was too scared to play Slytherin." It was validating to know that Louis, who liked almost everyone, also disliked Gwen. "Nope, it's just that and a lot of pettiness and cheap attempts at manipulation," she said, rolling her eyes. "But maybe looks are all René cares about." He didn't strike her as a particularly deep person. "Or he's just glad someone is willing to go out with him. Or maybe this is his way of getting back at Jenna for breaking up with him. That whole triangle-mess-thing has been incredibly weird," Celia said, waving her hand vaguely for emphasis. There was no other way to describe it. From Jenna deigning to date René, to Gwen doing the same without being murdered by Jenna, it had all been so deeply weird.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis knew that Celia probably had less than favorable views of his uncle and his leadership style, but he appreciated that she didn't say it out loud. He thought his Uncle Matt was silly and not entirely the right person to run a school, but he also loved him and wouldn't want anyone to speak badly of him. It was nice that Celia realized that, as he was pretty sure she wouldn't do that for everyone.

It was nice to hear Celia speak so bluntly about René, even if it continued to make him feel a little guilty. But Louis could concede that René had had terrible timing. "Yeah, that was pretty stupid." He admitted. "I was- well, you know, kind of crushed." He admitted quickly. He and Celia hadn't spoken much about Quidditch this year since Louis had started losing, another thing he was grateful for. He hoped she would win the cup with Slytherin now, but he wasn't going to say that just yet. It felt like a dangerous topic to bring up. So he simply hummed noncommittally when Celia suggested René had been too scared to play Slytherin. On the subject of Gwen, Louis felt compelled to defend René again, just a bit. "I don't think he only cares about looks, he thinks she's really sweet and wonderful, you should hear him go on about her sometimes." He muttered with a shrug. Louis laughed when Celia brought up Jenna. "Oh, I had forgotten about Jenna. That was weird. But no, René actually liked Gwen like.. back in third year, I think? They went to a dance together but then she started ignoring him." He said, remembering how torn up René had been about it.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia nodded. They hadn't talked about Gryffindor's loss, but she knew Louis must have taken it badly. His ego could be extremely fragile — as she'd discovered after their duel back in third year — and it was for this reason that she generally tried not to bring up her Quidditch or dueling successes around him. "It sucks he had to be a d*ck to you then, instead of just being your friend," Celia said. She figured framing her comment around René was a safer bet since she knew Louis probably didn't want any Quidditch-related pity, especially not from her.

Celia didn't really think calling someone "sweet" and "wonderful" was a good indicator of liking them for more than their appearance. Those were the most generic compliments in the world. "Thank god I don't have to," she said with a snort. "I'd probably vomit." Celia was surprised to hear that René and Gwen had gone to a dance together before he'd dated Jenna. "Huh," she said, taking a moment to digest this new piece of information. Celia thought it gave credence to her theory that Gwen was just dating René so she could say she was dating someone. "Well that makes the triangle even messier." Not that she minded, of course. There were few things Celia enjoyed more than a messy bit of gossip, and those were kind of in short supply these days since most of her former gossip partners were now her enemies. "Why'd she ignore him?" she asked, picking her telescope back up now that their conversation seemed to have drifted to lighter topics.

 

[Louis Alcott]

While Louis still thought Celia was being a bit harsh about René, her words did summarize the situation pretty well. "Yeah." He said, but then sighed. "I probably made him feel bad, though, in the past. Unintentionally. You know I can be a bit insufferable sometimes." He said with a self-deprecating smile. "But he should've just told me back then, instead of exploding now."

Louis laughed softly as Celia said how glad she was not to have to listen to René talk about Gwen. He was glad he had some interesting gossip to give on that front, though it was kind of old news by now. "I guess it does." He said with a snort. "I just think it says René has a very specific type and it's girls that are absolutely terrible for him." He muttered. Louis glanced at Celia at her question, thinking back. "I think that was around the time she started dating that Slytherin guy, Akihiro? He's seeing my sister now." Louis pulled a face at that, still thinking it was weird that Giulia was dating, even though she was barely any younger than him.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia was well-aware of Louis' need to be liked, but she still didn't understand why he kept defending René for hurting him. "Yeah, he should've," she said with a nod, deciding not to comment on the self-deprecating remark (though to Louis' credit, it had been a while since he'd been insufferable). Celia turned to look at him. "All the excuses you're making for him — has he actually said any of that stuff? Or are you just trying to justify his actions for him?"

She snorted at Louis' comment about René's type. "Or just terrible, period." She did think Jenna was much more interesting than Gwen, but there was no denying that the two of them shared a lot of similarities. Celia brought the telescope to her eye, making a noncommittal noise as Louis mentioned Akihiro and Giulia. Now that was one pairing she was dying to know about, but she knew better than to ask Louis about it. "I have this theory that Gwen is just desperate for a boyfriend. I mean, she went crawling back to René after Akihiro broke up with her. It's just a lot of desperate people clinging desperately to each other," she said dismissively. Celia glanced back at Louis. "At least all your problems will be solved at graduation. There's no way Gwen and René will make it past then." She still thought Louis should just forget about René, but it was clear he still wanted to be friends with the Hufflepuff for some unfathomable reason.

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis winced a little at Celia's question. He avoided her gaze, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, I know him. He's my friend." He muttered, feeling a little self-conscious. "He doesn't need to say it." He knew Celia was a very black-and-white thinking person and that if she was in his situation, she would have dropped René already. But Louis was different.

He laughed slightly when Celia said René had a terrible type, he supposed she was right. "It's weird. But I guess I can't judge." He said, self-depreciation a slightly safer subject than his friendship with René. He listened to Celia talk about Gwen as she looked through the telescope, quietly enjoying hearing her talk badly about someone Louis didn't like either. "Probably." He said, stretching his back a little. He snorted when Celia said René and Gwen wouldn't last past graduation. "Right? That's what I've been thinking." He said. "Though I guess there's no nice way to break that to René."

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia sighed. It was pretty obvious what the answer to her question was. She decided to be direct with him. "Louis, if he were your friend, he wouldn't have done it in the first place. At the very least, he would've apologized by now." The Gryffindor-Hufflepuff game had been months ago, and it sounded like René had continued to be an assh*le. "And even if it turns out that Gwen is just encouraging his grudge, do you really want to be friends with someone so easily manipulated?" Despite his house, it seemed René was the opposite of loyal to his "friends."

Louis' self-deprecating remark caused Celia to raise an eyebrow. "Please don't tell me you've also hooked up with Jenna and Gwen," she said dryly, though upon further reflection, she thought it would be endlessly funny if Gwen's animosity for Louis had stemmed from a soured fling. (It would also make this Louis-René falling-out deliciously messy). Celia wasn't surprised when Louis agreed with her. Anyone could see that Gwen would break up with René the second he graduated. "Why bother? Just let her blindside him. He's an idiot if he doesn't see it coming."

 

[Louis Alcott]

Louis shrugged, Celia's words were sinking in but he wasn't sure what to say or do about it yet. He didn't want to drop René as his friend, they had been best friends since first year. He sighed softly. "I don't know." Was all he said, as he really didn't know what to do or think. As Celia asked him if he hooked up with either Jenna or Gewn, Louis laughed and shook his head. "No, no. Of course not." He said. "Contrary to popular belief, I actually haven't hooked up with everyone. The list is shorter than you probably think." He pulled a face. "And they're... not my type." He said. He nodded when Celia said he shouldn't tell René Gwen would probably dump him, though it felt a little mean. "I guess so. Who knows, maybe she'll surprise us."

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia knew she'd said all she could. She'd laid things out plainly, and it was up to Louis whether he wanted to continue being friends with René. Personally, she didn't understand his hesitation in dropping the Hufflepuff, but that wasn't really her problem, and she allowed the subject to fall away. Celia glanced at Louis when he said his list of flings was probably shorter than she thought. "Does the 'popular belief' bother you at all?" she asked curiously. It was something she'd wondered ever since her conversation with Gwen at the beginning of the year. At Louis' next comment, she snorted. "Right, I forgot. You're only into terrible Slytherins if they're guys." She had of course heard the rumors about Louis being in love with Caleb. Between that and his defense of Rhys last year, Celia thought Louis really needed to raise his standards. She scoffed at the idea that Gwen might actually keep René around. "You're right, maybe she'll wait until the end of the break to dump him. If Gwen was so desperate to be in a relationship that she'd gone back to René, then there was no way she was spending her last year at Hogwarts single.