Emotional Seesaw

[Scarlett Vittori]

Scarlet Joussane had never really believed in rumors. In fact, she hardly ever listened to them. And that had been because rumors had been the root of her loss of most of her self-esteem years ago. She didn't like rumors for she had always perceived them to be the product of the envy of other people or perhaps those who have nothing better to do than talk and talk and talk. But of course, in such a close environment such as Hogwarts New Zealand, it would be quite surprising to not at least hear about a couple of rumors going on and about the school. Whether they were true or not wouldn't really matter anyways as long as these people had their own fill of gossip. And while it normally wouldn't interest the young Hufflepuff, a certain rumor about bullying happening within the school had reached her ears. Bullying was a normal part in every school, and she already accepted the truth, however, the person involved within the rumor was what actually caught her attention. Jakobe Hitachiin.

Never, ever, ever in her life would she have believed anyone who would tell her that Jakobe Hitachiin was bullying a first year Hufflepuff. After all, they had been the best of friends before the whole fiasco about her blood status went down, and even Giuls was his best friend. So, for the life of Merlin, she couldn't fathom what she was currently seeing as she was standing in the Great Lawn. It had only been a few minutes ago since she had gone down to the Lawn to get some fresh air, her eyes had been constantly wandering around and surprisingly, a large number of students were out as well, trying to study their books and practice their spells. Most were in groups but others had chosen to be left alone like she was right now. Peace like this was actually hard to come by for her lately, although she really should have known that this was pretty much short-lived. It was the tell-tale words of insults and strings of nothingness that burns through the self-esteem, though it was not the words that had caught her attention for it was the familiar voice and the source of it. She would have never believed rumors, but here it was, smacking her right in the face again. The truth. The rumors were true. And it pains her so much that even that little trust she had in him and in herself was getting destroyed in every passing second that he would treat the Hufflepuff first year like trash. She couldn't have stopped herself from walking towards them and placing herself in between him and the younger one. "Leave. Now. I'll handle this," she told her housemate quickly before swallowing the foul taste that was somehow in her mouth as she looked at the boy that had been the reason for her happiness and her pain. He had changed, but somehow, she still couldn't hate him and she hated herself for it.
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[Jakobe Vittori]

Many things had happened to Jakobe this year. To be honest he was rather surprised to even still be concentrating in classes, which was something he was concerned about. He couldn't let his grades slip, his parents wouldn't be happy at all and he had to make sure that he was doing everything he could so that they wouldn't look into his activities at school. It was one thing for him to be friends with Giuliano, that was fine, he was a pureblood. He didn't trust what they might do if they found out about Scarlet. It was hard trying to hide everything from her. She thought this was all because he didn't like her and though he wished he could tell her the true reason, he knew that she would convince him that it didn't matter, he would go along with it and then he didn't want to see the consequences of what might happen if he did. The thing was, though he knew that he had to keep her safe, he couldn't stop thinking about her and it just turned his mood sour. He didn't know how to be happy anymore and though he knew he used to be, it was like every memory was tainted with the knowledge of what would happen if his family ever found out. He was mostly trusting Giuliano to keep quiet, but he wasn't even entirely sure he could trust his friend and that was a horrible feeling for the young boy. He didn't know where to turn and he didn't know who to trust and it was all culminating into a huge jumble of jealousy, resent and annoyance. Even at the Halloween Party he hadn't been able to stay away. It had done nothing but make him madder at the world and he realised that he needed Scarlet to hate him. She said that she loved him, but that didn't exist, so she was going to have to replace all of her love for him with hate, only then could he move on and not have to worry about her.

Jakobe had come up with a plan to achieve this months ago. He had started bullying Hufflepuffs. Mostly first years, but he wasn't being overtly picky about it either. Most of the older students understood the world better and had remembered seeing him with the older Hufflepuffs. The newbies however had no idea why he was doing this and just felt miserable. It was hard. Jakobe didn't like doing these things, but he needed it to get back to Scarlet. So far he'd heard a couple of the students talking about it, but he knew that Scarlet rarely listened to this kind of thing. He was hoping that the mention of his name would help her see the truth. Jakobe pushed a first year to the ground, smiling down at him as he got up again. "Aw, are you gonna cry? Is mummy leaving you here is she?" He asked, helping the first year up and dusting him off. "Still having trouble with those spells I see." He laughed slightly, but froze when he noted the look of hope on the young boys eyes. A professor? Jakobe turned and his eyes widened when he saw Scarlet. He'd never expected her to come for him, not after everything that had happened. She forced herself between him and the younger student, shielding the boy from Jake. It hurt to see her like this, but he had to keep his cool. She meant so much more to him then he would ever tell her. He smiled at her and crossed his arms, picking at his nails a little. "Just in time to see the little rat run. Care to watch?"
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[Scarlett Vittori]

The mix of familiar emotions that ran through the younger's eyes had pained Scarlet. She knew the turbulence of emotions that ran in those eyes all too well. Hope, pleading, fear, exhaustion, relief and a few more others. After all, how many times had she felt those emotions a few years back. How many times had she looked in the mirror and seen nearly the exact same expression the boy held. She could barely register what had been happening before she had placed herself between the younger and the Ravenclaw. All she knew was that it had to stop. And so, she told her housemate to leave. That she would handle this. But, how could she? What was she supposed to do as she stood in front of him, her stance unchanging from the initial determination and protectiveness it held a few moments back. In reality, she was torn between two options. Half of her wanted to stop him. Stop him from doing something she knew he would eventually regret. Even though their friendship had come to an abrupt end, she still knew a part of him. And this was not him. But half of her wanted to run away in fear. Fear that she would break down in front of him again after she had started building up her wall. Fear that she would be vulnerable enough that he would hurt her. But most of all, fear that the little trust she had in him left would crumble into nothingness.

Scarlet knew not how long they stood silently until his words came. She managed to swallow the lump that had been growing painfully on her throat and managed to speak. "There is nothing to watch, Jakobe," she said with as much seriousness she could muster, though she had no doubt that her voice was shaking just as her knees were. She remained in silence for a few moments as she looked at him. Where was Giuliano? Shouldn't he know what was going on as well? Or was he part of this too? She was almost too afraid to ask. "Does Giuliano know?" she asked barely above a whisper though she doubted he would have heard, an answer would be something that would make things clearer for her befuddled mind. Even if she was afraid of the truth and that the previous question had been more of a musing to herself than anything. She had so many questions, so many words, and yet she didn't know what to say now that he was right there in front of her. And even then, she knew that she would get the same answers she did that day, and she remembered telling him that she wouldn't bother them anymore. However, this was uncalled for. What the Ravenclaw was doing struck too close to home and she couldn't help but hate herself for not hating him still. She should hate him, curse him, but for Merlin's sake, she still wished he would take her back. "Why are you doing this?" her question startling herself as she could barely understand what she was asking. Was she asking about the end of their friendship? His personality change? The bullying? She had no clue. Still, her question lingered in the air as she looked straight into his eyes, though she tried to hide the emotions raging within her own. Not that there was much to begin with. Nothing but confusion, numbness and self-hatred.
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[Jakobe Vittori]

Was Jake thinking through his decisions? Probably not, but for now, for him, this was the best option. He didn't want to hurt Scarlet, but this was the only way he could think to get her to stop looking for him. He couldn't have her hanging around when he was never sure which students were going to spy on him. If he stopped to think about it he would realise that he was being paranoid, but to be honest, he didn't have the luxury of being wrong. He had to be careful and if that meant pushing his friend away, then so be it. He cleared his throat as he looked at her and sneered. It hurt, but it had to be done. "What, does this upset you, Scarlet?" he asked. The hurt on her face was enough for him really, but he was playing a part, acting in a role, disguising his intent. For this to work, he had to get her to hate him, regardless of how much he just wanted to reach out and hug her. "There's plenty to watch, or there would be if you hadn't scared him away." He told her, rolling his eyes and flicking his hair out of his face. It was getting longer now. He should get it cut.

He faulted slightly as she asked about Giuliano. He did indeed know, but wasn't very happy about it. He couldn't stop Jakobe, but he wouldn't condone it either. Which was fair enough, it was Hufflepuff's he was tormenting after all. Well, them and first years. "Why should Giuliano care? They're just first years. Mudblood first years probably. They don't even know the most basic spells." he turned his nose up at the thought. He didn't really know where any of this was coming from, and could only assume that it was his family's innate hatred that was pushing him to say these things. Under normal circumstances he would hate himself for this and he did anyway, but it was really important that this be done. "Isn't it obvious? It's fun!" That nearly made him cry. He was hurting Scarlet very deeply and completely going against his own character. The only people he could talk to these days with no hassles were Giuliano and Esme. They understood the pressure he was under, though neither of them had been able to offer him much in the way of advice. "Why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be doing something other than following me around like a lap dog?"
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[Scarlett Vittori]

Scarlet wanted to run away from this. She wanted to seek solace somewhere. Anywhere that was not filled with memories of her and Jake. It was not only this current situation she wanted to run away from. She wanted to run away from him. From every smile, every tear, every laugh, every hug, every memory. And it wasn't because she hated him. No. It was far from it because she didn't think she would ever be truly capable of hating him. Instead she was hating herself. Why, for the love of Merlin, could she not let him go? Why does she keep on holding on to the trust, the so little trust, she had in him? She had always believed in him when she could not believe in herself. Because she knew him better than she knew herself. She may not know about his family or his past. But she knew him. Just like how he knew her. And as she look into those orbs of his, she could not bring herself to hate him. His face was indifferent but his eyes were giving him away. She didn't understand it. "It does. But it upsets me even more because it upsets you," the Hufflepuff said despite the fear that he was bringing back to her. She hated herself for this, she should be livid at him for making her relive this. But why, couldn't she? "I didn't scare him away and you know it. You need to stop this." Why was it that she was only capable of being afraid? And why is it that he is the one she wanted to protect from himself?

Scarlet flinched at the next words that the boy had said. That was right. Why should Giuliano care? He had ben the one to utterly judge her that day. He had been the one to inform her of their hatred towards her. He had made one of the most vital moves that ended their friendship. And remembering that, it brought her whole being to tremble in fear and pain. How they were doing this, it was nearly the same as six years ago. The rich picked on the poor, the strong picked on the weak. But she didn't want anyone to go through that. Not in the hands of her two former friends. And so, albeit shakily, she spoke once again,"And that's why we are in a school. We are here to learn and I'm sorry we can't all be as gifted and amazing as you." Words struck a little close to home for she knew that even when she had started schooling, she hadn't managed the basic spells, and even now, in her fourth year, she was barely managing with keeping up with everything. The shiver that went through her though when Jakobe revealed his reasons could not be hidden. She almost wanted to run and hide from him. But there had been a flicker, perhaps a trick of the eye, within his eyes that she could not understand. "Following you around? What... Like you did?" the redhead asked as she tried to straighten her stance and stop her limbs from trembling. She was getting afraid of him and that hurt her even more than she realized. Cause by then, her being was a wreck of confusing emotions. She just wanted to stop feeling. She just wanted the cold, numb feeling. And she welcomed it with open arms. After all, it was better to suffer the cold than pain. "I'm not gonna let you continue doing this. Even if I have to stop you myself."
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