Emma - Collapsed

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Emma attempted to smile brightly as the nurse. He was doing his job and she knew that but when he brought a stool over next to her her stomach dropped. She really did not want to talk about her pity problems. It was not fair. Ana-Cole was over the family issues why couldn't Emma be too. Because I am weaker than Ana because I am not as goo Emma thought keeping the small smile that was now plastered on her face.

"I am just stressed, exams and such. I have a lot on my mind thats all" Emma said. She wasn't exactly lying she just wasn't telling the whole story. Emma felt like she could open up if she wanted to but Emma wasn't quite sure if she wanted to. She paused debating whether to tell Nurse O'brien. She took a deep breath.

"I just........" she began "My parents are just............" She tried. The words just did not want to come out. "My family is....." She tried again getting upset at her loss of words. "I just....My parents are just.. My family is ......falling apart Everything is falling apart" Emma finally managed to say. She was on the brink of tears and all she could think about was how she was so weak for breaking down like this. Emma just looked at the nurse. "its all my fault" she managed to say quietly before she slipped back down to she was laying on the bed.

Emma looked up at the Nurse she did not know what else to say. Was she just being silly for not being able to contain her feelings? Was this no big deal? Her problems were in the past but they were still eating away at her. How could she be this weak?
 
"Hey, ssshhh... don't go upsetting yourself, here!" Patrick summoned a hankerchief and handed it to her, "You're blaming yourself for your family 'falling apart'?"
He watched the small girl beat herself up emotionally about it, as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"There's no one else here, I'm a very good listener" he told her, "what you say to me goes no further".
 
Emma took the hankerchief. "Thanks" She said quietly. Emma wiped the eyes that were on the brink of tears. "I am blaming myself because it's true" Emma said "It is my fault" She said looking up at the nurse. He said that what Emma said would not leave the room. "Do you promise you won't tell anyone what I say? Do you promise not to let everyone know what an emotional wreck I am?" Emma asked wondering if he would promise.
 
Patrick looked at the small fragile girl infront of him and smiling at her nodded his head.
"I promise. You have my word" he told her, "It's a medical thing, I can't betray my patients confidence no matter what".

He hoped he had reassured her, she so obviously needed to off load something.
 
Emma sighed. A part of her wanted the Nurse to keep silent becuase then she could tell him everything yet another part of her wanted him to be able to tell the world. This would create the easy choice of not telling him anything. Emma looked up at the nurse. He was so kind, caring and able to listen. Emma felt that she could open up to him if only she had the courage and strength to open up in general.

"Well it all started when my parents started to fight" Emma began "they fought all the time over stupid things like forgetting to put the milk away or about leaving the cap of the toothpaste off" Emma explained. She was trying to remain monotonous. If she was monontonous she couldn't get upset and she wouldn't cry. "I thought all parents fought as I did not think anything of it. But home fighting was taking over my parents life. I had to drop out of this school last year a quarter of the way through so that I could take care of my younger brother. Ana-Cole was going to help me too but my parents decided that her education was more important" Emma explained realizing that Ana-cole was always the favorite child or at least that was what Emma believed.

Emma could no longer look at the nurse she put her head down and looked at the sheets on her bed. "They got a divorce recently" Emma said letting a simple tear fall down her face. "I should have realized beforehand. I could have stopped it" Emma said letting two more tears slide down her face.
 
"Oh, my child don't upset yourself" Patrick leaned forward and patted her knee, "It is your parents not you who are at fault here. Sometimes grownups who have loved each other a long time through no fault of their own just stop loving one another. When they stay together for all the wrong reasons, for the sake of the children, because of the payments on a house they become angry and embittered towards one another this usually infects everyone else around them. Those caught in the battlerfield are usually the children."

Patrick hated to see her so upset and blaming herself for her parents divorce. He really did wish that parents would explain to children that none of it was their fault. But children feel more than what their parents give them credit for, he thought looking at her now.

"As for you dropping out of school perhaps it was because you were a first year and could catch up easily enough again or perhaps they thought you more dependable and needed your help at home."
 
Emma listened to Nurse O'Brien. She tried to believe him. She really wanted to with ever once of her body, but she just couldnt. "If only I was a better daughter" She said simply "If only I was better" She continued. She did not look up at the nurse rather she continued to look down. She wipe the remainder of the tears from her eyes. She didn't know what else to say. She didn't know how to explain it but it had to be her fault even though the world tells her that it isn't.
 
Patrick smiled kindly at her.
"And what exactly is it you think you should be better at?" he asked her.
"Better at reading, better at singing? better at dancing or doing your chores? Better at laughing or better at just being a young girl? Stop being so hard on yourself Emma" he said to her, "The world is hard enough without you being unnecessarily hard on yourself as well".
 
Emma couldn't help but flash a small smile. Nurse O'Brien was really nice. His words made sense but Emma wasn't sure if he would understand "Just better in general" She said not knowing how to explain. She just knew that if she was better her family would be that picture perfect family she had always dreamed of.

"Are your parents still together?" Emma asked hoping that she wasn't getting too personal but she wanted to know if Mr. O'Brien could truly understand what she was feeling
 
Patrick looked at her and knew exactly why she asked the question.
"My parents have been together now for a long long time. I know you don't think I understand but I do. I was married once." He couldn't believe he was telling her this, even Andromeda didn't know she was only a baby.
"I was 19 when we married, young and foolish and we thought we were madly in love. It turned out that she didn't love me as much as she thought she did and after only two years together we broke, got a divorce. We never had children luckily enough but I blamed her for everything which was completely unfair. With time I soon saw we were both at fault and her having the bravery to leave our marriage when she did gave us both our lives back. We could have stayed in a loveless marriage but thankfully we didn't."
He smiled at her then, "Being better is a great goal truly it is but just remember humans are not perfect. You're a product of your parents love, if you think you aren't just right then those who created you are obviously the ones at fault aren't they?"
 
Emma sighed when Nurse O'Brien said that his parents were still married. She was hoping deep down that he could understand. She wanted someone to understand. Then when Nurse O'Brien said that he had been married once she looked up at him. She knew where this conversation was going and she felt bad for making it head off in this direction.

Emma listened intently to his story. She felt bad for him. She was also happy that he was ok with it. If he is ok with it why can't I be? Emma thought to herself. Emma nodded at Nurse O'Brien's last comment. She had never thought of it that way. She just had to smile "Thank you" She said in a almost normal voice. "I'm glad you put up with me" Emma said "I mean I am glad you could listen" she said rewording her comment. She felt a little better after this talk. Maybe just maybe it wasn't her fault completely afterall.
 
"That's better" he smiled at her, "And Miss Shorts that door is always open and these ears are always ready to listen, any time. You are not a burden here at all, I just hope I haven't bored you to tears with my story?"
 
Emma smiled. "Oh no your story helped" She said. Emma trusted Nurse O'Brien now which was a rare occasion. Emma rarely trusted anyone. "I might have to take your offer sometime and come back if you don't mind" She said shyly. No one had ever taken this much time to listen to her. Usually her family would just tell her to get over it well except Ana-Cole. Ana-Cole would listen but Emma felt like Ana-Cole understood too much. She liked a different perspective.

Emma leaned up and propped herself up. Then she carefully swung her legs to the front of the bed until she barely grazed the floor with her feet. "Thank you again" she said again in a shy voice. Emma stood up slowly not wanting to get a head rush or dizzy again. She stood there for a moment hoping her feet would not give in luckly they didn't. She felt rather strong, hungry but strong nonetheless.

"I think I will go back to the common room." Emma said "People may be wondering if things are back in order" She said looking at the ground as she spoke. Emma still felt bad that she caused such a fuss. "Bye" She said looking up at the nurse once more before she began heading to the door.
 
"Take care Ms Shorts and you are more than welcome here anytime" he smiled at her as she left, "Farewell, we won't say goodbye they're too long". Patrick gave her a comforting smile and a wink.
 
Emma turned around slightly as Nurse O'Brien said a few things. Emma smiled at his comment about goodbye's. She gave a small waive before she left the hospital wing and went straight to the common room.
 
Patrick closed the door gently after Emma Shorts had left, she was a lovely girl, pleasant and caring. He didn't like seeing children this young beat themselves up over the failed relationships of the parents. It was wrong, very wrong. Patrick went back to his office and took out a new file.
 
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