Closed Drifting By

Corinne Durand

Louis' mum | Free spirit | Irresponsible
 
Messages
20
Age
2/2020 (41)
Corinne had heard about Alexander recently and had been surprised they were in the same area again. It had brought back memories, and it hadn’t taken much to track him down. Corinne had no real interest in rekindling things between them, but when she had left him with their son years ago, she had always intended to come back occasionally to at least check on her son. It hadn’t worked out that way, though, and now he was what… fifteen? sixteen? She suddenly felt ancient. He would be at school, Beauxbatons probably. But why had Alexander relocated to New Zealand? Corinne was simply passing through, but she didn’t think Alexander traveled the world the way she did. She headed to the door and took a deep breath. She then knocked, wondering if he was even home. Part of her hoped he wasn’t, she hoped he wasn’t going to be too dramatic.
 
While there were things Alex missed about France, overall he was glad to have made the move to Aotearoa. He missed Ella but it was nice getting to spend more time with Kyle, and despite Giulia's initial hesitance, he knew the kids were having a good time at Hogwarts. Louis, in particular, seemed to be thriving. Thriving enough that it worried Alex a little, if he was honest. He remembered all too well how wild he had been at Louis' age, and as much as he loved his kids, the thought of Louis winding up like him was a concerning one. He was trying to keep an eye on things, but he couldn't be there all the time, and Louis was hardly going to take it well after years of more hands-off parenting. He was contemplating the problem over breakfast when there was a knock on the door. Wondering if it was Kyle come to say hi, Alex went to open the door with a cheery smile, an expression that slipped immediately when he saw who was on the other side. "Corinne?" He croaked, studying the woman in front of him in disbelief.
 
Corrine felt like she had fallen back in time when she saw Alex, he looked just s handsome as he had sixteen years ago, maybe even more so. She gave him a slight smile, though she wasn't sure how he would react to her. The odds of him shutting the door in her face were still pretty high, she wouldn't even really blame him. "Hey..." She said a little sheepishly. "I was in the neighborhood, I figured I'd check in, you know?" She said, trying to sound casual.
 
Alex studied the face in front of him, taking in the woman he had never expected to see again. "You were... in the neighbourhood?" He said slowly. In the neighbourhood. As though she was a friend who dropped by every now and then, instead of the mother of his child, a woman who had turned his life upside down and disappeared more than a decade ago. "I... come in..." He said slowly as he opened the door wider, trying to figure out what to do with this. He had never expected to see Corinnne again. "Louis is... at school." He added slowly. "You just missed him."
 
Corinne could see she had surprised Alexander a lot, which she didn’t mind. She liked surprising people, and liked being unpredictable. “Yes, surprisingly easy to hear where you live.” She said jokingly with a small smile as she stepped into his house. “Oh, I figured he would be. Is he at Beauxbatons?” She asked, then hesitated for a moment. Talking about Louis felt different. It felt… strange, to realize he was a real person. “How… is he?”
 
Alex couldn't take his eyes off Corinne as she entered the house, still not entirely convinced she was really here. He didn't even question how she had found out where he lived, tensing a little at the answer. So she hadn't even come here to see Louis. "Hogwarts." He explained. "My brother liked it here and his husband is the Headmaster, so it seemed like a better place for Louis and Giulia." He said almost thoughtlessly, attention focused on what this visit meant. He was already sure he couldn't tell Louis. Not with how difficult things had been for him lately - knowing that his mother had showed up and it hadn't been to visit him... "He's good." He said noncommittally, sure Louis wouldn't want him sharing his struggles with someone who was essentially a stranger. "He's a Prefect, and he's on the Quidditch team."
 
Corinne looked around, curious about Alexander’s taste now. It was a nice house. She looked at him as he explained Louis went to Hogwarts. She decided not to mention she had forgotten he had another kid. Had she forgotten, or had she just not known? She wasn’t sure. Still, she nodded like she knew. Corinne had always been good at bluffing. “I see.” She said. “Does he like it?” She didn’t know much about Hogwarts, having gone to Beauxbatons herself. It surprised her how glad it made her to hear he was doing good. She felt a strange, distant sort of pride when Alexander talked about his accomplishments. A bright smile spread over her face. “Really? That’s impressive.” She paused for a moment. “Do… you have a picture of him?” She asked, suddenly feeling an urgent need to look at this boy she knew nothing about.
 
Every question only made Alexander's heart hurt worse. He had never been the most responsible of people, but the thought of going sixteen years without even trying to learn a single thing about your own child... "He does." Alex nodded. "He's very popular." He nodded again when she said he was impressive, feeling a small swell of pride in his son. However difficult things had gotten between them, Louis had built himself into a fine young man. "Of course." He said a little shakily, crossing to the nearest shelf and retrieving a photo of Louis, handing it to her. "One of his friends took that after his team won a Quidditch match last year." It was a photo he had framed as soon as Louis sent it home, his son elated and surrounded by friends, exactly the kind of life he had hoped Louis and Giulia were living at school.
 
Corinne wasn’t someone who thought things through very often. When she had heard about Alexander, she had just been curious and wanted to see him again. Louis had been an afterthought, a curiosity. Deep down, she knew she hadn’t focused on him on purpose, because it sucked to admit it did hurt that she didn’t know him. She wondered about him sometimes, of course, she did. But she had convinced herself he was better off with Alexander. It seemed like she had been right. He wouldn’t have accomplished the same things with her, she was sure of that. She regretted asking for a picture the moment Alexander grabbed one, but she still took it from him once he handed it to her. She sat down on the couch with a hard thunk, staring at the photo in her hand. Her eyes widened as she took in the picture, of the happy, handsome boy. So much older than she had pictured him, even if she knew his age., she hadn't stopped picturing him as a little boy. He was nearly an adult. “Oh.” She just said quietly, staring at him with wide eyes. She touched his small, laughing face with her fingertips, embarrassed to feel tears stinging her eyes.
 
The transformation in Corinne was agonising to watch. Sixteen years, Alex had wondered if Corinne even cared she had a child. He knew now. There was no denying the emotions on her face. For whatever reason she had stayed out of their lives, she at least thought about Louis. "He's a good kid." He said softly, sitting down next to her. "Good young man." He corrected himself. "He'll be graduating next year, I think he wants to try for a professional Quidditch team. He's got a good shot."
 
Corinne barely noticed Alexander sitting next to her, her gaze still fixated on Louis. She finally looked up as he spoke to her, but she clutched the picture like it was something precious. She hadn’t wanted to feel all this, hadn’t counted on it. But hadn’t she known, deep down, that this would be a likely end result? The only other option had been Alexander closing the door in her face. She hadn’t really thought that just catching up without talking about Louis at all had been a possibility. She nodded. “I’m sure he does.” She said shakily. Then she looked back at the photo in amazement. “Merlin, he looks just like you…”
 
Alex couldn't help a small laugh, glancing at Corinne's face. He was bitter, he was furious, everything she had done to him, to Louis, all of it would have to be answered for. But right now if he could keep himself together, Louis might have the chance to be the one to decide whether he wanted to have a mother for himself. "I don't know, there's plenty of you in there." He said with a small smile. "Definitely a lot of your spirit too."
 
Corinne searched Louis’ face for a trace of herself, seeing only a bit. But she supposed Alexander would know better, having him around all the time. She sighed softly. “I know… it’s kind of f**ked up for me to just show up like this.” She finally said, still staring at the picture. “Thank you for sharing this anyway.”
 
Alex studied Corinne's face as she looked at the photo, trying to figure this out. As many feelings as he had himself about Corinne resurfacing, he had to bury them all. This was about Louis, and he needed to make sure Corinne was a person he could allow around Louis without hurting the boy further. He nodded quietly at her acknowledgement, looking back down at the photo. "Are you staying?" He asked slowly.
 
Corinne wasn’t sure what she had expected Alexander to say, but the question caught her off guard. She tensed, looking away. “Alexander, I haven’t stayed in one place.. in a long time.” She said evasively. “I- I don’t think I could face him, anyway.” She added quietly.
 
Alex hadn't really expected anything else, but somehow he was still disappointed. "Corinne, he's still your son." He said softly. "That has to mean something." A more protective man would be pushing her out the door, trying to protect Louis from the possibility that Corinne would hurt him. Maybe that was the kind of father Alex should be, but he had never had it in him, not really. If there was going to be any kind of reconcilliation, that would be a decision for Louis to make. "If he wants to meet you, he should have the chance. At least once. So he knows."
 
Corinne closed her eyes briefly. “Of course it means something.” She breathed quietly. “Of course it does, Alexander. But I can’t- I don’t think I can do that.” She looked at him pleadingly. “And what will that gain him? I can’t stick around, I can’t- can’t do all that.” She said desperately. “He’ll just wish I was more.”
 
Alex's heart sank. "Corinne, you don't know unless you give him the chance." He said gently. "Louis is his own man. He doesn't need a babysitter or a nursemaid. But he deserves to choose whether or not he wants to know his mother, as a person."
 
Corinne shook her head, feeling panic rising in her chest. This wasn’t what she had wanted, she didn’t even know what she had wanted. But the idea of coming face to face with the young man from the picture, the real human person instead of the idea of him she had in her mind, it made her want to run away and hide. “He’s just going to hate me.” She said stubbornly. “There’s no point, please.”
 
Alex's hopes that Corinne had changed, had grown up in their time apart, they were all dissolving. "Okay, okay." He said quickly, touching her arm. "I won't force anything. Just... think about it. I don't think he'll hate you." He added, trying hard to salvage this, for Louis' sake. He knew he would never win father of the year, but he knew at least right now, he had to put Louis first, and that meant putting his own anger at Corinne aside.
 
Maybe Corinne should have expected Alexander to try to push Louis off to her, he had taken care of him for sixteen years after all, but she shook her head again. “He will sooner or later.” She said, sighing softly. “There’s no point, he’s… fine with you, right? He’s happy? I would just mess up his life. You know I can’t stay.”
 
Alex winced at her response, heart breaking all over again for his son. “He's happy, Corinne, but he doesn't have a mother. I'm not asking you to take him, I just want you to meet him. He's such a good kid, you would be so proud of him. You'd get along so well. You're not going to mess anything up just by meeting your son.”
 
Corinne was actively fighting the urge to apparate away straight from Alexander's couch. Panic was gripping at her throat as he kept on urging her to meet Louis. She shook her head, lowering her head so her hair would obscure her face. "I can't do it." She said quietly.
 
Alex struggled to keep his frustration in check. "And I couldn't look after a baby when you dropped one on me and left." He said slowly. "But I did it anyway. Having a child means sometimes you have to do things you can't do."
 
Corinne winced when Alexander used her leaving against her. It was to be expected, but it was still frustrating. Corinne shook her head. "You thought you couldn't do it." She told him. "But you did, you could. I can't- I won't." She finally said, shaking her head. "If I meet him... I will need to do more, and more. I'm not a mother, Alex."
 

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