Cracks in the Glass

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund hadn't been... avoiding his brother, per se. By any other standards the amount of time they usually spent together was preposterous. He was merely spending a normal amount of time with his brother recently. Which was to say, very little at all. It wasn't on purpose, but it definitely made it easier to put off telling him about Diana. Edmund had never in his life kept anything from his brother before, and it felt deeply uncomfortable, but given how poorly Theodore had reacted to him simply having a friend, it was easy to predict how telling him about a girlfriend was going to go. It had to be done however, and Edmund had been trying to build up the courage, practicing what he was going to say.

Of all the places Edmund would expect to run into his brother by surprise, outdoors would never have made the list, far away from their usual haunting grounds in the dungeons and other deep, hidden crevices of the school. It was a little surreal, turning to see his own face staring right at him. Edmund was so accustomed to only ever seeing Theodore at his side that it felt deeply unnatural to just... encounter him, without being together. Staring at his brother for a moment, Edmund realised that his fears couldn't drive this wedge between them forever. Theodore needed to be told of the situation. Taking a deep breath, Edmund approached his brother, hands formally held behind his back to avoid fidgeting with nerves. "Theodore. I have to tell you something." He said slowly, a nervous waver in his voice despite his best efforts.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore was lonely, there was simply no other word for it. He still saw Edmund occasionally, but it wasn't nearly enough. Was his brother really spending all that time with his new friend? Or did he have a whole bunch of new friends now? Did he simply want to stay away from Theodore? He didn't know. And in the few moments they still spent together, Theodore didn't want to break the fragile peace by asking him such things.

While he tended to stay in the castle, Theodore had decided he needed some air today. His worries were making his mind feel clouded and sluggish, and inside there was nothing interesting to hold his attention. Not on his own, at least. There was no joy in exploring the dungeons without his brother by his side, and outside he might at least run into some interesting bugs. If he caught them and showed them to Edmund, the other boy might remember how much fun they always used to have. It was something to hold onto. He was surprised when he noticed his brother approach, but gave him the widest smile he ever gave anyone. It was proof of their bond as twins that Edmund had found him out here, and it made him happy that the boy had been looking for him. Maybe everything would go back to normal soon? Theodore had known Edmund would get tired of all other people at some point. He had just known. But instead of a greeting, Edmund immediately told Theodore that he had to say something. "Perhaps you could start with hello." He said, his smile falling. He had intended to say it jokingly, but that wasn't how it came out at all.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

A pang of guilt struck Edmund at the sight of Theodore's smile. It made it impossible to lie to himself about how much he was neglecting his brother, seeing how happy the sight of him had made Theodore. The smile slipped as soon as he spoke though, and Edmund's guilt only grew more. "Since when have we bothered with pleasantries?" He commented almost reflexively, mind already preoccupied with the best way to break such delicate news. There was simply no phrasing positive enough to soften the blow for Theodore. Edmund ached with the knowledge that the most important person in his life was simply never going to be happy for something that was making him so happy, but there was nothing that could make this situation better, so it just had to be said. Taking a slow breath, Edmund drew himself up a little straighter. "I have a girlfriend now." He said quickly, hoping to just get this over and done with. "Diana and I are romantically involved."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore felt a strange tension radiating from his brother, and he didn't like it. He didn't like any of the things that were happening with him lately. But it was clear to him before he even said anything else that this wasn't going to be the end of his 'friendship'. "Since we haven't seen each other all day." He said with a frown at Edmund. "Do you only seek me out now when you have something to tell me?" He didn't want to argue about pointless things, but there was a part of him that thought that maybe he could put off the inevitable. Because he sensed the news Edmund was bringing him wasn't something he wanted. But his brother told him anyway, with little fanfare. Theodore stared at him numbly for a moment before snorting, then laughing sharply. "What? No you don't." He said, shaking his head. "Edmund, you don't like that stupid girl. Are you angry with me for something? Or is this your idea of a joke?"

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund hadn't known exactly how to expect Theodore to react, but outright denial certainly wasn't something he had considered. "I do!" He said quickly, face flushing a little. How pathetic would he have to be to make up something like this? "Diana is my girlfriend." Even in such an uncomfortable situation it still brought Edmund a small thrill to actually say those words, something that had felt as though it would never happen to him. He let out a small laugh of disbelief at Theodore's next comment, shaking his head quickly. "I do like her! You would like her too, if you met her. I'm not angry, this isn't about you at all. I just... appreciate Diana's company, and she appreciates mine. I like her a lot, Theodore. I hoped you would be happy for me." That wasn't entirely true, the negative reaction was essentially what he had expected from his twin, but he could dream of a simpler world.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore knew deep down that Edmund wouldn't lie about it, but he still hoped he had somehow fallen victim to some joke. He frowned as Edmund insisted it was true, and crossed his arms in front of him. "So that's why you're never around anymore? Now that you have a girlfriend you don't need a brother anymore?" He asked, his hurt and loneliness from the past few weeks rising to the surface at an alarming rate. "I wouldn't like her, Edmund, and neither should you. We don't like other people. We don't need other people. That's what you always said too! Why has it changed just because some stupid girl batted her eyelashes at you and forced you to go to the dance? It's ridiculous! You aren't thinking straight." He uncrossed his arms as he talked to gesture to punctuate his words. "I'm not happy for you because you're probably just going to use this as an excuse to see even less of me." He snapped, glaring at his brother.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

The look on Theodore's face was painful to see, but Edmund actually flinched at his brother's comment about his avoidance. Edmund had stayed away because he knew how poorly this conversation was bound to go, but as soon as he heard the pain in Theodore's voice he knew how it had come across. Neglectful. "That's not it at all!" Edmund said quickly, taking a step closer instinctively. "I just haven't known how tell you, because I knew you would react like this!" He said quickly, panic twisting in his guts. "You don't know if you would like her, you haven't even given her a chance! And you're being a hypocrite, you've had friends you don't talk to me about for ages! What about the girl who sends you roses every year? It's fine for us to have friends when it's you having them, but not me? At least I've been upfront about Diana!" Edmund snapped, getting angrier with his brother as he spoke. Truthfully, Theodore's mysterious friendship had never really bothered Edmund, but in light of recent developments it was starting to feel like a slap in the face. "It's not an excuse! I spend time with Diana because I like her! I like spending time with you too but we can't spend our entire lives glued at the hip, do you really think we'll be thirty and still spending all our time together? It's healthier for both of us to get to know other people!" Even as he said the words, Edmund felt like he was punching himself in his gut. He couldn't envision an adulthood without Theodore by his side, as much as he was sure his brother couldn't either. Neither of them had ever wanted to be truly separated, not really, but this was the hole he had dug himself into now, and the words had just come out.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore scoffed when the boy said it wasn't that he didn't want to be with him anymore. Theodore knew what he had been feeling the past weeks, he wasn't making it up. "You could have spent time with me without telling me! There was no reason to just avoid me altogether. Admit it, you wanted to hang out with that stupid girl more than me!" His voice broke on the last sentence, and he wondered if other students could see them. He hoped not, but they were outside on a warm day. "I wouldn't have reacted like this if you hadn't kept it from me. If you hadn't acted all weird first!" He said, but even as the words left his mouth he knew he wasn't being entirely truthful. There was no universe in which he would have enjoyed this news. Theodore's cheeks flushed when his twin dared to bring up Zoe. "Stop it! That's not the same. She's not my friend, she's just weird! Besides, she's not my girlfriend." He spat the word as if it was something disgusting. "And you haven't been upfront, you've been hiding this! You JUST said so!" They had never fought like this before. Edmund's next words hurt his heart, and he stared at his brother in quiet shock. Tears welled in his eyes, and he couldn't remember another time his brother had made him want to cry. He stepped back. "So you don't want me anymore?" He asked, his voice now more quiet and shaking. "You don't want to spend time with me?" Never had he been afraid that Edmund would leave him, but now he was starting to wonder if that had been a mistake.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund winced internally at Theodore's words, arguing back even though he knew they were true. "Did you want me to lie to your face?" He snapped, ears heating up with anger. "If I had been around you I would have had to lie about her every day! I avoided you so I could tell you when I was ready and not lie to you!" It was... cowardly, maybe, but he had known that this conversation would go badly. Putting it off and spending time with Diana had been easier than trying to figure out how to handle things with his twin. Despite his anger, Edmund's face twisted into a disbelieving laugh at Theodore's comment about his friend. "I told you we were friends!" He snapped, glaring at Theodore. "You won't tell me anything about your friend, you won't even admit you have one! Either you have a secret friend you've been keeping from me for years, or you've been sending yourself roses and either way it's pathetic!" The harsh word felt like too far as soon as it left Edmund's mouth, but it was said now, and there was nothing for him to do but stand by it. A bit of the wind went out of Edmund's sails though, at Theodore's next comment. Despite everything, he knew they both shared the same worst fear. Separation. "I want to spend time with you!" He said quickly, stepping forward. "But I want to know other people too! We can't just spend all of our time together forever. We need to grow up, Theodore, and make other friends."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore didn’t know what to do, he felt himself start to shake. He had never been this upset before, and dealing with his emotions was always difficult. Tears blurred his vision as Edmund told him he had avoided him because he hadn’t wanted to tell him. Didn’t he see how that was even worse? “You still lied. You lied and avoided me both. You just made it worse.” He said, his voice soft and hurt. Theodore winced as his brother laughed at him, then he flushed with shame as he implied that the roses Zoe had sent him had been sent by himself. He balled his hands into fists. “When I got that rose, you MOCKED me!” He shouted at him, his voice shaking with rage and breaking on the word 'mocked'. “Do you really wonder why I didn’t want to tell you more about it? But if I had to choose between you or her, I would have chosen you every time. But you wouldn't do the same.” He wasn’t sure if Zoe was really his friend, but she was the closest thing after his brother. His vision blurred with tears at his brother’s last words. They were like a slap in the face. Even though he said he wanted to spend time with Theodore, the rest of his words said the opposite. The worst part being that he told him they had to grow up, as if his attachment to Edmund was something shameful and childish they had to bury and leave behind. He was horrified to feel a sob escape him, and he put both his hands over his mouth. But there was no way he could continue this. Without another word, the boy turned and ran back to the castle, more sobs forcing their way out between his hands.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund had never in his life even dreamed he would fight with his brother like this. Nothing had ever come between them before, and despite wanting to branch out more and make his own path, Edmund never wanted to hurt Theodore, and he certainly didn't want his twin out of his life entirely. As Theodore shouted at him though, it really sunk in that things had gone too far. Dramatically so. To his embarrassment, Edmund felt tears pricking at his eyes as he opened his mouth to respond, but the words died in his throat as the sound of a sob from his brother broke Edmund's heart. There was nothing he could say or do as he watched Theodore run back to the castle, a sob uncomfortably lodged in his own throat. How was he supposed to find the balance between finding space on his own and not hurting his brother? Aching with guilt and regret, Edmund turned away from the people staring at the commotion and sulked off in the opposite direction, looking for any quiet place alone where he could cry out his stress and try to figure out what to do about this.