Closed Couldn't Understand You if I Tried

[Celia Vu]

Celia was not completely sure how she'd ended up sitting across from Louis Alcott. Then again, her encounters with Louis were rarely premeditated. He just showed up randomly in her life, like a stubborn rash that refused to go away. Celia was fully aware that she could leave, but she wasn't about to give up the best armchair in the Student Lounge just because Louis had decided to come annoy her with his existence. That would be letting him win.

Besides, Louis' presence had grown ever so slightly more tolerable over the years. (Or maybe she'd just developed an immunity to it). So when she overheard him trying to charm one of their classmates into giving him their notes, Celia barely reacted. She kept her gaze on her notebook, where she was working on some Elite Sisterhood plans, though she did have to roll her eyes a little. Only once their classmate had left did she look up, arching an eyebrow as she did so. "Is there anyone at this school who you won't flirt with?" She had to wonder if there was anyone he disliked.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis was trying to take his studies more seriously, as his dad and sister were both harping on it. He knew he was almost a seventh year, but it still seemed so far away. Besides, he was hardly going to need good grades when he played Quidditch professionally and became a huge star, right? But he still tried. Sort of. He had forgotten to take notes in class, but it was fine, as he could easily get one of his classmates to give him their notes. He smiled, pleased with himself as they left and he held their notes. When someone spoke to him, he looked up and noticed Celia, who had clearly seen the whole thing. “Besides anyone below the fifth year and most teachers?” He joked. “Why, jealous Celia? I could flirt with you for a bit if you’re bored.” He said, placing his elbow on the table and leaning forward, batting his eyelashes obnoxiously.

 

[Celia Vu]

"Most teachers?" Celia repeated, wondering who made the cut. It was almost a shame that Professor Styx and Professor Crabapple were no longer here as she would've loved to watch Louis try to flirt with either of them. At least there was Professor Borisyuk, who looked as if he would step on anyone who so much as smiled at him. Celia's amusement died when he offered to flirt with her. "Please don't. I'd rather not vomit," she said dryly. Louis' tolerability and his arrogance were inversely related, and right now the latter was growing dangerously. "Surely there's someone at this school you dislike," Celia prodded. There were always rumors flying around about Louis and his latest fling of the week. Some of the names linked to his were downright embarrassing though it was hard to tell what was rumor and what was fact. "Don't tell me you're so desperate for attention that you would try and flirt with someone like Rhys or Van," she said, smirking slightly. Then again, this was the person who was best friends with Caleb. So perhaps Louis' standards really were that low.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis grinned as Celia stumbled over him saying most teachers, as he had expected. In truth, Louis wouldn’t flirt with any teachers. It probably wouldn’t go over well. Professor Castillo was attractive, but it wasn’t like Louis thought he made an actual chance. Besides, it would feel weird. Still, he liked to scandalize Celia a bit, so he didn’t elaborate. He just shrugged. He laughed as Celia said she would rather not vomit. He had given up on trying to flirt with Celia years ago now, so he wasn’t offended. He knew she was just putting on her act of being better than anyone. “Someone at school I dislike?” He asked, tilting his head. “Why? I don’t think so.” The two examples she listed made him frown a bit as he considered it. “I’m not desperate for attention, I get quite a bit.” He said, shrugging. “But Rhys is kind of cute, Val is nice… I don’t see why not.” He said, shrugging again. “Now let's turn that around, is there anyone at school you don’t dislike?” He asked her, raising his eyebrows.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia could not imagine being the kind of person who went through life liking everybody. Sometimes she didn't even like her friends. Case in point, Jenna. The older Slytherin was currently getting on Celia's nerves, thanks to the dumb idea she had for the next Elite Sisterhood meeting. It was the reason why Celia was sitting here in the first place, taking time out of her day to work on plans for the club. "I said Van, not Val." Valeria was nice enough, Celia supposed. But she definitely wouldn't have used that word to describe Van. "And Rhys is only cute if you close your eyes and ignore everything about his personality." She scoffed as Louis tried to turn the question on her. "No, I obviously hate everyone here," she said, rolling her eyes. Even though Celia's words were laced with sarcasm, there was a hint of truth to them. Her disdain for Hogwarts had poisoned just about every relationship she had here.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis hadn’t even noticed he had misspoken, but of course Celia had. He shrugged. “Van is nice too. And both of them are pretty.” He said with an easy smile. “I don’t know Rhys’ personality, I can only speak on his cuteness from afar.” He added, his grin widening a bit. At her statement, he snorted. “Yeah, it really seems like you do sometimes.” He said, an edge to his voice showing that he wasn’t really joking. Celia was fine, but it she hardly tried to hide her disdain for anyone who wasn’t herself.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia was very quickly getting the impression that there was nothing discerning about Louis' tastes. "We clearly have different definitions of pretty and cute," she said dryly. Maybe they were even talking about completely different people. Her eyebrows lifted slightly at the edge in Louis' voice. "Does that bother you?" she asked with a bit of a smirk. She still wasn't sure what had caused him to become so sensitive in recent years. But it was always amusing to see what got under Louis' skin since he was usually the one annoying her.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis shrugged at Celia’s words. “Yeah, probably.” Louis had figured out along the way that his definitions were different to most people, mostly because he thought almost everyone was pretty and/or cute. He considered her question for a moment. “Not really, I think it’s just this thing you do to protect yourself.” He told her bluntly. “Like, keep everyone at a distance so they can’t hurt you, or whatever.” He paused, then grinned. “I know you actually like me anyway, after all, why else would you deign to talk to me?”

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia was mildly offended by Louis' little attempt at psychoanalysis. Not only was his hypothesis not true, but it suggested he thought her weak. "Or I keep everyone at a distance because they annoy me. Not everything has a secret meaning," she said, rolling her eyes. She wasn't some tragic figure in a bad YA novel. "I don't need to protect myself that way." Celia wasn't afraid of getting hurt by someone close to her. She was afraid of the things she couldn't anticipate or control, the grand machinations of fate that crept from behind to knock her whole world off its axis. She knew Louis' question was rhetorical, but she answered it anyways. "Boredom. Personal amusement. A lack of better conversation partners," Celia said dryly. "If I only talked to people I liked, I'd spend most of my time mute."

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis sighed when Celia spoke, wondering if she ever got tired of fighting everything. “Sure, yeah.” He said, shrugging. “I’m sure that’s it.” He paused. “Or maybe you’re just not very nice, I guess that’s the more likely explanation.” He snorted at her last words. “You’d probably just talk to your reflection.” He said, shaking his head a bit. He didn’t understand Celia, but it seemed like he shouldn’t even attempt it.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia shrugged. "I've never claimed to be a nice person." That wasn't entirely true. She definitely pretended to be nice in front of teachers and anyone else she needed to like her. That was good enough for her. No one ever got anywhere in life without a little bit of ruthlessness. She raised her eyebrows a little at Louis' last comment. "That's rich coming from you." Celia could admit she had a certain amount of pride, but Louis was one of the most arrogant people she knew. She wouldn't be surprised if he already talked to himself in the mirror.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis nodded, realizing it was probably best to just agree with Celia. “True.” He told her. He laughed at her comment, he knew she had a point. But still. “Listen, I get what you’re saying but I still talk to loads of other people.” He told her. “And I always try to be nice and make them feel good about themselves. It’s fun.” He told her. “Even if I also enjoy hanging out with my own reflection occasionally.” He joked.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia blinked, wondering where this patronizing, holier-than-thou version of Louis had come from. She much preferred the annoying one. "Always?" she repeated, giving him a significant look. Celia could distinctly remember a number of times when he had been quite rude to her. Just a few seconds ago, he'd basically called her vain. Celia didn't care about those moments now; she'd long since gotten over them. But she definitely hadn't forgotten them. "Yes, I suppose when it comes to people who don't threaten your ego or people you could potentially date or use, you're always nice to them." Celia knew Louis was plenty capable of being petty and mean, and it was honestly kind of astounding for him to pretend otherwise, especially to her.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis frowned at Celia’s skeptical words. It wasn’t like Louis went out of his way to be mean to people, he was usually friendly, right? Celia was an exception, because she was usually mean first. “Always to nice people.” He said with a shrug, but the frown remained in place. He stared at Celia in shock at her next words, frown deepening. “I don’t use people.” He said, clearly offended. “Everyone who knows me knows what they’re getting into, I don’t pretend anything else.” He said, shaking his head.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia snorted at his clarification. "So that's why you avoided me for a whole year. Because I wasn't nice enough," she said sarcastically. It was perhaps a low blow to bring up something he'd already apologized for, but she wasn't above digging up old wounds to prove a point. Louis' shock was a little surprising, and it was pretty clear she'd struck a nerve. "Do they?" she prodded. She'd certainly been on the receiving end of a lot of mixed signals from him. To be fair, that had been before Louis had really cemented his current reputation, but she found it hard to believe that he hadn't misled a single person, even accidentally. "You just flirted with someone to get those notes," Celia said, nodding towards the notes he'd taken from their classmate. "You used them," she said simply. "Do you think they knew that the only reason you were being nice to them was because you wanted their notes?"

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis groaned softly when Celia brought up how he had ignored her again. Was she ever going to let that go? "Look, I was a jerk. I told you that already. I said sorry." He said with a sigh. "I'm older and stuff now." That, and Louis had given up on even trying to compete in duels. He knew deep down that dismissing it all as stupid and focusing on Quidditch instead maybe wasn't the most mature response, but he had stopped ignoring her, hadn't he? As Celia said he just flirted with someone to get notes and that he had used them, Louis just started at her in disbelief for a moment. He spluttered in protest. "That's not- it's not like that!" He said, cheeks flushing. "You make it sound like. Nefarious. I'm just nice to someone and they give me something for being nice, it's not that deep." He frowned. "It's not using someone. Jeesh, you're taking it way too seriously." He said, frowning as he looked away. "I wasn't just being nice for the notes anyway." He muttered after a beat.

 

[Celia Vu]

"Yes, and I'm sure you're a perfect saint now," Celia said, rolling her eyes. People changed, but not that much. Maybe Louis really was more mature now, but she doubted he was as altruistic as he claimed to be. She found his defensiveness extremely interesting, and she wondered if there was something bigger that was driving him to protest so vehemently. "That's still using someone. You were being nice because you wanted something from them, not because you actually care about them," Celia said with a shrug. "I'm not saying that makes you a bad person." If anything, she thought it made him normal. People used people all the time. That was just the way the world worked. "But don't try and claim you're nice to people and like to make them feel better about themselves because you're just this amazingly kind and generous person." He was acting like he was somehow superior to her when he really wasn't. Celia snorted a little at Louis' last comment. "Right, you were probably also looking for an ego boost." She had to assume that's why he spent so much time flirting with others.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis was getting frustrated, it was like Celia was misunderstanding him on purpose. “I never said I’m a saint!” He said, shaking his head. “I just don’t think I’m like... a bad person either.” He said, frowning at Celia. Why did she have to make everything so confusing? Louis rubbed his face. “Do you have to be so cynical? I’m not trying to use anyone.” He said, glancing at her in disbelief. “I’m just being nice, it’s not that deep or that thought out.” He had hoped for the notes, sure, but he didn’t like the way Celia was painting him like some weird mastermind trying to get his way. “Merlin. Why do you want me to be a sh*tty person so bad? Is it so you feel less alone?” He snapped at her. “I wasn’t looking for an ego boost, I was just being nice. I know it’s a foreign concept.”

 

[Celia Vu]

The unravelling of Louis Alcott was a fascinating thing to see. Celia felt eerily calm as she watched him grow increasingly frustrated. Some part of her knew she should back off soon. She had approximately 2.5 friends at Hogwarts, and the way things were going, it wouldn't be long before that number dwindled to just 2. But another, more destructive, part of her was curious to see how far she could push things.

"Well you're acting like you think you're one." He had been so incredibly patronizing, and she wasn't going to take a lecture on the virtues of being nice from Louis of all people. "I never said you were a bad person," Celia repeated. "Fine, forget the word 'use.'" He clearly took issue with the word for reasons she couldn't understand. Sure, it was a bit crass, but everyone used others, including Louis. Celia couldn't tell if his defensiveness was a product of him deluding himself into thinking he was a saint of a person, or if she'd stumbled across a secret insecurity of his. "My point is you're only nice to people when it's easy for you or when it benefits you." That's how most people were, and he could deny it all he wanted, but from everything she'd seen, he was that way too. At Louis' outburst, Celia's veins turned to ice. If it had been anyone else, she would've grown angry. But the thing was, she wasn't hurt either. She was just calm, so calm it unnerved even her. It almost felt like she was outside her body. "So... what, you think I'm a sh*tty person?" Celia asked, looking him straight in the eye. He'd implied as much, but now she wanted to hear him say it.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis knew he should back off. When he got mad, which was rare, he tended to drop his filter and just say whatever he could to hurt the other person. But it didn’t even seem to hit Celia that he implied she was a bad person, sh*tty even. He shook his head, rubbing his hands over his face as he tried to make sense of his thoughts. He groaned, resisting the urge to say yes just to see if that would get to her. But he didn’t want to ruin everything, again. “No.” He mumbled. “I’m just mad.” He lowered his hands. “It’s like you’re trying to misunderstand me, or to like… I don’t know, put the worst possible spin on what I’m like.” He said, not quite meeting her gaze. “I don’t get it. It must be exhausting to be so negative all the time.” He finally looked at her. "Are you... alright?" He asked, not sure what prompted the question.

 

[Celia Vu]

If Louis was a flurry of movement — hands rubbing across his face, gaze roaming the room — Celia was a statue, completely still, not moving an inch. She stared at Louis, turning his words over in her mind. It would be so easy to accept his excuse and brush over the fact that he'd essentially called her a sh*tty person. But she couldn't. "You wouldn't have said it if you didn't believe it on some level at least," she said quietly. The comment had come too quickly, too effortlessly, to just be a made-up jab intended to hurt her, especially not when she took into account everything else he'd said about her. The only reason Louis was backtracking now was because he was too cowardly to stand by his words. So much for being a Gryffindor.

Louis continued to speak, but while he'd moved past his comment, Celia was stuck. She barely registered his words, and the only thing that really made it through was his final question. "I'm fine," Celia said, finally moving enough to give him a brittle smile. "I'm great. I just learned that you think I'm a negative, sh*tty person who is incapable of being nice. It's good to know what you really think of me."

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis groaned in frustration at Celia’s words. Did she never say something she didn’t mean? Probably not. “No, Celia. I don’t think you’re a sh*tty person.” He told her, frowning as he turned to look at her. “But you sure try to pretend you are for some weird reason.” He told her, his gaze darting away again. “I thought maybe you were keeping people at a distance, guess I was wrong. But then I don’t know why you do that.” He shook his head when Celia spoke again, realizing that he had hurt her. But she had said horrible things to him too, hadn’t she? Maybe not quite as bad, but everything she said to him always seemed mocking, always seemed to hint Louis wasn’t smart enough to truly get what she meant. Maybe he had let it get to him to him without even realizing it. “I actually like you, Celia, even if you think I’m stupid.” He said, knowing she wouldn’t believe him. “I just don’t… I don’t understand you.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.” He added, knowing even as he said it that it was too little, too late. Celia wasn’t going to just move on.

 

[Celia Vu]

Celia didn't believe him.

Louis had said plenty of mean things to her before. Sometimes, he'd even said them out of anger. But none of those insults had ever bothered Celia, and she was always ready with her own sarcastic quip or verbal barb. Something about this comment, however, felt different even if she struggled to articulate why. Maybe it was because it had seemingly come out of nowhere. Celia knew there were people who probably did genuinely think she was a terrible person. She just hadn't thought Louis was one of them.

"That's pretty much the same thing as calling me a sh*tty person," Celia pointed out when Louis tried to make the distinction that he just thought she pretended to be one. She knew she could be abrasive and critical, but she didn't think that made her a bad person. And while she wasn't friendly, she thought she was civil enough to most people until they gave her reason not to be. Celia also wasn't sure where Louis had gotten the impression that she thought him stupid, and his comment only added to the impression that they had been on two different planes of existence this entire time. She'd thought she knew him, but she clearly didn't.

It was like a switch inside her had flipped, and Celia's expression went blank. "There's nothing to understand," she said calmly, almost serenely, as she swept her notebook into her bag. "And there's nothing to apologize for. Like I said, it's good to know the truth." She grabbed her bag, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and walked away, almost feeling as if she was floating. It dimly occurred to Celia that she should probably be more upset, more angry, more hurt, more anything. But she just felt nothing.

It was a feeling she was becoming increasingly familiar with these days.