Closed Changed Irrevocably

[Diana Hollis]

Maybe it was melodramatic, meeting Edmund here at the place they had first formed a connection and talked to each other. It seemed so silly now, and it was hard to imagine that was only a year ago. Their relationship had grown quickly, and had turned into something wonderful. Something Diana thought would last. But everything was ruined now, and she didn't think they could recover. She knew now that the person who had broken her heart hadn't been Edmund, but instead his twin brother. This information had made her feel a little better, but then it had only made her feel worse. She felt incredibly stupid for not even considering that as a possibility. If she had just noticed, things would have gone differently. But she hadn't, and now here they were.

It wasn't that strange that she hadn't considered Theodore as an option. Even after dating Edmund for months, she had never really been properly introduced to his twin brother. She knew she hadn't really put a lot of effort in making sure Edmund knew her sisters either, but that was different. None of them were her twin. Had he known how much Theodore hated their relationship? Or was it her he hated? Why hadn't Edmund said anything? Had he just accepted his brother's dislike and kept them apart on purpose, or had he not known how deep it went? Keeping them apart did seem deliberate now, which made her feel uneasy. If she had known more about the situation, she could have seen what had really been happening. There was a part of her that hoped that the sight of Edmund would clear it all up. That being in the same place again and looking each other in the eye would fix everything. But as she watched him approach, her stomach clenched instead. Even though she knew it hadn't been him that had hurt and humiliated her, the sight of him still made those memories rush back to her all at once. She clenched her hands into fists, trying her best to force herself to stay calm. She had to be rational about this. If she could just push those thoughts aside and focus on what was really in front of her, maybe things could be fixed. But it wasn't like her to be optimistic, and even as she held onto the hope she knew deep down that things had changed between them forever.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund's entire life, he had been intrigued by misery. He had read books about people who were miserable, played songs lamenting miseries from centuries ago, spent hours with his brother discussing ways to make others miserable. But never before in his life did Edmund think he had really, truly experienced misery in its pure form. And now, misery was all he felt. Waking up in the bed he had traded for to be as far away from Theodore as possible. No brother at his side. Edmund had never in his life had to eat alone before, and now every meal was torture, surrounded by gossiping classmates he longed to sneer about, with nobody to sneer to. Theodore had betrayed him, betrayed everything they had ever stood for as a unit, and Diana hadn't spoken to him.

Not that Edmund had spoken to her either. He wanted to, but every time he went to begin a conversation, the doubts began creeping in. Theodore's voice echoing in his mind, reminding him that Diana hadn't even known it was him. The only person he thought had ever seen him as he was, a person of his own, rather than an interchangeable half of a pair. When it really, truly mattered most, she hadn't even noticed. Everyone he cared about had let him down, and there was nothing he could rely on anymore. But this couldn't last forever. This miserable intermission, these days of being too scared to talk to anyone. As much as it hurt, Edmund needed to speak to Diana again. They couldn't simply drift apart by Theodore's hand, without him even saying a word. And to Edmund's relief she had agreed to meet him. As soon as he saw Diana, Edmund's stomach twisted into knots, misery rushing through him again. It took all of his strength to approach her, so overcome he was by hurt. Standing facing her, Edmund couldn't even bring himself to fight the waver in his voice as he spoke, barely managing even a single word. "Hi."

 

[Diana Hollis]

It was infuriating, how much pain the simple sight of this boy now made her feel. Already, Diana felt the threat of tears prickling behind her eyes, though she hoped she would be able to keep them at bay. Being vulnerable and crying was very embarrassing, and she definitely didn't want to do that any more than she already had over this. She forced herself to look Edmund in the eye, folding her arms defensively in front of herself. Everything about the situation told her that this wouldn't be a fun conversation, and she was mentally preparing herself for it. "How's your brother?" She asked him, the question slipping from her lips without her permission. She sounded angry, and it surprised even herself. She didn't blame Edmund for what his brother did, did she? As she thought about it, she supposed a part of her did. If anyone could have stopped it, it was the boy in front of her. They were always together, and it was hard for Diana to imagine he hadn't known at least a little bit of what was happening with Theodore. Maybe he hadn't known of his actions specifically, but he must have known his brother was unhappy and capable of doing something horrible.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

In an instant, the time beforehand in which Edmund had thought he was experiencing misery seemed laughable. He didn't know if it was possible to quantify the absolute most hurtful thing to say in any particular instance, but Diana had come shockingly close. An ability of hers Edmund had once found so charming was now devastating when turned upon him. Resisting the urge to wrap his arms around himself defensively, Edmund shrugged, unable to bring himself to even look Diana in the eye now. "I don't know." He croaked, shoulders hunched. "We're no longer on speaking terms." It felt like moving the weight of boulders, eyes shifting to finally look at Diana. Any faint parts of Edmund that had hoped there was something to be salvaged from all this fizzled away at the sight of the anger in her face. Whatever Theodore had said to her, it had been even worse than Edmund feared. There was no salvation from this.

 

[Diana Hollis]

There was something Diana wanted Edmund to say, desperately. But she didn't know what it was herself. But his response to her question definitely wasn't enough, and she felt herself grow frustrated. Why was he just standing there? He wasn't fighting for them, or even trying to make anything up to her. He hadn't even asked her how she was feeling, or what exactly his brother had said. Maybe he knew already, and maybe he didn't care. She knew it wasn't fair to think like that, but she also knew Edmund had a mean streak. She had liked that about him, but now it made her nervous. He looked miserable, but he didn't look like he was here to win her back. "Well, he deserves that. And more." She said, her gaze boring into him. It frustrated her that he wasn't meeting her gaze, and it frustrated her too that he didn't say anything else. Not speaking to his brother was a good thing, but soon after he he said it, she knew that there was no way the twins would never reconcile. She had fought with her own sisters plenty of times, and it had never lasted. Granted, none of them had ever done something that horrible to her, but she knew how siblings worked. They were always connected in some way, even if they didn't always want to be. "Is that all you have to say to me?" She added, still hoping that he would say whatever it was that would fix this.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund didn't know what to say to Diana's assertation that Theodore deserved what he had gotten, simply nodding wordlessly. It was difficult to fight the instinct to defend his twin, even when what Theodore had done was indefensible. The distance between him and Diana felt impossibly vast, and Edmund's heart wrenched as it sunk in that he may never be close to her again. He didn't want to let go of everything they had shared, but Diana's anger was clear, and every time he tried to think of a way to reach out, Theodore's voice rang through his mind. Diana hadn't seen what made him unique when it mattered most. Heart aching, Edmund couldn't help but say what he felt. "Why didn't you realise?" He croaked, hands curling into fists to relieve some of the tension wracking his body. "How could you think that was me?"

 

[Diana Hollis]

As Diana looked at Edmund, she knew what she wanted from him. Deep down, all she wanted was an apology. She knew it wasn't entirely reasonable, as Edmund hadn't been the one to actually do anything, but she couldn't help it. She had thought it was him when the words were said to her, and she felt like the only way she could even start to put it behind her was by hearing Edmund apologize for his brother's actions. But the words that left the Ravenclaw's mouth were completely different from what she had expected and hoped for, and she felt her stomach drop slightly. "What?" She asked, dumbfounded for a moment. Then, the anger returned in full force. "Are you seriously blaming ME right now?" She asked, her voice dangerous. She couldn't believe it. Her heart had been broken by this boy's horrible brother in front of a corridor full of people, and now he was saying she should have known it wasn't him? "You look exactly the same, in case you didn't notice." She added, allowing her very real irritation into her tone of voice. He couldn't possibly think he was being reasonable, right?

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Every bone in Edmund's miserable body felt as though it were being dragged, slowly, agonisingly below the floor, into a well of suffering, and there was nothing he could do but stand here and let this happen. Diana's words only struck him deeper, anger the last reaction he had expected from her. He had done nothing wrong - only been hurt by the people he trusted most - and this was how she saw him?! "We don't!" Edmund snapped back, struggling to keep a wobble out of his voice. "Theodore is left handed! And we're different people! I thought you knew me, I thought you knew I would never do something like that to you!" He retorted, struggling to keep the embarrassing flood of tears that had erupted during his confrontation with Theodore from returning. "I thought you saw me, as an individual!"

 

[Diana Hollis]

Diana didn't understand why Edmund wasn't apologizing, why he was looking at her now as if she had been the one to hurt him. She hadn't! She was the victim here! She grit her teeth, glaring at the boy she had not so long ago treasured like no one else. "You do!" She said, shaking her head. "I got a note with your name under it, how was I supposed to know it wasn't you?" She balled her hands into fists, stepping closer. "Maybe if you had actually warned me about your insane brother, I would have understood. Or if you had ever bothered to introduce me to him, maybe I would have known the differences between you two! And maybe he wouldn't have hated me so much if he had had the chance to meet me. But you never did, I only ever knew you, and now you're angry I couldn't see the difference between you and your brother, even while he was pretending to be you and trying to trick me?" She pointed a finger at him. "I'm not the one who should be apologizing here. My heart got crushed, and now you want to say it's my own fault? I thought you were better than that."

 

[Edmund Westwick]

This conversation couldn't possibly, possibly have gone worse. There was no way. Edmund winced at Diana's accusations, stepping back nervously and struggling to keep his tears at bay. He had done an embarrassing amount of crying the last few days, and he didn't want to give Diana that to hold over him as well. The cruelty he had found so charming in her when directed at others was devastating when she turned her focus onto him. "He's not insane!" Even when furious at Theodore, Edmund couldn't bring himself not to defend his brother. "He's just... being horrible! I never introduced you to him because I... I wanted something that I didn't have to share with Theodore, was it so terrible to want to spend time with you by myself?" Edmund took a shaky breath, embarrassed at how close he had gotten to crying once again. "I didn't do anything! What do you want me to apologise for?! Your sister threatened to kill me! You never realised I wouldn't treat you like that, how could you have just thought I would say anything horrible to you?!"

 

[Diana Hollis]

Diana took a step closer when Edmund insisted his brother wasn't insane. Sure, maybe her choice of words hadn't been the nicest, but that didn't mean he had to defend him. "So what, you're going to defend him already? He humiliated me! He hurt me! He... he destroyed what we had, don't you get that? Why aren't you angrier?" She dismissed his words about wanting to have her for himself as flattering lies, scowling at him. "Or maybe you just didn't want to face the difficult situation that would arise. Maybe you knew he would be awful and decided to avoid the confrontation." She grit her teeth, shaking her head. "You could apologize for how hurt I am! You could at least try to comfort me but all you're doing is blaming me and defending your brother. It's like you're picking his side!" She crossed her arms and shook her head. "You're always going to blame me for not realizing, aren't you?" She asked, her voice softer and sadder now.

 

[Edmund Westwick]

Edmund scowled, hurriedly looking away to wipe his eyes, hoping Diana wouldn't notice. "I'm not defending what he did! It was horrible! I'm not speaking to him anymore! But you don't have to call him names!" Somehow, Diana insulting Theodore felt different to when Edmund did the same himself. He flinched as she hit the nail on the head of a big part of why Edmund had never introduced his girlfriend and his brother. "Look, he was already getting angry I was avoiding him! I just wanted to have one friend who wasn't also his friend, everyone else thinks we're the same person! You were supposed to be different, you were supposed to know I was different! Why do you want me to apologise for doing nothing when you haven't apologised for not recognising me!"

 

[Diana Hollis]

Diana hadn't often been this angry. She often got mad and lost her temper, but this was different. It was a deeper feeling, one that she felt in her bones. She grit her teeth when Edmund claimed not to defend his brother, then immediately told her not to call him names. "I can call him whatever I want." She snapped. "He's a horrible person." Then he started to explain why he hadn't introduced her to his brother, but she couldn't muster up any sympathy for him. He hadn't told her about any of this beforehand, and now it was too little too late. Something inside her snapped when he compared their situations, insinuating she was the one who should apologize. In that moment, Diana knew she would never forgive Edmund. "If you think I'm going to apologize for getting my heart crushed in front of everyone, you're completely stupid and a horrible jerk. Maybe you really are just like your brother!" She shouted, shaking her head. Then she took a deep breath. "I'm done, Edmund. Good luck finding anyone else to put up with you. I bet you'll be returning to your brother before long, since you're already defending him." She'd been fighting tears for most of the argument. but they had strangely gone away now. A calm had come over her, and Diana looked at Edmund for a moment before looking away. "Don't talk to me again."