Closed Breaking and Broken

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton was trying to pay attention. He really was. He knew it was rude, drifting away to thought in the middle of conversations, but it seemed that recently he just couldn't bring himself to focus on any one thing for any length of time. It was frankly a miracle that Lily was still talking to him as it was, and the fact that she was now his only close friend left meant he should be even more grateful to her for just talking to her. But he couldn't help the drifting of his mind, as glancing out a window he caught a glimpse of Simon crossing the grounds, and his heart sank into his stomach all over again. The Yule Ball had been when everything had gone so painfully, hatefully wrong, and now he was alone, unwanted all over again, without anyone he could lean on. Lily was the only person he had, but how could he possibly lean on her, when he had hurt her so terribly? Such an idiot, he couldn't even pay attention to her, distracted just staring out the window, pained as he tried to wrangle his feelings back into control, tried desperately not to cry.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily liked to think she was strong. Except for the occasional occurrence with Elliot, she managed to stay something resembling happy, content in herself. It was a little harder when she was with Clifton, but she had locked away her feelings for him long ago. She was glad that they could still be friends. She was chatting idly with him as they wondered the castle, but she could tell he wasn't listening. She slowed as he did, turning to look up at him. "Clifton?" she asked, voice gentle. "I know that face. What's wrong?" she asked tenderly, reaching for his hand but ready to pull back if needed.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton knew his pain had to be showing on his face, but he didn't want to acknowledge the possibility that Lily might be able to tell. A possibility that, of course, proved itself true almost immediately. He jerked out of his thoughts, jumping quickly to straight, nervous posture. "I'm fine!" He said, much too fast and much too high. "Everything's fine, don't worry!"

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily raised a brow, taking a small step closer. "Clifton. You aren't a very good liar." She gave him a tender smile, taking his hand in hers. "Talk to me. What's going on?" She looked up at him, concern clear in her eyes. She hated seeing him like this. What could have happened?

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton's heart sank deeper as Lily spoke, unable to bring himself to meet her eyes. He knew she would have to find out about the breakup eventually, but how could he dump all of his feelings and problems on her like this? There was no escaping it though, so he looked down, voice coming out rough as he spoke. "Knox dumped me..." He croaked, clinging to her hand for dear life.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily's heart sank as Clifton said he'd been dumped. "Oh, Clif," she breathed. Seeing a window seat nearby, she guided him over with her, sitting down and pulling him along with her. "Come here," she held open her arms, clutching the hems of her too long sleeves in her hands to keep her sleeves from falling down her arms. He needed a hug, she was sure of it, but she would let him decide if he'd accept it or not.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton knew this was wrong, knew Lily was the last person he should be dropping the pain from his breakup on. After everything he had put her through, how hard they had worked to rebuild their friendship, it all felt too much. It was easy though, easy to let her lead him, holding her hand tightly, and Clifton had never claimed to be a strong man. He stayed close to Lily, leaning in close when she offered him a hug. Her familiar perfume and warmth washed over him, reminding Clifton of happier times, of how badly he had ruined his own life, and he couldn't help the small sob that escaped him.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily drew Clifton in close, folding her arms around his neck. She turned her torso just a bit, making it as easy as she could for him to collapse against her if he wanted. "I'm right here, Clifton. It's okay, I've got you. You can let go," she spoke gently, but resolutely. She would always be there for him. She didn't doubt that. And she knew he was holding back. She hoped a little encouragement would help him let it out.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton knew this was wrong. Knew Lily was the last person he had any right to lean on for support. But she was here, and she was warm, and it was so easy to sink into her arms and let himself hurt, let himself cry. And so he did, clinging to Lily as small, shaky, pathetic sobs left him. It wasn't any kind of explosion of emotion, no whooping deep wails that would have attracted attention, just the slow, mournful weeping for all the love he had lost. Once he had finally cried himself out Clifton was just... pressed to Lily's shoulder, holding her close with no idea how to extracate himself. "...Sorry..." He mumbled slowly, finally pulling back to wipe his eyes with a trembling hand. "I... I'm sorry, I know-know I shouldn't..." He stammered out, struggling to pull himself back together.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily held onto Clifton, shutting her eyes and rubbing his back gently as he cried. She let her arms loosen as he pulled back. She shook her head, smiling gently. "Shush," She scolded him with a tender smile. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Clifton. You're hurting." she wiped gently at his cheeks with her sleeves. "I'm right here. If you're upset, I would rather you told me. I can't help much, but I'll always do what I can," She promised him, taking his hands again and rubbing her thumbs lightly over the back of them. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton didn't deserve this. He knew that for a fact, but it was so easy to let himself sink into the comfort Lily offered. He wiped his eyes quickly and shook his head at her offer, staring down at his knees. He hadn't spoken about the breakup with anyone, and didn't even know where to begin. And Lily... he had already asked far too much of her, but there was a line, and if he couldn't draw it where it ought to be, Clifton was going to draw it under spilling all his pain at her. "No..." He said a little shakily, shoulders sagging. "It's... it was... a mess, and I'm... I just... want to forget..." He mumbled, glancing out the window again, though Simon was nowhere to be seen anymore. "Thank you, though."

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie was walking down the hallway when he REALIZED HE WASNT WANTED AND RAN AWAY

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily's heart ached, and she squeezed his hands in her own. "Okay," she agreed. She wouldn't push him. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me." Lily told him, though she hesitated as an idea came to her. She bit her lip. Would it be tacky to ask? She was quiet a moment before offering it to him carefully.

"Clifton.... I... Might be out of line to ask this. But do you think... You might want to go to the dance with me? As friends," she added quickly, giving him a shy smile. "It could be a good distraction." She offered gently. "Or if you'd rather, we can spend some time in the kitchens. I found a few new recipes I want to try."

 

[Clifton Ward]

Lily's hands in his own felt like a lifeline to Clifton as he squeezed back, nodding quietly at Lily's offer of help and knowing he could never take her up on it. He could never take more from her after all the damage he had done. Before he could pull away and put on some face of being alright though, Lily had continued speaking, and Clifton felt his heart skip in shock. "O-oh..." He stammered out, mind racing as he tried to process. Was this a stupid idea? It wasn't going to be a date, Lily had been clear, but it would be so close to the love they had shared for so long. But as Clifton looked at her, he knew he couldn't say no. "I... ah... if... if you're sure..." He said hesitantly. "I wouldn't ever want to presume or impose. But... but it would be... nice, to go to the dance. As friends."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily relaxed a bit as Clifton agreed, letting out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure, Clifton," she reassured him. She was very nervous about it, sure. "You could never impose," she added with a shy smile. She kept a firm hold on her emotions and stood, giving him her best smile. "Do you want to keep walking? We could go to the kitchens if you'd prefer." She offered.

 

[Clifton Ward]

Clifton felt... heavy. The pain of the breakup, guilt about putting his feelings on Lily of all people, it weighed so much, and he didn't know how to set any of it down. Even her reassurances did nothing to assuage his fear that he was wrong, that he was messing this up again. He stood when she did though, doing his best to swallow his feelings down. "I- yes, let's..." He said slowly, trying to collect himself. Maybe someplace private would be better, for now.