It was a strange thing for the man to admit. Damon had been dating Clarisse for six years now, and they had had many issues during their time together - mostly caused by him, he had to admit. He was a big ball of nerves, and he knew that it had to be difficult for her to live with. But two years ago, he had made the commitment to move in with her. It was a difficult decision, one that he regretted on several occasions, but he now felt somewhat comfortable in their shared apartment. He rarely if ever felt like throwing up when she approached him these days. He enjoyed knowing that she was in the same building as him, and loved cooking for her when they stayed home together - mostly because he dreaded the thought of going out anywhere. But Clarisse didn't seem to mind. He had, naturally, thought she would, and feared that she would hate him for it, but they seemed perfectly happy. He was glad to have found Clarisse.
He gripped a small box in his hand as he returned to their apartment. This had been his first trip out in years, really. His first trip beyond the shop across the road, anyway. Inside was a nice ring he had spent a little too much money on, really, but this was special. This was for someone special. This was for Clarisse Richards, the woman he hoped to marry with all of hi heart. He could not have been happier than this very moment as he trotted up the stairs to their apartment door, and opened it.
"Clarisse?" he called out nervously, his voice shaking as it usually did. "I... I need to talk to you." He had so many things to say, and so little time to say all of them. He only hoped he could do this.
Clarisse had known that fact even before she and Damon had started dating six years ago. They had started out as acquaintances after all and moved on to being friends for quite some time and while she was pretty sure in their time of friendship, they had developed feelings for each other, it had taken some time before they had gotten to the next step. In fact, it had been her who had taken the next step after all the dancing around that they've done to each other. And she had never regretted that. Their relationship had progressed slowly as they faced several issues, though they managed to take each one in stride. She had grown accustomed to his ways just as he probably had with hers. She had her doubts, but it had been washed away when he had surprisingly took the next step, and though it hadn't been what she had expected, knowing the man, she knew it had been a big leap and she was proud. They lived together and he made her happy and yet, she couldn't stop the ever growing doubt within her, doubt that had caused her to make a decision. And even then, she had never regret loving Damon.
She had returned home from work early tonight as she had been eager to talk to him. This was a subject that she had not dared talked to him about before, neither was it something that she doubt she could put off. She was a ball of nerves tonight even as she cooked in the kitchen like the many times she had done before. She had just about finished cooking dinner when she heard the door open and shut and she swallowed the lump forming in her throat. She didn't think she could do this. "I... I'm in the kitchen. I'll be right out," she called back as she took a deep breath and went out to greet him. But when she did and she looked at him, just as nervous as he was when they first met, she briefly wondered if she can really do this.
Damon smiled meekly as he saw her, and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He didn't want to ruined his surprise for her before he had built up the nerve to actually surprise her. He thought that this would all be easier as soon as he saw her, but now he felt a knot twist within him. He just had to keep pushing through, and finally give her the attention he knew he didn't really give her. This was to be her day - their day. The day they would talk about and laugh about in their old age. If children ever came about, the day they would talk to about them. A good day. The happiest day of their life, even if he felt like he had a granite stone in his gut. He coughed a little, his throat now dry and scratchy, but forced himself to speak with as little stammering as possible.
"Um, I... I wanted to talk to you about something," he explained, his face growing red. He wandered over to the island bench and put his hand on it as if to anchor himself to the spot. He felt a little faint. "We've been together for six years, and lived together for two years and... I trust you." He smiled at her a little bright now. "I love you." He moved to stand in front of her, his hand retrieving the ring from his pocket, and he desperately tried to not drop it between his shaking fingers. He felt to one knee, and opened to box, taking a painful breath.
As Clarisse looked at him and waited for him to be the first one to speak, she couldn't help but notice that within the wrecked nerves that was usually him, there was a hint of bravery. And it was causing a sinking feeling within her stomach that told her that this day would be something she would definitely regret. She waited for what seemed like ages for him to speak, and she had nearly opened her mouth so they could start if he needed a little push. But, it seemed like he didn't, and she could only smile encouragingly at him to continue. As he went on with his words though, dread was beginning to fill her being. And as she looked at him. Stared right into his eyes, she could feel tears forming within her own. This was wrong. It was all so wrong. She loved him but this was wrong. She was going to talk to him because she was losing hope. She thought he didn't care. The wait had taken its toll on her and it shouldn't have.
The woman let her hands fly up to her lips as she choked back a sob as he told her she loved her. She desperately wanted to stop him. Stop him from kneeling. Stop his shaking fingers. Stop the words that were going to fly out of his mouth. But she couldn't move. She couldn't speak. All she was doing was fighting back a sob. What had she done? She didn't deserve him. She doubted him. He was so kind, so gentle, so innocent and he loved her. And what did she give him in return? Yes, she loved him. But she also doubted him. She doubted him enough to welcome the idea of ending their relationship if he so wanted. She had welcomed the idea of giving up. And she realized how selfish and how horrible she was. As soon as the four dreaded words came out of his lips, she could no longer hold back the crashing sobs and tears, her voice coming out brokenly.
Damon had initially misread her expression. Her wide eyes, chocking voice and shaking fingers. He had at first thought that it was surprise, perhaps some extreme nervous, and a little panic - but that was all to be expected during this situation, right? However, his entire world came crashing down around him as she began sobbing, and finally spoke. Her words had at first escaped him. She hadn't done anything warranting an apology. Until he realised that she was apologising for her inaction - she was saying no. His hands fell, the ring slipping between his pale fingers as his hand was denied, and he stood up, feeling quite the fool. He felt useless, as if everyone knew something that he could never hope to understand. He had thought that this was the right thing to do - the next step. They lived together, he loved her. His eyes finally dropped from her tear-stricken face and he licked his dry lips. She didn't care about him.
Now he really felt stupid. How could he not see that clearly she didn't love him? How could she possibly care about him after everything he had put her through these past six years? It was ridiculous for him to think that this could have worked. He wiped his hands over his burning face, drying his eyes.
"N-no," he sputtered, kneeling down clumsily to collect the ring. "I should have, um... I-I-" He silenced himself, and decided to just shake his head. "I'm sorry, Clarisse," he whispered, pocketing the ring. He turned towards the door, and grabbed the handle. "I... um, I need some... I need to go." He wasn't sure where he was going, or when he would return, but he couldn't stay here. Not another moment. His heart had just been torn from his chest and left to beat on the floor.
Clarisse didn't know what to do. What to say. But there was nothing for her to do or to say. She loved him. Loved him so much for the past years of her life. She knew he loved her. She knew it, she felt it. But the feeling of dread, of longing, of wanting something and of doubt had never left her. She knew who he was. Knew how he felt, how he acted, and every time, she convinced herself that he would be fine, that she would be fine, that they would be fine. But doubt had been washing over her, taking over her. Her ideas, her thoughts consuming her to end this with him because he didn't seem to love her. He rarely showed that he did. And there were times that it seemed that he was disgusted with her. She knew it wasn't true. But the nagging feeling refused to go away. She was going to end them. She was going to leave him. Because she thought he didn't love her as much as she did. But it seemed that she was wrong. Oh, so wrong.
It was her who didn't love him as much as he did her. She doubted him. More times than she could count. Despite knowing who he is and what he was dealing with, she doubted him. Damon loved her more than ever and when she thought that perhaps he didn't want her and he didn't deserve her, she was wrong. He wanted her and she didn't deserve him even if she loved him so. But it was because of that that she needed to reject him. Because she loved him and she would never be right for him. Not if she doubted him. She was sure that he would find someone to love him more than she ever will. Accept him more than she could ever have. And that person would be who he deserved. While she, she didn't deserve anyone. Not with the amount of doubts, insecurities and lack of trust she carries. Her tears carried on even as she packed her things and left his apartment that she had begun to call home. She will miss the house, she will miss their fleeting moments. And most of all, she will miss him more than anything. "I love you Damon. I'm so sorry," she sobbed out before turning to leave and willed herself to not turn back.
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
