Closed Before You Go

[Katy Miller]

Katy could not believe how fast this year had gone. At first it had seemed like she had all the time in the world and now exams were right around the corner and she was going to have to start working out how to say goodbyes. She was already adamant she was going to ace her apparation exam and come visit everyone the second she was old enough, but still as the end of the year crept closer, Katy was desperate to get in some extra time with the friends she'd managed to make here before she had to wait to see anyone gain.

One person in particular she really wanted more time with was Emilia. Katy was still kicking herself for not having the guts to sign her rose to Emilia on Valentine's, especially after she heard the crap Emilia's gross ex had pulled sending her his own rose. Katy was certain Emilia could use some decent venting time after all that, asking Emilia to meet her in the gardens for some patented girl talk. But she was also hopeful that maybe she could get a few things off her chest as well.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia was sad that the year was almost over, even if she was also looking forward to going to Denmark and taking a break from Hogwarts for a bit. She just hoped her family wouldn't force her to spend time with Athena. She did not want to see her cousin right now. It was also sad that Katy would be leaving at the end of the year, and would not come back to Hogwarts. Emilia had really liked spending time with the Gryffindor, and she was sad to say goodbye. She guessed that was why Katy had asked her to the gardens, to say a proper goodbye. Though there was still some time left, so maybe that wasn't what Katy had in mind at all. Emilia headed into the gardens, spotting her friend after a while. She smiled slightly and headed over to her, tapping her on the shoulder lightly. "Hi Katy." She said quietly.

 

[Katy Miller]

Katy turned to smile when Emilia joined her, trying to ignore how her heart sped up at the sight of her. "Hey yourself!" She said brightly, trying to will herself to be cool for two seconds around Emilia for once. "How'd things go with Derek?" She asked, trying to put as much distain into Derek's name as possible to show her very low opinion of him. "Unless you don't wanna talk about it of course, which is cool," She added quickly. "But let it be known I am an excellent listener and wise beyond my years," Katy said, giving Emilia a reassuring smile in case the other girl was having a bad day. If she was having a bad day then Derek had better watch his back.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia's smile faded a little at the mention of Derek. She sighed, twisting a strand of hair around her finger as she looked away. "It... was not great." She admitted. "He apologized at first, but soon it became clear why he had really asked me to talk." She said, looking back at Katy with a slight frown. "He was basically telling me to stop fighting with my cousin about him." She admitted. "And when I told him to mind his own business, as it was between us, he admitted he had feelings for her." Emilia cursed inwardly as her voice wavered on those words. She blinked and looked down, annoyed at how upset this made her. "it's not like it's a s-surprise. Really." She said, her voice only shaking more. "Why wouldn't he like her?" She tried to laugh, but it came out a little sadly.

 

[Katy Miller]

Katy motioned to a nearby bench when she saw the look on Emilia's face. She didn't want to have to worry about walking into a rose bush if she was going to be focusing all her energy on killing Derek with her mind while she let Emilia vent. "Gross, what a jerk," Katy said, scrunching up her face. She felt her hackles rise more when Emilia's voice shook, shaking her vehemently. "He was lucky to have you and an absolute idiot for giving that up," Katy said, making sure Emilia was looking her and really listening. "You are awesome, gorgeous, and deserve the world. Screw him if he doesn't realize that," She said fiercely. "I've barely known you a year and I can see that much," She added speaking softer, feeling her heartbeat back in her throat again as the shot of protectiveness lessened enough.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia nodded and followed Katy to the bench, sitting down and sighing softly. "I don't even care that we broke up anymore." She mumbled. "Not... not really." She smiled softly, "But thank you Katy." She blushed a little at all the compliments, ducking her head. "It's just that my own cousin took his side over mine, and now he l-likes her." Her voice wavered again, and tears filled her eyes. "It just makes me feel like... like Athena is better than me, even if I know that's illogical. But she's nicer, prettier without trying so hard... more social. You don't know because you didn't know me before, but I used to be very shy and a little weird." She said, with a self-conscious laugh. "I had to work hard and pretend a lot to be more like my cousins. But that's what Derek didn't like, me changing... and now he... he likes my cousin instead." She bit her lip. "I bet she likes him too. I bet she did all along, and that's why she never talked to me and talked to him instead after our breakup." A tear spilled over, trailing down her cheek. "And I'll have to be reminded of him picking her in the end every time I see them together." She whispered.

 

[Katy Miller]

It was breaking Katy's heart to hear how retched and small all this stuff with Emilia and her ex was making her feel. She could understand why Emilia was feeling this way, but she didn't like it. Katy didn't want to talk ill of Emilia's cousin, family stuff was tricky, but it made her blood boil some to hear about how crappy Emilia's was making her feel. Derek on the other hand, Katy wondered if maybe she could drop a few hexes on him on the train home without anyone noticing. "I wish I could find a way to say this without sounding like I'm just saying it to make you feel better. Not that you feeling better wouldn't be nice, but I really want you to believe it," Katy said softly. "I've met some really cool people this year, no doubt, but if there's one I haven't been able to stop thinking about it'd be you," She said, hoping her voice wasn't shaking.

Katy didn't want to make this about her dumb crush on Emilia, who as far as Katy could tell was completely straight, but she really wanted Emilia to know how amazing she was, Derek and Athena be damned. "If other people can't figure out how amazing you are, they're missing out," She said, hesitantly putting her hand over Emilia's. Her pulse was pounding and Katy didn't trust her hands not to shake too much, so nervous about blurting out some awkward confession in the middle of this. "Please don't try to change yourself for anyone, I promise you people will and do like you just for you who you are. Merlin, that's cheesy I'm sorry but it's true," She said, hoping to maybe get a little laugh and see if Emilia might stop crying.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia shook her head slightly, smiling despite her tears. "You are making me believe it. Somehow." She said softly. "Katy, I'm really going to miss you at the end of the year." She whispered, wiping her eyes before looking at her. She looked at the hand Katy placed on her own, and smiled. She really had made a good friend, and while it made her sad to know Katy would leave again at the end of the year, she had the feeling they would stay friends. "I already tried to change myself for everyone, all the time. I... think I've finally sort of found myself." She said softly, looking down. "But I still feel insecure, even if I don't show it as much as I used to. I know my worth isn't dependent on a boy, but... a part of me feels like second best." She admitted quietly, gripping Katy's hand. "Thanks for making me feel better, though. You're a really great friend."

 

[Katy Miller]

"I'm very convincing," Katy said with a proud little nod, giving Emilia a fond smile. She hoped the other girl really was taking what she was saying to heart, because it was all sincere. "It's cool that you can admit it though, you know? It takes guts to be able to say 'this stuff makes me feel insecure!', even if you're still working on it," Katy said. Admitting things to herself was always Katy's biggest struggle. It had taken her about 6 months of thinking about how pretty and cool Emilia was before she could actually admit she might have proper feelings for her. "Second best in the rankings for people who don't matter," Katy said dismissively. "First in my eyes," Katy was hamming it up now, she could feel it, trying to lighten Emilia's mood and shake off her own nerves as well. Her palm felt sweaty in hers, but she wasn't going to risk shifting it and having Emilia let go. They didn't have much time before the term ended and Katy didn't know if she'd ever get a chance to do something like this again.

"While we're being great friends and being honest with each other, I have a little confession to make," Katy started slowly, trying not to let the words 'friend' make her lose her nerve at the last second here. There was a huge possibility this was terrible timing and she was about to blow everything just by opening her mouth, but the idea of not doing this and regretting it later pushed Katy forward. "I just wanna preface this by saying I don't expect like, anything in return and I'm not asking you return these feelings, nothing like that. I just. I couldn't deal with not saying anything now and then having to send you some ridiculous letter or something after I've left," Katy said, holding her previous jovial grin in place by sheer willpower. "Just. I realized a few months ago that, beyond being thinking you were the coolest friend ever- and that part's still there, by the way- I realized that I uh. I really like you. Like. Like you like you. So there. Someone does think you're number one. A parting gift from me or something," Katy said, jumbling her way through the confession.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia smiled shyly as Katy said it was cool how she could admit what made her insecure. She had never really thought of it that way. She sighed softly and nodded. "Thank you." She said quietly, and then blushed as Katy said she was first in her eyes. It was sweet of her to say, but there was something in her tone... it felt like she really meant it. Emilia glanced at Katy, her heart starting to beat faster as the girl said she had a confession to make. "Oh?" She asked softly, her eyes growing a little wider. Katy started to tell her, and Emilia knew what she was going to say before she said it. She felt immensely sad as she realized what Katy was really telling her, sad... and guilty. She knew that Katy was one of her best friends, but that was all she felt for the girl. She wished she could say something else, but she couldn't. Tearing up again, Emilia lowered her gaze. "Oh, Katy... I'm sorry." She whispered, then let go of her hand so she could pull her into a hug. She hugged the Gryffindor tightly. "You've been so sweet, and so amazing." She said quietly, holding the girl close. "I ... I wish I felt the same. I really do. I'm sorry." She said again, her voice trembling a little. There was a part of her that wished Katy hadn't said it, hadn't complicated the situation. But it was so brave of her to put herself out there, to take the chance. Emilia knew it was incredibly difficult, and she hated to disappoint her. She wanted to cry again, but knew that Katy would just end up having to comfort her, which would be terrible as she was the one with the broken heart. "I'm going to miss you so much." She said again, hoping that it would somehow help soothe everything, even if she knew it wouldn't.

 

[Katy Miller]

Katy accepted the hug, knowing pretty much exactly what Emilia was going to say, even before she said it, leaning tightly into the hug while she could and taking a moment to mourn her little crush. "No no, it's okay, really," She said, pulling away reluctantly. "Your friendship is not a consolation prize, I don't like, expect anything from you," She said earnestly, still letting her hands rest on Emilia's shoulders. "Just, needed to get it off my chest before I got stuck pining from afar or something ridiculous like that. And, wanted you to know that people can still like you and stuff too," She said with an embarrassed shrug. Even though she'd been bracing for it, it still hurt that Emilia didn't feel the same way. Katy wondered if she'd been half hoping Emilia would surprise her and have been secretly in love with her all year too, unrealistic or not. "I'll be back here bothering you guys before you even know it too," She said with another firm nod, powering through the rejection and letting her hands drop from Emilia's shoulders. "Maybe I can jinx Derek's pants off on the train home or something, last act of a jilted lover," Katy said with a small smile, though she was only half-joking. She would totally jinx Derek's pants off for Emilia.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia kind of wanted to stay in the hug, because at least now she didn't have to look Katy in the eye. But Katy pulled back first, talking very calmly for the circumstances. She really admired her, as she knew she would be crying at this point. Katy was a lot stronger than her, though, as most Gryffindors were. She felt the urge to keep on apologizing, but knew that wouldn't do anyone any good. "Thank you." She said instead. "You're honestly way too nice to me, but my self esteem could use it at the moment..." She said, attempting to lighten the mood a little. "I look forward to you coming back, please write me a lot." She giggled a little at Katy's comment about Derek. "I... wouldn't call a prefect if you did." She admitted with a slight smile.