Attempting to Find Sophia

Sophia opened her eyes and move them up to Estrella, glaring at her cousin as she sat on her heels on the ground. She took in a deep breath to keep herself calm and compose herself before speaking. "Are you quite satisfied now Estrella? You wanted me angry and you have succeeded. Perhaps now you will be kind enough to leave me in peace." Sophia looked away from Estrella and got to her feet, walking back to the spot where she had previously been sitting.
 
Estrella's eyes widened as she caught Sophia's glare, her gaze hardening as her cousin spoke. "Sophia, I-" she began to say, but she stopped herself before she could get ahead. She had the distinct feeling that any of her words would be lost on Sophia, let alone any apologies. Her composure lost any softness as she looked back to Sophia, not sure whether to leave just yet.
 
At the sound of Estrella's voice Sophia turned on her heel, her long black hair whipping around behind her. She stared at Estrella trying hard not to let the rage build up again. "You ridicule me for being cold, but I have few alternatives. Remaining composed is the safest option for me and everyone around me. Now if you are quite done critiquing my personality and igniting my rage I suggest you leave before the same happens again."
 
Estrella swallowed hard as she looked to Sophia. Did she really feel sorry? Yes, to an extent. With a small sigh, she stated in a voice that was barely above a whisper, "I- I'm sorry."

She was pretty sure that Sophia would not receive any apology kindly, nor did she expect her to after what she had said. While not feeling that she should have to justify everything that she had said, it might serve to soften the situation.
 
Sophia rolled her eyes and resumed her place on the ground with her back against the tree. "Stay if you will, but know that next time I will not close my eyes and I will not warn you." She looked harshly at Estrella and then picked up her book, turning her eyes back on it in an attempt to read.
 
Estrella did not see it crucial to remain standing, with a quiet sigh sitting down in the grass. She nodded to Sophia, casting her gaze to the ground. "I shouldn't have said what I did," Estrella started, her gaze remaining on a blade of grass that was fluttering to and fro in the wind, "You probably don't count my apology much, but it's there." At least, some of it was.
 
Sophia rolled her golden eyes, allowing them to land on Estrella as she sighed. Her expression was not angry, but it was not cordial either. "What is it that you want from me Estrella? You have shown me the letter, critiqued my personality, angered me to the point of losing control, and now you are apologizing. What precisely are you looking to gain from staying here?" Sophia was genuinely confused by this. What could Estrella possibly want that would compel her to stay here after all she had said?
 
Estrella swallowed hard as she listened to Sophia, her expression softer than it had been before as she looked back to her cousin. "I- I don't know," she replied honestly. "I'm not sure what I want." Her eyes trailed back to the ground as she murmured, "I guess- I've never liked the way we have to speak to each other." Plucking a dandelion and twirling it in her fingers, she added, "Not since second year." Her gaze remained on the short yellow petals jutting out from the stem; such a pretty thing for being a weed. Pity that the weeds in life were not so easy to pull.
 
Sophia's eyebrows raised as she listened to what Estrella said. "If you dislike the way we speak to each other, why have you done nothing until now? You have not made any efforts to change the way you speak to me that I have noticed." Sophia's voice was calm but inside she was still irritated with Estrella. Luckily her rage seemed to be gone for the moment.
 
Estrella nodded at what Sophia had said, her expression remaining unchanging as she continued to twirl the dandelion between her fingers. "I tried before," she stated simply, "But as of late any effort has seemed worthless to me." She crossed her legs, and pressing her thumb to the edge of the stem she popped off the top of the dandelion, watching as it fell to the ground, the bright yellow petals in deep contrast to the dark grass.
 
Sophia looked away from Estrella and turned her gaze back on her book. She did not know what to think or do in this situation. There were reasons why Sophia kept her distance from most, the circle on the grass one of those. Estrella had a habit of sparking Sophia’s temper and although she was somewhat lonely and did have to spend her summers in close proximity to Estrella she was unsure if it was worth her while to make and effort with her cousin.

“I know I have not always made it easy for us to be civil. In reality it is safer for you to stay away from me, since we have a tendency to irritate one another. This does not mean we have to be enemies, but I do not think it wise for us to be close.”
 
Estrella sighed as she looked up to her cousin, her dark eyes heavy and lidded as she nodded, accepting what she had said. "But aren't we both handling something dangerous?" she said after a slight pause. "And we know they have to be connected. I don't have much to fear when I seem to be dangerous myself." She shrugged, not sure what else to say to Sophia.
 
Sophia looked over at Estrella with sadness in her golden eyes. "Yes, we are both dealing with something dangerous. But, have you ever hurt anyone else with what you can do? Not to say that you do not have the ability to hurt others, but I have done it by pure accident before. If we are both dangerous, is it really the best idea to be together when we do not have to be? I know we have to spend summers together, but I am not really worried about hurting anyone there. School, however, is a different story."
 
"No," Estrella replied, shaking her head. She could not deny that what Sophia was saying about not hurting anyone involuntarily with her ability, but it seemed to be taking control of her life. Anytime she was around anything even barely combustible, she couldn't afford to show her emotions. But how could she tell Sophia that her friends were few and scattered? She didn't really have anyone to talk to; not anymore. But to admit that would be to admit a weakness that she wasn't so eager to broadcast.

She looked to the lake, the sun reflecting off the surface of the lake in a brilliant display of light. Quietly, she murmured, "I don't want to have it anymore, Sophia." But how could she explain in it full? It didn't even seem that she could be her own person without sudden elaborate displays of different moods; confusing both those around her and herself.
 
Sophia's eyes widened in surprise. Of course she had thought many times about how much simpler her life would be without her ability, but she was under the impression that Estrella liked being special. "What? You want to get rid of it? I thought you were eager to learn how to control it?"
 
Estrella looked to Sophia with wide eyes, shaking her head. "I do want to be able to control it- But it seems like it's never going to come. Don't you ever think about what it would be like without it, burdening you day by day? What it would be like to be normal for once- well, as normal as things could possibly be." She smirked, knowing that ability or not, her life was not going to proceed with the norm. She pulled up another blade of grass, this time ripping it into fourths, and then eights, and so on until she couldn't tear them up anymore. "Heck, I'd like to have my own emotions without worrying what's going on around me."
 
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