appointment

Izaak's mind filled with feverish thoughts, thoughts of names, of further appointments, of the personal attributes their daughter might have. It was all racing mercilessly through his mind and Izaak knew now that it would not stop, not now and definitely not until the birth happened. Even then he could not be sure. But for a moment as she reached for his hand and placed it against her stomach they slowed, just as his entire world did.

A movement, the tiniest of displacements beneath the palm of his hand caused Izaak to instantly straighten his spine in curiousity. The line of his jaw dropped ever so slightly, leaving his mouth open in amazement. In those few seconds the worry and the apprehension seemed to dissolve from his body and in its place came awe, pride and just about every other emotion he should have been feeling if he were ready to be a father. A sudden surge of protectiveness surged through him, causing him to silently promise the baby inside of his friend that he would give his all to keep her from hurt. Nothing would cause her pain, not physically, emotionally or otherwise should he have anything to do with it. Never ever.

Isabella's laugh filled his ears, pulling him lightly from his revere. A dazed smile touched the corners of his lips as his azure eyes met the soft grey of hers. But not long before it was lifted, it fell and dropped sickeningly into the pit of his stomach. "How does Alexis feel about you being a father?" His movements bristled and he hesitated as he searched desperately for an answer. There was no denying that his girlfriend was hurting but she had not ended things, not put them on hold but instead had bravely taken his promise that everything would be okay in the end. "She's as accepting as she can be, I guess." Izaak sighed, not wanting to share with his friend just how much Alexis despised her. But no one could blame her, not at all. "It's really brave of her. I mean, I wouldn't know what the hell to do if I were in her position." Izaak fell silent as the memory of Christmas Eve replayed over in his mind. The confession, the momentary distance, the promises and the reassurances that were made, all soon forgotten amidst the heat and power of their bodies and their kisses.

Izaak smoothed his palm absentmindedly back and forth across the swell in her stomach and tried to conceal the loving thoughts of his girlfriend from his expression. Because that was the very last thing that Isabella needed right now. "Are you alright now?" He asked with sincere concern, bringing his blue gaze up to meet with her face. Despite that she been in the trusted care of nurses and that he'd only be gone for a short while, Izaak didn't want to leave her, them, if something were going to happen.
 
Bella wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear the answer or not but though before the pregnancy she had been deeply envious of the girl, part of her now felt a little pity for her. Bella knew that feeling wouldn't last for long, someday she would have it all. The man, the baby the entire package. But Izaac was right in describing her as brave, not sure how she herself would have reacted to the news that the man she loved was having a baby with another woman. Bella discovered a new found respect for her building. She simply didn't know though how she personally would feel if Izaac ever wanted to bring their baby to meet Alexis.

Pushing thoughts and decisions that firmly belonged in the future, Bella knew they would definitely have to discuss that type of scenario at some point. Just not now, right now she wanted to rest. She felt utterly drained, exhausted beyond imagining. She merely nodded her head as he spoke about Alexis reactions and how she was in general about the pregnancy then smiled as he asked if she were alright.
"I need to lie down now, really you can head away. Corinne will be back I'm sure at any moment. All I'm going to do is sleep, catch up on all the lost sleep I can. So really Izaac, if anything else happens I'll send for you. If you want me too that is, otherwise don't fret".

She moved her hand from his that still covered her stomach, knowing as she did so that the baby kicked out once more. She had a piece of him with her forever, a wonderful piece of him. Bella knew she would be happy with that much, would have to contend herself with that much at least.
 
Isabella spoke out, trying to assure him that she was fine, that he could leave if he wanted to and undeniably push on through his busy life. But Izaak gave a furious shake of his head, dismissing her words in an instant with just the hint of a warm smile shining through; not too much but just enough. "Is, no," He pressed with an exhausted undertone to the timbre of his voice, suddenly feeling as if he could collapse onto one of those tightly-fitted, white-sheeted hospital beds too. "I can’t leave, not yet anyway." Sure, he would depart to the Leaky but home would not come until Izaak was well and truly satisfied that his friend did not need him.

Izaak barely noticed her touch slip away from his as he felt a third party join, once again, into the conversation. It would never cease to amaze him how something so small, albeit alive and definitely kicking, could anchor such hard hitting, forceful emotions. Again Izaak caught his jaw hanging ajar in awe and still in a depth of disbelief that this was his baby girl, his first and so far only. Children with Alexis may come in time, when they were both ready and when they both had finally seen enough of the world and their wild but promising aspiration. But Isabella and this baby was now, exactly when Izaak feared these responsibilities the most and he was as nervous but as awe-struck as hell.

"Wow. Hah, imagine what she’s gonna be like when she’s sixteen." Izaak’s mouth was moving at a rate to fast for his brain to first comprehend his words. But then it well and truly hit home. This wasn’t just now, this was forever. No matter what age- nineteen, thirty-five, fifty, ninety. Izaak cringed noticeably at the last age that spun through his mind and splayed his fingers across Isabella’s stomach. "That’s… That’s intimidating…” Izaak lifted his azure eyes as he spoke and passed to Isabella through a direct gaze that it was no longer their daughter’s antics he was talking about.
 
She couldn't help but smile when he said no to her, she seriously wished... then stopped her wishing. Stopped casting dreams of him to the stars, stopped allowing her heart to rule her head all the time. She loved him and did not think it possible to ever stop loving him but she had to try, close proximity to him was not helping her at all of course.

"Then if you won't go home, how about you head back to the Leaky and ask Yema the house elf to pack some of my things" she kept her gaze averted from him, afraid to look into the blue depths that she simply adored. Could she really give up on how she felt for him? Was it completely hopeless? His hand touching their baby, her body a simple barrier kept her from drifting away on some blissful dream. She was only a friend, only the woman who carried his baby. They had shared one glorious night that he could not even remember and yet it was one that she would always treasure, albeit with heartache but it was still in her top 5 most beautiful and poignant moments.

She turned her face to look at his and felt the stirring within her, felt the need for him as she always did and it saddened her. Her eyes were beautiful grey shimmering pools of moisture as he spoke. The only thing she found intimidating was how she wanted to reach out and touch him again. Always when she thought she had herself under control, the merest touch or look from him would send her spiralling. It was so not fair the level of power he had over her. Very carefully she moved his hand from her stomach to where her heart beat almost violently. Her gaze never left his.

Her heart was battered, bruised, kicked about as violently as the baby inside her was kicking and yet she did not complain. Bella's fingers splayed over his as she held his gaze.
"Thank you for coming today" her voice was soft, tired and defeated as if by everything that life threw at her. She badly needed that bed and hoped that Corinne would come back quickly. Moving her hand from his she touched the palm of it to his cheek, the feel of his skin beneath hers felt so right, so perfect but only for her. She knew what she was doing now, even if he didn't. Every facet of his face she was regaling to memory, every inch of him that she absorbed as she looked at him was felt in each tremor of her heart. Bella was saying her own private goodbye to the love of her life and he did not know it.

She had tried so often she knew that, had tried to say the words and had said them and all had been done with some conviction but it was her heart that was saying farewell to him now and it hurt so badly. The pain caused a lump to form in her throat as the pools of shimmering light in her eyes spilled out and slid down her cheeks. There were no words for her to say, nothing else that she could do. Any battle that had been fought was long lost, she had only one victory and that was the baby inside her.
 
Izaak could only nod at her reasonable requests as he tried to fight against her resistance and get her to look him straight in the eye once more. They could not carry on like this, treading about each other as if shattered glass glistened on the floor surrounding them. Izaak did not know when or how things would pan out the way they should, but for the sake of their daughter it had better be soon.

Finally and with a huffed breath of relief, Izaak was able to venture deep into the pooling grey of Isabella's irises, now glistening spectacularly with the onslaught of tears. Initially Izaak lurched, his heart and mind went out to the fragile persona that had stolen away with his friend. He wanted to do all in his power to fix her, to make her smile again but knew deep down that his mere presence would only worsen the situation. But as Issy's hand guided his in a trail up towards her chest, Izaak felt his breath catch in his throat and a heavy sense of peace fall across his exhausted shoulders. The sad, swirling grey of her eyes was all that he saw, the erratic beat of her broken heart was all that he felt and yet the words did not seem to group together in his mind. Her voice however was something different.

Even as Isabella's hand slipped away and made it's way to his cheek, Izaak did not and could not move. Any two people might gain a bond should they be thrown into this situation together, but this too was different. And nothing but her precious state mattered to him in this moment, not even their baby. The gush of tears down her perfectly featured face was all the cue that Izaak needed. His hand slithered upwards and curled at the base of her neck, and soon he was leaning up from the crouch he had claimed on the ground in a manner all too slow to simply be the result of her Veela blood. And he knew Isabella would see that too. It was so wrong and yet so right. Alexis was the 'it' girl in his life, the one he lived and breathed. But this was coming around on pure instinct. Izaak could feel his breath now as it slid from his mouth, colliding against his friend's skin and reflecting back onto his own. His eyelids slid closed, their foreheads touched, then their noses, their lips now within mere millimetres of one another's.
 
Corinne felt as if it were hours since she had been away from the young couple where as really it had been a little over half an hour give or take. In that brief time a bed had been made ready for Isabella and she had delivered a baby that seemed in a frantic rush to come into this world. Still on cloud nine from the hasty yet very successful birth, Corinne smiled at her next appointment sitting patiently in the waiting room. Apologizing for the delay she headed back to her office. As she opened the door it was to a scene straight from some romantic novel and she felt like such an intruder. A thief stealing in and destroying the moment completely. Her own heart stale and barren from the attentions of any man seemed to squeeze tighter and she let out an involuntary gasp.

"I am sorry" she knew they would have heard the gasp and could not now very well back out of the office again, "for the delay. We just had a birth. Beautiful baby boy, 8lb 3 oz and the shock of black hair on his head."

She walked briskly into the room, efficient to the last but still chiding herself for so obviously ruining such a beautiful moment. Corinne opened up a file on her desk and penned something hurriedly before looking up at them.
"Right so Mr. Finch if you would head off to get her things then, when you come back just go directly to the maternity ward and ask for her. You'll be shown in directly. As for you Isabella, there is a nurse just outside waiting to take you up. It was lovely to see you both".

She closed the file and walked back to the door of her office, opening it to let them out. All the time a smile fixed on her beautiful features.
 
Bella felt hypnotized by the azure eyes that had hers locked in his gaze. The fragile tug and pull on her heart nearly lost itself as he rose from where he had been crouching. Slowly so slowly as if he was letting her know that it was her who was affecting him now, not her blood just her. His hand came to touch her neck, her eyes closed as if she could not bare to hope for what he was about to do. Slowly opening them again, it was to find him infinitely closer. His breath now warmed her face, caressed it. Sent glorious shivers through her. Bella took a deep breath herself as if afraid to break the fragile web that he was spinning about them. Their foreheads touched, their noses. A smile of tranquility crossed her lips before she opened them up to his, her eyes closing in supplication.

And then the door opened and she froze, the last tear drop her heart wanted her to cry for him trickled down. She had lost the war too. Slowly she slid back from him, not hers, never hers. Forever Alexis'. Bella heard Corinne talking but could not look at her, her grey orbs looking sadly into his before tearing her gaze away and staring instead into the cold light of day. Bella stood up slowly to make her way to the door, she could not look at him now but allowed her hand to gently graze the back of his own hand.

"Thank you" she did not trust herself to say anything else, could not trust herself too. Without a backward glance his way, Isabella left the small office and followed the nurse to the maternity ward.

She did not know what to think, her mind was replaying over and over again the last few moments. Her silent farewell and his attempt to kiss her. Was he trying to tell her to hope, that they were not all lost? She choked back a sob as her eyes filled once more with tears that she was loathe now to shed. Her hands were instinctively about her baby, feeling the rise and fall as she kicked about inside. Bella's footsteps were light, she had all the appearance of a specter, so ghostly pale and otherworldly. In that moment as she walked away she felt like one, as if she were simply a transparent fool, so easy to read so easy to see through. Her heart worn like a cross about her neck. She would make sure she at least appeared to be asleep when he returned, sensing that at that very moment Izaak was grateful for Corinne's sudden interruption.
 
Izaak's heart shuddered several heavy beats as he completely lost his sense of how this had begun and where it was going to end. Though he could not see her face through his closed eyelids, Izaak could imagine the smile on Isabella's face as her features lifted in their close proximity. In a manner so tantalisingly slow, the nineteen year old tilted his chin upwards with the most minimal of movements and suddenly felt as if his lips had caught fire in anticipation. They tingled with adrenaline, pursing forward to proceed in catching Bella's as his thumb curled and grazed across the warm, yielding skin on her throat. But then the click of a door came, followed by a surprised gasp and the stillness of his erratic heart. Izaak stilled too as he reluctantly allowed himself to be plunged back down into reality. And then the intimacy was shattered, and Izaak was surprised to find that it was dissapointment that eventually jump-started his strained heart.

The sadness that encroached his friend thereafter as they remained in a deadlocked gaze whilst Corinne spoke was returned with his own sheepish emotions; all the guilt, the confusion, the surprise at his own nerve which he tried his hardest to conceal. There had been in that moment a possibility of hope for the two of them as a couple. But now Izaak fretted over the promises he had made Alexis and the undying love he kept for her, as well as the hot water he had just plunged himself into. There was no way he could lose her, Izaak simply would not know what to do with himself. There were so many things going for them at the turn of her graduation; all the time at home together before she, fingers crossed, was accepted into university, the trip to Italy they had planned, their anniversary. But none of it could work if Izaak entered into what he feared he had just begun. So this was where he shakily drew the line.

With a brush of her hand against his own, Isabella left for the maternity ward and Izaak shortly after for the Leaky Cauldron, pressing a weak but appreciative smile to Corinne as he passed hoping she'd understand that he was lost for words. It did not take long for Izaak to find Yema who naturally was but a little wary of his visit and then deeply concerned for Isabella. After a few minutes of the sincerest reassurances that she was going to be okay, Izaak apparated back inside of the hospital with a bagful of necessities that the house elf had packed and then as quickly as possible reached the maternity ward in search of direction assistance. Dazed by the outcomes of the day, Izaak stood dizzily at the doorway of the room he had been guided to and with a deep, needy breath took a step inwards. "Is?" He questioned hesitantly, careful to tread cautiously around their more than fragile situation.
 
The nurse had taken her inside a small enough room, enough space for a bed and a chair and just enough room to walk to the adjoining bathroom. She had been left with a dreary hospital gown to change into which she did as soon as the nurse left her alone. With shaking hands she undressed herself fighting the tears that threatened. Her heart had been trying to say goodbye to him, had been at that poignant moment where it was finally ready to give him up and live with the consequences of her actions. She had not expected him to attempt to kiss her, to touch her as if he really did care for her more than a friend. Now she was back to square one not sure if she should hope, not sure if she had reason enough too.

Pulling on the greyish looking robe that was just a shade darker than her eyes, she pulled back the covers and lay down, staring blindingly at the ceiling. The position made her feel uncomfortable though and soon she had her back turned to the door, closing her eyes to appear as if she slept in case he returned faster than she expected. As time ticked on she allowed the tears to fall before wiping them furiously away. This was crazy, he had made his choice. He loved Alexis and she loved him. They were trying to build a life together that had nothing to do with her or the baby.

Bella sighed knowing Izaak would change his plans to include their daughter but would not and could not to include her. Why he then had tried to kiss her was beyond her. Her fingers traced the outline of her mouth as if she could still feel his breath on her face. This was just hopeless and so unfair. She did not know how long she lay there but just as sleep really did come to take her in its arms, the door to the room clicked open and after a moment she heard his voice call his pet name for her.

Bella lay motionless, trying to make him believe that she was asleep but forgetting to allow her breathing to rise and fall with the slow rhythms of a sleeper.
 
For the very first few seconds after he had spoken her name, Izaak was fooled into believing that she truly was asleep and peaceful without the knowledge of his presence. But then his azure eyes crept along the figure outlined beneath the sheets and knew instantly that her sleeping stance was just as phony as a three dollar bill. He issued a quick shake of his head, dismissing her failed attempts with a hint of a smile and nervously collected his feet, moving them manually to the bed across the room. Izaak could not even begin to guess what was going to happen to them now that he had gone and smuggled a trunkful of explosives into their glasshouse of a situation.

The overnight bag dropped with an eerie thud onto the floor beside the hospital bed but Izaak did not move from his frozen stance. A thousand thoughts seem to rush through his mind, brimming his being with twice as many possible actions. He knew he'd have to be careful now, even more careful then he had tried to be that fateful morning after. "You're a horrible actor, you know that?" Izaak opted now for his usual playful self to break the ice but unlike every other time before there was no laughter in his voice. Stiffly, he sat himself on the edge of the bed so that if Isabella were to sit up in the same manner, their backs would be against one another's. But Izaak kept his distance and was weary of the exact position of her body just so that he would not accidently bump his own against her. "Yema was, um, worried about you..." A frown creased his brow at his pathetic attempts at small talk but not knowing how else to avoid the topic of what had almost happened back in Corinne's office.

blah.
 
She heard the sound of his feet as he walked across the room, the thud of the bag to the floor and all the while she tried not to move her body. His words caused her to open her eyes, staring at the pale green curtain beside her bed she waited for him to either leave or say something else. Isabella was lost, alone on some desert island with no way of returning. She felt abandoned there, her heart the only solitary noise as it beat painfully for him over the lapping of the ebbing tide. Yema was worried about her, she slowly sat up not realizing how close he had actually been on the bed. She had felt the dip but had thought it was the bag.

She sat up and turned in one movement coming face to face with his shoulder and profile mere inches from her. Her face was pale and exhausted but somehow she never looked so beautiful, her vulnerability seemed to give her an angelic appearance that she was unaware of.

"Thank you .. for the bag" she wasn't sure what else she could say, trying not to look at him but as her gaze fell it fell on his hands. The hand that had touched her neck, the thumb that had stroked its way along its length. Isabella knew she had to stop, pull her mind back to some sane place but he was here beside her and sanity always seemed to leave from a different door when he entered. I love you, her heart whispered. The baby inside her seemed to be sleeping now through all the emotional turmoil that her parents were lost in, Bella wished fervently that she could do the same.

"I was never good at acting. I just wanted to make it easier on you ... to leave again" she tried to inject humor again but her face looked up and could not for the life of her continue with anything else.
 
Izaak merely nodded as she thanked him for the bag, aware now that she had risen upright and was turned towards him by the position her voice was reaching out from. With an awkward jerk of his neck and a shuffle of his battered Converses against the linoleum floor, Izaak drew enough strength to turn and face Isabella. The crack on his joke she had tried to make was commendable but in the daunting discomfort the mood had never really seemed to fit. His cheeks lifted a little though, crinkling lines of silent laughter in the corners of his weary blue eyes. "Yeah, well, thanks." He breathed through the silence of the hospital room with a smile in the underlying tones of his voice. However misplaced it might be she looked exhaustedly beautiful in their current stance, but it seemed to radiate from somewhere a little deeper then the surface.

The ocean of his eyes swept over his friend, trying to wash clear whatever intention he had had of kissing her and wishing furiously that it had never grasped hold of him in the first place. His thoughts swiveled to Alexis, his love through and through and whilst he had been unfaithful just once to her in the past, Izaak could not let it happen again. Regardless of the pull he had felt, the cue he had snatched, he could not cheat on her when he had promised his fidelity. So he'd bury these feelings, whatever they were, inside of himself and hope that they would not have the nerve to surface again. A shudder fought to steal over Izaak as his thoughts roused memories of the break they had taken, the time in which he had concluded that she would be the one he would eventually, in years and years and years to come, marry and share a family with. When Alexis was gone, a piece of him went missing too. And he could not jeopardise that.

A silence fell over the pair, and a niggling awkwardness rose. Izaak went into frantics as he tried and tried to search for something to say but each time failed pathetically. "Is, I..." He faltered, fumbling for words as a sudden curiousity urged him to reach out and brush him thumb across her cheek. But he beat it down and battled on, still grasping for the words. But he may as well have not spoken at all. "I don't know what to say..."
 
There seemed like an infinite sadness had swelled up between them, engulfed the fragile space that they had already been tiptoeing through. For the rest of her life she would know as she looked at her daughters face that she had loved her father so much she had set him free of her. She could see the torn look on his countenance, see the confusion that his earlier behavior had wrought and she yearned more than anything to wipe that worry from him. Her slender hand reached up slowly, as her eyes besieged him not to be afraid of her, of her touch. The tips of her fingers trailed gently down his cheek before laying her palm there instead, her thumb making such small movements as if to be virtually non existent.

"When I was a young girl my ... veela-ness would entice not only the boys of the wizarding community that lived on one side of our home but also the muggle boys on the other side. They all thought I was a tease, someone who made them feel completely and utterly wanton for a young girl. They could not understand their behavior, no more than I could stop myself from making them behave so irrationally. They tried to hurt me when their advances were ignored" Bella did not know why she relaid this story to him now other than she needed him to know all of her. The gruesome as well as the beautiful.
"My mother and my grandmother are Veela. True veela when they get angry they .. change, they become like grotesque monsters, harpies that can do willful damage because.. because I am half veela, is possibly why my lure of you and those boys is and was so strong. When I get angry, which before I met you was quite often. I have a temper, I think its a Veela trait" she smiled moving her hand gently from his face in order to help herself sit up properly.

She turned slightly to shift the pillow behind her and then slid herself back up the bed to lean against it. The distance now between them though about an arm width apart was too much for her but she did not try to cover it this time. Instead she looked at her hands that were covering her swollen womb.

"When I become angry ... I grow wings" she looked up at him then trying to gauge his reaction to this, "more bat like than angels."
Still she wasn't sure why she felt she had to relay every inch of this to him but now could not stop herself.

"Because of what those boys did to me and tried to do to me, I found it very hard to trust anyone. I hated who and what I was, I hated my wings, my life. I think I was about 14 when I met James and discovered I was capable of trusting a member of the male race. I have never trusted another boy or man like that until I met you. I... I can't lose you" her face began to crumble but she struggled to go on, fighting back the tears now that threatened once more.

"I love you so much, too much I think so.. I can't let you jeopardize anything. I do not want to see an ounce of regret or sadness on your face because of me. I do not want to be the one that causes you pain" a tear drop splashed on to her hand but she did not wipe it away, "If we had kissed it would have ruined everything. As much as I would have loved it and would love it, it would have destroyed everything. You would be consumed by guilt and would end up hating me and ... I can't have.. you .. hating me" the lump in her throat prevented her from saying any more. The tears that now were unstoppable flowed freely streaking the face of the young woman, the would-be mother, the loser in love.
 
The feather-light touch of her fingertips against his skin caused Izaak to straighten his frame in wariness. The brush of her thumb against the warm flesh of his cheek was soothing though, as was the reassuring motions set like concrete in the soft grey of her irises. So Izaak relaxed the square of his shoulders and drew a slow but deep lungful of air into his chest. He now trusted Isabella not to make an advance in this moment, but he certainly did not know what she was going to say when she opened her mouth.

Bella’s story flowed from her with ease, commencing with what may have as well been the beginning. Izaak listened in all earnesty and interest, eager to know most anything about his friend’s past; her struggles, her pain, the cold hard facts. He returned her smile as she manoeuvred herself on the hospital bed, dropping her hand from his cheek and sinking back into the pillows. For the first moment in which her touch was no longer against his own, Izaak felt as if there were something missing, as if his skin needed more than the sterile smelling bitterness of the hospital atmosphere. But the niggling feeling soon left him be as Isabella continued with her story, speaking now about the wings that sprouted from her whenever her temper grew too high. Izaak passed her an understanding nod at this; she was not the first Veela he had gotten familiar with. He knew their highs and their lows like he might the nature of his own blood, with Casey as his best friend it had not been tedious to learn.

Concern brimmed within Izaak as he learnt of the reasons for her wariness and self-hatred. Instinctively he edged closer as if he were on call to ease her pain or cease her sobbing should it begin. Though in a particularly unrelated epiphany Izaak put two and two together and realised that James, the pioneer of Isabella’s trust, must have been the same James that Alexis’ friend was marrying in the winter, the wedding that they as a couple had been invited to. Mentally noting this to himself for a later point in time, Izaak zoned into Isabella’s trembling strength. He gave a shake of his head but the words continued to tumble shakily from her lips until finally the tears were gushing down her flawless face.

“Oh Is,” Izaak sighed sympathetically as he pushed his back to the same lump of pillows that his friend was braced against. In a movement too instinctive to Izaak’s nature to second guess, he hung a muscled arm around her shoulders whilst the hand of the other caught her elbow and squeezed it gently. All, of course, in hopes of easing her tears. “I won’t end up hating you, its not even a possibility. And I know that this all seems so intimidating, but you won’t lose me because I can’t do this without you or… Or Alexis.” The last part was not hesitated on his behalf but in wariness of Isabella’s reaction to it. This triangle between the three of them was like a tortured game of Russian Roulette and though even a gunshot to the head might be less painful then what they were all experiencing, all because of him.
 
Bella allowed his arm to be draped over her shoulders and leaned into the warmth of him, her head resting against his head. Being this close to him was not an easy task, it was driving her insane but she had to learn to live with it. Had to learn to cope with it, for anything else was unthinkable. Having him as an non entity in her life simply was not an option any more. He meant too much to her, was such a strong figure in it. Someday she knew she would be able to look at him and remember back to the days when she had loved him completely but that had was not this.

She was heartened to hear he did not hate her or could ever hate her but if they had kissed, she was certain, completely so that he would. Slowly the tears began to halt their journey as her eye lids became heavier and heavier. Bella heard his words, heard her name and Alexis' name but could not fault him for needing them both. Of course he would need them both, but for different reasons. He may need her but he would never love her, would never want her.

Isabella could not stifle the yawn as she began to drift from pure exhaustion, allowing her head to snuggle into the warmth of his skin between shoulder and neck. Her gentle breathing now a tell-tale sign that she was most definitely asleep. Had found the comfort she had needed in his arms. She had not said a single word in response to his words but had not really needed to in the end.

A nurse passing glanced in and saw her asleep and smiled. Bustling in and checking the board in her hand.
"Isabella Ormonde?" she smiled, not waiting for a reply but scribbling something down in her file, "You must be all excited Mr. Ormonde, first baby. Congratulations".
Still not waiting for any response she ticked a few things off before hanging the file at the end of the bed. The file itself had said first pregnancy so the nurse had naturally presumed that the young man was Isabella's husband or partner.
"Best lie her down properly and let her get all the rest she can. She'll be in good hands here. No need to worry now" she smiled again pulling the curtains closed to block out the sunlight before turning to walk out again without a backwards glance.
 
Exhaustion, both physical and emotional, wasted no time in flustering through Izaak’s body once the glistening tears of the young women in his arms began to subside. There was no guarantee that he could sustain himself anymore, let alone Alexis and Isabella and the daughter they were having. The confusion that had seized Izaak was a prime suspect in the theft of his last ebbs of strength. There was no doubt in his mind, or his heart for that matter, that Alexis was his lover, that he adored her more than he had anyone before and that he wanted to be with her. Not only now, but for their anniversary, her graduation, their trip to Italy and during whatever the future may bestow. So why had he suddenly felt it necessary to kiss Isabella and complicate things further?

The soft repetitions of her breath caressing his neck distracted Izaak from the hustle and bustle of his mind. Suspicious that his friend had fallen asleep against his embrace, he flicked his azure blue eyes to her motionless face and smiled warmly yet wearily. The weighting of his thoughts and the pressure of his near brush with infidelity began to lift from his shoulders and the nineteen year old was pummelled with further fatigue. His eyelids grew heavy and not soon after, slid lazily over his striking irises. The ability to support the weight of his head crumbled pathetically as Izaak leant against the top of Isabella’s. The scent of her shampoo wafted through his senses in the last few moments of dazed consciousness and he noted in a detached state of mind that it did not smell of vanilla, a scent Izaak had become particularly accustomed to falling asleep with. And had he not been so worn down, he might just have cared but all he really wanted now was a break.

However it was not to be as mere minutes into his state of slumber the shuffling of footsteps across the hospital floor disturbed Izaak. On a protective instinct he drew Isabella further into his arms, his azure eyes flew open, his body ached with a necessity for sleep but he pressed the approaching nurse a tired smile nonetheless. But even though the heavy smog that clouded his mind, Izaak quickly registered the name she had addressed him with. “Oh I’m-“ He started to quietly protest, the croak of his voice screaming exhaustion on all levels but Izaak’s sense pushed through first. He need not bother explaining the conception of their child, that his girlfriend had told him that she knew who the love of her life was and it was not him, that he had had a few too many to drink and woken up the next morning tangled up in nothing but a sheet and Isabella. They didn’t need to concern themselves with the lives of foolish teenagers and they probably would not care. So he finished then with a sigh, “…Really very excited.” And as scared as hell.

The suggestions and reassurances she then put forward were all returned with a nodding head on Izaak’s part, it was all he could manage with the exception of the amused smile that was becoming increasingly hard to smuggle beneath his expression. He waited then until she left the room before giving a breathless chuckle. Assumed married and not even twenty? The sense of people these days. But now taking into consideration that allowing his friend some well-deserved rest and not knowing if his presence was hindering that, although it currently seemed not to be. “Hey wifey,” Izaak cooed playfully as his fingertips trickled quickly along the length of Isabella’s arm, hoping to gently rouse her from her sleep. Though she seemed so peaceful and comfortable snuggled into the crook of his neck that he was struck with instant guilt.
 
Isabella felt so content where she was, inhaling Izaak with every breath she took, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as she lay snuggled into him. She did not know how long or little she slept for but her dreams took her to more glorious places than she had ever imagined. Visions of herself and Izaak proudly holding their baby girl, sharing such tender looks as they gazed at one another over her head. As the images jumped back and forth becoming a collage of happiness she sighed stretching slightly beside him. Her long slender arm felt his touch and her body and mind reacted.

Reaching up as if believing it all a dream she allowed her arm to curl up around his neck. As one of her beautiful slender limbs curled up across his own legs. He was calling her 'wifey' and she smiled. Her face tilted slightly as her mouth kissed the side of his neck. Bella murmured his name still convinced her dream world had conjured him perfectly, allowing him to say everything she wanted to hear.
"I like that" her voice was still heavy with sleep as she slowly became conscious but unable as yet to differentiate between reality and her sleeping world. Moving her head slowly so that their foreheads touched Bella could feel his breath upon her face, as slowly her eyes opened to see the man of her dreams.

major lamo sorry :(
 
Izaak could not help but wonder if Isabella was still dreaming as she began to curl her body even further around him than before. Their legs were intertwined, the smoothness of hers colliding against the much less of his own. Her arm was linked behind his neck, causing the soft hairs at the nape to stand up on end in surprise. And just for the smallest of moments as her lips pressed to the sensitive skin on his neck, Izaak shuddered but then froze mid-way through its course down his spine. Izaak was never going to admit it, not to her or Alexis, but he could not deny that it did feel good. Shocked and confused at the bold directions his thoughts were taking, Izaak stiffened. Why was it that Isabella was able to tear his guard down so easily? Izaak caught his lip forcefully between upper and lower sets of forceful teeth. It was all he could do not to pout and whine for the safety and complete bliss of his girlfriend’s loving.

A nervous chuckle ran up his raw throat at her obvious liking to his name for her, his joke. His stomach lurched queasily at the mere thought of marrying at such a young age, let alone not to be wedding his Alexis, the girl he had sworn through his complete and utter loss without her that he would, eventually. But just when Izaak could not possibly sink himself any deeper into hot water, Isabella’s forehead was soon against his own and her sweet breath was dancing elusive circles across his cheeks. His lips parted and reached for hers as the temptation was strong, especially with their bodies so tangled. Although in the last dying moments of anticipation, Izaak caught himself with a heavy self-reprimand. Breaking the intimacy without much warning at all, he hastily dipped his head low so that her lips brushed across the skin on his forehead. I can’t do this, Izaak thought angrily to himself as he drew heavy gulps of air into his needy lungs. Alexis, Alexis. I can’t hurt her, I love her…

"Yeah, um, the nurse came in… Apparently we’re married…" Izaak began shakily, slowly drawing back from Isabella’s face as he spoke. "Anyway… Uh… Do you want me to go? I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to stay, it’s just she thought you might, um, want some rest…" In all of his nineteen years, Izaak didn’t think that he had ever been so jittery and awkward. Truth be told he’d rather just stay in that hospital bed and fall right back to sleep. But if Isabella wanted to be alone then he’d leave her be.
 
She looked bewildered into his beautiful blue eyes for a moment before realizing their mouths were about to touch. His head within seconds was lowered and her lips brushed against his forehead. A smile played then on her face grateful that they had not given into some trickery of fate that seemed intent on pushing them into these situations. Her hands came up to either side of his face then as she planted a tender kiss over the first one. She released his face as he tilted his head back to look at her letting her know about how their marital status had changed while she had been asleep. As young as she was, as foolish as the notion was to marry so young Bella knew she would have wanted no other to be her husband.

They were still so close to one another and once again she found herself yawning. She seriously needed more sleep, lots more. At his words she shook her head instinctively, without any hesitation. She wanted him beside her now, while she had dreamed for a short while she had managed to remember something that James had once told her and she hoped it would help Izaak somehow.

"No, please don't leave" the unspoken words 'don't ever leave' were hushed by her heart beat pounding in time with his own, "the boy I mentioned before... James. He once told me that the more time he spent with me the less effect my Veela-ness had on him. If that is true then... you should be fine around me. Have nothing to worry about at all".

Bella didn't know if Izaak would even want to spend much time with her after this, for even now it seemed as if they were too in tune with each others bodies and senses. But surely they could both take solace in the fact that they had not kissed, they had not allowed themselves to fall into fates trap for them again. No matter how much it was evident that they had both wanted too.
 
The words that Isabella spoke did little to reassure Izaak that these feelings, urges, or whatever the hell they were, would simply subside in her presence. They only seemed to be erupting more frequently as every minute that he was with her passed. He heaved a jagged sigh and shook his head in protest. "But what if it's not that Is?" He questioned on an exhausted exhale as he leant himself deeper into the cushioning the pillows provided. "What if it's you and not the Veela-ness?" Izaak would much rather agree with the possibility that this was just her blood affecting him, it would be so much less complicated after all. But he could no longer be any sure.

"I love her Isabella, god I love her." Izaak muttered sadly at the triangled mess they had wrought themselves into whilst one hand reached up to roughly rub his tired eyes. The other curled naturally around his friend, settling for the swell in her abdomen but not before his hand caught hers and also brought it to rest over their daughter. "But it hurts, it frigging hurts to know that our relationship wasn't like it was before all of this. It hurts to know that I'm hurting her by being with you. And it absolutely kills me to know that that jerk is the love of her life and I'm not, I'm just Izaak." A groan of pure frustration rose up from his chest before he caught a glimpse of her swirling grey irises and found a slice of peace there. "It just sucks, you know?" The nineteen year old gave another shake of his head but squeezed her hand, seeking the comfort she provided him with.
 
She wished more than anything that it was her, that she did matter to him beyond her nature, beyond their baby, beyond just their friendship. Bella could only watch with heart ache as the pain creased his face. She thought her heart would shatter about her as he declared his love for Alexis. Their hands now joined once more lay upon the swollen mound that was their daughter and as if she too knew the pain her father was feeling moved gently against his hand.

Bella's eyes went from her stomach to his face, she wished she could wipe it all away. The pain she had inflicted on him, the feelings she had for him so that his life would be some way easier but when he mentioned the other guy that Alexis loved, she could not help but bristle. Alexis really did have it all. As his gaze met hers she felt the gentle pressure of his hand on hers and smiled at him before lowering her head down to his chest and settling herself once more against him. It was all utterly hopeless, why couldn't Alexis release him. She loved someone else, some other boy was the great love of her life while Bella was now lying in the arms of hers. But the problem with that was Izaak's great love was and always would be Alexis.

"You're not just Izaak to me" her voice was tender as her hand left his to lay against his chest, "I know you probably don't need to hear it but maybe you should. You may not be the great love of her life Izaak but you are mine."
She let the words fall where they would, hoping they would not pain him anymore than he was already. He knew how she felt about him so it shouldn't be any real shock or surprise to him, Bella just wanted him to know that she thought he was special. So very much so.
 
The soft motion of their daughter moving inside of Isabella comforted Izaak in a way he could never have imagined. She reminded him that not all was lost and that in this horrible mash up of infidelity and unrequited love, there was still one person’s heart that hadn’t been tampered with. And Izaak would see to it that it stayed that way for as long as it possibly could. He’d reach up and change her stars himself should they line up against heartbreak and confusion like this.

In the long run Izaak knew deep down that lying like this, with his arm curled around Isabella and her head graced gently against his chest, would not better their situation. But he lacked the energy to correct it himself nor did he particularly want to correct it as it was calming him right down. But as her words came to ear, Izaak felt himself die just a little inside. If he was the love of her life, then wasn’t he being just a little hypocritical? Smothering her with his relentless pain when all the while that was exactly how he was making her feel.

Izaak opened his mouth and then shut it once more as he failed to devise a plan that would make it all stop. All he could possibly offer was his apology. "I’m so sorry Is, I don’t mean to be a hypocrite and I never ever meant to hurt you the way I did… Or am." The nineteen year old exhaled an exhausted sigh and flicked his azure blue eyes closed as his palm slid upwards and curled soothingly in the soft tresses of her blonde hair. "Even if you do make me feel a little better." His last words were spoken with a lingering smile as with eyes still closed he leant in and brushed his lips casually against her hair before settling back down to allow exhaustion to ride over his body.
 
Isabella wanted only one thing in that moment, that they could stay like this forever. Hidden away from the rest of the world just the two of them and their daughter. She knew of course that it could never be but dreaming cost her nothing but the heartache that only she felt. She did not know how to feel to his words so let them wash over her. Perhaps she had put him too high on a pedestal that even his telling her of his flaws did not touch the image she held of him. He could do no wrong in her eyes, more than what he had already. His hand in her hair felt so relaxing and part of her seriously wished she could find a way to lock them away from the world. Away from Alexis but there was seriously no good in wishing for the impossible and even his telling her that she made him feel a little better gave her no hope either.

No matter how often she brought herself back to reality and tried to overcome her feelings for him, something inevitably happened to instill them all the more in her. Perhaps it was simply her hormones that were making him seem like Prince Charming instead of the lecherous villain?
"Only a little better?" she asked as she felt his lips touch her hair, his body slid down as he settled himself down once more. Holding up her hand she summoned a blanket from the end of the bed and covered them carefully with it. Stifling a yawn she snuggled into him a bit more as the baby kicked out once then twice.

"Ouch, this little tiger always starts when I want to sleep" she smiled letting her hand touch her stomach once more before letting her eyes close slowly enjoying the sensations about her from her unborn baby to the love of her life.
 
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