Alone and Confused

[Raven Mauven]

Raven Riona was not having the best week in the world. It had been over a week since she was visited by the Mirayinov family, basically telling her that she was exiled because she was not the type of female that they were going for. Worst of all, she figured out why she was so attracted to girls, well, one girl, and that was because she was a lesbian, and she could never marry a girl because it was against the laws. Raven never felt so alone in her life, like everyone deserted her. The only woman in the family that would remotely understood was Aunt Rayna, but she was too afraid to go to her. And then she was also one of those that happened to have a crush on her best friend, Kassiopeia. How could she do that to their friendship? Raven was currently curled up in her bed, wearing a rather simple outfit which was not normally her style. She was sitting in her bed in her bedroom just trying to be alone. She had not opened her shop all week, nor had she contacted anyone. Her green eyes specked with bits of brown were laced with tears, but she fought them because she just wanted to be accepted for who she was. No one would understand in her family, they were always so old fashioned. She was so deep into the closet when it came around her family, she was finding skeletons that her ancestors had hid away. What would become of her? She closed her eyes and she brought her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her skinny arms around her legs. She had not eaten very well in a few days, just snacking around on crackers and peanut butter. She had no will to cook for herself, and even her paintings were lacking. She just faced this alone. Only her mother would have really understood, but Liyla was dead now thanks to her baby brother and father. They killed her mother, and they could have saved her with a C section or something! Raven opened her eyes before she rested her head upon her knees. She had been exiled from the Mirayinov family because of their stupid ways. Her cousin Phoebe and Travis had both been exiled because one was blonde, and the other was a male. She assumed because she looked and acted more like her father, she was exiled as well. Asparuh had taken away their former Matriarch.

The only reason Raven had not gone to her dad about all this was not only because he was no where to be found, but Asparuh would kill off the entire family. It was a small, inclusive family, and she loved them. She was raised by them, how could she have them killed? Raven did not have the heart to. 'I really want Aunt Rayna or someone to be here,' thought Raven sadly, and secretly wished that she had Kassiopeia here with her. The shopkeeper craved the brunette in so many ways, but she was terrified that her feelings would destroy her relationship with Kassiopeia. One could not help who they crushed on, though some might even say that it was more than just a crush. Raven knew, she had feelings for her, and that was all that mattered. Now keeping them bottled in would be hard, especially after she had put the moves on Kassiopeia a while back with kissing her, and her reaction was just pinned in her mind. That happened back when Raven was still in school, and that was two years ago. Looking down, she thought that her feelings with the butterflies would never go away when she was thinking about that purple-eyed brunette, and that just let the tears come out even more. The shop that she was running, it was a good distraction from the other stresses in her life. Closing herself off from the world was maybe one of the best things the shopkeeper could have done, but she knew, it was not possible. She missed her best friend, she missed her siblings, but right now she did not think that she could face them with how she felt about someone, and how her mother's family basically told her that they did not want to have anything to do with her. Raven let out a sigh, and she forced the tears to stop. She continued the heavy breathing, but she still hear the voices in her mind, from her memories. In her mind, she wished her mother from the afterlife would tell her what to do.​

 

[Kassiopeia Malkov]

Kassiopeia tightly clutched her bag to her side as made her way down the street. She was on the way to visit her best friend, whom she hadn't been to see in awhile. Well awhile in her terms consisted of at least four days. But with Kassiopeia being busy with work she didn't have as much time as she would like to see her friend. Sometimes Kassi worried about her. So today she was bringing her some chinese and her newest watercolor. Raven seemed to like viewing her paintings and drawings so she tried to show her friend whenever a new masterpiece was completed. Even if it wasn't one of her best piece's, she still showed Raven anyways. This one was a bit different but she thought her friend might like it, especially the coloring. Things between Raven and Kassiopeia weren't any different than they were the day before Raven kissed her. Mostly because Kassi had honestly forgotten that it happened at all. The kiss hadn't come into her mind not even once since the day it happened. Kassi allowed herself to forget the incident because she knew that if she didn't, it might affect her and Raven's friendship in a negative way. Relationships were so hard for her. If she was just a little bit better at understanding them, she might not have as much of an issue noticing her best friends feelings for her. The thing was, being with a girl, hadn't crossed Kassiopeia's mind too often. There were times when she thought to herself that just being with a girl might be a little bit easier. Boys were cruel to her. She was pretty and mysterious so she attracted them. But none ever had the same intentions she did with relationship. So it always ended badly on her part. Which was likely her own fault but she would still like to think that she deserved a good man at least somewhat. Perhaps someday she would talk to Raven about what she should do to keep this from happening to her as often as it did happen. But for now she felt like she needed to figure this out on her own. It was her life that was being affected by this after all, not Raven's. Hopefully her friend was home today as well. It would stink to have come this entire way, just find out that she wasn't home.

Kassiopeia knocked on Raven's door a few times before she opened the door and stepped inside. She was used to just walking inside, normally Raven was too so hopefully she didn't. "Raaaven?" Kassi called out, clutching the bag of Chinese food and art supplies close to her form. Her friend was nowhere in the kitchen or living room or bedroom. So Kassiopeia was left to believe that she was hopefully in the bedroom. Her door was unlocked so she had to be home! Kassiopeia headed into the quiet room. She paused when she saw that her friend was still lying in bed. Well wasn't that odd. Normally she was up and about. The dark haired woman scratched her head and tried to decide what to do. Bother her or leave? Well, likely brother her because she wasn't going to eat all this Chinese by herself. Nor was she going to let her friend be as mopey as she was. Kassiopeia brought her small body over to the bed and sat down. "Why so glum? I brought chineeeese! Oh and I have a new watercolor for you. It's kind of bad but I think you'll like it....hey are you crying?" Surely she wasn't that repulsed by the idea of Chinese food and watercolors? Didn't this used to be Raven's favorite thing? Or did she change her mind? Something else must've been wrong because she just couldn't see her friend being unhappy about her favorite things being brought to her. Kassiopeia nudged Raven to see if she could get her to react or something. Maybe she would tell her what was wrong so Kassi could try to fix it. That was her job as a best friend, to take care of those kinds of things. So long as Raven would let her.​

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[Raven Mauven]

Raven could hear it now, her family, both the Mirayinov's and the Zhefarovich's screaming in her mind, condoning her for kissing a girl, for liking a girl. It was against the laws to ever marry a girl, but sooner or later, she would have to discard her last name. The Mirayinov's did not want her to carry it any longer. For now Raven would have to remain. She closed her green eyes, and she awaited for sleep to hurry and hit her. Raven then heard her front door open, and she flinched, thinking, 'Damn, should have locked it.' But with magic, locked doors meant nothing. Her magic was not up to par because of her emotions. If she tried to lock the door, she probably would have turned it into a rat. The artist then heard her name by the very girl that managed to make butterflies appear in the lining of her stomach, which made her want to throw up right about now. Still, she remained snuggled in her bed, as if the pillow was her only life support. She had forced herself to stop crying for now, but how long would that last? Raven had only liked one person, and who knew, someone that held the same elegance as her, would ever turn out to hate men, and just feel disgusted to be touched by them. Sure, she wanted a family one day, but not without a life partner. Raven would have to come to term with the facts. She was a lesbian. It seemed right. Raven felt some weight on her bed, and she heard Kassiopeia's voice, asking her why she was so glum and that she bought Chinese. That was Raven's favorite. Her mouth started to water, before she forced a small smile. Then she was asked if she was crying. Raven finally spoke, her voice not carrying the same light as it used to, "I was..." She could never lie to Kassiopeia. She was not the type to ever lie to anyone or anything.

Slowly, she rose her body up so that she would look at the brunette. She thought that she looked like a mess, and probably would scare off Kassiopeia. She would tell her best friend about it later on, but right now, she was just dying to dig into that Chinese food. Ah, how being exiled could make someone lose out on a few meals, and look like they had been hit by a train. The artist was interested in Kassiopeia's watercolor, but for now, she would have to focus on fighting the urge to go back to sleep. She used her fingers to comb through her blonde hair before she rested her arms to her sides, giving up on making the tangled mess neater. Raven finally made eye contact with Kassiopeia, when green met with purple. Raven used her sleeve to wipe her eyes, before she smiled weakly, though it had less strength than the smile that met with her green eyes. "Gosh, I must look horrible right now. Um, maybe the Chinese would be best taken into the kitchen? And your new watercolor?" Raven loved any sort of paints, and she loved watercolors, with the way that things looked. Then again, she never not liked anything that Kassiopeia had brought around for her. Raven swung one of her legs around so that she was sitting Indian style, where her eyes were averted once more and to the bedspread. Raven slowly moved over to the floor, and she stood up. She staggered for a moment, before regaining her balance, having stood up too fast and lost her vision for a moment. She shook her head and her vision cleared up before she giggled lightly, and walked toward the kitchen. She pulled out a chair and took a seat. Usually her apartment was littered with paintings everywhere, new and unfinished, but now it seemed even more empty than before. Raven finally said, "I've been going through things with my family. For things I cannot help." She was ready to tell someone everything, and it seemed like she only had one person that could assist her at the moment. But there was nothing Kassiopeia could do except offer her support, which was all Raven needed.​

 

[Kassiopeia Malkov]

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<COLOR color="#000">Kassi shook her head softly before she offered a reassuring smile. Even if Raven had been crying, she still looked pretty damn good. She was one of those people that had natural beauty. It was something to truly envy. Kassi knew she certainly did. Especially Raven's eyes, they were the prettiest green. "Raven...you shouldn't say things like that. You have too much natural beauty to look horrible." It was the only she could think of saying at the moment, even if it was a little bit awkward to say to her best friend. But it was true. It was kind of hard for Raven to look all that bad. Sometimes she wondered if Raven knew that she was as pretty as she was. Something had to strike about it. After all, she did own a mirror right. Kassiopeia started to pile some Chinese food onto her plate. Not caring if she looked like a pig in front of Raven or not. Her best friend knew she could eat. Kassiopeia was never shy about admitting that she liked food. Some people thought it was funny because she was so skinny. But she had no idea how that worked out since it always seemed like she was eating. Halfway through a piece of crab rangoon, Kassiopeia retrieved her panting along with her sketchbook. Raven was the best person in the world to show paintings to. She was very honest with her critique, and she also knew a lot about art. So Kassi always brought her latest works to her. Kassi uncovered the painting and turned it around to show Raven. "Do you think it's a bit much? It's a bit different from what I'm used to doing. I tried to combine human with scenery. I think I made it too cluttered though. What do you think?" Kassiopeia tried to hand it over to Raven. Art was something she couldn't live without. It was the way she expressed herself. It was the only thing she really had going for her in life. She wasn't particularly good at anything other than art. There were so many different things she did with art too. There was painting which she did the most, charcoal pencil drawing, pastels, collages, and even splatter art. Which was more fun than it was anything else. Art was such a passion to Kassi. If she could marry it. She would.

"What's been going on with your family. If you don't mind me asking. If I can help in any way, let me know." Kassiopeia placed her hand on top of her friends in a comforting manner. She wanted to help her friend feel better. It wasn't becoming for Raven to be so down. What in the world would make her family think that it was okay to give her problems over something she couldn't control? It wasn't like it was her fault. Kassi wished she could give that family a piece of her mind. They were upsetting her friend and it make her in turn feel bad as well. There was probably not much she could do to help. But she was going to try it anyways. She had to. For her best friend.​

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[Raven Mauven]

Raven looked over at Kassiopeia, or Kassi, when she said that she had too much of a natural beauty to look horrible. The blonde quickly blushed a light faint of red, since Kassi was indeed her crush, and she was complimenting her! Raven just wanted to swoon, but she knew that she couldn't. She was sure that Kassi would probably freak out, or give her that haunting, questionable look like when Raven kissed her. It still haunted her to this day. Raven bit her lip and she smiled gently, "Thanks for the compliment, but thank my parents, or rather my father." She shrugged her shoulders because she did not think about her looks that often. She was too cold to attract anyone, because she didn't want to really be like those other girls, to give it away. Kassi seemed to have an appetite, though Raven was just taking some small bites herself. She was not feeling good right now anyway. At least Kassi was not ashamed to eat in front of people, but it made Raven wonder how in the world did she get skinny like that. The former Durmstrang girl waited for her best friend to get her new painting out of the sketchbook so that she could see it. If it was anything colorful and interesting, then Raven would love it. She loved anything that Kassi had made. Raven looked at the painting, and she widened her forest green eyes.

The painting itself was pretty, and she had never seen anything like it, as she took it into her hand and forgot that she was eating China. "It is so amazing. Maybe you should frame it, it is that awesome. The use of dark colors with the pink for lips, wow." Raven was just amazed with her work. Raven had always been the one to compliment her work because it was always amazing. As an artist herself, she was good with seeing mistakes and everything. Raven handed Kassi back her painting because if she was like herself, then she would want everything that she created. Raven thought about opening up her own studio. Raven continued to eat with a slow pace, before she finished her plate and set it aside. Raven blushed once more when Kassi placed her hand on top of hers, and she asked what was going on, and if there was anything she could do. Raven knew better than to tell her a lie. She would have to tell Kassi what is going on. Letting out a sigh, Raven began, "Well, my mom's family, they disowned me. My hair color is not the brilliant red that they wanted, and want me to change my last name because of it. They disowned anyone that has a different hair color or eye color. I grew up with these people. And on top of that my dad's family... If they knew my secret, then they would kill me. So, basically, I fear I'd have to spend my life a lie, and never get married like I wanted to." Raven wanted to get married one day, but she never could. It was against the law in her family to marry someone of the same gender. Raven knew now, she was only interested in girls.​

 

[Kassiopeia Malkov]

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<COLOR color="#000">Kassiopeia was in the middle of trying to crack a fortune cookie when Raven told her to thank her father for gifting Raven with good looks. Kassi blinked and looked down at her cookie for a moment. She must not have been good at receiving compliments. Poor girl. "You aren't very good at receiving compliments are you? Besides, you make your father sound really freaking scary. I don't think thanking him would be the best...idea." Kassi laughed. Well if Raven really wanted her to come meet her family, she would. But Kassiopeia didn't think it would turn out to be the best. It would be an utter disaster and on top of that, it would probably embarrass Raven too. Her family would think she mad friends with idiots or something. Kassi had never been particularly good at meeting family members of close friends. She always tried too hard to live up to their expectations and ruined herself. Meeting her family would be a mess too. Her parents were controlling and stupid. They only cared about what they knew. Nothing more, nothing less. It was no wonder that all of their children left in a hurry. Hell Kaia wasn't even eleven before she ran off and was adopted by some other family. Raven kind of knew that Kassiopeia wasn't fond of her family. But Kassi had never gone into why. Just that they were a lot to handle. Maybe one day Raven could meet one of her siblings. That was the most she was willing to do for now. Maybe one day she would get over her anger and distress but it seemed unlikely right now.

"I don't know about framing it. It's not my best. I might have been drunk when I started it. I haven't been in a painting mood lately I guess." Normally Kassiopeia's paintings were easy to understand. Either they were people representing emotions, or scenery of some sort. Never was it a mix of the two. The dark haired girl couldn't remember how she came about painting this at all. But here it was. A mess of emotions and everything. Kassi sighed and set the painting aside. Her art had been really weird lately. It was like she was forgetting who she was. Kassiopeia hoped this phase went by quickly. She hated not being able to understand her own art muse. It was hard to understand something she normally never paid attention to. She couldn't remember how it was before. "No offense, but your family sucks. For one, it shouldn't mattter what you look like. You can't control the genetics you were born with. As for your other family, they'll get over it. You're allowed to do what you want to do. I'm not going to ask what your secret is though because well...that's your business. Just don't let them control you." Kassiopeia nearly ranted there. She hated it when people got upset over something that couldn't be controlled. It was like her own family whom wanted their children to act like they wanted them to, eat like they wanted them to, marry, study, whatever it was, they had to do it the way their parents wanted them to and no other way. Kassi wanted her friend to be happy and live the way she wanted. Whatever her secret might be. It was her choice.​

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[Raven Mauven]

Raven paused in her eating of the Chinese food when she observed Kassiopeia stop in cracking open the fortune cookie. Raven was truthfully not used to receiving such compliments, mainly because she appeared too intimidating to approach. That was why she had never really had a boyfriend in her life, even if she was interested but she was not. Raven knew that she was a lesbian by now, and she hated herself for it. It was not something she could change though. "I don’t think so. Mainly because I hardly ever receive them. My dad is scary, so I would just send a card instead." Raven smiled faintly at her best friend that she had a crush on. Hell, Raven could still feel the closeness that she had received upon kissing Kassiopeia, but Raven knew better than to try that again. Raven never wanted to have Kassiopeia meet the bad part of her family. She was always so close to Ozias, but then the two separated after school, and Ozias moved in with his twin while Raven was out to get an apartment of her own. It made her wish that she had her own twin so that she would have her close relationship. It amazed her that her mother had multiples of boys, and one girl at a time, except for Asparuh Zhefarovich the Fourth. Raven just wished that she could have someone close to talk to in her family again, but right now, she would have to talk to Kassiopeia. Should she come clean with how she felt, and who she was? Her sexuality was a big thing, and she was scared of being rejected. Raven had only one crush after all.

"But it looks great. Trust me, I would not lie about something so beautiful. For someone that was drunk while starting it, it turned out awesome. Any idea why you haven't been in a painting mood?" asked the elegant pure-blood with great curiosity. Raven wondered if it was because of some sort of blockage, like writers got with writing. Excepts hers would be all about muses and those that granted the girls the ability to paint. Of course Raven had not been painting at all since her mother's family disowned her. Eventually she would have to get her name changed from Mirayinov. She had no idea what to change it to however. That was the bad thing. Raven nodded when Kassiopeia said that her family sucks, assuming that she was speaking of her mother's side of the family. Raven smiled slightly, but it was very obvious that her smile as forced, "Sounds so easy doesn't it. I don't need my mother's family, but I am bound to my father's. The ones with the rules." Raven shifted so that she removed the sleeve, exposing a fraction of her back. The symbol was slightly exposed before she shrugged, "The Zhefarovich family are a powerful family. Break one of their laws, you are dead. One of their rules prevents me from getting married." Raven let out a sigh, and knew that she would have to just spill it all. She prayed that her best friend would not leave her. "That might sound confusing, since we do have people getting married left and right, and why I can never have one of my own. That's because..." Raven paused before she dropped the bomb, "I would want to marry a female."​