Closed Abysmal Performances

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie knew he had been performing less than ideally during practice. He had been scolded by both Linden and Connor. Sighing, Jordie stayed in the showers after practice until the water ran cold. He didn't expect to see anyone when he walked back to the locker room, slipping on his clothes and sitting on one of the benches. He was staring at nothing in particular, slowly drying his hair with his towel. When was he going to be okay again? His heart throbbed dully in his chest. This just couldn't last forever, right? He sighed, shutting his eyes and gently running his curls through the towel.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor didn't think he had ever been more frustrated by a Quidditch practice in his life. He hadn't expected captaining on his own to be easy, of course, but there was no doubt in his mind that this had been the worst practice Hufflepuff had ever had. The Beaters and Seekers had been on fine form, but Linden had seemed absolutely determined not to act like a team player, and his most experienced Chaser had looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. The issues with Linden were something Connor knew he would need to work out over time, but as emotionally drained as he was from the practice, Connor hoped he could sort things out with Jordan now before they snowballed. "Hey Jordan." Connor commented, flopping into a seat next to him. Jordan looked exhausted, and Connor couldn't bring himself to pretend he felt any different. "What happened out there? We need you on your game against Ravenclaw. You know you're our most experienced Chaser now." He said, studying the younger boy's face to try and figure out what was going on in his head.

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie almost jumped out of his skin when Connor sat beside him. He turned tired eyes to the captain, blinking slowly as he processed what the older boy had just said. Jordie let out a slow sigh. "I know, I'm sorry," he replied quietly, looking away. He felt ashamed all over again. "I'll do better, I swear," He promised weakly, not able to bring himself to peek at Connor again. He knew he hadn't done his best out there.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor winced slightly when he saw Jordan jump, not having wanted to startle the boy. He was so tired of upsetting his teammates, and he desperately tried not to let himself dwell in thoughts of what a bad captain he was. He focused on Jordan instead, nodding as the younger boy spoke. "You're a good Chaser, Jordan." He said seriously, hoping he looked like the leader he was trying to be. "You always have been. I just wanna see you at your best. Is there... anything I can help with?" He asked hesitantly. Connor had played Chaser a fair amount of times in casual friendly games, but he wasn't nearly as confident in the position as he was playing Beater or Keeper.

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie blinked, surprised that Connor really thought he was a good chaser. "Thanks," He peeked up at the older boy, trying to give him a small smile. It faded as Connor asked if he could help, and Jordie just shook his head and looked away. "I don't... No, it's okay, I..." He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. "I'm trying, I swear," He tried again, staring at nothing in particular and hoping he wasn't looking as dejected as he felt. "I... I just... went through this... really rough break up," He tried to explain, his voice cracking three times. He shut his eyes and cleared his throat. "It was just... messy, but I'm fine, really, I'm good, I- I'll do better," He promised, though it sounded weak even to his own ears.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor was relieved to see Jordan smile at the praise, returning the smile in turn. Maybe he wasn't total crap at this captain stuff. His smile slipped as Jordan explained his problems though, and he sighed softly. "Oh, I know how that feels." Connor commented, rubbing Jordan's shoulder gently. "It's... okay to be upset and... messed up after a bad break up." He said gently, trying to think of what would have helped him to hear after Nikko or Lucas and coming up blank. "It's... I know it doesn't feel like this right now, but it will get easier with time. And while you're... feeling crap you can always... put that energy into Quidditch, you know? Work out all your frustrations, play a bit rough to make yourself feel better. It... helps, a bit. Having somewhere to focus the bad feelings."

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie sighed, relieved that Connor wasn't going to murder him. He had been worried the captain would have found his break up a silly excuse for the poor performance he'd given. He laughed dryly at Connors statement about putting the energy into Quidditch. "That's probably easier for a beater than a chaser," He offered with a weak smile.

He sighed, slumping a bit and running the towel over his hair again. "I just... wish I could figure out what happened, you know? One second, everything was fine, and then... I don't know, he was just mad," Jordie grimaced at the memory of the breakup. He shook his head. "If I had done something wrong, if I knew why, I don't know, it would just be... easier, I guess. I just... feel lost." He admitted quietly. If he had any idea what had actually happened between him and Nate, maybe Jordie wouldn't be so hung up on this.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor shrugged when Jordan said playing rougher was easier as a Beater. "I mean, you can always put more muscle into a throw, fly a little faster, focus more on steals. There's a way to work out tension in every position. And if you feel like it, you can always come down to the pitch on your own time and smash a few bludgers. I can even give you pointers, if you like." He smiled warmly.

When the younger boy returned to the subject of his breakup though, Connor sighed. "I wish I had answers." He said softly. "Sometimes people are just... mysteries. I don't really understand the people on the other sides of the... disagreements I've had in the past. But I understand myself, and you understand yourself, and that's the best we can have. Whatever's happened to him, that's his problem, and he can deal with it. You just need to focus on you."

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie considered what Connor was talking about. "I guess you're right. Who knows, maybe I'll knock Linden through a hoop if I throw it hard enough," He chuckled a bit. He was a little surprised as Connor offered to give him some pointers. "Would you really?" He looked up to the older boy, blinking in surprise. "Thank you," he offered shyly.

Jordie felt his eyes well up as the older boy told him he could only focus on himself. Jordie sighed heavily, leaning his head in his hands and shutting his eyes. "When does it stop hurting?" He asked softly, his heart thudding dully in his chest. Would he just get used to it eventually? Or would he just be able to put himself back together someday?

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor couldn't help a small snort of amusement at Jordan's remark, quietly thinking he wouldn't mind knocking Linden through a hoop himself right now. He decided tactfully not to address that though, nodding with a smile when Jordan accepted his offer. "Of course. Beating's a pretty great way to work your stress out, I'd be happy to help."

Jordan's next question was, unfortunately, something he felt much less qualified to help with. "It... it's complicated." Connor said quietly, thinking of the people he had lost from his own life. "In my experience it never.... totally stops hurting. It just.... changes shape. I still get sad thinking about.... old friends I've fought with. But it doesn't consume me anymore. I can think about... about people, be sad about what we lost, and then.... keep going with my day, and find other things to be happy about. I think that's... the natural way of things. You find new things to make you happy. But it takes time. You'll get there." Connor knew he hadn't managed to say anything especially helpful, but he didn't think he had been happy very many times in his last five years at Hogwarts, and it was hard to summon any optimism from that.

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie brought his foot up onto the bench, hugging his knee to the bench. "That would be nice," He murmured, giving Connor a soft smile. Connor could be a nice guy. Sometimes. Though Jordie knew he was still torn on what had happened with Linden, he would have to find the other boy later and see if he was okay.

Jordie listened to Connor speak, nodding slowly. "You're probably right," he murmured, looking away again. He brushed his hair back. He looked back to Connor, leaning his cheek on his knee and smiling gently. "I know I haven't been myself this year..." He laughed lightly, looking sad but trying to be more social. "I could try and argue with you to let me do your hair," He teased gently.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor smiled when Jordan accepted his offer, pleased at the thought that he might be able to help his teammate out with his feelings. It was a relief, too, when Jordan found some comfort in his words, enough to even make a joke. He chuckled lightly at the joke, raising his eyebrows. "I might even let you do it if it'll help." He joked, before his tone turned serious. "You don't... need to be like normal, if you're hurting. I just need you to be focused on the pitch, we all need to be playing at our best if we've got a chance at the cup this year. You're our most experienced Chaser, the others will be looking up to you. Show 'em those skills."

 

[Jordan Harris]

Jordie lit up at that, smiling brightly. "What, really? Please?" He shifted to face Connor more. His smiled as the boy turned serious. He bit his lip, deflating a bit and looking away again. "Alright, yeah, I can do that," He gave Connor a small smile, brushing a hand through his hair. "We've got this, yeah?" He tried to ignore feeling horrid about that fight with Linden, hoping it wouldn't cause more issues later.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor laughed slightly at Jordan's enthusiasm, nodding. "Yeah, you're on." He grinned, feeling a little guilty at the sight of Jordan deflating a moment later. "Weve got this." He said reassuringly, wishing he could bring himself to fully believe it. He clapped one hand on Jordan's shoulder as he stood up, giving the younger boy a smile. "Tomorrow's a new day. No point dwelling on today." He added, wishing he could believe it himself as he headed away towards the showers.