Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this Christmas Eve edition of Stupefy, the news that leaves you stunned.
Our top story tonight, the beloved Headmistress of Hogwarts New Zealand, Alicia Barker, has been kidnapped! The tragedy unfolded at the second task of the TriWizard Tournament, as Miss Barker was preparing for the commencement of proceedings. It is reported that she was taken away by an unidentified stranger, assumed to be a Death Eater. Security footage could identify this 'Death Eater', however, as a wizarding academy and community, cameras are not in place (if they were, they would not function), and therefore, no security footage could be obtained.
"It all happened so fast," one unidentified bystander (a 1st or 2nd year, by the looks) stated. "One second she was there, next she was gone."
Cries for younger students to be familiarised with wizarding techniques such as apparition have been ignored.
Attempts by this program to get in contact with the Death Eaters have been unsuccessful, as we don't actually know where they are, nor do we feel that they would be willing to cooperate with us and reveal themselves if they did.
The TriWizard Tournament has unforutnately been cancelled in the wake of this crisis, and Hogwarts New Zealand is now in the capable (we hope) hands of known Auror and Defence Against The Dark Arts Professor, Nicolas King, and former Herbology Professor, Cecily Rambolt. The position of Herbology Professor has been filled by Kalif Styx, who has been described by some as 'cold' but by none as 'hot'. Professor Styx did not respond to our calls, probably because he doesn't have a phone and if he did, it wouldn't work in the Hogwarts grounds anyway.
I digress. Neither Professor King nor Ms. Rambolt were avaliable for comment, but I will endeavour to get in contact with either or both of them at some stage in the near future.
In the meantime, it's business as usual for Hogwarts New Zealand, however there are some displaced Hogwarts Scotland and Durmstrang students here with little purpose, more on that, and the TriWizard Tournament, later in the bulletin.
Now to our next story, and it seems that Hogwarts New Zealand has gone through some serious staffing changes, and not just for Astronomy, this time. Indeed, the much-bemoaned subject as avoided disastar (ha ha) with the appointment of the giant-like Denali Cross, the third Astronomy Professor in two years. Professor Cross has surprised many by actually staying in his position for the full school year. He has replaced Anastasia Swan, who's time in the position was very brief, being sacked not long after taking over from the chronically ill Casper Grigori. None of them answered our calls, reminding us that we ought to stop attempting to reach wizards by telephone, because in most cases, they don't actually have phones. Which makes you wonder about our attempts. More on that in the current affairs half-hour after the news.
As mentioned earlier, the beloved Hogwarts New Zealand Herbology Professor, Cecily Rambolt, left her position, choosing to work only as the co-headmistress of Hogwarts New Zealand. Her position has been filled by the somewhat suspicious (okay, okay, he's a Death Eater) Kalif Styx, who's son, Jaken, recently transferred to the fifth year of Hogwarts New Zealand from Durmstrang Academy (hey, guess what son? Daddy's coming to school with you!). Meanwhile, Augustus Keller sadly left the position of Potions Professor, to be replaced by Aphrodite Fox (who may or may not be another Death Eater). Beloved Care of Magical Creatures Professor Canoc Taggart retired, replaced by the much younger (but as experienced?) Tom Fletcher, and History of Magic Professor Lilandra Waltham left many students saddened by her leaving of Hogwarts. She was temporarily replaced by Beatriz Aguilera, before a (hopefully) permanent replacement was found in Avalon Traemore.
As before, no comment from any of these people. If you have any suggestions as to how we might improve our reliability with real comments from sources, please, let us know.
This news may bite: Hogwarts New Zealand now has a werewolf amongst its population. But please, don't let that alarm you. Current second year, Andromeda Fiorelli, was the victim of a vicious Halloween attack. Miss Fiorelli, who was only a first year at the time, was attacked by known werewolf Drago Maximus, under the control of Bearse Prosnian - ex-husband of Cecily Rambolt, cousin of Alicia Barker and former Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts New Zealand. Mr Prosnian, a reported Death Eater, was killed at the scene by Miss Barker, but not before Mr Maximus could bite Miss Fiorelli. How this happened to an innocent twelve year old girl, we don't know. Needless to say, the current affairs half-hour will be covering that in great detail after the news.
Miss Fiorelli was rushed to the Hospital Wing where her uncle, and school nurse, Patrick O'Brien, attempted to save her - but by then, it was too late, and Miss Fiorelli was confirmed as a werewolf. We did not wish to intrude on the now-thirteen year old (plus, we're not really allowed to) who is only just returning from a harrowing semester at Durmstrang Academy, who appear to have a lot to answer for.
Mr O'Brien is currently unable to be located, replaced in the Hospital Wing by young nurses Sidney Coogan and Piper Clove - who appear to be handling their jobs very well. The still living perpetrator could not be located to comment, not that we actually had any desire to locate him.
Miss Fiorelli poses no danger to Hogwarts New Zealand, being well provided for with the Wolfsbane potion and the Howling Cavern to use every full moon. She is able to live as a fairly normal student, despite this tragedy, and should not be sunned by her peers - most of whom don't actually know this secret (myself included). So, let's leave all this OoC.
Staying OoC now, and Hogwarts New Zealand (the site, that is) was recently converted to the fancy new ZetaBoards format, a huge update from the not so fancy InvisionFree. The conversion was a slow process, what with the wait for the server to be converted, then the actual conversion, however, the end product was well worth it. Nicolas King, who led the conversion process here (and since the conversion of Hogwarts Scotland - but the less said on that matter, the better), and was quoted as saying the ZetaBoards format is "awesome". (Okay, I made that up. I was tired of not having quotes. In my defence, though, Nick probably did say that). "Awesome" seems to be the general concensus on the matter, with approximately 99.9% of members preferring the new format. The other .1% rebelled for the sake of rebelling. ZetaBoards is extremely effective and brilliant and I was not paid to say that.
A new scientific report has shown that members of this website are addicted to the substance known as spam, racing through threads of it at lightning pace. Surely this spam addiction can not be healthy, but scientists say it is nothing to worry about - however they warn the addicts to moderate (as well as the moderators), as there can be too much of a good thing. But who listens to these scientists, anyway?
Graphics are becoming increasingly more popular, with people joining massive queues for signatures and avatars. Previously, the most popular signature maker was Sophia Stark, but since her leaving the site, many people have been trying their hand at creating graphics. Extremely popular are those made by Katalina Vanderhol - as they are attractive, and offered for free. Banners by Keira Kingsley, Lemina Troque and Ana-Cole Shorts also do a steady trade, but if they want any more advertising space, they can make their own threads because this is a news broadcast, not an advertisement.
(By the way, drink Coke.)
For all the latest OoC news, stay tuned for our 11pm bulletin, where we run through all the high points and low points of spam. It's sure to be exciting, and hardly concise!
Back to IC news, and in sport, Quidditch hasn't really taken flight this year, despite the presence of House teams due to surges in the number of first years in Years Four and Five. Unfortunately, with surges usually comes a mass exodus, and there never seems to be quite enough students for a game. Those timezones are a real pain, too...well, I mean, we're all in the same New Zealand timezone, of course, but...you know what I mean.
The TriWizard Tournament, despite an abrupt end, got off to a blistering start with the three champions (Hilary Grace from Hogwarts New Zealand, Nina Patrokov from Hogwarts Scotland and Cameron Kingsley from Durmstrang) showing their skills in the face of Pixies, Griffins and Hippogriffs. Mr Kingsley, of Durmstrang, appears to have shown the strongest performance, which calls the decision of the Goblet of Fire in to question - why choose two fourth year girls and one fifth year boy? We would have interrogated the Goblet, but as an inanimate object, it can't actually talk. There is no doubt the Goblet's decision left many disappointed. Particuarly the fifth year students of Hogwarts New Zealand...and many of the Durmstrang students, actually.
Mr Kingsley's extra year of experience may well have led to a Durmstrang victory, however, it seems we are never to know the outcome. A shame - it was sure to be an intense and exciting competition. However, there is always next time...we hope.
Now, to gossip, and there is no doubt that Hogwarts New Zealand knows how to party. The Halloween feast of Year 5 has been described by no one as the best ever, but it certainly was a lot of fun. Second years Zazuka Bones and Andromeda Fiorelli wreaked havoc by tainting the food with unidentified, noxious substances. This started uproar amongst the first years, which soon disintegrated as the students disappeated, presumably to find edible food. Slytherin first year Angus Greenwood (finally! a quote!) described it as "pretty crazy, a bit disgusting...a good chance to practice Charms, though." I have no idea what he meant, either.
But the big events, without a doubt, were the Yule Balls. Year Four was massive, and the glamour couples of the night were Slytherins Sophia Stark and Ford Harkonnen, and Gryffindors Bruin Dumbledez and Keira Kingsley. A melee broke out after a dance between Miss Stark and Mr Dumbledez lasted just a little too long. Mr Harkonnen, evidently jaded, and Mr Dumbledez started a food fight, leaving the ball in complete disarray and their partners in disillusion.
Miss Stark and Mr Harkonnen were not around for the Year Five Ball - and, by the way, if anayone has seen Miss Stark or her brother, Shane, please feel free to contact Valcan Drage, I guess.
Year Five, while cleaner, was not without drama, created by students of Durmstrang Academy. Fifth years Katerina Ivanova and Yvan Petrov promised to be one of the evening's glamour couples, however their time at the ball was brought to a speedy conclusion when Miss Ivanova got involved in a woar of words with the sixth year Durmstrang 'Casanovas' Dominik Marinescu and Nicolae Kobori - with whom Miss Ivanova was in a long-term relationship until the start of Year Five...ish, apparently. Miss Ivanova left the ball, persued by Mr Petrov, and the innocent partners of the Casanovas, Rhyspa Aireous and Katalina Vanderhol. At last report, tension was still rife within the Durmstrang camp, and Mr Kobori was last seen with Hilary Grace, the Hogwarts New Zealand TriWizard Champion. Let's hope the Durmstrang students can resolve their tension without breaking too many hearts.
That's it for the news this evening, from all of us here (that would be, uh, me), have a happy and safe Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. Stay tuned for the current affairs half hour, where we get the inside scoop on what really happens in the Hogwarts New Zealand kitchens, we speculate on who is or isn't a Death Eater for a good 20 minutes, and discover why first year students seem to be in more danger than anyone else. Or, at least, speculate. Good night.
you all. 
'Christmas eve' she says, uh-huh, surrreee. 
: 
