You're Still On My Lonely Mind

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor pulled her coat tighter around her as she walked slowly through the graveyard. It was starting to get colder in Cork and the October clouds in the sky threatened rain any minute. It was his birthday today. Taylor's heart was extremely heavy in her chest. She wished she had known about it. She wished she could have apologised and not left things the way they had been left. She wished she could have at least seen his face one last time. She wished for so many things, but wishing wouldn't bring Scorpius back. It had been such a long time ago and they had been so young. She had sworn she was so in love with him, but really looking back, she couldn't know what love was back then. He had been her best friend though and regardless of what happened between them, his life shouldn't have been taken so soon. It was devastating.

Taylor glanced down at each headstone, not sure where Scorpius' was located. It was taking her a long time, as she was moving slow, her head still spinning over the fact that she would have to visit his grave at all. Scorp had been reckless, the scar across his lip and his constant time in the hospital wing proved that, but Taylor never would have guessed it to end like this. She remembered thinking that she would bump into him again some day. That they would have a second chance when they were older and more mature and things would be perfect. However, the past few years that Taylor had spent away from the world she'd given up on fairy tales. If she hadn't finally gone to visit Sam after the longest time, she wouldn't even know about Scorpius' death.

Finally, Taylor's eyes met her ex-boyfriends name on a headstone. It all sunk in and the emotions hit hard. All she could do was stand and stare, the cold wind whipping the back of her black coat. It was all true, a small part of her was hoping it was a sick joke. Taylor hadn't brought flowers or anything of the sort to lay at Scorp's grave. She thought of bringing the scrapbook she had made for them right before they had broken up, but it seemed too cheesy, even to Taylor. So it remained hidden in a box in her room. She had really only come to confirm that it was real and to pay her respects to one of the people that at a time had meant everything to her.

 

[Pandora Cohen]

Since Scorpius' death Pandora had not done much with herself except for sleep because she didn't have the ability to do anything else. She was just so exhausted all the time and all she wanted to do was dream herself into a different world than this one where her boyfriend was alive. It had caused some problems for the first month because her bosses had expected her back at work and she went for one shift but had to leave halfway through because she was too emotional to be there. It hadn't been long after that when she was forced into an unpaid sabbatical which she couldn't bring herself to care about. Her mother had tried to reason with her before giving up when she realized that there was no point but today was different. Today Pandora would drag her body out of bed, into a shower and into a black dress before apparating to Cork where she had last seen the person she was certain was the love of her life.

She put a long coat on top before she left the messy bedroom that had never been in such a state, even as a child. But once more, she was apathetic about the entire thing. With a crack she was in the graveyard and without tears she was crying, knowing that she was entirely dried up. Pandora made the short walk to Scorpius' grave although it felt longer than any marathon. As she approached it she saw a blonde standing in front of it and she narrowed her eyes on her, wondering if it was Jenn but as she got closer it became clear that it wasn't the helpful blonde who had done so much for her already. Panda didn't recognize her but couldn't bring herself to care enough as she stood beside her. She didn't even look in her direction as she looked down at the grass that had formed over since she had last been here. Panda felt sick at the thought that something was aging over someone that should be but this feeling was perpetual. It hadn't left her since she had been woken up by a phone call from the hospital. Since then it seemed like she was sleeping the whole time and this was just a never-ending bad dream but the reactions to her by others made it clear that it wasn't.

The day before Pandora's parents had been kind enough to buy flowers for this occasion, sunflowers for some reason, and a card which the young girl had scribbled 'I Love You' messily and now she placed them down on Scorpius' grave as if he would be able to read the card. She knew very well that if she had given him such a thing in reality he would have laughed at it and said that he should be the one to give her that instead but she took the flowers not for either of their sakes, instead it was for her parents because they were having enough trouble already and didn't need an insolent child to ignore their kind actions although she wanted to. She wanted to kick and scream but she was docile and submitting to everything that came at her.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor's heart had sunk low in her chest and tears stung her eyes, threatening to fall but not quite able to. She was so wrapped up in her own emotions she didn't notice another figure approaching until a girl appeared next to her. Taylor inwardly jumped a little in shock, a tear finally escaping and falling down her cheek. She hadn't really thought about anyone else arriving. Although it did seem likely, as Scorpius was so well liked and it was his birthday today. Taylor looked down at the grave again, having only seen his name before, she took in the date that he had died. She felt a stab of guilt at the fact that she hadn't even known until that second.

The dark haired girl beside her lay sunflowers and a card on Scorpius grave. It made Taylor feel a little guilty for coming empty handed, but still she assured herself that it was how Scorpius would have wanted it. They pair stood together in silence, Taylor not sure she should say anything, as the girl had barely even noticed Taylor was standing there as well. She seemed so lost, perhaps more so than Taylor was, that the blonde had to wonder how she knew Scorpius. Was she part of his family? Taylor had met most of Scorpius' family during holidays so she didn't think that could be it. A fact that Taylor didn't want to admit to herself is that they could have been dating. Taylor felt a surge of uncontrollable jealousy, just another painful emotion to add to the sorrow she was feeling. She knew it was silly, as her and Scorp had been so long ago, but their relationship had consisted of a lot of possessive jealously. Her and Scorp both had massive green monsters on their back. It's the reason their relationship had ended. Taylor stared down at the grave, her head slightly spinning. Unable to stop the nagging in her head, Taylor finally asked in a quiet choked voice, "How did you know him?"

 

[Pandora Cohen]

Panda felt disturbed by the blonde's presence and didn't feel like she had the strength to grieve in front of a total stranger but she went on any way because at least this person wasn't trying to make idle conversation. Truth be told, the healer didn't care who this person was because she couldn't have been important if she hadn't been at the funeral which Pandora played in her mind all the time and although there were a lot of faces she knew them all as it was something ingrained in her mind permanently. As always, she had thought of this too soon because the blonde spoke to her.

Pandora looked at her through the corner of her eyes before turning her gaze forward again and blinking her eyes free of the tears before she answered. "We... we were together," she winced, the corners of her lips tightening as if she was in actual physical pain from the tense that she had used to answer her question. It was very difficult for her to realize that their future together was over because as much as she had hoped for it Scorpius wasn't going to be a ghost, it was a lot of effort and even if he was how would she be with him still? Until she was dead and possibly a ghost there was nothing that they would understand fully about their experiences but all she wanted was to see him again. To have one more conversation and if the Resurrection Stone were in her possession she would know exactly what to do with it but these things were fairy tales and imagined futures were the most painful ones for the brunette at this time.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Almost as soon as Taylor had asked the question she regretted it. Her words cut through a silence and made the air thick with tension. The dark haired girl standing beside her obviously didn't care for Taylor's presence and it was quite obvious she would have preferred Taylor not to be there at all. Taylor could understand this, as grieving was always a personal experience and not exactly one you wanted to share with strangers, however Scorpius had been well liked by a lot of people, in all honestly Taylor was somewhat surprised that more people hadn't shown up on his birthday.

When the other girl answered Taylor's question she felt her heart tighten in her chest. She definitely wished she hadn't asked the question now. It shouldn't have bothered her so much, Taylor knew Scorp wouldn't hold out for her, not the way things had ended between them. He'd always had girls after him, he was just that kind of guy. He was so easy to love and he cared about people so passionately that to not fall for him would be a crime. Taylor had a million more questions rattling around in her brain, that now throbbed with pain and a nagging jealousy. How long had they been together? Were they serious? Taylor held her tongue, knowing that by the sad look on the girls face she already had her answers. Taylor looked away from the brunette and pulled her coat tighter around her. "I was at a time too," Taylor said sadly, without thinking about it. She pinned it down to the sting of jealousy that had compelled her to clarify that fact. Saying it out loud made it more painful though and she looked away from Scorp's grave to the ground. She was still having a hard time believing this was all happening.

 

[Pandora Cohen]

Pandora had no delusions that Scorpius would have had girlfriends in his school days but she didn't know what the point of a stranger telling her this fact was. She didn't know why she'd asked and she didn't know why it mattered. There were only a handful of people who really cared and they showed it to her and to Scorpius' family by showing up and talking, trying to get Panda out of bed and taking care of the press when they got too personal which they did from time-to-time. "You weren't at the - the um funeral," she said quietly - not really asking but not really stating anything either. Without really knowing why Panda had said this, as if making this girl feel poorly for not arriving would make it all better. She opened her mouth to apologize but the words wouldn't come out, instead she just stepped back.

Panda turned and slowly began to walk through the cemetery because she thought that the girl would make her peace and leave so that she could return to praying that God would be kind to her, would show her hope that she would be okay because since that fateful day she had felt like she was sinking deeper and deeper into the ground. It made her feel badly for wishing that she would be okay when she should still be praying for Scorpius but she knew that he would be alright. He would be able to be as reckless as he wanted now and the thought could have made her smile if she wasn't so set against it.

wow sorry it's so late.

 

[Taylor Mercer]

Taylor had almost expected there to be silence again between the two girls. Almost wanted it to be awkward again so then she wouldn't have to say anything else. However when the girl spoke, Taylor's head dropped even further. Taylor didn't really know what to say. They were speaking so quietly to each other, but their voices sounded too loud in the cemetery. Taylor wished she had been there, as hard as she knew it would have been. She wished she had of been able to see Scorpius' family and share the emotions at the time. She knew people were still grieving, this girl next to her was proof of that, but it felt strange to only just find out, to have missed the emotions so many others had felt early. Taylor felt like she was betraying Scorp in some way. That she had been moving on with her life and being happy all the while knowing he was sitting in this grave. It was a slight punch in the gut.

"I didn't know," Taylor said more to herself than anything, because when she looked away from the ground, the girl had turned and began to walk away. Taylor suddenly took in the girls sad features and her jealously bumped back to a deeper part of her mind to be replaced with an overall sense of empathy. She was young when she had Scorpius and she missed him more now because of the fact that she didn't get to apologise, but she tried to imagine losing him while she had him and the thought broke her heart. It would be one of the most difficult things to try and get over. Seeing how broken the other girl was, Taylor couldn't stop herself from following. Taylor didn't want the girl to walk away from the situation. Taylor didn't want to hurt people anymore. She reached out gently and touched the girls retreating arm. "Hey," she said softly and in the least most hostile voice she could muster. "I'm sorry," she continued and she meant for interrupting your time with him, for bringing up my past with him, for you losing him, for him being so reckless, even though Taylor knew they were things that were pointless to apologise for. "I hope you're okay," she said with sincerity, regardless of how hard Taylor knew it would be to be okay given the circumstances. Taylor just hoped that in by saying so the girl might feel just that tiny bit less alone after losing someone who was always able to fill such a large whole in your life that you didn't know you even had until it was gone.