Wondering

[Hilary Grace]

Hilary's mind was in a buzz, she felt as though lately she had not been doing much. She basically just went to classes and worried about random things. Exams were comming up and she was totally stressing, these were the marks that would help her get into electives next year and eventually into other things. Her first term had gone really bad, and all those she had talked to had advised her against doing all the electives. Would they even let her? The stress was getting to her so bad that she was so worried about proving everyone wrong that she could no longer think.

Deciding that her dorm was becomming clostrophobic she slipped her shoes back on and took a look at her watch A couple of hours until curfew, so hopefully I can find myself in that time. With that she wandered out of her house into the hallways. She was thinking like crazy, so she just let her feet carry her, down hallways, up stairs and down. With each step another thought came into her mind.Working in London, Writting Exams, Prefect selections, lessons, electives, house points, quidditch and they just kept going until eventually the only plee in her mind was.

I need somewhere to escape even my own thoughts and to get my head around life. At that she looked up and saw she had come to the end of a hallway and so without even thinking about it she turned and started pacing that piece of hallway not exactly ready to head back up to the dorm yet. She managed to free her mind of most things, and let her plea take over her thoughts. I need somewhere to escape even my own thoughts and get my head around my life. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually quite a short period Hilary looked up. She was amazed! Into the wall she had been pacing passed a door had appeared. Tentatively she went to open it.

Inside she saw a room that seemed to radiate calm. It was all done in the light but happy colours, with cushions and a comfortable chair. There were a few books and stuffed animals, but one of the craziest things was just the untouched, calm feeling of the room. Hilary stepped in and instantly it was as if her problems were drifting away on a very fast wind. Maybe it was just in her mind, but she finally felt free. Hogwarts had been one of the best things that had ever happened in her life but at this point she felt as if she had found one of the deepest secrets of the school. An escape from reality.

 

[Hilary Grace]

Hilary slumped down into a chair, though the room was relaxing her thoughts were still bubbling, as if they were boggarts in closed cabinets waiting to escape once more. She knew she'd have to face them, but one at a time would make it easier. She pulled over a nearby notebook and self inking quill. She flipped it to a clean page and poised her quill. Writting was always an easy way for her to get stuff out and so she just started:

Prefect Selections

Why is this so important to me?
This would put me even to those I look up to: Courtney, Bruin and even Sophia. Somehow I feel that extra badge will make me something more than a wannabe. I try to show my house spirit and do as well as I can with lessons, but I feel as if my efforts are futile. People think I have spread myself too thin, they lose hope in me, and then I lose hope in me. Perhaps knowing that I have atleast someone with faith in me, would give me that little bit of drive I need to keep going. Does that make me shallow?

What are the possibilities?
I'm not sure why I'm so worried, we have two second years and two prefect positions, but should I be more stressed? We still have two strong prefects from last year so maybe they will decide we don't need anymore. Or only one.... As the number of second years are shrinking then will I be the only Third year who's not? Lily will be, as not only the only Second year Ravenclaw but also a sweet and great student. There are four Hufflepuffs, but they don't have any current ones.... The Slytherins I don't really talk to, but I guess there maybe be atleast one of them who doesn't get it.... Wow, now I'm being shallow again.

How would I use the position (if I get it, oh I sure hope so...)?
I want to help people, younger students and Gryffindor as a house. Hogwarts has been a great home to me but it can be daunting at start. Lessons are fun for me, but they can be difficult to get used to. I feel that now if I was to aproach a Slytherin or something, that they would just freak on me for being who I am, but as a prefect I wouldn't have that scare. I want to be a leader, someone people can look up to, be in the position to give inspiration. Be the girl that survived it all.

Hilary looked down at the sheet. It truly was easier to think like this, but it was also intense. Noone in their right mind would choose me... she thought as she lowered her face into her hands and started to cry.