Where Do I Begin

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

The days were once again melding into one another, she attended class she did her assignments and watched for letters from Bruin that now seemed to be getting farther apart. She didn't understand why she simply didn't write to him and tell him to just leave her be that she needed to get on with her life without him and couldn't do that when he wrote to her about nothing specific. She sighed, her head had been aching relentlessly the last few days and she didn't know why.

The bottle of firewhiskey lay well hidden in her trunk, guilt still took hold of her at times for stealing it but she knew that at some point she would need it. She was almost certain of that. The day now was warmer than before, Spring was making itself well and truly known and yet Andy wore a thick jumper over her slender frame. She looked gaunt, paler than usual and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. Tears sprang to her eyes quicker than ever before, at the slightest provocation she would begin to weep and she couldn't understand this. Her whole demeanor was that of someone utterly depressed and she could not climb out of the slump she had fallen into.

She still had not found her journal, no matter where she had looked and had tried to perform the summoning spell as well but to no avail. Someone had obviously found it and had put it under lock and key or something. Thoughts lately had trailed from Bruin to Crispin but now thinking of either of them sent a shudder through her. She wished fervently the male population would fall off the edge of a cliff into the land of consideration. But how considerate of others had she been of late, if ever. Andy knew she hadn't been so to Carlisle for sure or any of the other boys she had accosted of late and Crispin could be added to that list as well.

She wrapped her arms about her and walked to a large oak tree that stood proudly in the center of the lawn watching as a few couples seemed to emerge with the spring weather. Laughing and embracing each other, Andy felt the jealousy tear its way through her. Wasn't she supposed to be having fun this year? So what had happened to that? Why instead was she feeling as if she had lost huge amounts of herself since she had started this stupid thing. Andy leaned against the tree letting the tears fall unchecked.

 

[Katalina Harker]

((I'm assuming that this is after Kat's own break-up...if not then I'll edit it...they can just be miserable together ))

It had been nearly a week since Kat's world had come to a crashing halt. Life seemed to be a step by step process now. She went to classes, meals, and her dorm...that was pretty much the entirety of it. The way she had it figured she had very few people she could trust now and also very few people who cared anything about her. Chace had made it perfectly clear that he felt nothing for her when he walked away from her and Sumner, well, in his very own words, he just didn't love her. There was a hole ripped right through where her heart used to be. Kat was empty inside, a mere shell. How in the hell had things turned so horribly wrong? She knew she was to blame and that in itself hurt the most.

It was a free period for sixth year students now and the last thing Kat wanted to do was run the risk of seeing either two males whom her heart ached for. Instead she wandered out to the lawn, no particular destination in mind. As she neared the giant oak tree that stood in the center of the lawn she saw a familiar streak of red hair and heard crying. Kat's shell stomach felt like it had jumped into her throat. For some reason she felt she knew what was wrong with her best friend...Andy couldn't have very well expected to behave the way she had been and not get hurt somewhere along the line. Still the fact of the matter was it seemed her best friend was hurting. "So...who is it I need to kill now," she managed as a half-ass attempt at a joke, but it didn't have her usual spunk behind it.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Turning at the sound of her best friends voice, Andy snivelled and blinked back more tears before attempting to say anything. She had heard through the rumor mill about Kat and even though they were roomies, they had both been going through so much of their own crap that they'd been ducking one another.
"I would say by the look of you that misery loves company" she smiled at her, looking down at a nail that she had actually started to bite, a habit Andy had never had she grimaced at it before looking back at Kat.
"I've um... "she shook her head then pulling something from her pocket passed it to Kat. It was a photograph of herself and Bruin, one Andy had thought she had lost quite some time ago when she and Bruin had met at the Borely. Nearly a year now. The photograph had arrived an hour earlier with just a scribbled note on the back saying, 'Thought you might like this back' no name, nothing but it was hard not to recognise his writing and the fact that Legend had delivered it.

"His letters have been getting more and more distant, he's never signed off any like he cares or like he ever cared" she blew some hair out of her eyes, scrutinising Kat.
"What's your story?" she'd rather hear it properly from Kat than believe the vicious rumors, which had a nasty habit of either blowing things up and out of control or got them very much spot on.

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera was tired of being inside the castle. She was tired of feeling like she was trapped inside because of the weather. Luckily, today was different. It was a bit warmer out, so Kiera dressed for the weather in an outfit that was lighter than her heavy winter garb. She left Gryffindor to go outdoors. As she wandered along the lawn, she began to think.

Kiera had been doing a lot of thinking lately and had yet to come up with what she wanted. It bothered her that James had not sent her a single owl. He had said many things to her and Kiera was beginning to believe that they were all lies. It hurt her inside but she knew that it should not. Kiera had Alex who she cared deeply for. Therefore, she put all her effort and energy into her relationship with him. She would forget all about stupid James Potter.

Kiera immediately forgot all of that business as soon as she saw her two best friends sitting down and talking. Kiera made her way to where they were with a smile on her face. The smile began to fade when she saw the look on each of the girls faces. Kiera had heard rumors about Kat but she had refused to believe them. Now, she wasn't so sure. Kiera sank down to her knees next to them. "Hey. What's up?" she asked with a small smile.

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat grimaced when Andy said that misery loved company. She wouldn't cry or at least she hoped she wouldn't. Not like she had the energy to do any of that anyways. When her best friend produced a picture of herself and Bruin she looked at her and said, "Oh Andy. You don't know who sent it back to you? I'm sure he's not meaning to hurt you...maybe he thinks this is going to be easier on you this way." No matter what she said to Andy it wasn't going to take away the pain that her best friend was feeling.

She was about to produce a perfectly planned out lie when Kiera walked up to them both. Kat knew that there was no way that she could possibly lie to either of them, especially not when they were all there together. She felt the lump growing in her throat and try as she might she couldn't keep the water works from busting loose. "Well I guess there's no need in lying. I suppose you've already heard what a horrible person I am. I swear to God I could screw up something so perfect faster and better than anyone I know," she started, having to stop to try and regain some composure. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I love him...I screwed up, but Merlin knows I still love him." The hole in her chest was ripping open again and she was finding it harder to breathe. Kat pulled her knees up to her chest, her whole body shaking. "He hates me...hell it's worse than that. He feels nothing for me at all. Why did I have to do it? It wasn't worth it. None of it. I've lost them both and for what? Of all the things I could have screwed up with and it had to be with him. Oh my God what have I done," she finished, now sobbing heavily, feeling like she might die and some part of her wishing that she actually would.

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera watched as Kat slowly started to explain what was happening. Kiera was slightly surprised to hear Kat confirm that it was all true. Every bit of it. Kiera could see how much her best friend was hurting and it broke her heart. She grew even more concerned as she saw Kat shaking. Kiera slide over to Kat's side and put both of her arms around the younger girl. She knew that this could have been her at the end of last term after she had cheated on Alex with James. However, it had quite the opposite affect. Both James and Alex had still liked her. In the end though, it was Alex she chose to be with and she was happy with that. Wasn't she?

Kiera took a moment to collect her thoughts before speaking. "Kat, honey, its going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright." she whispered soothingly, like her father had always done when she was upset. "Have to talked to him since then? How do you know he feels nothing?" she asked, hoping Andy would join in because she was losing what to say.

 

[Katalina Harker]

"No...no it's not. It's never going to be alright again. Everything quit being alright when I kissed Chace and Sumner told me that he didn't love me," Kat said through the tears. Brokenhearted was an understatement...all of her was broken. Looking to Andy she said, "You remember what you said about having a cursed soul? Apparently one doesn't have to be a werewolf to have that Andy...you just have to be a rotten enough human being so I guess I now qualify for that right?"

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy turned a grief stricken face to Kat and shook her head turning the photo over to point at the writing before she could say it was definitely Bruin's Kiera came over and though she had no secrets from her either, something just made her take the photo and pocket it once more. The conversation that followed sent Andy reeling. She had heard nothing of Kat kissing Chace and looked at her best friend speechless. She could feel anger bubbling inside her and tried so hard to push it down as Kat continued about being a rotten human being. She opened and closed her mouth countless times trying to find the words until finally when all reason left her, and Andy verbally ripped into her best friend. Slowly she stood up and blinking back more tears glared at her.

"You... you compare your crap behavior to my cursed soul! I never cheated on Bruin! I would never say I loved someone and then go kiss someone else for the sake of it. How could you do that to Sumner? I don't blame him for not loving you now... Kat that was downright selfish of you"
she tore the photo from her pocket and shredded it infront of the two girls
"It seems no body around here gives a rats ass about love but the one person who can't have it!"

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera watched flabbergasted as Andromeda began to tear Kat to shreds. Her jaw dropped as Andy put all the blame on Kat. Kiera squeezed the girl tighter, feeling very much that if she didn't Kat would fall completely apart. "Andy!" she gasped. She was stunned as she caught a glimpse of the photo before the younger girl ripped it up. It had been of Andy and Bruin. Kiera couldn't blame Andy completely as she knew the younger girl said these words only out of heartache. Still, Kiera felt as though the last comment was directed not only at Kat but at herself too.

Kiera's face remained completely blank of emotion. The words had stung her. Kiera had only told her roommates about the whole nasty affair with James. Kiera was sympathetic towards Kat because she knew what it was like to have feelings for another boy that was not your boyfriend. It was confusing as hell. "Andromeda. Just because you are hurting does not mean that you take it out on your friends." she said a little sharply. Kiera turned back to Kat. "You are not a cursed soul or anything close to it. We all make mistakes. He might forgive you." she said softly. "Alex forgave me after a bit." she added.

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat cowered back as Andy let her have it, but she didn't say anything. When Kiera tried to comfort her she pulled away and stood up. "No Kiera...she's right. About everything. I'm a heartless little slut. Who in their freaking right mind would do what I did? This wasn't just a mistake...I broke his heart and so he ripped mine out. I'd say that was a pretty fair trade wouldn't you," Kat went on, squeezing her arms around herself trying to hold everything she was together. "He'll never forgive me. I know him too well. I'm no better than his freaking drunk ass mother. I let him down worse than she ever could. I failed him and now that's a decision that I'm going to have to live with everyday of my life." Kat looked at Andy, her breathing becoming more and more shallow and said, "You're right Andy. I guess their is a difference between a cursed soul and what I am. I'm miserable and I deserve every ounce of pain that is thrown my way, but don't think for one second that I ever stopped loving him. It was a selfish choice on my part...I screwed up worse than anyone possibly could have, but I always have and always will love him." The hole in her chest felt like it was bleeding. With it being constantly reopened it would never heal.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy turned to Kiera who began speaking up for Kat and of course herself, for her own behavior the previous year to her boyfriend hadn't been exemplary either. At least Andy was a free agent and the boys she flirted with were all free agents too. It didn't matter that she all but despised herself for every action she took, it wasn't like she had a soul to save for crying out loud but these two... she sighed deeply shaking her head, her amber eyes blazing now as Kat began to speak.

"Dear Merlin, you knew all that about him..." she turned holding a hand up to Kiera to stop her from saying anything else, "just shut it Kiera, I've heard enough from both of you. You had Alex last year and yeah, he's forgiven you but wow... condone her behavior why don't you. Kat I expected more from you. I can't have the happiness that the two of you have, had ... whatever but are so damned keen on tossing away. I know what I'm doing is nothing more than selling myself short but no-one is getting hurt but me in this and quite frankly I've never counted anyway." she pushed her foot down on the shredded bits of the photograph grinding them into the dirt.

"You had someone who loved you and would do anything for you and you hurt him for a quick snog with the one boy you knew would really hurt Sumner.You're not miserable Kat, you're pathetic. He was there for you last year when you were going through all that crap, he was there for you for everything. That's not love.. you kissing someone else. Sure you feel bad about it all, because you got caught."

Andy turned to walk away never before wanting to punch someone quite so hard in all her life and clenching her fists now, knew if she didn't walk away Kat and/or Kiera would be out cold on the lawn.
"You both can't help yourselves... just throwing happiness away like you can pick it up everyday anywhere."

Before she knew it she was running, she had never felt so disappointed in her friends ever but felt now as if they had left her down badly. How could she ever believe in love and happy ever after if those capable of living that kind of dream kept screwing it up?

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Kiera's arms stung as Kat pulled out of them. She didn't want Andromeda to be right about Kat. It was cruel and unnecessary punishment to the already hurt girl. Obviously what Kat had done was bad but it wasn't that much different than what she had done the previous year. But Kat had been together with Sumner longer than she had been with Alex. Not that that was any excuse.

Kiera was taken aback as Andromeda ripped at her as well as Kat. She had only been trying to help and now she was getting yelled at? Tears swelled in Kiera's eyes and she fought desperately to keep them back. She never took confrontation well. Kiera had never intentionally thrown away happiness. How dare the younger girl say that?! Kiera's eyes glared up at Andromeda and then Kat. She was tired of this all. How could they be so cruel to each other? to Kiera?

Kiera couldn't speak. She knew that if she tried to the tears would flow freely. That was something she did not want. Kiera hated Andy at that moment. She hated the girl for making her feel like this. Kiera was happy now. This was not happening again. She would not hurt Alex again. It was the farthest thing from her mind. And she hated Andromeda for implying that she would. Kiera picked herself off the ground with her fists clenched. Kiera turned and went in the opposite direction of Andy. If Kat didn't want her help then she wouldn't offer it anymore.

 

[Katalina Harker]

That was it. Andy's final blow hit her hard and deep and before even thinking about what she was saying Kat blurted out spitefully, "Well then why don't you start accepting payment for what it is you're doing? At least then all the self-inflicted heartache would be somewhat worth it." It was too late and she didn't know if Andy had heard her as she was already running in the opposite direction. Not one of them was any better than the other. Looking at Kiera apologetically Kat turned and walked off without another word. The only thing she had left to hope for was to send the letter to her mother that she'd written earlier in the day. Hopefully her mum would oblige her request to be withdrawn from the school and to finish up her education at home with her sister. At least there she knew no one would judge her.