When You're Gone...

[Sakura Gemini]

Throwing her old acoustic guitar over her shoulder and heading in the direction of the forest, Sakura needed time alone from the maddening crowd. She felt drained from everything, the fact she wasn't good enough to be chosen by the goblet as champion; studying for OWL's and not talking with Noah.

Here she swore loudly not caring who was in ear shot, she was truly ticked off with herself having cried a literal torrent to poor Isabella, who had listened gallantly to her. Of course they did this for each other but all the same, Sakura felt drained from having cried so much. Her relationship with Noah had finished a long time ago but not long before they had come to New Zealand she had thought they would try again, taking things slowly but the day of departure obviously put paid to that. She had seen how he looked at Asher, how Isabella had spelt out for all and sundry Asher's feelings for Noah.

Sakura had been devastated but worse was to come. Their arrival here threw everything in the air, sure she had made so many new friends but she had not had one chance to speak with Noah and part of her was afraid to. She missed him as if part of her soul had been wrenched from her, she had never felt this lonely before and had at times blamed it on being homesick. Speaking with Asher she had basically cleared the way for the younger girl to be with him, was chivalry also a womans privilege? Saks wasn't sure but she had tried to be.

Much of course to her own annoyance. She entered the forest and cut her way through to a clearing about 100 yards or so in from the edge. A fallen tree seemed to be the perfect resting place, she sat down pulling the guitar from her shoulder and tuned it humming various keys as she went along. What does a girl sing when her mood is rotten, when her heart is shattering? Off hand she couldn't think of any songs that the girl band Super Nova she had once been in had written slating boys and love. Did she really want to sing that type of thing though? Right now she felt as if a blues song was more apt when some song popped into her head that was really old, she could neither remember where she had heard it before or who she had been with at the time, she just knew it was a muggle song.

Checking she had tuned it properly she began singing in a low voice then knowing she had the words down pat, she began again. A lot clearer and with more feeling.
Her heart was so on her sleeve it was ridiculous BUT SHE SANG, no one would surely hear her this far away from the castle anyhow...

</COLOR></I>

Hold onto love that is what I do now that I've found you.
And from above everything's stinking, they're not around you.

And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.

And in the day, everything's complex,
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.

But I'll miss you when you're gone, that is what I do. Hey, baby!
And it's going to carry on, that is what I do. Hey, baby...

Hold onto my hands, I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you.
And to my mind, everything's stinking, stinking without you.

And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.

And in the day, everything's complex,
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.

But I'll miss you when you're gone, that is what I do. Hey, baby!
And it's going to carry on, that is what I do. hey, baby...​

<I><COLOR color="blue">

 

[Noah Lewis]

Noah had basically disappeared into his own little world once they reached New Zealand. He felt gulity for everything that happened between him and the rest of the group. He felt like he was the bad one, the one that caused all this. How? He was not sure yet but still. He felt more guilty than ever. It didn't help that he still had feelings for Sakura but now he had new feelings for Asher. Was he leading them both on? Noah wasn't sure though he didn't know if he really wanted to know the answer to that.

"Why do I do this? What do I get myself into?" Noah asked himself as he walked along the grass kicking one single stone as he went "How could I hurt Sakura and Asher?" He said kicking the stone a bit harder "How could I make this more difficult on everyone?" He said once again putting a little more force on the stone he was kicking. It rolled as he kicked it as if it wasn't going anywhere "But did I lose those friendships? Are they going somewhere?" Noah asked kicking the stone softly yet this time it rolled and rolled as if he had kicked it harder than ever. The stone rolled out of sight "If that is a sign I don't know what I will do" Noah said just wanting to sit down and relax.

Noah sat down on the grass though he couldn't stand the noise of all the other students around him. They were messing up his thought process, clogging the thoughts he was trying to clear. Finally having enough of everyone he decided to go somewhere that had piece and quiet. The lake didn't have many people but with all the memories of the lake, what it held for him, he just couldn't stomach sitting down there with his feet in the water staring at his reflection.

"The forest" He said suddenly as the perfect place came into his mind. Noah walked slowly towards the forest glancing around every once and awhile to make sure no Professors were near. Then he heard it. Someone was singing "Who sings in the forest?" Noah asked himself feeling sorry for the singer. It wasn't the happiest song in the world.

Noah basically followed the voice and to his surprise he found Sakura sitting on a fallen tree guitar in hand singing. Last time Noah walked up on Sakura things didn't turn out so well. He was determined to make things better this time. "Hey" He said smiling slightly as he came into her view "I didn't know you played" He said

 

[Sakura Gemini]

She had basically finished the last note when a very familiar voice halted her very breath. Sakura wasn't prepared for him, her eyes were probably still red from all the crying she had done earlier. Had he talked with Asher? Had she told him how she thought she loved him? Was that why he now wanted time to think to clarify his feelings? Not likely. I saw the way he looked at her, he used to look at me like that.The thought alone pierced her and she looked down at her guitar instead of at him making like she had to retune the already perfectly tuned guitar.

"I've been playing since I was six, well I was learning at that age. I gave up the acoustic for a few years to play bass with a girl band I was in but electricity and magic schools don't mix so my electric guitar is no good here" she was rambling and she knew it, she took the flatpick and placed it between her teeth to shut herself up for a moment.

She needed to take stock of everything that's why she had come here, hadn't she spent days wandering about the school grounds and the school with not a sight of him anywhere and now that she needed to be far away from everyone he managed to find her. She hated fate at least at that moment, but had fate meant for them to find each other? Stop torturing yourself. Slowly she looked up at him, removing the pick from her mouth she instinctively retreated to her old habit and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"So what brings you into the forest?" did she sound as if she wanted him to leave or would he hear in her voice that she wanted him to stay? Quickly she looked down at her old guitar again, quietly strumming an old lullabye just for something to do.

 

[Noah Lewis]

Noah could tell that Sakura was a little surprised at them running into on another. But believe it Noah was too. How was it that once he decided he needed to think without the sound of noisy first years and happy students running about that he found her out of all the people? How was that so? How was it possible? Noah didn't have time to think about it.

"An all girls band" Noah repeated. He was at a loss of words. "That's cool" He said not knowing what else to say. How could he not know this about her? Was he that out of it? That awful that he couldn't remember a simple fact about Sakura out of anyone else?

Noah tried to think of what to say to her question. Thinking about what I did, thinking about you, thinking about Asher, thinking about how I may have ruined everything Noah thought but all the answers seemed odd to him. Was he even supposed to be thinking of things like that anymore? Did she still think about him? He doubted it.

"I just needed time to think" Noah said. It was true in general he just wanted to think. He listened to her strum wondering if she wanted him to leave or wanted him to stay. We can't avoid each other forever Noah thought I couldn't even if it was possible Noah's thoughts swirled Knock it off He thought almost yelling at himself for still being confused. Why was being this age so hard?

"Can I sit down" Noah asked motioning to the fallen tree that she was sitting on.

 

[Sakura Gemini]

Sakura stopped playing and looked at him. She could look into those green eyes for the rest of her life and be content to do only that. Moving her guitar aside she nodded her head.
"There's plenty of room" what had he been thinking about then had he even had a chance to think or did he run into her too soon? She waited for him to sit down knowing that his nearness would probably send her pulse racing too fast. Hadn't they gotten themselves into a mess sitting too close beside each other not long before they arrived here.

Could she be trusted not to let her fingers reach for his, her hand reach for his hand? She averted her gaze from him and looked at the forest floor. Somethings in life were so easy, so simple why did it have to be so complicated when you were a teenager? The world was round, the sky was blue, Noah and Sakura's love is true.It was a silly ryhme herself and Bella sang to one another mucking about over her relationship with Noah when they had been dating. What made it pop into her head now she wasn't sure.

Asher was convinced she loved him but every girl thought they were in love at least once in their teenage lives. She had been convinced she had been at only 13, now she glanced at him and wondered if she would ever stop.

 

[Noah Lewis]

Noah looked at her still unsure if she just wanted he to fall over and die or if she wanted him to stay. At least he could sit down. Could he be trusted though? Was it just being a teenager that caused all this? If so Noah hated it. Why couldn't life go back to the simple days when girl's had cooties and boys wanted nothing more than to be muggle football players.

"So do you normally come into the forest just to play the guitar?" Noah asked. After the words came out of his mouth he wanted to take them back, rephase them, fix them into what he wanted to say. But what did he want to say? He wanted to ask her why she was in the forest? Was she thinking about him? Was she crying over him? Noah doubted that she would waste her time on him. Noah knew Sakura could get any guy she wanted. So could Asher. Why were they wasting their time with the likes of him. For the first time since the blow from not getting picked by the goblet Noah felt unworthy.

"What i meant is what brought you into the forest today?" he asked not liking the sound of that either. How did his words never seem to sound like they do as they rush through his mind.

 

[Sakura Gemini]

He can talk to me as if I'm just any old friend, as if I'm any old person. Nothing about me matters to him anymore. See how he sits remarkably comfortable while I feel as if a tsunami has hit every possible shore of my heart.
Sakura looked at him, jealous of how nonchalant he could be. He had all the hallmarks of someone ready to embark on a new adventure, a new beginning. Nervous, anxious yet delirious about it all. Sakura wasn't stupid her intuition had always been very strong, he had strong feelings alright but they were no longer for her.

Lowering her head she wanted to know how this made her feel but she couldn't feel anything. The flood of tears from earlier had left her arid, empty completely barren now of emotion. So she sat here playing songs to ease some sort of emotion into her wounded soul only to have her murderer come to seek her out again. Had he not done enough damage? Had not taking her heart and pounding it been enough for him? Was he looking to finish the job completely?

How could a person feel hollow? With so many organs and muscles within, she knew her heart was just that a large muscle pumping blood around her body. Could she not just use her common sense now, could she not just think logically as she would in potions? Sakura's heart beat was still in rythme, still blood pumped around her so he hadn't destroyed her, he hadn't really broken her heart. That was just what silly girls said when they were overly emotional. When had Sakura ever been overly emotional? When I've been around Noah.

"I came here to get away from the crowds because I had thought I did something very stupid. It upset me but I ... I don't think I have a right to be upset really" she looked at him, the choice had always been with him to make but she knew. When they were first together, there was no stupid talk about taking it slow. They were young and reckless what did they know abot 'slow', she knew what he had really wanted was just not her.

"Noah..." she had to just come right out and say it, he certainly wouldn't. Noah had always been sparing with words and feelings unless someone else went first.
"You, you really didn't want for us to go slowly at all did you?"

 

[Noah Lewis]

Noah tried to keep his face blank possibly a small smile. Noah didn't know how this talk was going to turn out. He didn't know what he felt anymore. He was just one of those confused fifth teen year old, but that was an acceptable answer. Lately nothing he did seemed to be acceptable.

At first Noah didn't think he could look at Sakura. He knew how much he had hurt her. He didn't mean to. That was his excuse. It also was not an acceptable one. Why did he then? Noah sat on that tree his hands in his own lap as to make sure nothing happened. He couldn't let anything happen. He couldn't let anymore drama be caused or any more emotions to be brought to the surface.

Noah glanced out of the side of his eye to see Sakura. How was he going to talk to her without bringing everything up? Without bringing the dust into the air. Though would that dust eventually sufficate him. He wondered if it even had to be discuss Of coarse it does you moron A voice chimmed in his head. Noah did know that was the right thing to do, to stir up the dust and hope everything in the end would settle once more.

"To get away from the crowds eh?" Noah said not knowing what else to say. Sakura was upset. It was obvious and she had just stated it. A gut feeling said it had to do something with him, but maybe it was just an ego. She probably had better things to worry about than Noah.

Noah wanted to say something, almost to tell her he was sorry for everything. Sorry for the drama. Sorry for the problems. Sorry for hurting her. He was sorry but the words just didn't come out. Yet Sakura spoke again. A question that Noah really didn't know how to answer. Deep down he knew what to say, the truth, but as the simple word or sorry wouldn't come out Noah didn't know if he could say anymore.

You, you really didn't want for us to go slowly at all did you? The words spun in Noah's mind. Truthfully he wasn't sure what he wanted. At that day at the lake he just didn't want to... oh even Noah didn't know anymore.

He twisted his hands together almost nervously as he got up the courage to look over at Sakura. "Sakura" He began. "That day at the lake, before we left" He started the words almost stinging his tongue as they came out. Why couldn't this be easier or at least why couldn't Noah know what to do or what he wanted?

"I wanted to take it slow" Noah said finally "Or at least I thought I did" He added his tone of voice was lower now. He didn't except this to come up so early on in the conversation. Maybe he should have stayed away from everyone longer. Though this conversation would happen soon or a later. "I really don't know Sakura" He said "I know that is the worst answer and not even considered an answer but it's the truth" He said glancing at her quickly just to meet her eyes.

Noah didn't know how to discribe how he felt. How yes he still had feelings for her. Yes they were strong but he also had feelings for Asher. Somehow the feelings seemed different now. He didn't know why, He didn't even know how.

 

[Sakura Gemini]

Sakura heard the words and wanted to hit him so hard, she wanted to take her wand out and smash some trees to bits. To do whatever damage she could to vent the frustration she was feeling right now. He didn't know, a person either knew or they didn't know that they cared about someone. Why was he complicating the whole issue? Tired of waiting for him to think things through because goodness knows he had enough time without her since they arrived. Sakura picked up her guitar and stood up.

She had always been tall, always had an athletic frame what she wouldn't give now to resemble Asher. That was obviously where his choice lay, she remembered the picnic rug before they left and how he had gone to comfort her and hadn't even thought to see if Saks was ok. He thought he had wanted to take it slow, one minute he had been holding her hand and the next he was backing up rewinding as fast as he could go.

"I'll help you then shall I?" she fought the tears back every step of the way, her stance was proud and strong she was not going to crumble again not here right infront of him at least.

"You liked me but you like Asher. You liked what we had but its over and whats the point in bringing all that back if we just end up in the same place, finished. When you could be trying something completely new with Asher, have something and someone to compare against" she looked in the direction that she had come in to the clearing from wondering how fast she could get out of here now before she broke down.

"I told her to go and look for you, so I guess I should be telling you to go and look for her too" and then she heard it the sound of her heart breaking, stifling a gasp she looked a way. It was true then, no matter how logical she tried to be a human heart was still after all capable of shattering.

 

[Noah Lewis]

Noah knew the words were not what Sakura wanted. Noah just couldnt' say what she really wanted. He had to say what he felt or at least what he thought he felt. He watched her stand up. He made no intention of standing up. She was going to walk away or at least he thought she was. He was tempted to grab her hand just to tell her that they need to talk but he was at a loss to do so. That would be a bad move cause more problems A voice rang in his head.

Noah listened to Sakura speak. She was upset maybe on the brink of tears. Noah tried to keep his face blank. Why couldn't he just sort everything out without the chaos that always happened.

"I'm sorry" Noah mustered our. He knew it probably wasn't the right time and he knew his sorry would basically mean nothing. He didn't expect it to. Noah did mean it with every ounce of his body but still what was he supposed to do. The facts were that the relationship was over. Noah knew he hurt Sakura and that was the reason he was sorry.

"Sakura" Noah said this time standing up. Though he was smart enough to keep his distance. "I am sorry about how this turned out. I didn't mean to cause any pain" Noah said "I didn't try to" Noah continued. His words probably meant nothing to her but to him they needed to be said.

"I will miss us" He started again. "I can't forget what we had. It was great it really was. You could say my first love" he added a small smile flashed on his face when the memories came by in his head as if he was watching a movie. That night on the quidditch pitch, the kitchen, even the detention all came back. Their first kiss, the honeydukes, the cafe, all of it would not be forgotten.

"But Sakura times change" He said "We change Trust me you will find someone else some one better" He began. He knew she would. How could someone not fall for Sakura as hard as he fell for her. "Someone more deserving of you and you will be happy and may even forget my name" Noah said looking up at her.

 

[Sakura Gemini]

Sakura turned on him then, how dare he? So bloody typical really. Times change, it was a shame he didn't think of that at the lake when he had told her they would go slowly, giving her hope that they would be trying to get back together at least this year. She pulled herself up to her full height, letting him have the full force of her Gryffindor pride, her Diggory and Gemini pride, her female pride. Merlin knew she had it in bucket loads. Who did he think he was?

She saw the smile on his face and wanted badly to slap it off of him. Swinging her guitar over her shoulder she glared at him.
"You're right Noah I will find someone more deserving, I will find someone better for me" how many times had she heard this rant from him before, what had once been endearing was now tiresome and tedious.

She began to walk away feeling a hell of a lot better about herself, let Asher have him. She was so welcome to him, juvenile. Turning back she past another parting shot his way.
"And damn right I'm happy, I don't need you to quantify my happiness. I never did and has to forgetting your name. I won't even speak it again."

Sakura passed by the clump of stumps that led back out of the clearing and left him there. She would go and blast some gnomes about for a while to let off steam or something else equally useless. Tempted as she was to turn and cast a jelly legged jinx at Noah she continued walking away from him and out of the forest. He led her on, definitely but she knew deep down that she had been a prime target for it. Had almost been waiting for him too well her heart would just have to hurry up and heal itself because she was over him... what was his name again?