What have I done?

[Tohoru Koshiba]

Tohoru loved the snow even more so now that he had Vanessa as his love. She was right now in class or something and he could not see her, but he would see her soon enough once she was done with class or whatever. So right now he had time to walk around and think about things. Last year had been a bad one for him. He had hurt so many people. Some he felt bad about but others not so much. Tohoru wished he could go back in time and change things make it all better but he could not. So he would have to do the next best thing and try to never do anything like that again.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose was making the most of the snow. She much preferred summer, of course, but snow was a nice novelty every now and then. It reminded her of the family crib in the mountains, where she had some of her happiest memories. She was walking in the garden and testing herself on the names of all the plants that were now hidden beneath the snow. Her excellent memory meant that she knew what belonged where, and was certain she could name everything. She rounded a corner, and even though her eyes were on the garden bed, she knew someone was there. Looking up, she got quite a fright!

Hate coursed through her. The boy in front of her was the lowest of all life forms in her opinion. She wanted to squash him and make him feel the pain he'd made her feel last Christmas. It was supposed to be the happiest time of the year: Christmas, her birthday. She realised that, even though she knew his birthday was in July, he'd never asked when hers was, and had no idea he'd ruined what was supposed to be the best week of the year for her last year. The small brown girl looked up at the boy she hated, and her green eyes were wet with anger. How dare he stroll around as if nothing had happened? How dare he show his face! She hoped Eden had made him suffer over the holidays as she'd promised.

 

[Tohoru Koshiba]

Tohoru had heard a small sound. Looking around he saw the one girl that he really never wanted to see again. At one time he had loved her but that had gotten ruined and there was so fixing it. He wanted to say something anything to fix this but he could not. But he would not do something that would upset this young girl anymore. Best to do something sweet and simple. "Hi JR." Tohoru whispered.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

J.R. wished she could be strong. She knew she hated him, and she knew he was the one who had done wrong, so why was it that all she wanted to do was run away in shame? She wanted to be able to tell him everything: how low he was and how dreadful he had made her feel. She wanted him to feel that hurt, too, but she was embarrassed just being in front of him. She felt as though he were far more powerful than she was, and she hated that feeling.

Doing her best to shake off her fear, she made herself speak to him, "D-Don't pretend to be nice. I know what you are, and n-nice isn't it." She could feel her cheeks flushing under her brown skin. Oh he had made her blush so many times! From the compliments, the kisses, and from the cruelty he showed by taking her and another girl to the Yule Dance last year. And now... now why? She didn't want to be this weak, blubbering baby. She wanted to be strong and tell him what she thought of him. But deep down she believed she deserved to be treated badly. She simply didn't have the self-confidence to believe that standing up for herself was the right thing to do. So she couldn't.

 

[Tohoru Koshiba]

Tohoru noticed that JR was blushing and she was shaking. Tohoru wanted to reach out to her and pull her into a hug. Whisper in her ear that he still loved her and he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He could see that it was not going to happen. He was sure that if he even came to close to her than she would do something crazy.

Listening to JR speak to him like that made Tohoru's heart break all over again. "JR I am truly sorry for everything that has happened. I know what I did was so wrong and I can never tell you how sorry I am. Tohoru wanted to tell her that he had found someone new and it was because of this new girl that he would never again hurt another person.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

J.R. felt sick in her stomach. She wanted to scream and yell at Tohoru. She listened to his words, even though she didn't want to, and a moment of clarity came over her. She spoke smoothly: "You're not sorry, Tohoru. You're a liar. Everything you ever told me was a lie, and everything you ever say will be a lie. Don't pretend you're sorry, it won't work on me." She said her piece and felt the calmness melt away. Her lip started to quiver and she screamed at herself inside, "Don't cry! Don't cry!"

She hated the way he looked at her. Like he had the right to think he could ever make her feel better. She wanted to run away, but she simply couldn't, her legs were too weak. She marvelled at how genuine he sounded, and felt pity for him. "You actually believe you're sorry, don't you? You believe your own lies! You'll never be happy, Tohoru. You lie to people and you think you're making real contact. No-one will ever trust you. You've ruined your own life as well as mine!"