We Are Exactly the Same

[Katalina Harker]

The library was extremely empty and quiet today which made Kat very grateful. The less people there were the less stares she got. It's amazing how things spread so fast around such a large school and what was worse was the way stories got horribly twisted. Kat sat down and pulled her Transfiguration book from her bag. When she did so a picture flopped out on the table. She picked it up and looked at it and she felt her heart begin to squeeze in her chest. It was a picture that someone had taken of her and Sumner on the beach just a few months ago. Hurt consumed all that she was remembering how perfect things had been then...how much easier it had all been. A few tears welled up and spilled over, running down her cheeks. Kat rested her head on her hand and ran her finger over the picture, longing for what used to be and knowing that it would never be again.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily headed to the library to do a bit of studying. She had been doing so much in her room lately, that she needed to have a change of locale. It was pretty empty in there at this time of day, thankfully. She was the subject of so many rumors as of late. The way the younger students stared at her and whispered was pushing her beyond her limits. It had gotten out that she and Blake were over because she had kissed Ford. It was also a common misconception that she was making a play for Sumner and broke him and Kat up so she could date him. Sumner. The thought of him made her blush. She was attracted to him physically, but there was no emotional connection at all. She knew that he was still in love with Kat whether he wanted to admit it or not -- just like she was with Blake.

As she rounded a corner, Lily saw Kat sitting alone at a table. She was not sure if she should talk to her or not, but she figured that now was as good a time as any. They hadn't spoken since the fateful day in the closet. Lily hoped that Kat wouldn't hold a grudge against her for what Sumner did. Walking slowly up to the girl, she spoke softly. "Hi. Can we talk?"

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat jumped when she heard a painfully familiar voice. It was a voice that she hadn't heard since the day her world came to a crashing halt. Quickly wiping her face Kat looked up and saw Lily standing there. One very small part of her wanted to slug the girl, but she knew that wasn't right or deserved. Lily had done nothing wrong...no fault was hers to be held. Eyes glistening with tears Kat took a deep breath in and let it out saying, "Yeah, sure."

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily pulled out the chair across the table from the Gryffindor and sat down. "How are you doing?" she asked softly. If her own situation gave her any insight, she was beating herself up over this. One look at the girl gave her the answer. Kat was doing just what she was over what she did to Blake. She could see the tears threatening to spill over, and her own eyes began to glisten.

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat, trying her best not to break down, but she was failing miserably. Wiping her face with the back of her sleeve she replied, "Miserable, but I guess I deserve that right?" Kat continued to absentmindedly run her finger over the picture before she picked it up and stuck it in the back of her book. "Ho...how's he doing? I know I don't really deserve to ask that, but I just..." Her voice trailed off as she wrapped her arms around her midsection trying to hold herself together.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily stood up and moved around the table to the chair next to Katalina. She put her arms around her and did her best to comfort her. "You made a mistake. It will be alright in the end. It has to be..." she said, her voice trailing off at the end. Lowering her voice, she continued. "He's hurting and angry. He has been holed up in his room a lot."

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat just looked at Lily. "But you don't understand. I did the worst thing possible. I betrayed him. What kind of person does that Lily? And now I've got Andy all but calling me a wh0r3 and telling me that I never loved him anyways. I don't think it will ever be okay. How can it," she said now shaking from trying to hold back sobbing. "I do love him and never wanted to hurt him. I just...I don't know. You can't possibly know how horrible of a person I am for this," Kat continued feeling like she might be sick.

 

[Lily Drage]

"Kat, you are not the only one that has done that," Lily spoke softly, tears starting to spill over onto her cheeks. "I did the same thing to Blake. I betrayed him too. That is why we split. I couldn't handle the guilt any more. I was a total failure as a girlfriend." She turned to face Kat, looking her straight in the eyes. "I still love Blake. I always will. I have had a bit more time to adjust to this whole thing than you, but it still hurts to see him. I have been avoiding places that I might run into him as much as possible. The only thing that is different for me is that Blake didn't catch me. I told him when I couldn't handle it any longer..." Lily started to cry full out and her voice trailed off. Walking around to her bag, she dug inside and pulled out a box of tissues. Sitting back down, she plopped the box between the two of them. "We might need these."

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat just stopped and stared at Lily. No wonder she was being so understanding...she knew exactly what Kat was going through. "You? With who?" She still couldn't believe it. So apparently there was no such thing as a perfect coupling after all...seemed everyone had their dirty little secrets. Kat hugged Lily tightly. As much as her heart broke for her friend some small part of her felt relieved to know that she wasn't alone. Plucking one of the tissues from the box, Kat wiped her face. The one thing Lily did have that she didn't was the avoidance factor. She had to face not only Sumner, but Chace as well in nearly all of her classes. There was simply no escaping it. Looking at her hands she said in a hushed tone, "I...I've asked my mum and dad to pull me. I mean, to take me home and just let me finish my last two years there. He's everywhere...classes, meals, I just can't escape him. Every time I see him it's a constant reminder of what I've done."

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily hugged Kat back then sighed. "It was last term with Ford. We were talking here in the library, and I have no idea why but suddenly I just kissed him. And it gets worse. We were busted full out snogging by Professor Rambolt." She started to laugh at that, knowing that she was again busted snogging by the Headmistress, but was not going to disclose the details of that encounter to Kat -- especially since it involved her ex and his dorm room. "I don't blame Blake for hating me right now. I crushed his heart and my own in the process."

As Kat disclosed about her letter home, Lily was shocked. "Noooo. You can't go home. You need to stay and work through this. If you run, you will never get him back."

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat's jaw dropped. "Ford? The Slytherin dude?" She was in shock. The guy was okay looking, but he wasn't anything all that special. Must have had a set of lips on him if Lily was willing to go that far with him. Kat couldn't help, but crack a small grin when she said something about being caught by the headmistress. "Are you serious? She just caught you in like the middle of it," she said still astonished.

Her face fell again when Lily told her she couldn't leave. "Lily...he doesn't want me back. He'll never want me back. He doesn't even love me...you heard him," she said shuddering at the thought from that day. It was the one line that repeated over and over in her mind.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily blushed as she recalled the way that Professor Rambolt walked in on them. "Yeah. We were on the table actually. I left so fast that Estrella had to come back down and get my things. It was so embarrassing!" But not as embarrassing as last week with Sumner, she thought.

"Kat, he loves you. I know he does. He may be too bullheaded and stubborn to admit it right now, but he will come around. He was acting out of anger. Heck, he kissed me because he was so angry." She really didn't want to bring up that little bit, but knew that it would help her to drive the point home. "He will want you back when he finally lets himself get past his anger. It might take time, but he will realize he really does love you."

 

[Katalina Harker]

I doubt it...I'm no better than his drunken excuse of a mother and he hates her she thought to herself bitterly. "Mum said she'd have to talk to daddy about pulling me. She doesn't want to, but...I don't know. Large part of me wants to stay and fight like hell for him, but that small nagging guilty part in the back of my mind says it's no use and I've lost him for good," Kat said, torn between what was going to be easy and what was most likely going to be a long hard fight. Sitting in silence for a little bit she finally said, "It's those damned Slytherins. I blame them. I figure it's better than blaming ourselves right?"

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily laughed. "Yeah, those damned Slytherins get you every time. Do you realize that outside of Sumner and his angry revenge, I have never kissed anyone who was not a stupid snake? I really need to get out more." She stuck her tongue out at her in a joking manner. "Really, Kat, you need to stay. It will be a fight, but one that in the end you will want to have at least made the effort on." Lily sighed, thinking about Blake. "I already know where I stand with Blake. I plan on fighting, but I know right now is not the time. We talked the other day. He heard the rumor that I kissed Sumner and confronted me on it. He thought I had moved on already." Shaking her head, she continued. "I think he knows now that I am not ready to move on, if ever."

 

[Katalina Harker]

"What about Bruin and the kissing booth," Kat teased lightly then her forehead went crinkly again. "I'm just scared. He was the one person who made me whole and now I'm incomplete. It gets hard to breathe sometimes," she started, thinking about it again, "And the stares...I swear I will light the next first year on fire who stops and stares and starts whispering." Kat knew in her heart that she wasn't going anywhere, she'd sent that letter out of fear and hopelessness, but she thought that maybe if she still had Lily here with her...someone who knew how she was feeling...someone who was still her one tie to Sumner, then she could do it and she'd fight like hell for him back. "Will you just tell him," Kat paused and then added, "Actually never mind." They sat there in silence for a few minutes longer before Kat looked at her friend and said, "Thank you Lily."

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily laughed as Kat brought up the kissing booth. "Yeah, I don't count kissing Bruin as anything. That was like kissing my brother." She made a fake retching sound, then looked a bit more serious. "I know what you mean. I swear that I will go off on people pretty soon. First about Blake, then my role in your breakup. Gah. I wanna beat them down sometimes." She took a few breaths in, then continued. "What did you want me to tell him? Kat, we talk pretty much daily. We are helping each other to cope."

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat chuckled slightly when Lily made a retching noise about kissing Bruin then her face went serious, "Ugh, I've told everyone that you had nothing to do with it. Why must everyone in this damned school be so hell bent on making a mountain out of a mole hill?" Tears once again welled up and spilled over, but this time Kat just let them freely flow down her cheeks. "I'm glad he has you Lily. I just want him to be happy, even if that means its not with me. Just tell him...tell him that if I could take it all back then I would in a heartbeat. Tell him that I love him just as much as I ever did and I always will. He still has my heart Lily...and I don't want it back."

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily started to feel guilty about exactly how close she and Sumner had become. They were more than friends at this point, that is for sure, but they both knew it would never become anything beyond physical. But for Kat to be happy they were close was just killing her. "I will, but I am sure deep down he knows that." Reaching over, she gave her friend a hug.

 

[Katalina Harker]

Kat just nodded, she couldn't say anymore. She looked back at the table with her books all sprawled out. So much for studying today she thought closing her Transfiguration book, making sure that the picture was tucked safely away in the back. "I...I probably should go. Might want to tell mum and dad that I won't be needing to leave after all," she said as she packed up her things and stood. Before she turned to walk out she looked at Lily and said, "Thank you again. He's really lucky to have you so close. I'm glad it's you." With that she turned and all but took off running back to Gryffindor tower, tears streaming the entire way.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily sat there for a second, not quite sure how to respond, then really not having to as Kat left. She dropped her head to the table, giving herself a moment to compose herself again. She felt bad over what just happened. Encouraging her friend to fight when she knew right now it was futile was not the best idea in the world. Plus, if Kat ever found out the exact details of what she and Sumner were up to in their little 'therapy' sessions, she would light her on fire instead of those firsties. Grabbing her things together, she stood up and headed off to the tower to see if she could find Sumner and talk to him.