Closed Two Forwards, One Back

[Emily Madison]

As necessary as she knew this was, Emily hated it. However many times Mum reassured her that needing help wasn't a sign of weakness, it felt like it. Emily had been doing so well, for years. She had finally gotten her anger under control. And all it had taken was one stupid kid threatening her friend, to completely undo all of that hard work. Emily hadn't gone bezerk like that since she was a child, and the shame and regret hanging from the memory felt like weights around her ankles, dragging her backwards.

And here she was, backwards. Mum had been Emily's counselor before she had been her mother, and it was her who had helped Emily first get a handle on her anger problems so long ago. So even though it felt like regression, Emily did find some comfort in having Mum here at school to help her through these problems again. It felt familiar, sitting across a counselling office from Mum and talking about her feelings, just like when Emily had been a child in Australia so long ago. And now the year was coming to a close, and so was their counselling for now. "So... this month has been good." Emily started with a smile, thinking back over the time that had just passed. "Like, no anger at all, pretty much. Other than when I was watching Charlie in the duels, but it was like... normal anger, I think. When Charlie lost. And I didn't do anything, I just watched. So, good, I think." Emily smiled hopefully. It had been nice to get this time with Mum again, but Emily really didn't want to have to return to counselling yet again in the next year. The fight in the first semester had just been a blip, that was all, and Emily was determined to put it behind her when this year finished.

 

[Maria Madison]

Having one of her children in her office was certainly a familiar experience to Maria, but not one she was happy had become necessary again. Emily as a child had reminded Maria so much of herself, lashing out in all directions with rage at the entire world. She had worked so hard though, and come so far over the last few years. Maria had loved watching her youngest daughter's progress over time, and it broke her heart that Emily was hurting so much that she had regressed so far.

She listened as Emily described her feelings over the past few months, giving a small smile of encouragement. "Well done." Maria said gently, adjusting how she was sitting a little. "It sounds like you're really getting back to having a handle on things. I want to talk about the duels a little more though, you said that you didn't do anything. Did you want to lash out? What were your instincts, and how did you handle them?"

 

[Emily Madison]

Emily broke into a small smile at the praise from Mum, glad that she wasn't the only one who thought she was getting back on track. After years of working on healthier ways to deal with her anger, Emily was eager not to lose any of that progress. Her smile shifted into an expression of concentration as she listened to Mum's questions, thinking about it intently. "Well, I dunno if I'd say I wanted to do something, like, as plainly as that. It's more like..." Emily paused, thinking about the best way to phrase what she was feeling. "I was... feeling the anger, and knowing that like.... in different circumstances I think I would have wanted to lash out. Like, it felt more... disconnected from me, and I was able to... kind of stop and take a breath and look at how I was feeling and say, like, 'okay, this isn't what I should be doing, what's the healthy normal reaction?' I mean, if that makes sense." Emily fell into silence, still thinking about what she had felt and how best to express it. She found it really difficult to put feelings into words, and when she had been a kid she hadn't been able to talk about them at all without getting freshly angry all over again, but Emily did her best to explain what she had felt.