Too much to think about

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda sighed heavily as she finally got back to the school. She wandered into the library and tossed her bag down on a free table. Having the entire day free of classes and assignments, Andy had decided to simply sit in her room and read a book. All the others had left for their own classes and though she had promised herself she would apologise to them, she hadn't been able to find the right words. 'Sorry' just didn't seem to be enough somehow. As she opened the same book she had been reading in the gardens of the Borely that day she noticed the photograph of herself and Bruin was missing. She had flicked each page, double checked in side her bag, under her bed, in her trunk every where. Her photographs had been the one thing she had never 'marked' and she kicked herself now for not doing so. It seemed of the utmost importance to her to retrieve it so she had gotten dressed and headed back to the scene of the crime.

Andy had stood still by the tree staring off again into the forest where Bruin had run off to in his animagus form. It was only a chill creeping up the back of her neck from being in such close proximity to the house again that made her begin her search for the photo. But try as she might, she couldn't. Returning to the school she had headed directly to the library, despondent at having lost it. Now more than ever she wanted it, now that he was avoiding her like the plague when all along it had been the other way around.

Taking out a muggle notepad and pencil, Andy began to doodle. Her mind drifted to everything he had said to her and how he had said it, she could feel his breath even now on her face as he had stood so close to her. Her heart thundered and she closed her eyes before leaning over the page she had been doodling on and began to sketch. She wasn't very good at it but if he was going to avoid her and if she could never find the photograph, she wanted to see him somehow.
He was perfectly formed in her minds eye, every laugh line, his hazel eyes, his .... she wanted to stop torturing herself but couldn't.

Only a few weeks ago, she had broken up with Carlisle. Had been convinced up until that point that she had loved him. Now she thought either her heart was extremely fickle or she simply didn't know what love was. After a while she looked down at the drawings she had done, she smiled when she realised she had drawn him as a bear as well. Her fingers gently traced the forms on the paper. She really couldn't be feeling what she thought she was about Bruin? It didn't make sense or did it.

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka had GOSSIP in her hands for no other reason than it was something to keep people from seeing her eyes. They where a permanat pink now a days though she had stopped crying when fully aware of it. No the worse of her nightmares had come back and the worse part was that she was starting to remember bits and pieces of the things that had her in tears. She was also overly sensitive to the world around her. Adding the sorrow of a normal teenage heart to that of one that was missing the girl that she soppoed was her best friend and Zazuka thought that she should have been happy that she hadn't fallen apart faster.

She knew that Brian wasn't haveing any fun because of it. He was there for her even though most of the time she couldn't tell him why she was crying because she didn't know much of why herself. Her hair was in a black braid again. Zazuka hadn't had the heart to do anything colorful with it in the weeks since Andy decided it was better to step out of the lives of everyone. With the trash magezen in front of her face she took a random seat. It wasn't until she put it down and started to search for something more her taise in he bag that she noticed who she was sitting with.

Zazuka pushed up her glasses and bit her lip. "I can go if you don't want me here." Was what Zazuka ended up saying. She was waiting for the wave of sorrow to come to her but it did. Instead she picked up something else. Longing? But how? Did Andy try to kill emotions like that. Zazuka felt a little happy though. It meant that her friend wasn't compleatly devoide of emotion. That meant she couldn't block them out either. Zazuka kept a stright face though.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy turned as Zuka sat down beside her, amazed that she even would but it was soon apparent that she hadn't even realised who she had been sitting beside. After asking her was it ok, Andy nodded and before she could say or do anything else she put her arms around Zuka.
She attempted to keep her emotions in check as she now knew the extent of how her own feelings tortured her best friend.
"I am so sorry Z, please forgive me. I never meant for you to get hurt because of me" she would tell her everything of course but for now the simple words of apology had needed to get out there.

She pushed the sketched she had been doing back inside the folder after releasing Zuka then turned to face her once more.
"How are you?"

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka beamed but not her sun shine smile. It would take a bit for her to get that back. "I forgive you but don't ever try and block me out again. It was horrable that emptieness." She shaking her head.
"And it really knocked me off balance. I've been an antenna for every sad and negitive feeling in the school I thought I was going to slip into depression and take everyone with me." She said laughing slightly.
"But it's better. You seem better. Don't worry that picture won't be seen by anyone else." She said crypticly. She placed GOSSIP on the table. "Trash if I have ever had a the misfortune to read any." She said upset that someone could waist good paper like that.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy lowered her head duly reprimanded but thought Zuka was letting her off lightly.
"I really am sorry Zuka, it just got too much you know" she turned and looked at her best friend, "how many people have I cared about that have gotten hurt or simply left. I thought it was me... part of me still does". She touched the folder knowing she had been the one to push Bruin away and not the other way around.

"I'm a jinx Z, an actual walking jinx. I can't have any emotion around you without you feeling it and crikey when I'm in any negative state you feel it even more. How do you think that makes me feel? Awful but ... can you feel anything now? I'm trying... I am. I want to keep as much of my negative energy from you, you don't need that. No one needs it"

She raised an eyebrow when Zuka said no one else would see the picture and blushed.
"Something happened Zuka, I don't know what or how it happened all I know is I'm either the worlds biggest flake or maybe I just didn't care about Carlisle as strongly as I thought I did. How could I when my every waking... and sleeping thoughts are now about someone else".

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka put her hand to her mouth in shock. "You are not. Things happen. Though they seem to be happening to you more than to other people but I will be damned if there is someone if this school that hasn't had something tragic happen to them." Zazuka said with asurence. "The only diffrence is that the petty problems of the avrage teenager do not apply to you." She said with a sigh. She looked down when Andy mentioned her connection.

"I hurt when you hurt, I laugh when you laugh, you pain is my pain. I can't explain it any more than I can stop it from happening but still it's helpful. The way I reacted in the Great Hall is the way I would have reacted to anyone who was expirencing anger. It's a strong and distructive emotion. Did you know it was here that I met a Gryffendor by the name of Loka. He was angry at me so I felt like I was buring. Same with my father. It wasn't you. What I felt when I got into the Great Hall was you braking. It felt like I was braking too. Had I not been so upset that you tryed to block me out I would have tried to help you. You right. No one needs it, you lest of all Andy." She said looking up as though meusing.

Zazuka smiled softly. "You are not fickle. The heart leads to where it wants to go and we as humans must listen to it more often. I know that this..." She said flicking at the magezen with Andy's picture this time. "Paints us as trifling spirits but who ever wrote this does not understand what it's like to become so intranced with someone that all others seem to faid into the background. I'm sure that... Whoever has consumed your thoughts and heart feels the same for you." She though she had a guess of what was going between Andy and the Head Boy.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda had missed her heart to hearts with Zuka, she could tell her anything without omitting anything as she often had to do with others. But there had never been any point in hiding stuff from Zuka she always knew or suspected or found out somehow.

"I wish I was an average teenager Z, maybe then he would like me but he doesn't. At least not any more. I had my chance and blew it, big time" she knew she was feeling terrible about it but tried her hardest to shield Zuka from the feelings of dispair she had when it came to the whole Bruin situation.
"Forget me anyhow, I want to hear all about you" she didn't want to talk anymore or she would spill everything about Bruin and just how much she had come to realise she liked him.
"You and Brian are still dating?"

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka missed her talks with Andy too. More than Andy would ever know or Zazuka would care to tell her. Telling her would make Zazuka seem clingy. "I'm sure he would forgive you if you gave him clues that you do in fact like him." She said. Zazuka could not fathom anyone not forgiveing Andy for whatever she did if they knew what she had been though. It wasn't an excuse but really it explained the wild and erratic behavor that Andy was starting to be known for.

Zazuka smiled softly. "We are though the last few weeks could not have been fun for him. Like I said, without you there I became a sort of antena for the emotions of other people. So much so that I couldn't shild them out. There where random times when I would burst into tears for no reason when a moment ago I would have been just fine. I'm sure it couldn't have been great for Brian to console someone that seemed to be going off the deep end constantly." She said with a sigh. Zazuka was already thinking of a way to make it up to Brian for being so overemotional lately.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy turned to look at Zuka, she really was clueless whether she had two boyfriends under her belt or not. One in her view simply didn't count, they had been way too young and compared to the feelings she had now, had simply been playing a game.
"How do I do that? What clues could I give him?" she felt completely out of her depth, with Carlisle it had been so easy they just felt the same natural bond, the same instincts and went with them but Bruin was different. He was her bestfriend, had been her 'big brother', was her team captain and mentor, now he was simply the boy she wanted more than anything else in the world.

She was glad that Zuka and Brian were still together, it gave her hope that not every relationship out there was doomed.
"Tell him I said hello" she smiled at Zuka, at some point she hoped Brian would end this ridiculous feud.

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka shugged. "Talk to him if you can. Apologise if you need to like you did with me. You don't have to act any diffrent just be yourself. A lot can be said from a side look or a kind smile though." She said looking up in though. That's how she had gotten to Andrew she thought. She made a lot of eye contact. Things just seemed to flow from there. Zazuka sighed and looked back down though her glasses.

Zazuka smiled. "I have every right to say go and say to Brian yourself but I wont. I will do what I can." She said with a nod. She had known that after a while apart Andy would miss Brian and the other way around. They could not stay mad at each other for long though this time they seemed to be going for a record. Zazuka laughed in her mind at that last though. Zazuka reached into her bag and took out a new rune book. "I think my Uncle Mortimer is trying to buy my affections." She said shaking her head.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy let her head fall on to the desk with a resounding thump.
"Ow" she moaned lifting it slightly to rub it, she turned to look at Zuka once more, "Z I'm more myself around Bruin than I've been around anyone. He's seen me warts an' all. He's been there through some of my mental moments, some pretty good ones, some darker times and some contemplative ones. I'd like to think he simply just gets me you know but apologising to the boy who I have literally told I don't want to go back to being friends with is going to be hard. We're both Gryffindor, stubborn as hell at the best of times." she sighed again and nudged Zuka.

"I would attempt to say hello myself to him but I think I'm having a tough enough time just trying to keep my heart from getting whiplash every time I see Bruin".

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka listened thinking that Bruin and Andy would just be so sweet. "Honestly I've never quite gotten why Gyffendors are so stubern instead of just going with the flow." Zazuka said with a sigh. "Then again I am going out with a hot head so I can't talk." She said laughing slightly. Zazuka put her hand to Andy's forehead. "You don't need to lose any brain cells." She said rubbing in case it really did hurt.

Zazuka opened her Cyptorunes book, fliping to the first page. "I think it would do your heart good if you do it yourself and his I know Brian missed you." She said moving her head from side to side. She suddenly felt that her braids needed ribbons in them again. Or she needed to do something with it instead of just the dreary black. Zazuka let the thought go though. She always did.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

"Oh I don't think I've much left in the way of brain cells anymore" she joked looking at the book that Zuka was reading.
"what's that you got? I don't recognise it, it's for one of your electives is it?" she wanted and needed to change the subject now. Her head ached another small bit so she rubbed it as she sat up properly again.

"Brian was the one who made the breach, he's got to be the one who wants to mend it. I can't force him to want to be friends again".

 

[Zazuka Getathorn]

Zazuka shook her head. "I talked to my aunt and uncle a bit over letters. I still don't know about meeting them in person but I told them that I like cyphers and runes. Uncle Mortimer went out and got me this." She said laughing. She was convinced that he was trying to buy his way into her heart while Alex was trying to poke her into seeing them in person. Zazuka decided to drop the whole Brian thing for now. There wasn't much she could do about it anyway.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy smiled as she listened to Zuka talk about her aunt and uncle.
"That was nice of them though wasn't it? Why are you holding out on meeting them? You should bring Brian along maybe for moral support or I'd go, I don't mind".

If Zuka needed back up in anything Andy would be there for her, with bells on if needs be.