Closed The Disappointment

[Einar Haines]

Einar had felt bad, he would've liked to go to Hogwarts and play in that final game, but he wasn't motivated for any of his hobbies, though he'd said he would liked to at least support Lucas in the game. But he couldn't go. And in fact though he missed Lucas, it had been a little good to not see him. He'd spent most of the time in the dorm room. He'd barely gone to his classes and just stayed mostly out of the way. Just staying alone in the peace that it brought. But he'd heard before Lucas had returned that the team hadn't won, which was disappointing and he knew that Lucas would be upset. So he'd gone to where the team would be. He was just waiting, sure they'd be arriving soon. He knew it was important that he do things out of his comfort zone that Lucas would appreciate so he would be there, waiting for him in the grand entrance. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had been worn out after the game against Hogwarts. He was tired, disappointed, and just generally let down. He had never really spoken to Hope. With all the flack she got from Adam and Eli, he wouldn't be surprised if Adam had run her down so much with his attitude that she hadn't been able to beat out the Slytherin team. Even if Aj had pretty much just beaten the hell out of the other team. Eli had done well, though he'd hit Lucas and Adam, too.

Lucas' ribs still ached. He had slept most of the way back, avoiding the fallout he was sure was coming from Adam and trying to sleep off the pain in his side. He was relieved when they finally arrived back at school. He was sleepy, trudging along behind the others and rubbing the sleeves of his too-big hoodie over his eyes. He wondered sometime if he looked odd, with his plush, soft pastel pink jacket that was too big for him and adorned with a cute panda with big, blue eyes. His blond hair was mussed from sleeping.

He was trailing a little bit behind, yawning and stretching his long limbs. The others had already gone inside when he spotted Einar standing in the entrance. "Einar," he breathed, smiling warmly and shuffling over. He stopped a little bit away and gave him a soft, shy grin. "Hi," he greeted gently, tangling his fingers in the hems of his sleeves. Lucas had figured out a while back that the best way to help respect Einar's boundaries was to treat him like the other boy was set inside a glass case. Lucas could be close, he could admire and love Einar, he just... couldn't touch him. Lucas was okay with that. It was hard sometimes, but Lucas would give anything for his best friend and boyfriend.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar spotted Lucas quickly in amongst the other players, he gave a little smile to him, but didn't need to do anything more as Lucas made his way over to him. He gave a little forced smile, "Hey," he said with a quiet tone, he reached out and lightly took Lucas' hand giving it a bit of a squeeze, "I heard it was a close game...," he said speaking quietly, "You didn't get too injured right?" he asked, he had more questions like how Adam and that had been, what the school was like, what New Zealand was like, "Shall we go to the dorm?" he didn't know if Lucas wanted to linger around the other team. But he thought they could chat more easily if they weren't around the wider team. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled softly in return, though he couldn't help the bit of worry he felt when he noticed how Einar's smile seemed forced. He didn't have time to focus on that as Einar had taken his hand. He had to stop himself from squeezing back, instead shifting gently to lace their fingers together. "My ribs hurt," he replied softly. "Eli hit me with a bludger."

He replied, peeking to see how far away Adam was. He tightened his grip just a touch as Einar mentioned going to the dorms. "Yeah, can we?" he asked. "I think I want to lay down in bed and talk, can we?" He turned his eyes back to Einar and smiled softly.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar gave a surprised look, he was hurt? Eli had hit him.."Not on purpose?" he asked because if he had, then they would have problems. He didn't want to immediately go fight the older boy but he would if it had been intentional. He nodded, and then began moving back towards the dorm, not really looking back but keeping a hold of Lucas' hand, doing so until they got to the room. "Do you want a snack?" Einar had started keeping some snacks in the dorm in case he didn't get to dinner and wanted to eat. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled and shook his head. "I don't think it was, no," he reassured Einar, squeezing his hand gently. He felt relieved when they reached the dorm, falling into his bed with a deep sigh. "Yeah, sure, I'm starving." He sat up, smiling fondly to Einar. "The game was really intense. Slytherin had to replace their seeker three times. I scored a lot. We took out their chasers, and I kept stealing from the new ones," he chattered lightly, filling Einar in on what he'd missed.

"Adam yelled at Hope right away, and yelled at AJ and Eli to take out one of the chasers for scoring against Adam." Lucas' smile widened. "He got cocky, you know how Adam is, and I swear Eli did it on purpose. Adam was laying on his broom watching clouds instead of the game and Eli hit him with a bludger, knocked him right off. I swear Hyun almost died laughing, " Lucas chuckled a bit himself.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar grabbed some biscuits and handed them to Lucas as he took a seat on the edge of the boy's bed. He listened along as Lucas described the game, feeling both jealous of how good it sounded, how great the game must've been and of Lucas doing well in it. Einar knew Lucas was a natural at quidditch and he had always been sub par, doing it because his mother told him to. Now he didn't play and he missed it but he knew if he was on the team he'd be useless, barely going to the practices and not being in the mood. Einar laughed in the story where Lucas did too. "It's a pity you didn't win," he said, "Maybe next time,"​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas took the biscuits gratefully, nibbling on them and smiling at Einar. "I wish you could have gone with me," he murmured, offering his hand out to Einar. Lucas blushed, looking at his own hand harder than he needed to. "I... I miss you when you're gone," he admitted softly. He knew they were dating but he was still unsure if he was supposed to say these things out loud, if Einar would be any more accepting of it than he had been of any of Lucas' other affections over the years.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shrugged a little at the statement, he knew he'd just bring the mood down. Make everyone feel bad and then Lucas would decide he didn't want him around. He reached out and lightly took Lucas' offered hand and gave a little smile. He had missed Lucas too but he could admit that perhaps it wasn't to the same degree as Lucas missed him. If only because the time alone always gave him a little space.."I miss you too, there's no one else interesting to talk to when you're not around," Einar told him honestly. It didn't matter that Einar didn't even bother trying to talk to most other people. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas laughed softly, insanely pleased that Einar had taken his hand again. "Aren't I the only one you talk to?" He asked, smiling. He sat up a bit, considering his next question a moment. "Einar? Um..." Lucas glanced away, feeling his cheeks heating up before peeking back up at the other boy. "Is... is it alright if I kiss you again?" he asked quietly, not quite looking at his boyfriend. He knew they were dating, but Lucas still felt shy about these things. He still wasn't sure he understood any of it.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shrugged, half heartedly, he might've said something, made a joke in return but he didn't bother just making a gesture and not saying any more. He glanced away, looking towards his own bed and thinking in his head over how few people he'd uttered a word to during Lucas' time away. He looked back at him and then gave a little nod. He knew it was good to kiss his boyfriend and he always felt a little better after spending time around Lucas. He leaned in slightly and knew that Lucas would close the rest of the distance between them. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas relaxed as Einar gave him permission, smiling softly and sitting up a bit. He leaned in closer, moving slowly so Einar was always aware of where he was. He smiled, leaning in and kissing the other boy gently. He felt his heart stutter in his chest. He leaned a little more into it. It was nice. The other boy was warm, and soft. Lucas kissed Einar languidly, unthinkingly reaching up to brush his fingers gently against Einar's jaw.

When the other boy flinched, Lucas realized what he had done. He pulled away, sitting back and smiling shyly. "Sorry," he murmured, scooting back away to the end of the bed. Looking for a way to break the tension he felt, Lucas tried to steer them in a different direction. "I, ah, I almost forgot. Aunt Cassi sent me pictures of the new apartment. It's going to be really nice," he gave Einar a tender smile. "We can start setting it up when we get home," he offered, already thinking of a hundred different ways they could decorate the apartment for the two of them.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar leaned into the kiss with a little nervousness but was able to be able to get more comfortable, settled into the kiss he was focusing on that, and was a little startled when he felt Lucas touch his jaw, he involuntarily flinched at the touch but he pulled away. "Sorry," he replied at the same time as Lucas apologised, "You startled me," he said watching Lucas push himself away. He growned a little at Lucas' words. "I'm not coming home with you....," he started, "We've been over this....," he was speaking slowly. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas' smiled dropped as Einar spoke. Hurt flashed across his face. "W-what?" Lucas' voice was very small. "But... I don't understand," his brow furrowed. "I thought... we fixed it, I thought..." Lucas' shoulders slumped as a fresh wave of rejection washed over him. Even now, after everything, Einar wasn't going to go home with him. Einar would never go home with him.

Lucas felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. His family had never wanted him. Aunt Cassi was willing to give him a home, but she didn't want to live with him. He had thought things had changed with Einar, that he had finally found somewhere he belonged, found someone that wanted him. Tears filled his eyes. Einar didn't want him, that was all there was to it. Lucas couldn't touch him, Einar would never stay with him. He'd left the Quidditch team, shut off more and more. Nothing had changed. Lucas was still that same little boy, chasing after Einar and desperate for his attention.

Lucas turned his head away, clutching the sleeves of his too big hoodie. "I... I should go," he managed quietly, standing and rushing from the room. He felt absolutely miserable for the next week, torn up with self doubt and insecurities. But he missed Einar, terribly. Lucas might have hated himself, but he hated being without Einar more.

The quiet had really started digging into his skin. He knew he wouldn't last like this. He wasn't sure if anything would really change, but he wanted to try. Swallowing nervously, Lucas looked around until he finally located his boyfriend. Lucas approached slowly, swallowing nervously and stopping a bit away. "Einar...?" Lucas couldn't quite look at him, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Can... can I sit down?" He asked softly.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar had believed Lucas had understood, but it seemed that he hadn't. Einar wanted to reach out and assure him or do anything but he just sat there and watched him walk away. Einar just sat there fore a moment before just going to his bed and laying down. He had in his mind known that Lucas would be upset but it made it no easier. Espeically in completely misunderstanding. Einar in the week which followed barely left the room, he barely slept and barely bothered with anything. It was just easier. He was just trying his best to get through the days and when after a week Lucas found him again. Einar nodded. "Sure," he said before looking at him, "I thought you realised...," Einar told him, "I want to go back with you but I can't.....,"​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shut his eyes as Einar spoke, letting out a deep sigh. He sank down to the ground, basically collapsing in on himself. He pulled his knees up and laid his arms over them. He hung his head a bit, his longer hair falling forward to cover his eyes. "Cassi said the same thing," he commented quietly. He just felt... defeated.

Lucas hesitated a moment before speaking, his voice very small. "I don't... I don't know what I'm supposed to do," he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He brushed the sleeve of his hoodie over his eyes, trying to force them away. "I just... I don't... all I've ever done is chase after you, desperate for your attention, I..." he sighed, pulling in his knees a little closer. "I just.... can't catch you. I can't touch you. It's like... you're locked in a glass box a million miles away from me and I just... I can't reach you, I don't... I don't know what to do," his voice broke and he shook his head, hugging himself.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar watched Lucas carefully, unsure of if he should explain more or just wait. He just sighed as Lucas continued wishing that he could just be like Lucas, be what Lucas wanted. He took a deep breath wishing he could explain to Lucas about how it wasn't on him that he was like this, that he was always trying to make things easier between them but never could. "I don't know either," Einar told him honestly. He didn't know how to make himself less adverse to the touch. "I think I need to probably go back to the school therapist," he told him softly, "I want to be less flinchy to the touch,"

Einar said. "I haven't always wanted to attention, or people because it's just hard to be..and...," he couldn't find how to explain it. "I want this, you have to believe my words, and just know that if I could live with you and Cassi I would, but I got into so much trouble and social services are going to be checking in a lot, which would be hard for Cassi, and she could lose you if I step out of line...look just if this next placement doesn't work out, I can old enough to no longer have to deal with it. So, then I'll come live with you?" he offered. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. He pushed up to his feet, padding forward. He pulled his hoodie up and over his head, flashing his toned stomach a moment as his shirt rode up. He left his shirt a little askew, stepping forward and pulling his hoodie down over Einar's head. It was almost comically big on the other boy. Lucas' hands hovered a second before he pulled them back, sinking down to balance on the balls of his feet in front of Einar. He looked up at the other boy through his hair, smiling warmly as a single tear slid down his face.

"Einar... You don't have to force yourself to do anything you don't feel comfortable with," he reassured the other boy. "I can't imagine what you've lost. I've only ever had myself, I really can't imagine what is was you must have had." Lucas wrapped his arms around himself, trying to smile. "I've always been alone, Einar. I'm not going to make you uncomfortable chasing after silly things I've never had anyway, I'll be alright." Lucas shifted, leaning to curl up next to Einar. He shut his eyes and let out a slow breath.

"I don't really care about the apartment, Einar." he opened his eyes to give the other boy his best pout. "I just want you. I know you aren't happy in the homes they place you in. Honestly, I'm not sure if you're ever happy." Lucas twisted his hands in his lap, his voice lowering a bit as he continued. "I just want you to be happy. You... you're everything to me. You're my whole world. Nothing else matters to me but you," he admitted softly. He lowered his eyes to stare at his hands. "I would take on the world for you, build you a castle or work myself to the bone to take care of you," he peeked up, an intense longing in his gaze as he leaned in just a bit. "I'll do anything you need me to, anything you ask me for. You just... have to ask," he smiled shyly, holding his own hands tightly in his lap.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar let the jumper be slipped on, he remained still as it did. He gave the other boy a little half smile though it was short. He then nodded as Lucas spoke. "I know but I want to be better...I thought I'd be over it all by now," he spoke softly. The last time he'd seen the school therapist they'd said that he might take steps back but he felt like he was worse off than when it happened. He frowned a little at Lucas, he wasn't happy in the homes, but he always knew he partly deserved the unhappiness they brought. If he was happy then he'd have something to lose. He shook his head lightly, "I need you to trust me on the apartment and maybe consider that you matter too, you should matter to you too," he said. he decided to not address whether he was happy, it seemed like too big a question. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas raised a knee, laying his arm over it and shrugging as Einar told him he should matter to himself. "It's fine, don't worry about it." He brushed his own hair back. "Aunt Cassi didn't have to go through anyone to take me from my parents house. She just took me and no one even blinked." He admitted, looking away and staring absently at a brick in the wall. "Aunt Cassi bought the apartment, but she won't stay with me." He sighed. "I'm pretty sure I could just... fade away and no one would notice."

He pulled both knees up to his chest. "I've been by myself a long time, Einar," he looked up to the other boy, leaning his head back against the wall. "I've never mattered. It's alright, really. I got used to it a long time ago," he gave a half smile.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar frowned at him. "I would notice," he told him, it was to him almost funny that the last few days in which Lucas had ignored him that he just didn't really exist, he found it difficult to connect with people and couldn't connect with his hobbies much so he was left fairly isolated. He knew most people wouldn't notice if he were gone either. He'd challenge that Cassi would notice if Lucas were gone but not if Einar was suddenly out of his life too. "You matter, Lucas," he told him but he knew he was a bad friend, not someone who helped Lucas, "I'm sure the quidditch team would agree too," ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled softly, reaching up and laying his hand face up a little away from Einar, a small invitation that he fully expected to be ignored. He chuckled at Einar's comment about the Quidditch team. "Yes, all two of them." He hesitated, looking up to his boyfriend. "That, um... that reminds me," he blushed, looking down a moment before peeking back up at Einar. "Hyun and I, um... they made us co-captains." He smiled shyly. "I, uh... expected Hyun to be captain of the team, since the only other teammate left is Abigail, and she's so young." He grimaced. "She also hates me, she would follow Adam around all the time." He sighed. "I doubt she'll like the two of us," He worried, unthinkingly bringing his other hand up and chewing lightly on his thumb.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shrugged, "So what if it's just two of them, that's two more than no one," he countered with a little shrug. He wasn't too surprised that Lucas had made captain and thought it went a little against what Lucas had been saying by not mattering. "I'd have expected just you to be captain, but it's good you'll have a friend to help out," Einar assured him, in part just very glad that they were no longer talking about him. "Who cares what she likes or not, if she doesn't like you both, she doesn't need to play," he said, "You'll be the ruling authority," he reminded him. Though he didn't expect Lucas to use his authority in any manner he thought it would be better to remind him that he could. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled softly at Einar, watching the other boy as he spoke. When he had finished, Lucas couldn't help but laugh softly, reaching out slowly for Einar's sleeve. Lucas was quiet a moment, before trying to catch the other boys gaze. "I love you, Einar," he smiled warmly, wanting to scoot closer but forcing himself to stay back.