Terrible Fortune

[Firr Marie]

How long had it been since Firr had last set eyes on Johannes Engel? Surely it must have been two months, or three. She missed him much more than she cared to tell, even if she had no one to tell it to. Two days she had spent with the serious wonder who was such a ridiculous stiff that she wondered how he survived. Firr reckoned that if one could shove a lump of coal in his backside, in two weeks you'd have a diamond. But she adored the way he would look at her with such adorable confusion and how he would smile when she kissed him and take her in his arms. Every girl loved to feel like they were the only one; perhaps Firr was one of the few who actually was. However, some time during the next few weeks after they parted ways, Firr began to suspect that she wouldn't be the only one much longer. She suspected that she was carrying the soon to be other-person in their lives. She knew absolutely nothing about pregnancy, but when she skipped her monthlies and her belly began to grow fat, there was nothing else it could have been to her. She was terrified.

No runaway scamp like her could afford to feed a baby and at the rate she was finding food these days, the babe would likely be born dead for starvation. If Johannes' son or daughter did survive a birth, a newborn baby would have even less of a chance of eating when it was out in the world with Firr. So she made the only decision that she was able to and resolved to give the child up to an orphanage after it was born. Firr could do only that for her child ... yet for Johannes ... she had to at least tell him. Half of the baby was part of him as well. So there she was, wandering the streets of Obsidian where he was last known to be in vain hope of finding Johannes and telling him that he was to be a father. It took many days and nights and she grew hungry, but Firr did find him and she did not know what to say. She could see him there exiting a pub and looking just as bored and handsome as usual. Firr glanced from one side to the next on the opposite side of the street and crossed quickly. Please don't apparate, please don't apparate, she begged inwardly, just as he circled into a alleyway to do so. Panicking, Firr ran forward and clasped his arm, spinning him to face her. There was silence as the red-headed woman looked up at him and panted with exertion, clutching her pregnant stomach. "Johannes?" said Firr with harsh pants interrupting her speech. She paused then spoke again. "I'm expectin'." A longer silence, now. Abruptly Firr turned and began to walk off as quickly as her body would allow. There. It was said and done and there was nothing more to it.

 

[Johannes Engel]

If Johannes was behaving and thinking logically, he wouldn't miss Firr as much as he clearly did. Oh, he didn't act as though anything had changed in his life - after all, Johannes had learnt how to act the way he did after lots of practice, and it wasn't a habit he could easily break. He still went to work, came home, occaisionally drank...but now he was having a lot of difficulty forgetting, or rather, ignoring. In his mind, he still always envisioned that shock of red hair, that cheeky grin, that beautiful, bold woman who'd stolen his wallet and his heart. Johannes may have appeared to be a stick in the mud, and in a way, he kind of was, but that night with Firr was the first time he'd truly lived ever since he was a child, and he wanted more. He wanted her, more than anything. He wanted her to hold, to care for, to love...and although he was probably nothing to her - such a free spirit would never want to be constrained by someone as worthless as himself - he couldn't help but want to have her in his arms again.

Which is why he thought he must have truly gone mad and was hallucinating when he saw that red hair again. Perhaps he was mistaken. Perhaps it was his subconscious giving him the image of her, knowing that that was who he wanted to see. It was probably some poor unfortunate woman with a similar colour hair, and instinctively he thought of her. Still, Johannes maintained a bored veneer. It's not her, of course it isn't. Time to go home. And with that, he started to head home, too dejected to even apparate. He needed a walk to clear his head, he supposed. But...it was her, it really was! He had to fight the urge to smile, especially because she looked so miserable herself. Frankly, Johannes was simply bemused and stunned to be seeing her again, when he was so convinced she must have fled the country and he'd never find her again. And frankly, he was glad she'd found him, what with the news she had for him. "You..." he began, gaping, before noticing that she was walking off. "Firr!" Johannes cried, jogging up to her, astonished. "Please, please come here..." he said, stretching out his arms slightly to her. "A-are you telling the truth?" He didn't know how to react. Of course, if it was true and the baby was his, well, of course he'd be a gentleman. And even if it wasn't his, he'd still probably be a gentleman and look after her anyway. If she accepted his care. Which he very much hoped she would. Johannes knew nothing about children, but he knew that Firr seemed to have enough trouble taking care of herself. How would she manage a child?

 

[Firr Marie]

It was never that easy in life. Of course Johannes called out to her and ran to catch up. Of course he was shocked and had no idea what to say or do. Yet it didn't stop irritation rising in Firr as she whirled around to confront him. "Of course I'm sure, you dolt! Did you think I was so backwater that I wouldn't even notice if I had a damn baby? Look!" she said, lifting up her floppy blue shirt to reveal her soft, round stomach that she took his hands to and placed upon. "Feel it! It's real and it's yours. How could I not-" she went to continue but stopped when there was a tiny movement in her midsection. With her hands on top of Johannes', pressed to her stomach, they could both feel the movement of the babe within. Firr looked utterly bemused since she was usually asleep when the baby began to kick and it was strange to share the moment with the father of the child. Her hands slid over his then dropped to her sides with the shirt coming to rest over his hands. Firr looked up at Johannes like a lost child. "I have a baby and I don't know what to do," she mumbled to him, her lip trembling like jelly. With ever growing tearfulness, she reached over to tuck herself into his outstretched arms and into his chest where it was safe and warm. She hadn't felt that feeling for such a long time and he smelt wonderful and just as she remembered.

Firr began to cry. It was so strange, so foreign to hear the passionate and bright woman sob and hiccup in despair; nothing sounded more lonely and heart-wrenching. The universe seemed to be collapsing in on itself. What on the entire planet could possibly make the sunny girl cry like she was going to die? "I'm really frightened," she sobbed, holding onto his shirt with both fists. It was only a few minutes that seemed like eternity before she whimpered herself into silence and looked up at Johannes again with a red nose and round, fathomless eyes. "I have to give it away," she said to him with her chin on his breastbone. "I'm so hungry, it'll die in a few days. I'm frightened and I can't feed it."

 

[Johannes Engel]

Johannes was stunned as she lashed out at him, but then again, he kind of expected it. She was as fiery as her hair would suggest, and fiercely independent, stubborn, and frankly the most amazing woman he'd ever met in his entire life. And now she was to have a baby. His baby, no, their baby. And he could feel it kicking in the small bulge of her stomach. Johannes merely gaped, stunned. He'd never thought about being a father. After his childhood, he didn't think it was right for him to be loved, and he was too afraid to show his emotions to people. He was terrified of heartbreak. But he'd been unable to resist with Firr, and now...although she was scared, and to an extent, he was too, he was also hopeful. If she were to allow it, he'd have a child to take care of, to give the love he was deprived of as a child and he had within him but was unwilling to show. If Firr did not object. He wanted her to stay, too. Though he wasn't sure what his chances of convincing her were. He may have been stubborn, but she was worse. And he wouldn't want her to change at all. Maybe he would like her to take better care of herself, but she was Firr and Firr was the woman he'd fallen for.

"Shhh," Johannes whispered, wrapping his arms around her, protectively, lovingly. Gently, and a little awkwardly at first, he stroked her hair in a comforting manner. It was perhaps the most heartbreaking thing in the world, to see this sprightly woman in such a state of despair. "Do not be frightened. It's all going to be okay. I...I'm here to help you." Would she accept his help? He supposed there was no harm in trying. "Do...do you really want to give it away? Because whatever you want, I'll help you. But if you want to keep it, then I suggest you come home with me tonight. Because it's our baby, and I'm not having you or our child starve to death." He spoke so confidently, it almost betrayed the bundle of nerves he was right now. Though there was a faint tremour in his voice, and his hands shook ever so slightly. He'd never felt this scared or anxious about anything in his life.

 

[Firr Marie]

Despite her terror, Firr couldn't help but enjoy his hands in her hair. She was no longer sobbing but the downturn of her mouth and her still tear-filled eyes said everything. Her pain in this matter was not yet over and she would be scared for a long time yet. Johannes asked her what she wanted and Firr did not even look up or move but to tuck herself in closer. Her voice was terribly soft and without the heavy accent she liked to use as she spoke. "I ... I don't know if I want to give it away or not. I just thought that I had to, that I must. I haven't got anywhere proper to live and nothing good to eat, but orphanages do and they'd know what to do with a baby." Suddenly she looked up questioningly at Johannes. "Well? Do you know how to change a babe when it starts to pong? 'Cause I sure don't. Maybe they put instructions on a packet of wipes or something..." said Firr, wondering out loud. Her tears were just about gone but she was still nervous just thinking about looking after a baby. "Johannes, I'd be a terrible mum. Even you know that. I'm sure it'd just be better off with some other nanny who knew how to look after it."

It occurred to Firr that she was having trouble trying to answer his real question; did she want the baby? Well, how did she know? She'd never had a baby before. Perhaps it wouldn't like her very much and be a pain, or perhaps it would be like its Dada and pester her about eating properly and not catching seagulls. She didn't want to have to find a house, either, if babies couldn't live on ships. "It won't like me very much," said Firr, looking down at the cobblestones underfoot. "No one likes me very much. They tell me to shoo because I'm a tramp and I'm too loud." Worse yet, perhaps she wouldn't like the baby. Perhaps its crying would make her upset. Maybe she'd spend all her days thinking about stupid questions like that and not taking care of it properly. Firr shook her head at Johannes. "Jo, I'm not good at anything and I smell like seawater. I'm not a mum. It won't like me and I might not like it and ... well ... I like you, though. Maybe if it was like you ... I might ... love it ..." she said. Something struck her in the chest, then. Another foreign feeling that wasn't necessarily good but still powerful. Looking up at Johannes, Firr's mouth fell slightly open as the fact walloped her in the heart. She utterly adored Johannes! By Merlin, she loved him! Maybe she could get him to help her!

 

[Johannes Engel]

At least Johannes had experience in comforting other people. Well, not like this. Mostly he just said the right words to make people feel better and come to terms with their problems. But this closeness, this emotional bonding, this was a completely alien concept to him. Not an unlikable one, of course, just different. He hoped he was doing everything right. It would not do to upset her more. Clearly, she was already shaken enough as it was. "You don't have to do anything you don't really want to do. Whatever you want, there is always a way to make it work." Oh, he was going to make damn sure of that. Whatever she wanted, he would do everything to make sure she had. "Think on it for a while. You have time." He didn't want to rush her in to making any big decisions. Especially when she was in such a state. He, the cool, calm, logical one, he knew it was best to be in a better state of mind.

"That's ridiculous," he muttered to her next statement. "I, for one..." he trailed off, slightly embarassed as he let her continue. And it was a good thing he did, because her next words hit him like a speeding train. "I...I like you, very, very much, Firr," he stammered, leaning over to give her a tender kiss. "And I know you probably don't think very much of me, I mean, I'm probably a bore to you, because you're just so...you're just so you, you're vibrant and beautiful and incredible and you're the most unique woman I've ever met. And I do mean that in a good way, I just...you shouldn't sell yourself short, any child of yours would love you. And as it's my child too, I have no doubt that it would love its mother dearly." He took a deep breath, looking away. It wasn't often Johannes talked this much, and this fast, but he'd never felt so worked up and emotional before. "And I promise you I'm going to help you with this baby. If you want to sail the world, I'll take care of it. If you need food and shelter, if you need someone to...well, if you need me, whatever I can do for you, I will." He fell silent, regarding his feet as if they were the most intriguing thing in the world.

 

[Firr Marie]

Firr couldn't help but stare open-mouthed at Johannes as he spoke. Why ... why, he was being so sweet to her? Maybe he was just saying that her baby would love her to console her, but she was reassured all the same and wanted to give him a kiss. Her trembling lips split into an astonished and beautiful smile that wasn't a bit cheeky as usual. Johannes ... he said he liked her. She liked him too, so very much. How could she ever tell him just how much she loved him now? Firr sighed and rested her head on his chest once again, comforted for the moment that as long as he was here then nothing could ever go wrong. She reached up with her tiny, rough hand and touched his cheek. It wasn't as smooth as it was when she'd first met him; now it was slightly rough with stubble, as if he hadn't bothered to shave yet. She loved the feeling of his scratchy chin and drew it down to meet her lips. Sometimes Johannes made her forget herself when she was close to him. She'd burned her fish and tossed him into the water, yet still they'd ended up rolling around in bed on that wonderful day. It was maddening how her passionate reactions were directed solely at him now. She ran her lips over his jaw, but in a sudden burst of excitable energy, Firr kissed him deeply with her fingers buried in his long hair.

Later Firr wondered why she'd expected pregnancy to change the way she felt about Johannes. If anything, she'd never been as animated before and never more in love with him. When she parted from him her cheeks were slightly red. Firr pressed her nose against his left cheek for a moment then leant back for air. Just as she was about to say something, her stomach grumbled loudly. Now Firr grinned like her usual self. "Time to go find some food!" said the silly woman, turning to drag him along back towards the tavern. But Johannes, who knew her better, would know that she was off to steal a wallet and not ask him to buy her a meal. Firr turned as they reached the alleyway entrance to look at Jo and appeared chagrined. "So ... so I guess if I'm gonna keep the babe with me, maybe we ... well, should maybe go to your house and see if I can ... maybe stay with you for a little bit and I'll try and eat there." said Firr in a small voice. Suddenly her expression turned fierce and she glared at him. "But I'm docking my ship in the nearest port and I ain't staying forever! I'll just pop by with some treasure every now and then, orright?". In other words, 'You and the baby have to come too when I sail because we ought never be parted'.

 

[Johannes Engel]

His heart warmed at the sight of her beautiful smile. Had he ever even considered allowing her to fend for herself, he would've despised himself for the very thought right there and then. But Johannes was honourable. He had not been in the past, but he'd grown up. He'd seen the way people suffered. He wasn't going to let Firr or their child suffer. Certainly, he wouldn't allow any child of his to grow up the way he did, to be hurt like he was. No. And besides being honourable, Johannes also loved Firr, more than he was willing to admit. He'd thought she was the strangest creature to ever walk the face of the Earth, a madwoman, but he wouldn't have her any other way. Around her, he didn't feel so cold and empty. He felt like he was truly living, just whenever he saw her smile.

It was no wonder he'd fallen apart in the time they'd been away. He was dishevelled, listless. And none of that even mattered as she kissed him. They were together again and to Johannes, as imperfect as it was, it was such a beautiful feeling. He kissed her back with long restrained passion and affection, things he had always been to terrified to show anyone but still held deep in his heart. She completely disarmed him, got him to bring his defences down, and although he was wary about being hurt like he had been before, he would allow himself to give his heart to her. He couldn't not do that, after all. It would have been an abomination to deny himself that. "I wouldn't have it any other way. You, dear lady, need to rest and take it easy and eat well. I'm going to make sure of that." Putting his hands on his hips, he gave her a small mock-glare, before breaking in to a wide smile and kissing her once again. "So be it, then," he nodded, knowing full well that they would not be parted for any long periods of time from now on. Not if he had any say in the matter.

 

[Firr Marie]

With the assurance of freedom whenever she needed it, Firr plunged herself back into Johannes' arms. There was nothing she liked more than to cosy herself up there, for despite her being frightened of very few things, she never felt safer than when she was near him. Her little hand crept up again towards his face, this time to twirl a lock of his hair around her fingers. That was another thing she liked, too. In her opinion, all men should have such dashing tresses and rough faces. It made them feel like men and not like boys, yet more intimately it was a pleasure to bury ones hands into flowing curls. Contrary to that, she liked women to wear short hair though hers was getting almost to waist length. Firr had decided to braid it, then to make a rope when it was long enough. It was sure to be handy when she was sailing (as long as it stayed attached to her head). She lifted her head to kiss the corner of his mouth as she knew he'd like but did not move back. They would have to apparate and she didn't know their destination. "There are things I haven't thought about," Firr mumbled, discreetly sniffing his shirt in happiness as she recalled his scent. "Like what to call it. Or whether it'll be a boy or a girl. I ain't so original with names, so it'll probably just be John or Mary to save time." she chattered away happily. John and Mary? How desperately boring, thought Firr.

"What do you want, my love?" Firr asked Johannes, now running her fingers over his cheeks. "A pretty lass or a strapping lad? If you tell me, maybe I can change it if I try hard enough." She looked down at her stomach and crinkled her nose up in concentration. Instead of looking impressive and likely to succeed, Firr just ended looking cute and silly. It seemed like Jo was going to end up having to teach a sex education lesson to the the most clueless woman in the harbour. Which wasn't to say that Firr was stupid, oh no. Nor was she innocent. She could tell him things that would make his hair curl in three different directions. However, comparing childbirth to crime was like comparing tank missiles to lipgloss. It was going to be quite a job.

 

[Johannes Engel]

How a life could change in such a short space of time! Johannes had been so static, his life was so routine and dull. And in one moment, one stolen glance (or wallet, in this case), his life had been turned upside down. And while he had been apprehensive at first, it was proving to be one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He had fallen in love. He was going to be a father. Other, lesser men might have fled. Not Johannes. While in his heart he was terrified, he was also overjoyed and for the first time in about twenty-five years, he felt excited. Anxious, but excited. He struggled to show emotion, but a smile was there on his face, and for once, his eyes smiled too. "It doesn't matter, love," he said, kissing her. "We have so much time ahead of us." Holding her close, they disapperated with a crack and landed in front of a small house. It was a nice place, not grand or expensive, but not dilapidated or uncomfortable either. It was home. Big enough for at least two people, though there was only ever the one there.

"To me, it doesn't matter what we have," he chuckled, kissing her again and holding her close. He'd thought she was a madwoman at first. Frankly, he still thought of her as such. But now he found it was the most beautiful madness he'd ever seen, and he wouldn't have her any other way. Everyone was a little mad in their own ways, really. He was no doubt just as bad as her. "I'm going to love them no matter what gender they are." God, he was a sappy fool around her. She brought out all those pent up emotions, the feelings he'd stored since he was a little boy. It was almost theraputic, in a way. Opening the door to the house, he let her in first. "Now, you need to go relax. I'm going to take care of you." He was sure she'd dispute that, but he was going to at least attempt to look after her. She needed it.