Closed Tell It to Me Straight

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx had to get away, and quickly. He made it down a fairly unused hall in a matter of moments, coming to a stop. He put a hand against the wall, hanging his head and kneading his fingers over his heart. He just felt... numb. Sniffling, he turned, pressing his back to the cold stones and running his hands over his face. What had just happened? He wasnt sure. All he could think that this was over, Chrys didnt want him anymore. He slid down the the ground, hugging his knees to his chest and laying his head in his arms. Great. Jake had left him crying in a hall. And as Onyx tried to fight back the tears, he felt sick as he realized that Chrysander just had, too.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

It hadn't taken Chrys long to catch Onyx up, he'd been right behind him, though Onyx had still had enough of a start that by the time he did so, Onyx was almost a sobbing mess on the floor. "F*ck," he hadn't meant for Onyx to walk in, really he hadn't and he hadn't expected this kind of a response either. Sure, he'd told Onyx he'd try to be exclusive, but it was bloody hard and he just hadn't felt like he was getting what he needed soley from his boyfriend. He slowed his run, still frustrated over the situation he'd just left behind, but not wanting to make anything worse, he carefully crouched in front of Onyx. "I can only say I'm sorry. I have no excuses, Kitty."​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx hadn't started crying yet, but he was dangerously close. He didnt look up when Chrys spoke, biting his lip. "I don't... I dont understand," hr managed, fingers digging into his arms. "I tried so hard... do you not want me anymore?" He managed, voice cracking near the end. He couldnt look at Chrys. Not without crying.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

Chrys really didn't know what to say. The easy answer to give him was yes, but the truth was also no. It was complicated. "It's not that... you didn't do anything wrong, honest." He said, moving from a crouch to sit instead, not knowing how long he would be sitting here and he didn't want to hurt his legs. "Look, I thought I could be okay with it just being you... you know? But... I've never been that person I guess. Monogamy... it's just not my thing, it never was and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." Elsie, Sapphire, Marco, now Elio, he really did have some explaining to do, but he needed to explain himself first.​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx took a breath as Chrys said it wasnt him. He turned his head just a little, peeking at Chrys for a split second before looking away again. "I.... You should have just told me," he managed, hurt for new reasons now. "I thought you trusted me. I've given you everything," he bit his lip, taking a second to breath. "If... you need to see other people, that... that's okay. I know I'm not... I'm not enough... I wish I could be, but I never have been. For anyone. I've always known that."

He curled up a little tighter. "Are you going to forget me? I... wont seek you out anymore. If you dont want me to, but I... I'll still wait for you. I'm still... am I still your kitty?" He asked softly, not sure what Chrys wanted.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

Chrys had to sit back a bit, a little taken a back. "I know I should have, I'm sorry I didn't. I wanted to avoid this if I could, you know, like... if you didn't see it, it couldn't hurt you and you'd never know." He realised how much of a jerk that made him sound like, but it was the truth. He couldn't lie to him now. Not after what he'd done. "There's more..." he added, though he wasn't sure he wanted to say it now that he was presented with he situation. "Elio... he wasn't the first." He was a bit shocked again when Onyx asked him if he would forget him. "What, of course you are, I'm boo, you're kitty. I don't give nicknames for just anyone, kitty. and you're more than enough for people, I'm just sorry you had to go and fall for me, because I can't give you what you want and... honestly knowing that is killing me."​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx shook his head as Chrys spoke. "But you promised, the day I asked you out, you said that you didnt know what you wanted and we'd try, that if it didnt work you would tell me." Onyx shook his head again. "I already saw you with Sapphire, but I expected that. If anyone deserved her it was you and if anyone deserved you it was her." He hesitated as Chrys spoke again. He was quiet a moment. "Chrysander... all I want is you. You're my boo, I love you. With all I have, I love you. But I dont know what you want," he tightened his arms again. "Do you still want me? Am I still your boyfriend? Are you going to date other people? I dont know what to do," he bit his lip, trying to stop himself from rambling more.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

Chrys knew he'd f*cked up. And his immediate instinct was to try and back peddle, but, he knew this was his fault. He knew he should just own it. "Onyx... I know. I know what I said, okay, I know," he didn't know how he was supposed to get Onyx to understand that he knew what he'd done. "I know I made you a promise and I know I didn't keep it, okay, I didn't realise how hard it was going to be to keep it. I did try, it's only been this year that I," he realised as he went to say it that it wasn't entirely true. "Okay, it was a little bit late last year too," he wasn't happy about it and he did genuinely feel bad about hurting Onyx, but, it was harmless fun, wasn't it? At least he thought it was. "I should have said something, I know, and I'm so sorry that I didn't." He really did feel a bit bad, though, surprisingly he felt bad more for being caught than for the actions leading up to that. "You're still Kitty, if you want to be. I still want you to be Kitty and me be Boo, but... look I'm not going to lie to you, if this experience has taught me anything, it's that I won't be exclusive, I can't." He said, shaking his head. "There's been others before Elio and... there's probably going to be others after him too."​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx slowly relaxed himself, trying not to let Chrys's words hurt him too much. Chrys had been seeing other people. He had been lying. It hurt Onyx, it hurt him really bad. "We don't.... have to be exclusive...." he started slowly, hurt leaking through his voice. "I... dont know what you want from me though. Will we still go to the dance? Can I still cuddle you? Do... do I have to wait for you to come to me?" He hesitated, finally glancing at Chrys. "I... Chrys, do... do you love me? Really? Or were you just saying what I wanted to hear?" He questioned softly.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

Chrys shook his head, reaching out a little to place his hand on Onyx's knee and give it a small squeeze. "Look, you're allowed to be upset, of course you are. I did the wrong thing and I broke your trust, I accept that," he said, turning away for a moment to really get his bearings on what he was saying, because he really hadn't had time to think any of this through. He was still figuring himself out, what he wanted and, at that moment he'd wanted Elio, just like when he'd wanted Onyx, or when he'd wanted Marco, or Elsie, he couldn't help how he did or didn't feel and he felt like it would be wrong to deny himself what he wanted even though, realistically, he was sure people did that all the time, he'd never had good impulse control. "I don't want you to say something because you think I want to hear it. I don't want to be exclusive, you do, we need to find common ground and work something out, or we need to," he swallowed for a second, "or we need to walk away, because this isn't healthy Onyx, we both know it." He licked his lips a little at the questions Onyx was asking. "If you still want to go to the dance, I still want to go with you. Of course I do, because I enjoy being with you, I don't think about other people when I'm with you," he didn't think about Onyx when he was with other people either, but that was a part of the conversation that he didn't really need to reveal. "You can come and find me whenever you want, if you want to, though I can't promise there won't be others, I'm not going to tell you you have to wait for me to come to you," that wasn't fair. He thought the questions were over until Onyx asked a final one, and it hit Chrys very hard, because he was shocked to discover that instead of the yes he immediately wanted to say, the answer was actually that he didn't know. "I... I don't know, Onyx." He said, looking away a little as he did so. "I like spending time with you and... doing things together but... I honestly don't know." Had that always been the case and he'd just assumed, or had something changed? He wasn't sure, all he knew was that he didn't know, and honestly, that was probably the most terrifying part about it all.​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

Onyx listened quietly as Chrys spoke, trying to stay calm. This entire thing hurt him so much more than he wanted Chrys to know. At Chrys's final answer, Onyxs composure slipped. He sniffed loudly, standing and stepping away, running his hands through his hair. He was crying now, and he hated it. "You dont know." He took a shaky breath, nose scrunching and anger taking over. He smacked his hand against the wall in frustration. "Do you even f***ing care?" He half shouted, feeling hurt and betrayed. "I've given you everything, I thought it was supposed to be you and me! If you want to see other people, okay, I can get that, I'm difficult and overbearing and clingy, but I'm trying, I'm trying so f***ing hard," his shoulders slumped, and he wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"I... I still want you," he started, leaning against the wall with his back turned. "If I have to share you, I can. I... I need you. You know me better than anyone else." He sighed, rubbing at his face. "I dont want to know about anyone else. If you're.... busy I'll just go the other way. I do want to go to the dance with you... and I still want to be your boyfriend. Don't tell me if there are any others. When it's you and me... it's just us. And don't... dont lie to me anymore. Okay? I... is that okay?" He bit his lip, arms around his torso as he stared at the floor.

 

[Chrysander Kaster]

Chrys fell backwards away from Onyx as he seemed to take what he'd said badly. Chrys knew he was mostly to blame for this, he knew that, but it was scary for him to. Up until this moment he thought he loved Onyx, but now he just didn't know. Was that his fault? He'd never seen Onyx react like this, or had never thought he would react this way, this was new and unexpected and he didn't know what to do with himself as he let Onyx yell. He didn't stand up, letting Onyx instead work through what he was going through as he stayed on the floor and just looked at the ground. He wanted to feel terrible about not knowing how he felt, and he did, but he just couldn't make himself love Onyx if he didn't know for sure that he did. "Onyx, it's not about you, really it's not, I swear it's not." He said, still refusing to look at Onyx because he really just didn't know what was reflected in his eyes right now. He licked his lips. "I don't want you to hate me, Onyx, and if you really don't want to know, of course I won't tell you and I promise all the dances are reserved for you." He added, assuming that would be what he wanted. He was lucky in a way, most of the people he had been with so far, and would probably continue to see, were in his year, and some in his house, so he could do the without Onyx knowing or seeing. They all knew he was in a relationship, so surely they'd be okay with it too.​

 

[Onyx Derouin]

((Godmod approved))

Onyx stayed against the wall a minute, not talking, trying to pull it together. "I don't hate you," he managed, wiping his sleeve over his face. He knew he would cry tonight, probably cry a lot. But right now he needed some reassurance, he needed... he didnt know what he needed, but he needed something. He turned back, reachong down and grabbing Chrys's hands, pulling Chrys up and into a nearby supply closet. They needed privacy for a bit, and they wouldnt have that out in the hall.