Closed Talking Through the Night

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas was always very relieved to be back at school, even if only because it meant he could sleep in a bed of his own without worrying about his brothers coming in during the night. That being said, Lucas had always been a light sleeper. The first week had been great, Lucas had been catching up on sleep. Tonight, though, he was awoken by a familiar sound.

Barely awake, he shifted out of bed. He padded over to Einar's bed, with both teddy bears in tow. He crawled into bed, careful not to touch Einar but pressing the bears closer. "Einar," He called softly, poking the bears paw on Einar's arm lightly. "Einar, wake up. I'm here, it's okay," He murmured reassuringly, pushing the teddy bears closer to try and comfort the other boy.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar’s holiday had been a lonely affair, the most recent family had been fine, but they weren’t around a lot and very much had a fend for yourself attitude. One he was mostly used to, but the first few days had been nice, they’d remembered to pick him up and they’d had an actual family dinner. He’d let his hopes build a little and they were just pulled out from under him again. He should know better by now than to hope. But it had brought him back to school feeling distinctly separate from his house mates. The boy was older, a student heading towards exams in the following year but he didn’t fell older than he had when he’d first arrived. As the years passed he knew eventually he would become older than his brother ever had. It was memories of his oldest brother’s death that were plaguing his memories. But it was mixed, his brother’s face in the hospital bed, his father reaching out for him. The noise of traffic, a skidding, and Hewie suddenly in front of him blood everywhere. He woke as another voice broke through and there was a lightly pressure on his him arm. He woke with a start, sitting up immediately, his heart racing, ”Hewie..Hewie,” he was repeating his brothers name as his heart raced and the images of his brothers slowly faded away. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas' heart ached as he watched Einar. He wanted nothing more than to pull Einar close but he knew he couldn't. "Einar," he called softly, moving the bear into his friends lap again. "Hey. I'm right here," he tried to sound reassuring, even if he knew it wouldn't really matter. Lucas often felt like Einar would be better without him, but Lucas couldn't leave his only friend alone when Einar was clearly in pain.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar slowly grew to awareness, and he realised that he wasn’t alone, he was at school, there was a teddy bear in his lap and he could hear Lucas. He took a couple steady breaths and let his eyes close tightly for a moment. He reached out and clutched as the bear tightly and after a few moments he’d come out of it enough to turn to look at Lucas, ”Sorry,” he muttered a growing blush on his cheeks. He knew there was nothing wrong with having nightmares but he had hoped that they would calm down. That had just been too vivid...too real..”Thanks Lucas,” he then added quietly, he shifted on the bed, and patted the area next to him, encouraging lucas get up onto the bed with him. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled softly, staying close as Einar seemed to calm down. "It's okay," He murmured, moving to sit on the mattress. The boy didn't need to tell Lucas what had happened, or really what the nightmare had been, Lucas could guess fairly well. He settled on the bed, sitting cross-legged near the edge. He fiddled with the bear in his hands, smiling softly at his friend. He wanted to just pull Einar to him and cuddle him back to sleep, but Lucas knew better. He twisted his bear a bit in his hands, giving Einar a bit of time to settle down and breathe.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar was getting his breathing under control. It was coming in erratic breaths still, though better than it had been. He wiped his eyes as just kept the bear clutched tightly. ”Have I ever told you how they died?” he said, his therapist had always told him that it was important for him to let himself talk about what had happened. He didn’t, often because it became all too real and he struggled to handle it. But, he had been feeling so alone and so distant from everything else that he thought it might be good to actually say something on the matter and since the nightmare was relating to the deaths then it would help that too, surely. He just wasn’t sure it was right to dump onto Lucas the stories of what happened. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas watched Einar, absentmindedly stroking the bear paw in his lap. "You haven't," He murmured softly. "If... if you want to tell me, I'll listen," He tried to peek up at Einar. "But if you don't, I'll still be right here." He reassured quietly. "Whatever you need, Einar. I'm always going to be right here," He promised, giving his friend a warm smile.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar nodded and just thought about it for a moment. ”My therapist always says I should talk about, but it’s hard,” he said, ”My nightmare was like a mesh of all of them and maybe it would make it easier to talk about them.” he said with a little shrug. He gave a little sigh. ”My dad and my oldest brother, whose name was also Adam, were fishermen, they got caught in this huge storm and the boat capsized, they were rescued, but the water in northern Alaska is ice cold, they both caught these terrible infections and pneumonia. My brother was pretty injured from the fall too. They lived for a week after the accident, I was the only one awake when my dad died. He was struggling to breath and reaching out to me, but I couldn’t..I just took his hand and watched him die.” Einar said, it was mostly in one breath, knowing if he stopped he wouldn’t be able to continue, the week seemed to now replay in his head. Unable to shake those memories from within his mind.

 

[Lucas Ames]

Not touching Einar was really hard, and Lucas was sure if he wasn't careful he would cave in. He gripped his bear tightly, listening to Einar intently as he spoke about what had happened. Lucas wasn't really sure what to say. It sounded terrible, honestly, and he wished more than anything he could just take Einar's pain away. He would rather take that pain on himself than have Einar go through it, but Lucas knew that was impossible. Lucas wanted to apologize, but he didn't know if it would be an apology that mattered to Einar, or if was just trite sentiment. He bit his lip a little harder, before sighing softly and gingerly offering out his hand. "Can I hold your hand?" He asked Einar quietly, though he was almost sure he would be told no.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar wasn’t sure what Lucas could say to all of that, there wasn’t much that could be said, it was a horrible story in his life, and it was horrible every time he relieved it in his dreams. He gave a little noise at the question, and looked to Lucas’ hand. He wasn’t sure it would be right if it would actually help him or if it would take him back there, but after a long moment of indecision he reached out and took Lucas’ hand. His touch was featherlight but there. ”We moved in with my grandparents after that, for a bit, Hewie and I shared a sofa bed. He used to sit me in his lap when I had nightmares and talk about the stars, if he minded, he never said. He got a job as a bike messenger, skidded on some ice, lost control of the bike and a van hit him at some speed. According to mom he died instantly,” Einar’s grip lightly tightened as he spoke about Hewie and Hewie’s death. ”I miss him the most, you know, he was just there for me, and he had all his life in front of him,”​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled softly, not pushing anything when Einar took his hand. He listened intently as Einar started to speak about Hewie, his brother. It made sense now, the way Einar had acted when Lucas had made that drawing of the stars all that time ago. Lucas wished they could trade places; he wished Einar had been able to keep his family and Lucas would have taken that luck, lost all of his. His life wouldn't really be all that different; he'd be alone, just... with fewer bruises to hide maybe. He ran his thumb lightly over the back of Einar's hand unthinkingly when the other boys' grip tightened, unsure if there was really anything he could say. "Thank you for telling me, Einar," He murmured softly, sure there was nothing he could really say to make anything better, or anything he could say that would really matter to Einar, so all he knew to do was express a little bit of his gratitude that Einar would trust Lucas at all, that he would let Lucas a little bit closer.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar just let the silence take over. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do. He appreciated Lucas not asking questions, not really saying anything, but it didn’t make him feel any better. There was no great weight lifted from his shoulders in sharing. He felt a little better but it didn’t make it easier. He turned in the bed to face Lucas and while still holding Lucas’ hand curled up into himself slightly. He just felt tired and sad and wanted to be able to just forget for a while. Of course he couldn’t even if he wanted to. ”Thanks Lucas,” he said softly. He always wondered how different his life would’ve been if they hadn’t died, how they would’ve felt about his magic, how it might’ve changed how they felt about each other. ”Maybe one of these nights we’ll both sleep easily,”​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas smiled, shifting to lay down as Einar did, careful to keep holding the other boys' hand. He paused a moment after Einar spoke, shifting away a moment as he sat up, before laying back down, pulling the blanket back up and tucking it in around Einar. He wordlessly summoned a pillow from his bed and put it between their legs, a little bit of a barrier so Lucas wouldn't get too close. He settled back down, offering his hand back out again with a small smile. "I don't know if it's worth anything," He started softly, "But I've been sleeping better with you nearby," He admitted softly, "I don't wake up as often, and even if I wake up scared, I always feel better again knowing you're nearby," He murmured, smiling gently at Einar.

"I've never slept really well before; Dawson and Gabriel used to think it was fun to find new ways to mess with me while I slept." He spoke quietly like if he spoke too loud he'd break. "Dawson was never smart, he would just push me out of bed a lot. Gabriel... he liked to experiment, see what he could slip under the covers. Snakes, spiders, bugs, a few times he'd even pull the garden hose through the window and douse me with it. I caught a few colds that way. There were some nights they would chase me outside in the middle of the night and lock me out..." His voice faded and he looked away, hugging his bear tighter to his chest.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar listened as Lucas talked about his brothers, talked about how they would pick on him, and he never felt good after hearing things like that. He could complain about his losses, he could lament the pain of no longer having his loved ones but truly it didn’t compare to having to suffer by their hands. He had lost his brothers, cruelly, when they had been young and not quite able to explore the world yet. But they had loved him, they had been good to him, his whole family had. Lucas didn’t have what he’d had. He had never experienced that. Einar just shook his head, ”The more you tell me about them, the less likely you’ll be able to stop me from beating them up next time either of them tries anything in front of me,” he said, because that was honestly how he felt. ”And you should talk to your aunt about moving in with her. I know she travels a lot, but you’d only have to be there like two months in a year. I think if you asked she would say yes,” he spoke quietly. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas held his bear closer, shaking his head a bit. "Einar, if you try fighting Gabriel I'm just going to sit on you," he smiled lightly. "You can't fight if I'm cuddling you," He teased softly, though his smile faded quickly and he shook his head. "No, I can't. My parents would never let me. They dote on Gabriel, and Dawson, honestly I think they put so much into my brothers they didn't have anything left over for me." He shrugged, scooting just a little closer. "My brothers won't let me move out," He yawned a little but just ran his fingers through the bears fur, not feeling tired.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar didn’t think that would stop him, but he would at least for Lucas’ sake try to avoid that happening, he just couldn’t guarantee that it would always work out that way. He was never going to be stopped if he saw it in front of him. He just gave a little sigh, ”Would they have to know? If they don’t pay attention to you, then why even bother asking them?” he asked. He knew that if people weren’t paying the most attention things fell away, that you could get away with things. Perhaps he was only thinking about himself, his own experiences. People often forgot about him, when they didn’t care at all he tended to have a whole bunch of freedom. It always took a while for his social worker to notice that something was up. Wouldn’t that be the same with Lucas and his family. ”They can’t stop you once you’re old enough too,” he told him. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shrugged. "They don't pay attention to me. My brothers- well, they'd throw a fit, and legally my parents still own me," He knew it sounded horrible, but it was true. They had him, and there was nothing he could do about it. "When we're old enough, I'll think about it again," he offered quietly. "If I'm going with Aunt Cassi, though, then so are you," He tried to sound more sure of that idea than he felt; somehow he didn't think Einar would jump on it. "Like you said, it's only a few months a year. She could get that apartment again, we'd be together. You wouldn't bounce around anymore or be alone, and I would be away from my brothers," He didn't want to admit how much he liked the idea now that it had formed in his head, how much he wanted it. Einar would be mad at him.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar looked at him, and shook his head a little. He had thought that Lucas would invite him along, of course he would, because he was a good person. ”I’m not family,” he said. ”Plus, maybe my next placement will be good, they can’t all be bad,” he said with a tentative expression. He would want to, go with Lucas and Cassi, but he wasn’t family and he couldn’t impose like that. His luck hadn’t gotten much worse, but he didn’t want to end up in a somewhat good situation with Lucas and Cassi for him to lose it all. For Lucas to suffer because of his bad luck. ”I’ll be free in a few years, I can get a job and try to get a place myself.” he knew that was still some time away but if he couldn’t promise or agree to be with Lucas, he could close enough, ”Then I’ll be free to visit whenever I want,” He knew that wasn’t perfect but perhaps it would be good enough for Lucas for now.​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shook his head, looking to Einar shyly. "You're the closest thing to 'family' I've ever had," he hugged his bear tighter. "Aunt Cassi has never even noticed what my brothers do." He bit his lip, looking away. "Please?" He asked softly. "I know... I'm not really worth anything, and I'm not really much, but- but I would really like it if you could stay with me,"

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar couldn’t hold Lucas’ gaze, he found it hard to believe that his Aunt wouldn’t have picked up on something going on given the way she treated Lucas. In his time around her EInar hadn’t found her daft, she was very clued in. But more to it, he couldn’t promise anything and it didn’t help Einar’s guilt with lucas’ words. ”Lucas…” he said, ”It’s not about your worth. It’s just I have to abide by different rules than you do,” he told him slowly. ”I could get into a lot of trouble for running away, or disappearing… “ he sighed, leaning his face into the pillow. ”You have to know if I could pick then it would be to live with you and Cassi, but I’m not family and my social worker would never agree to it.” he said. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas sighed softly, aching to reach out to Einar but holding himself back. "Why not?" He asked softly. "They let us take you before. Aunt Cassi could take you again," he bit his lip, rubbing the bears paw idly between his fingers. He sighed again, shoulders slumping a bit in defeat. It had been a silly dream, anyway. All of his dreams were. "Hey," he did reach out this time, but only to grip the edge of Einars sleeve. "I'm sorry. I'll stop," he gave Einar a shy smile. "I just... I hate that you're alone," he admitted softly. "I really wish I could trade you. You can keep your nice family and mine goes away instead. It'd be quieter," he laughed lightly. "I don't know if anything would really change for me. I just... I wish you could be happy," he let go of Einars sleeve and pulled back, not adding in the little voice in the back of his head that told Lucas he couldn't make Einar happy.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar shrugged, ”It was only for a little while, I just..” he trailed off, unable to really explain why it was likely to be treated different, why it would be more difficult, why it would take more steps and limit Cassi more than Lucas living with her ever could. He shrugged, he knew he also wished that their family’s were switched. That he was with his family and Lucas could be without his, he was sure that Lucas would’ve been adopted pretty easily and not like him who seemed to never stick with anything long. He couldn’t even tell him no, because truly he agreed that Lucas’ family should go away, but given that they couldn’t it would feel wrong to ever say as much. ”I wish I could be happy too, I wish we could both be happy,” he said with a little shrug, since he truly did wish that he could be happy, but he felt it was next to impossible for him. ”Just go to sleep, lucas, I’ll be asleep soon too,” ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas shook his head, trying not to yawn and taking hold of Einar's sleeve again. "No," He murmured, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I don't wanna sleep, I wanna stay awake with you," He scooted just a little bit closer, though he didn't cross the line he had drawn in his head that went down the center of the bed. Still, his eyes fluttered shut anyway. He murmured Einar's name, his hand falling away a little as his breathing evened out. Despite his protests, he had fallen asleep very quickly.