Taking time to think

[Lily Drage]

Lily was sick of holing up in the tower. She needed to get out. Running up to her dorm she slipped on a pair of boots on her sock-clad feet and headed out. She had so much to think about right now and needed some air to do so.

Heading to the cliffs, she found her favorite rock to sit on and settled in, looking over the open space before her. The view was beautiful and Lily leaned back against the tree behind the rock and simply watched the birds flit across the sky. Mother birds and their babies. Babies. Her hand went to her stomach, resting over where there might be a child growing inside of her. Hers and Sumner's child. She felt the tears start again, tears that she had cried multiple times over now in her room. In front of Sumner, she did her best to not let things get to her. He was stressed out enough without having to shoulder her stress as well. And he always seemed to try to do that. He was her best friend and was always looking out for her. She really did love him but the thought of having a child and changing her future scared her. What really scared her though was the fact that she wasn't opposed to the idea of having a child with Sumner, just not right now. Why did it have to happen now?

Lily closed her eyes. She was scared to admit it, but she was falling for Sumner. Hard. I have to stop thinking of him like this! He is my friend, my lover, but we agreed this was all it was. Just a physical thing. Its like I am breaking the rules by thinking like this. We promised each other it would just be physical. Nothing else. I have to stop feeling like this. But... Lily looked down where her hand rested. What if I am pregnant? Will he still be around? Well, duh, he will be around, but will he stay forever or would he be around for a bit then leave me to raise our child on our own? No, Sumner wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't leave. He was oddly calm when I told him what I think is happening with me. Gah! Why did I have to fall for him?

Opening her eyes, she noticed that time had flown while she was out there. Standing up and brushing herself off, she started to make her way back down to the castle, taking her time walking. Lily realized that no matter if she was pregnant or not, she had made the biggest mistakt and fallen in love with her best friend -- and knew she would never, could never act on that fact.

 

[Sumner Drage]

Sumner spotted the blonde haired woman who had become his best friend. And who was currently the cause of what was tearing him up inside. He had screwed up, lost control and now both of their lives may forever be linked through the baby. He'd sat in his dorm room, writing and rewriting a letter to owl to his dad. He needed advice and he knew Tristan was the only one who he could talk to. But with each drop of ink from his quill onto the parchment he could picture the disappointment that would fill his new parent. Sumner had scrapped the paper, threw on his jacket and left to grab some food. When Lily hadn't shown after he'd finished his meal, he'd sought her out after grabbing something in a napkin.

"Hey." He came up to her and kissed her forehead then stepped back. "You weren't at breakfast so I got you this." He handed her the napkin, the still warm blueberry muffin wrapped inside. "You uh," he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking and feeling out of place. "You should eat. Cause, well, you're kind of eating for two right?"

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily wasn't really paying attention as she made her way back to the castle and didn't notice Sumner until she was almost to him. She smiled as he kissed her and yet again tried to take care of her and the child she may be carrying. Or may not be. "Thanks. You're right, I should eat something," she said softly. "I wish I knew if I was eating for two. You didn't see Courtney's owl during breakfast, did you?" She wanted to know what the answer was once and for all, but was scared to go to the hospital wing. Figuring that the nurses would have to report to the headmasters that a student, let alone a prefect, was pregnant -- or even that she thought she was -- she opted to go the muggle route and sent an owl to her roommate. She now was waiting for the package with the little tests inside it to arrive.

 

[Sumner Drage]

"Um, no. No I didn't." Sumner ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. He felt so damned awkward! "When will we uh know Lily?" The anxiety was slowly eating at him. He had to know, wanted to know what he had to do. He did know that he would be there for her, either way. No matter what. Because he was starting to love her. And that in itself was scaring the hell out of him. He was waiting on an owl himself, although for altogether different reasons than hers.

 

[Lily Drage]

"Damn," Lily replied, not quite sure what to think now. "We find out soon as that package gets here or something else shows up. This is driving me nuts! I need to finalize a starting lineup for the next game..." Her voice trailed off, realizing that talking about quidditch seemed shallow at this point. This was Sumner's child she was talking about, not just some random baby. Their baby needed to come first and if she was pregnant, she knew she would not be playing in the next match at all. "I'm sorry," she said, breaking a piece of the muffin off. "I am just a bit freaked out still."

 

[Sumner Drage]

Sumner came to stand beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know," he whispered into her hair, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "Listen, whatever you need from me, just let me know okay?" He paused. "For um the game." He stepped back and for the first time in a long time, he crossed his arms over his chest. It was though that simple action could help hold inside what he was feeling.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily watched as Sumner seemed to pull back from her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I know," she whispered, then turned her words back to the game. "I plan on having you start, of course." It wasn't that there was ever a question of who was starting as beaters, right now, it was a matter of who was going to play chaser. She was afraid she would have to call up an alternate to replace her. She took another bite of her muffin, chewing slowly and looking away, trying not to start crying again in front of Sumner. She had done that enough this past week.

 

[Sumner Drage]

Sumner had looked away out across the horizon then glanced back in time to see the look that passed Lily's lovely face. He knew how hard this waiting, this not knowing, was for her. As tough as it was for him, he wouldn't be the one to have the baby. He wouldn't be the one who had to give up their spot on a professional Quidditch team. "We'll-," he cleared his throat, his hand coming to rest on her cheek, "we'll figure this out. Together." It was his way of letting her know that he was there, that everything would be okay, even if it wouldn't be. But she wouldn't have to face things alone.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily closed her eyes and let her cheek rest in his hand. The warmth of his hand made her feel safe. "I know we will. Somehow," she whispered with a sigh. "It would be so much easier if I could just go to the nurses, but I don't want to get either of us in trouble." She opened her eyes and looked up at Sumner. She wanted nothing more than to tell him how she felt about him, but knew this was not the time or the place. There may never be the time or place but she knew until they knew if they were going to be parents, she needed to keep her emotions to herself. Moving forward, she wrapped her arms around Sumner's waist, giving him a hug.

 

[Sumner Drage]

Sumner's arms came around her and as he hugged her close to him, he pressed his lips to her temple. He loved holding Lily within his arms, against his body. She fit him damn near perfectly to where he didn't want to let her go. "We'll find out soon. Either way, I'm here Lily. I won't be leaving unless you get tired of me constantly hanging around you," he grinned, humor in his voice. He didn't speak about her graduating this year nor did he bring up their future plans, separately or together. He would face this with her as best he could, come what may.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily sighed as Sumner wrapped his arms around her. She felt comfortable, like this was where she belonged and her heart soared unbidden at his words. "I don't think I could ever get sick of you hanging around, hun," she said smiling. Smiles on her face were few and far between right now, and this man before her was the cause of all of them. She knew once this was figured out, she wanted Sumner still around and still in her bed as much as possible. Someday, she hoped the time would be right to let him know how she felt about him, but not yet.