Swimming Through Sick Lullabies

[Izaak Finch]

The spring sunshine pooled a deliciously warm light in through the living room as Izaak Finch lay unconscious on the couch with long limbs sprawled out over the pre-loved arms. By the clock ticking away on the wall it was nearing midday and anyway who knew him would never have expected to find him anywhere but down on the beach on a day such as this one. But no, Izaak had not moved since 1am. The day before had done him in, had drawn a certain lustre from his eyes as he commuted from one continent to the next, hoping by a certain stroke of luck that he might find Isabella in the hustle and bustle that was the world. But she was quite literally one in a million, and her obvious desire to stay the hell away from him was just making his efforts all the more pointless.

By the time Izaak had gotten home, he was just about ready to give up his game but had found himself collapsed on the sofa before he could even admit the defeat to himself. The music that was blaring over his sound system had done little to bother him, nor had any thoughts of his girlfriend at such a devastating point of exhaustion. Right now he was beyond caring, beyond all exertion of emotion and had he been able to anticipate the helplessness that would crash down upon him when he finally stirred from sleep, Izaak might have just run himself into a self-induced coma.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie fumbled in her bag, her small fingers reaching into the corners, desperately searching for her key. She pulled out various objects, none of which could be jammed into the lock on her door no matter how hard she tried. In anger and disgust she tipped the large leather bag upside down and watched the contents fall to the ground. On her hands and knees she brushed her hands through the contents, but it was clear that her key did not want to be found.

"Dammit" she said, abandoning the pile on her doorstep before picking up the two carseats, one in each hand. She trudged to the next door apartment and rung the door with her elbow. Straining to hold the wait of both babies with her frail arms, Melodie waited anxiously for the door to be answered. Loud music blared from the windows, which along with the heat only exaggerated her headache. "Izaak?" she called, peering through the window. She wrang the bell once more, growing more impatient by the minute.

Fumbling with the handle, the door gave way and Melodie stumbled into the living room, kicking off her heels as she entered. She placed the two carseats down on the carpet and approached Izaak, sprawled across the couch. "IZAAK?" she called over the pounding music. "Blasted thing" she muttered under her breath as she switched off the stereo and approached the young man "Hello?" she said, standing over him. Melodie looked down at her watch; 12pm, it wasn't like her friend to be at home on a beautiful day like this, and it was even less like him to be sleeping instead of out surfing or enjoying the beach.

Melodie took a closer look at Izaak, he didn't look as though he was going to stir from his slumber, he seemed to be in a very deep sleep. He hardly seemed to be breathing at all. "Izaak?" she said again, lightly slapping him on the cheek.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Somewhere buried deep beneath exhaustion that had befallen him, Izaak registered that his music was no longer accompanying his sleep. Somewhere inside of him churned, no longer was he hidden behind its intensity, no longer able to avoid the cold truth that he was a horrible, pathetic, cowardly excuse for a man. Isabella hated him, he was sure Alexis did too after all the awful things he had said to her and his sister was getting pretty damn tired of him. Even Casey, of all the wonderful people in his life, had gotten frustrated. Izaak didn’t quite understand it himself. One moment he had been so comfortably in love with Alexis and the next everything had turned pear-shaped. He would have liked to have said that it was all Zaire’s fault but he was coming to realise that the Slytherin had had little to do with it at all. No, Alexis Marie Richarde was the one at the epicentre of this whirlwind of a disaster.

Through the blanks of his mind, Izaak heard his name called. It seemed to echo about, highlighting the eerie state of emptiness within it as he lingered on returning back to reality. There was not much of a choice presented though as he came to the attention that his cheek was being softly attacked. Scrunching his nose up and blinking his outstanding blue irises several times to adjust them to the lighting, Izaak finally came to focus on the culprit of his disruption. Melodie. In annoyance, he rolled back into the couch and groaned, “Go away.,, And turn my friggin’ music back on.” He hadn’t meant to be snappy like this, especially not towards Melodie, but human company seemed like a repulsive idea at the moment and Izaak did not think he could stomach her sympathy.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie watched him stir as she stood over him. At least he hadn't passed out, she thought to herself. As he began to speak, Melodie's cheerful smile faltered. But she took a deep breath in and let it out. She knew he didn't mean it. He was obviously drunk, but at this time of the day? Perhaps he was hungover. Izaak rolled back onto the couch, turning from Melodie. He appeared to be dozing again so Melodie looked around the room, looking for empty bottles of firewhisky to explain his rudeness. But alas, there were none, at least not that she could see. Melodie quietly leant over her friend and tried to smell his breath, always a dead give-away as to whether he had been drinking. As she leant, she stumbled and fell towards his lips. Regaining her balance Melodie dusted herself off and stood up, hoping he wouldn't notice.

Izaak appeared to be ignoring her, and this time he didn't have alcahol to blame. Melodie put her hands on her hips. "Well? What is it? You may as well tell me, I'll find out sooner or later" she said in a strong tone. If there was one thing she had learnt from her friend it was that sometimes they had to use tough love on oneanother. Izaak had done it when she couldn't get over Adam, and now she was going to do the same for him. He seemed to be ignoring her so Melodie walked to the other side of the living room and in one swift move, pulled the drapes wide open, causing the sun to brightly shine in on Izaak, still trying to ignore her. She stood over him "Get up" she said firmly.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Not once did Izaak care for the fact that he was acting like an angsty fifteen year old. What rule said that adults couldn’t break from their self-composure once in a while? The accusation that had been made against him wasn’t exactly true, but it was true enough. And now Isabella was nowhere to be found, not even by the most intent of aurors. For all they knew she could be laying face down in a ditch somewhere. It was awful and it was all his fault. Whether it was his drunken fling of sorts with Melodie or the kiss that he and Adele had shared, Izaak didn’t know. But nor did he want to talk about it, or anything to do with Isabella really. He hadn’t even told his friend about the trip he had made with his girlfriend to Paris, a delicious secret that he had kept so selfishly to himself. So as the strict tones of her voice disturbed him once more, he tried desperately to ignore her and the searing ache that shot through his head.

His headache intensified still as Melodie wrenched open the blinds and he groaned angrily. Could she not just leave him alone? “Don’t pull this mother goose bullsh*t on me Melodie.” He mumbled frustratedly, pressing his palms wearily to his eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about it, I don’t wanna tell you, I don’t even wanna think about it, okay?” More desperate now than before, Izaak allowed his hands to fall away from his face as his azure eyes stared up at her in pain, almost pleadingingly.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie knew exactly what was goung on. It was quite clearly something to do with a girl. Judging on past moments like this Melodie had already narrowed it down to Isabella and Alexis. Izaak was clearly giving her the cold shoulder, and she wanted to know why. As Izaak coverered his eyes, to stop the blinding sunlight Melodie sat down next to him on the couch. He mumbled a few offensive words at her, but she shook it off. He didn't want to talk about it, that was clear. But Melodie had a way of getting these things out of him, she could still read him like a book. "Well I'm just gonna' sit here, and wait" Melodie said. Staring at the wall in front of her. She had nowhere to be, besides, the twins were quiet and content for the first time all day and she didn't want to disturb them.

Izaak looked up at her pleadingly, flashing his stunning azure eyes her way. Her heart melted, as usual she thought to herself. She decided not to pry. She would just sit in silence until he was ready to talk. She could wait all day if she had to. As she sat, Melodie couldn't help but think back to when the pair were children. They would have a silly fight and then end up sitting next to each other, avoiding eye contact and not saying a word. But as always Melodie knew that eventually Izaak would talk. When was the question though.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Melodie would not give up her concern that easily, the only thing he could do was tell her and judging by the anxious frustration in his wondrous blue irises, Izaak knew it too. They were equally stubborn, equally caring and equally concerned for the other. It had been something that he had mostly appreciated, until now. It may have been because she was part of the problem too. But he had been drunk and stupid, it was no excuse, just a piece to the puzzle.

“And wait for what exactly?” Izaak questioned hotly as he dragged his weary body up into a sitting position beside his friend. “For me to tell you? For you to pity me? Sympathise? As if I don’t feel bad enough already Mels.” Sighing, Izaak stared down at the lines that marred his broad palm and wondered only for an awfully short moment if this was fate telling him that nothing worked without Alexis. But then again, nothing had seemed to work with her either. “And you... Well you’re part of the problem...” Still Izaak did not look up but instead flushed a warm red, something that was completely out of character for him. But he was ashamed of his foolishness that night, he couldn’t very well look her in the eye now.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie sat up straighter as Izaak moved into a sitting position next to her. What he was saying was true. If he did tell her, she would do the same as always, pity him and try to make him feel better. But she was his best friend, wasn't that her duty? Izaak clearly wasn't in the mood for any of it. But when he mentioned that she was part of the problem Melodie looked over at him, his face flushed red and he wouldn't make eye contact with her. Melodie sighed. She knew it had to come up sometime, as much as they had tried to avoid it, it had happened. It was one silly night, it never meant anything, did it? It was but a brief revisit of the past. "Izaak, that didn't--It didn't mean anything, did it?" she said, feeling like she was back all those years, an awkward teenager, she blushed slightly as she looked at him.

Melodie stood from the couch and wandered to behind it where her two sons were laying peacefully in their carseats. She gingerly scooped them one by one into her arms and returned to Izaak. "Hold one" she said, holding out Aiden towards her friend. Melodie knew when she felt upset that holding her children and looking into their eyes made her feel so happy, so warm, like she had a purpose in life. She watched her friend take Aiden "Look at his eyes" she said. Looking into the baby in her arms she smiled, she hope she could see Izaak smile for just a minute.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Izaak regretted ever even vaguely mentioning his drunken stupor with Melodie now as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap, embarrassed beyond reason. He had made an absolute tool of himself, just as he had been both before and after his and Melodie’s brief relationship in school. It was awkward now like it had been back then too, but for reasons he’d care not to add. "Izaak, that didn't--It didn't mean anything, did it?" The young man gave a dismissive shake of his head, before helplessly wondering if it had meant something to her, praying that it hadn’t. “We-we’re on the same boat here right? No strings attatched?” In that moment he dared to lift his azure eyes, taking her in with a swift glance and all the memories that were coupled with it. His sixteenth birthday was the first time he had ever gone all the way with anybody and the memories that he and Melodie shared for that occasion were special, they would always mean something. But that’s exactly what they were, memories, and never anything more.

Curious as to what she was doing but exhausted all the same, Izaak merely strained his hearing instead of turning around. Melodie approached with her boys in her arms and only after she offered for him to nurse Aiden did he take the baby into his arms. His heart connected against the tiny body as he held it tight against his chest and doing just what Melodie had told him to and looked into the baby’s. There was nothing short of purity and innocence within them, so extraordinarily beautiful. And for a long moment as he held Aiden against his chest, pondering a time when he would become a father. But then it struck out of the blue that this could have been his Cassie and Isabella could have been there embracing the both of them too. Izaak panicked, he didn’t want to remember these sorts of things. It was far from healthy. Carefully he handed Aiden back to his friend before darted off to his bedroom and collapsing face first onto the mattress in the hope that he might eventually master the art of being void of emotions.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

As Izaak rushed off Melodie put her head in her hands. How could she be so stupid? She had forgotten about Cassie. He was still so sensitive towards her, but she couldn'y tiptoe around the matter for the rest of his life. Melodie followed Izaak to his bedroom, leaving her boys behind, not wanting to hurt him anymore. Sighing she rather reluctantly sat down on the corner of the bed. She didn't know how she could make him feel better, but she had a fair idea what was going on. "Isabella's gone isn't she" Melodie whispered, ever so slightly breaking the silence. The only thing that could make her friend like this, always came down to a girl.

"Izaak, you still have your chance" she began, switching on her councillor mode. "I had one, but I lost it. I know you feel like crap, but so do I. How do you think it makes me feel to know that I'll never get married, I'll never have a career, and at this rate I probably won't get a good nights sleep for the next eighteen years." The room fell silent. Melodie didn't expect a reply. But all that she said was true, it hurt her to admit it it for the first time. Melodie let her head fall back on the soft white linen, she lay there staring at the ceiling, the silence hurt her ears. She let out a deep breath into the warm air and closed her eyes in an effort to block out the harsh reality of life. But no matter how hard she shut them she couldn't forget.