Closed some nights

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

Lumos had a lot of things on his mind. Things he hadn't even really thought he would think about until he'd started thinking about them. His Uncle Ezra was a Slytherin, and that was fine, but neither of his parents were. His Dad of course, was the head of Gryffindor House and his mum was a Hufflepuff, also an Auror, which is where she'd met Dad of course, or... sort of. It was complicated probably. Lumos didn't tend to ask too many questions, because it didn't matter. The thing was, he didn't really think he was like Uncle Ezra much, maybe a little on the surface here and there, and he knew what he wanted and tried to go for it. He wasn't much like Dad, clearly, since he wasn't in Gryffindor, and he wasn't like Bailey or Nox, since they were both in Mum's house. Even Veronica had her own thing going on, even though she was in her own house, except now with Esme as well, though Imogen was in his house, that didn't mean much, since he didn't know anything about her mother.

That was just it though, he didn't quite know how he fit in to all of this. He felt so... isolated, though he wasn't sure that was quite the right word. His dad had a shrine in his office to a woman that Lumos could barely remember. Did he look like her? Did he sound like her? What did she like to do? Was she a nice person? He knew all of these questions about his mum, about Geo... but she wasn't really his mum, not the mum that gave birth to him, just the mum that raised him. He'd asked Veronica once if she would disown him if he wasn't in Gryffindor, and he had thought he was joking when he'd asked. Except the moment the question had left him, he'd realised he was serious, and then she'd said, of course she would disown him - and that had been that. Had she been joking? Or had she been serious too? He hadn't spoken to her since then, really, and that weighted a lot on his mind too.

Bailey he knew loved him, but even she was not exempt from the little jokes that set him on edge. Like the silly presents he sometimes got for his birthday simply because he (and Nox) were born on Halloween. It should have been harmless, but lately it had all been craving bits out of Lumos, and making his feel even less like he belonged in the family. No one ever spoke about her - and Lumos couldn't even remember what she looked like. Every tiny thought he'd ever had of her had slowly been replaced with Geo - and he loved Geo, she was his mum! But she wasn't. He'd thought about asking her to look like Maddie once, but he didn't think it was appropriate, so he'd never asked. They said that Veronica looked like her... did Millie too? Lumos felt like the odd one out and asking Nox about this didn't make sense because he was just as clueless. It really only left one person - Millie - she was in her own house too, after all. It wasn't the only thing he was dealing with, there was so much, but at least he had a starting point of things to talk to his sister about.

As soon as he felt like no one was going to question him too much about his day, he slipped out of his room and headed to Millie's, knocking gently on the door before letting himself in. "Mills... can I..." he wasn't quite sure how to ask what he wanted to ask. He swallowed and tried again. "Do you remember much about mum?"​

 

[Millie Walden-Cade]

School was lonely, but Millie wasn’t sure being home was much better. Her siblings all seemed to have things going on with their lives, especially Bailey who would be taking on extra responsibility in preparation for the new school year, she really did take after their birth parents more than the rest of them. All Millie ever seemed to do was bury her nose in a book, she barely even showed her face in the clubs she was supposed to be a part of. Millie lived a very solitary existence wherever she went and that showed no signs of changing any time soon.

While at home Millie spent a lot of time in her bedroom which is where she found herself going through her history of magic textbook which she had read cover to cover countless times, but she didn’t know what else to do with herself. The house was loud and boisterous but despite that she didn’t feel like fit in to any of it. She looked up when she heard the knock at the door and saw Lumos walk into her room. Before she could say anything he asked if she remembered anything about their mum, she went out on a limb and determined he didn’t mean Geo. “Uhm, a little bit, what do you want to know?”

 

[Lumos Walden-Cade]

Lumos shifted awkwardly, stepping a little further into Millie's room now that he had her attention and closed the door behind him. He wasn't really sure where to start if he was honest, because he'd really only thought up to this point, and everything beyond it he was winging it as he went, which maybe wasn't a great start, but he had a lot of thoughts and feelings up in his head and they were all ajumble. The question he had on his lips felt too big, and yet too specific all at once. "I don't know," he admitted, quietly, running a hand through his hair. "Everything? Anything you have?" He sighed and pointed to the edge of her bed, "can I sit?" he asked, as he moved to the edge and then sat, not looking her in the eye. He felt so silly coming to her like this, but she was the only one he felt he could talk to about it. Any of it. “It’s like… I don’t even know who she was. I can’t remember what her voice sounded like, or her laugh, or even if she had a favuorite food.” He glanced up at her hesitantly, trying to figure out where he was going and if she was following him. “Do you ever feel like that? Like you’re supposed to know, but you just… don’t?”

Lumos fidgeted with the hem of his sleeve, restless even now, unsure if what he was saying was bad because he loved Geo, very much, and she was everything he thought about when he thought about his mum, but that was part of the problem, because he had one before her he just didn't remember her. "I love Geo, don't get me wrong. She's Mum. Always is going to be mum. But... sometimes I think about... well, about her, about our birth mum," he couldn't even say real mum, because she wasn't his real mum, his real mum was a blonde metamorphmagus who spent every day she had teaching Lumos and Nox how to tie their shoes, and watching them all clamber onto brooms and supporting Dad when he'd needed it the most. Not... whoever he couldn't remember. "There's like this... there's this hole and I don't know how to fill it." he paused then, voice wavering a bit. "They say Veronica looks like her, do you think I do? Or that maybe there’s something of her in me? I just… I just want to feel like I belong, you know? To her, to this family, to something.”

He finally looked up, his expression vulnerable. “I guess I’m just hoping you remember something—anything - that might help.”​