Closed Shattering the rose-colored glasses

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan had not been able to get Flynn off her mind over the past few months. She felt that purchasing the boy a broom was just adding a band-aid to the wound, and she had hoped he would continue to reach out. Yet, it had been silent from his end, and even though she sent a letter or two, her owls never came back with any response. Students were busy, and she was sure Flynn might not actually want to correspond with a strange woman from the Ministry throughout all his commitments with quidditch and school. But there wasn't something about the boy she couldn't shake, and while it may have been her own selfish desires pushing him to the front of her mind, Siobhan wasn't going to just disappear unless Flynn asked her to.

Since she had been sending owls to Hogwarts, Siobhan asked around at the Ministry and found out the orphange where Flynn was housed. The records indicated that he had been to quite a few, and her heart felt heavier the more she learned about the kid. Figuring she'd give the boy a few days to settle back in after the semester ended, Siobhan apparated to a nearby alley on a Sunday near the end of May. She had dressed up more than she usually would, but she didn't want to have any inkling of magic about her. While she had sent an owl to the matron prior to her arrival, she found muggles reacted better when one wasn't wearing bright, mismatch colors or large, billowing robes as so often happened with sheltered wizards and witches.

Siobhan gave a small rap of the door, taking a step back to take in the building that Flynn had to call a home. It wasn't the worst condition she had ever seen a building, but it also could use quite a few improvements. Speaking briefly with the matron as she entered the building, she made sure not to touch anything and followed her to the room where Flynn was supposedly at, giving a small knock on the door.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Flynn had been feeling down the moment he had stepped foot back in the orphanage. Sometimes he wished he could just spend the break at Hogwarts instead of coming back here, but of course, that wasn't possible. But he just wasn't in the mood to be dealing with anyone, spending most of his time locked in his room and refusing to come out. He used to share a room, but since his amputation, he had been given his own room and for that, he was thankful for it. It meant he really could just avoid everyone and not come out for anyone.

He was flopped on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his prosthetic off and set on the floor next to the bed, and Jet the raven cawing away from the cage in the corner of the room. Flynn just didn't have the energy to do anything, his mind still hung up on the quidditch finals where he had blown it and lost to Slytherin. No matter what anyone said, he still felt it was all his fault. All that confidence he had gotten had been blown away in an instant and he really did have to wonder if he was cut out to be a seeker. Something he especially needed to think about if Sierra really wasn't going to come back and the starting seeker spot was opening up and he would have first dibs on it.

Huffing, he barely even moved when he heard the knock on his door. "Told you to bugger off, Janet. He snapped, automatically assuming it was one of the matrons. Janet was not her actual name, but he was taken to calling all of them that anyway. "I'm not in the mood for another lecture."

"And this is why no one wants to adopt a brat like you," sure enough came the response from the other side of the door, "You have a visitor."

Flynn sighed, rolling his eyes, though he didn't bother moving from where he was laying. "The door's unlocked." Though he did have to admit he was curious who the hell would want to come and see him.

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan felt a smile arise when she heard Flynn's voice through the door, even if he wasn't being the most pleasant to the woman who had assisted her. At the same time, "Janet" spoke to him in a way she would never speak to a child. Why would anyone tell an orphan that folks wouldn't adopt them? Before she could defend Flynn, the woman walked away, and Siobhan becamed overwhelmed with the idea that if she did say something, it was very possible she would not be allowed in again. She hadn't exactly found out how to locate Flynn in the most legal way, either.

Clearing her throat, Siobhan pushed open the door and looked at the boy. She had never seen him without both legs, and the sight of his prosthetic took her aback. "Uh, hi Flynn. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said gentley, giving the boy a soft smile.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

It was needless to say that he was more than a little surprised when Siobhan walked into his room. The boy quickly sat up in his bed, blinking at the woman who had come strolling into his bedroom for just a moment before his stare turned into a frown. How did she know where to find him? What was she doing here? Last he remembered he hadn't told her where he lived. So, did that mean she had gone out of her own way to try and find him? That sounded like a lot of effort to be put into someone like him.

"Uh... hi," he responded quite dumbly, suddenly feeling rather self-conscious about everything. Especially how much of a mess he probably looked right then as well as how much of a mess his room was. Even with his limited clothes, he could still manage to make the place look like a bit of a tip. Some might say it was a personal talent. Pausing for just a moment, the teenager anxiously ran a hand through his messy hair before swinging his legs over the side of his bed, bending to reach for the prosthetic laying on the floor. "What... uh.... what are you doing here?"

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan could tell by Flynn's response that he was as much surprised as she was with her appearance at the orphanage. Finola hadn't thought her going was a good idea, but as usual, she ignored her younger sister's advice. Giving a minute to let the boy get situated, Siobhan focused her gaze at her feet. "Well," she started, giving a small sigh, "I wanted to see how you were doing, and.." Was it appropriate to say she had been worried about the boy? Maybe it was just some weird maternal instinct kicking in since she met Flynn, and that was what spurred her to purchase a whole broomstick for someone who wasn't even her kid. Siobhan wanted a family eventually, and as she found herself entering her fourth decade of life, it seemed further and further out of her grasp.

"I wanted to make sure your broom was working. You didn't respond to my letters, and I know you're busy with school. But if there were any issues, I'd like to take care of them before you go back." There was a small truth to her lie, and hopefully Flynn bought into the idea that this was just a formal, quidditch related check-in from the head of the Quidditch League.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

He was still just a little more than startled to have Siobhan standing in his room. Flynn sort of wished that he didn't look of a mess at that moment. Or that she had given him some warning that she was coming in the first place. But, he supposed if she had then he would have probably told her he didn't want to see her right then. It was a little late for that now, however, now that she was already there. "I'm fine," he lied quickly, hoping that maybe if he said it quick enough he might actually believe the words himself.

Eventually, he managed to pick up his prosthetic and put it on properly, sitting back on the bed a little more comfortably once he was done. While he knew he didn't need to put it on as he wasn't planning on standing or walking anywhere, he was still a little self-conscious about letting people see him without it on. "Yeah, sorry I had.... a lot on my mind," maybe a bit of an understatement, but he didn't really want to admit the headspace he had been in for a while. "But the broom works fine," at least that he wasn't lying about, "I got to use it a lot so I've gotten used to it now."

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan nodded as Flynn assured her his broom was in good condition. While she was glad to hear that was the case, it still didn't assuage her fears, especially after seeing the state of what Flynn had to consider home. How could the Ministry let him live in these conditions, especially with muggles who treated him so poorly. She had nothing against muggles, but it seemed like placing magical children in magical homes would be the best for them in the long run if they truly didn't have anyone else. Then again, it wasn't her department to deal with these matters.

"Wonderful. And the adjustment for your prosthetic is working alright, as well? I can always have folks figure out another option if you need one." Siobhan was glad to hear he had seemingly played a bit the past semester and wondered if he'd been promoted in any way or at least avoided bludgers. "I- I definitely don't want to pry, but if you have a lot of your mind, please know you're always free to send an owl. Sometimes just getting it on parchment to someone not involved in the situation - or really, your life - can be helpful." The former Gryffindor remembered writing letters in droves after her mother died to a penpal. While they never met in real life, it made so much of a difference, especially when she had to transfer back to Scotland to be closer to home.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

Now he was still sitting there, Flynn awkwardly picked at a loose thread of his duvet, occasionally glancing over to where Jet was sat on his perch just to make sure the raven didn't try and cause any trouble. Usually, he was well behaved, but sometimes he seemed to get the devil in him. And while Flynn didn't generally care about what his raven got up to, it would be a little embarrassing if his pet started acting out with someone like Siobhan present. Flynn didn't really know what it was, but a part of him wanted to impress her.

He nodded his head, "Yeah, it's all fine. I don't have any problems with it. While it was awkward to fly at first, I've gotten the hang of it." Which did just mean any mistakes he made were all his fault now and he couldn't just blame it on the fact he didn't have a suitable broom. Though when the older woman kept talking, Flynn did sigh just a little. "I've never really been good at writing things down," anyone could tell that if they happened to look at what he called his school 'notes'. "And I don't want to bother you, or anything," he added quickly, "You must be too busy to deal with my problems."

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan hadn't noticed the bird in Flynn's room when she first came in, but even if she was more of a mammal person, she was glad the boy had some kind of companion in this place. "Well, that's great to hear! Did you all do well on your games?" asking curiously, hoping she wasn't prying too much. Hopefully, it meant that Flynn was able to play more this year as he became more confident on his broom.

"You could never bother me," Siobhan responded without thinking. While it was definitely true, she didn't want it to come in a way that made Flynn uncomfortable. "What I mean is that I wouldn't have come here if I didn't have time for you. That is, if you want me to have time for you." She moved closer to Flynn, which didn't take much, as the boy appeared to be almost as tall as she was. "I know what it's like to live without a parent, but I can't imagine what you go through living here." Siobhan didn't want to degrade the boy's home, but it was evident that there was a lack of funding, care, and just general attention towards the building. And the staff didn't seem too attentive either. "I don't have kids or anything that keeps me busy outside of my day job. You are always free to write me, or not. But I'm not too busy." Siobhan stood back up and pulled a small package from the depths of her coat pocket. "I don't know if teenagers still like sweets as much as we did, but I figured you might miss more of the, err, eclectic ones from Honeydukes," she laughed, giving him a wink in hopes he understood that there were a few chocolate frogs he should mind when consuming.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

The moment she asked how the games went, Flynn sort of felt his heart drop into his stomach, swallowing uncomfortably just from thinking about it. He still didn't really want to admit how things had gone. But she had bought him a broom, so he supposed she sort of deserved to know how it was being used. "Our starting seeker quit the team... so I had to play in the finals," he admitted with a small sigh, "But... well... we didn't win."

He bit his lip as she spoke more, almost feeling tears starting to sting the corner of his eyes. "But why?" The words came out before he could even really think about them, staring right at the woman, "I'm nothing special. I'm just me. Why do you want to be there for me? No one else wants to. And I suppose I don't blame them, I don't deserve anyone caring about me." He sighed, shoulders slumping as he curled his fingers, digging his nails absently into the palm of his hands as he glanced down at his feet. Well.... foot. But he glanced up again when she pulled something out and handed it over. While the thought was nice, it was just one more thing he clearly didn't deserve. "You really don't have to get me stuff," he told her a little softer this time, "It's okay."

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan was surprised to hear someone had quit the quidditch team and felt a sudden burst of excitement for Flynn, even if the Gryffindor team didn't win. "That is such a huge deal for someone in their second or third year," she said as she had trouble remembering just how old the boy was. "It's all a team effort, and you have to look at the things that were successful, you know? For next time."

As the conversation shifted, Siobhan was taken aback by Flynn's reaction. She didn't mean to upset him, and now she felt like she had crossed some kind of line. She remembered the angst she felt when her mother died, especially with having to move back home for a while and then her becoming a surrogate parent to the twins. It felt like life was unfair, but she would have given anything for someone to swoop in, give her a hug, and just tell her that everything would be okay. While that was not totally true, it had mostly headed in that direction. She had a really cool job in a relatively cool place and lived in a good house. While there were things missing, life was in a good spot, and it was difficult to completely place herself back in a similar mindset as Flynn. She bent back down for a moment and looked at Flynn, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes. "Everyone deserves someone to care about them," she said softly, placing the candy on his bed, "even when we don't feel like we are deserving of love." Siobhan straightened back up and held her bag tighter, feeling that it might be time to go unless the boy asked her to stay, which she figured he wouldn't. She had said what she needed to.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

She sounded pleased for him. More pleased than Flynn actually was that he had gotten to play in that game. It had been a lot of pressure and he didn't really think he had lived up to his own expectations. "But I'm the one who didn't catch the snitch," he couldn't help but point out with a sigh, "So it basically is my fault that we lost and Slytherin won the cup. Again." Maybe one day the snakes would be knocked off their throne, though Flynn wasn't sure if he was going to be able to be the one to do that.

He didn't want to be so pessimistic about things, but he really couldn't help it. His whole life had simply been going downhill over the past couple of years and it didn't seem to show any signs of getting better. No one was going to adopt him. No one wanted him, he was broken after all. Why pick a broken kid when there were other perfect ones in the building? He was going to be stuck in this stupid orphanage until he was eighteen before being kicked to the curb to fend for himself. No parents to care about him or help him. Swallowing a little, he glanced up at Siobhan again, but couldn't keep eye contact for long before it wavered and dropped back to the floor. "Thanks," he mumbled, even if her words didn't sound true to him, "But I know no one is ever going to want me."

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan felt like no matter what she was saying to Flynn about quidditch, it didn't matter. He seemed to think the entire team was on his shoulders, which was not true from her point of view. And before she could even come up with a response to something as faltering as sports, Siobhan felt her eyes fill with tears again. The idea that anyone could think they weren't wanted broke her, especially a child. "I would want you," she blurted out as a few tears fell down her cheeks. Quickly wiping them off, she cleared her throat and realized what she had said. The statement wasn't not true, but even if she had been considering the idea over the past few months in the very back of her head, she wouldn't even know where to begin. Or even how to raise a teen. Lastly, she wasn't even sure that was something Flynn wanted. They barely knew each other, and she asked had Finola to consider. But even then, there was a part of her that was very keen on the idea. "I'd consider adopting you," she said again with slightly more convinction. Siobhan was sure the woman she'd met at the front would surely not let her back in now.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

He hadn't even realized he had started to cry, hiccuping awkwardly as he hastily tried to wipe the tears off his cheeks before anyone could see them, It was pathetic. He had no reason to cry about anything. But what surprised him, even more, when was Siobhan started crying as well. Flynn frowned slightly, bunching his hands in his sleeves awkwardly as he thought of what he should even say in this instant. But any words he might have said instantly died in his mouth at her next words. The words almost didn't register properly in his head, Flynn blinking wildly as he tried to process what she was saying to him. She would consider adopting him? "But... you," the words wouldn't even come to him anymore, mouth flapping uselessly as he sniffled and quickly tried to rub at his eyes to deter any more tears from making an appearance. "Why would you want to adopt me?" He finally managed to ask, peering up through his curls, "I'm not special or anything." And he was quite sure the matrons would try and deter anyone from adopting him because they thought he was too much work.

 

[Siobhan McGowan]

Siobhan was distraught over the boy she was now seeing in front of her. He barely ever spoke when they were together, let alone showed emotion. It was like pulling teeth, and now, it seemed like some wall had been crashed through, allowing her just a little closer into his world. She looked up at the ceiling, trying to not let anymore tears actually fall from her eyes, but it wouldn't work. Rummaging through her bag, she quickly found a pack of tissues, taking one and offering the set to Flynn. "Don't say that. You are special. And worth love," she said, sniffling. "I would never try to replace your parents, but this is no place to live," she continued, gesturing around the room. "And- well, I've grown rather fond of you since we've met. I'm not trying to make any promises I can't keep, and obviously, you have every right to say no. But you are so enough, and you deserve someone who recognizes that." Siobhan wiped her eyes again, sniffling widlly as she spoke to the boy. None of this was what she expected to happen when she walked in today, and she was sure the Janet woman might pop back in at any moment and accuse her of upsetting Flynn.

 

[Flynn North-McGowan]

He had been stuck in this place since he was eight years old and never once in those five years had anyone shown him any signs of interest. Prospective parents always wanted someone younger, someone, who was better behaved, someone who wasn't so rough around the edges. Not to mention they would have to eventually explain Hogwarts and magic, which was why the matrons more or less never even brought him up when new parents looking to adopt walked in through the door. And he supposed he understood it. Silently he took the offered tissue, though just held it scrunched between his fingers as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. Flynn didn't' believe that he was special or deserved anything not even for a moment. And it was going to take an awful lot to break down those walls and make him change his mind on that matter. But even still, this woman who had slowly been working her way through the cracks in his hard outer shell wanted to adopt him. Right then he couldn't say anything else, just softly nodding his head a little as he sniffled just that little bit louder than before.