Closed Shadows

[Einar Haines]

Since Einar’s first year, he had noticed that every so often he had a little shadow. It hadn’t started as much, just seemingly always being in the same place as him, then he’d noticed him sometimes following, even when they definitely didn’t need to be in the same place. But since returning to school, he had noticed it a whole lot more. Einar had on a few occasions told the boy to shove off, he’d shouted at him to go do something else, he’d intentionally gone long winding ways, but nothing seemed to deter the boy. He knew him, of course he did, they shared a dorm, but he was not interesting in getting to know him. Since returning to school, it had all gotten so much worse, he could scarcely turn around without him being there, with his shadow being too far away. Einar definitely didn’t like it much, and liked it even less now. There were so few occasions for him to be alone, so few places without anyone else, and this made it even more difficult. Didn’t the boy get that Einar wanted him to leave him alone, didn’t he get that Einar shouting at him wasn’t because he wanted more of it, didn’t he understand that Einar didn’t want it for the boy’s own good. The boy had had a rough day, it hadn’t start well, with his breaking out of a nightmare, and then he’d noticed the date, it had been three whole weeks since he’s mother’s death. Einar hadn’t wanted to see anyone, he’d left the dorm in the mid morning and headed to one of the quiet study areas. It was moments after he closed the door behind him, that he heard it open again, and of course who was on his tail, but him, ”Get lost Lucas,” Einar said sharply looking away from his classmate and sitting himself down at one of the tables. He could only hope that Lucas would listen to him, he ran a hand frustratedly through the bleached hair, tugging harshly at the strands. This was the last thing he wanted. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas wasnt sure why he was so drawn to Einar. The boy was always yelling at him, not wanting to talk to him. Not that there was anything new with that, Lucas was unwanted... pretty much anywhere he went. But he could tell that Einar was... different. And so he persisted. During first year he had listened to the boy more, trying not to be such a nuisance. But Lucas had no one, and after a particularly rough summer with his brothers and with Gabriel graduated and off to college, Lucas didnt feel safe being alone long enough for Dawson to spend all his newly found free time with him.

He followed Einar again today when the boy left their dorm that morning. He ignored Einar as he always did, sitting next to him and placing a muffin in front of him. He didnt speak, he hardly ever did, but just took out his sketchpad and began to draw. He wasnt very good, or really very talented, but he liked it.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar had really known that his shouting for Lucas to leave him alone wouldn’t work, it hadn’t worked any of the other occasions, so why would it work now. But he didn’t want to deal with it, and he was just too frustrated to have the patience for him - though he never really had the patience for it. Einar’s therapist had noted to him that his patience wasn’t particularly good recently, and he felt like laughing in their face. Before it had been easier, they’d always sat tables apart, but more and more wherever Einar took a seat, Lucas was in next to him. Einar only had time when his nights were really bad - at least since coming back. He didn’t know why this boy always wanted to be around him, what did he gain from it, and Einar just knew he was bad news. Lucas needed friends, good people, not Einar. Without a word, Einar stood up and moved to the neighbouring table. The horned serpent didn’t want to shout at him again, or ask him to leave but he didn’t really know where else to go. Einar knew that if he asked one of the professors they’d let him study and probably keep Lucas out, but he hated the way they looked at him. He didn’t need that. Instead he just took out the worn, old scrap book and turned to a fresh page, using the pencil tucked in the spine to begin deciding what he might do. Hopefully Lucas would just let him be. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas glanced up as Einar moved. Not surprising, really. He took the ignored muffin and his sketchbook and moved to sit across from the boy instead, giving him back the muffin. It was a good thing they had moved, because it gave him a perfect view of his older brother walking in. Lucas's eyes widened and with a quiet whimper he ducked under the table, staying there a few moments before peeking over the table as Dawsons laughter faded from the room. He swallowed nervously, not looking at Einar as he sat down again and huddled over his sketchpad.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar rolled his eyes when Lucas moved to sit across from him at this new table. So it would be one of those days. He felt his frustration and anger build, the words once again on the tip of his tongue, but before he could say anything, Einar watch Lucas’ eyes wide and watched him duck under the table. Einar turned and noted that an older boy had just walked into the room. He’d seen Lucas give a not too dissimilar reaction to the older boy before. He didn’t care about why the reaction was thus, he didn’t care about his little shadow. But he turned back around and noted that his shadow was just working away. Einar’s frustration was still evident, and he made the decision. He closed over what he’d opened, he put the pencil back into the spin and pushed his chair out, ”Fine, I’m leaving,” he said to Lucas even though he really didn’t need to. He put everything away and then headed out of the room. Not bothering to look back to see if his shadow was following him, just walking off. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas didn't look up as Einar left, feeling discouraged. Why was it so hard making Einar pay attention to him? Why did Lucas even care? He sighed, watching as Einar left the room and debating moving to follow him. Before he could decide, though, his chair was yanked out from under him and he hit the floor. He looked up wide-eyed at his brother Dawson. Oh no, he cursed silently, tensing as he prepared to entertain his brother.

For the next few days Lucas avoided everyone like the plague. He didn't bother Einar, or sit too far in his classes, wearing a hoodie under his robes to keep the hood obscuring his face. It was a week before Lucas took his old seat next to Einar, putting a scone next to the boy before turning and opening his book. Einar probably wouldn't notice the faded black eye, he hardly ever looked at Lucas anyway.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar had definitely noticed since leaving Lucas in that room, that he’d had less of a shadow. At first he’d been pretty pleased about it, no longer having to really search for the time alone, especially after he’d been picked for the team, and suddenly had so many annoying people to deal with. But once a few days had passed he’d wondered a tiny bit what had happened. Since returning to school this had been one of the longest breaks he’d gotten, and there was a part of Einar that couldn’t not see the boy’s face a he’d ducked under the table. However, after almost a week had passed, and Einar was sat sketching into his sketchbook, the ever familiar shadow sat down next to him. Einar hadn’t really had a good day, it had been a month since his mother had passed and he had been feeling acutely alone. The head master had told him, that he’d need to go to the foster family he’d been placed with over christmas, and Einar was dreading it. His luck would end up ruining them too, so it was almost welcome to see Lucas again. He looked up at the boy intending to give him a half hearted go away, but it stopped when he noticed his face. It wasn’t perhaps the first time he’d seen Lucas with bruises, but the timeline of what had happened seemed to make sense. Or it was just Einar’s awful luck that was permeating to this poor kid, whose sole mistake was thinking Einar was worth his time. ”What happened to your face?” he asked keep his usual cold tone, trying to hide all hints of concern for the boy, he certainly didn’t want him to think he cared, not when he only did a little.​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas hesitated as Einar actually spoke to him. His tone was the same, but the question was almost... concerned. Lucas pulled his hood up self consciously, trying to hide from Einar. "I fell," he replied softly. It was the easiest lie he had. "Eat your scone," he changed the subject, pushing the food towards Einar before going back to his work. It was really the most hed spoken to his dormmate. Or really anyone that wasnt a Professor.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar hadn’t really expected Lucas to say anything, just to stare and then to go back to whatever it was that he was doing, but on this occasion, it appeared that he’d been wrong. He spoke, a soft voice saying that he’d just fell. Einar frowned at him, he didn’t know how a person got a bruise like that when they fell. It didn’t add up to the mental image that he’d had. He frowned, he didn’t necessarily appreciate it if the boy was lying to him but he had no way of knowing, Einar was sure this was the first thing he’d said to him. Though it wasn’t like Einar had given him much reason to be honest with him. Mostly he’d spent time trying to get the to leave him alone. Einar’s gaze moved to the scone, and he rolled his eyes. He could see that the boy was trying to hide himself a little, hide in the hoody not unlike Einar had done on a few occasions, but he wasn’t this boy’s minder, it wasn’t up to him to make sure that he was okay, even if he felt a small obligation to make sure the boy was okay. It was his shadow after all. ”Not hungry,” he replied shortly, letting his usual tone fill the words. But where on most occasions the horned serpent would’ve moved to another table, moved until Lucas was far enough away, this time he didn’t, remaining instead at this table they were sharing. He just focused on his sketch pad and began working away. He didn’t want to get involved in Lucas’ problems, after all, it was probably his fault it had happened. The more time Lucas spent around him the more likely that bad things would happen, Einar was bad luck. But after a moment he glanced at the scone, quickly tore it in half and moved half to beside him and held out the other half to Lucas. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas sometimes wandered why he tried. He sighed softly to himself as Einer refused the food- again, in his usual cold tone. It seemed like no matter how hard Lucas tried Einar just wouldn't warm up to him. He shouldn't be surprised, no one wanted to be near him. He had just let his shoulders slump when he was rejected yet again when he saw Einar rip the scone in half and hold half of it out to him. He almost hesitated, raising his eyes to the other boy as he took the offered treat. He turned back to his work, nibbling quietly on his scone for a minute before speaking again. "What snacks do you like?" He asked quietly.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar was somewhat, quietly pleased when Lucas took the other half and seemed to start eating it. It was only after he’d watched lucas take a small bite that he took his half and also took a small bite. He was looking back at his work and heard the question that Lucas posed. He wasn’t sure if he should answer. It was more talking from Lucas than he had ever heard before, and he wasn’t sure if he should encourage it. If he encouraged it, his shadow would spend so much time talking to him, when he definitely didn’t want anyone speaking to him. ”Stop, Lucas, you don’t want to get to know me, or be my friend,” he said without looking up, but took another little bite of the scone. His words were harsh, but he was directing them to himself and not to the boy in front of him. ”Let’s just work in silence,” Einar added, looking back up, his tone remained harsh and cold, but his eyes didn’t portray nearly as much of that. Lucas just wouldn’t get why Einar was just horrible news, that he’d drag the boy down. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas glanced to Einar, falling silent as he was scolded. He didnt feel particularly discouraged, despite Einars chilly tone. The other boy was still sitting with him, and he had taken the scone. That was still progress. Progress to what, Lucas had no idea. He turned back to his work, nibbling slowly on his scone. After a long silence, Lucas slid his sketchbook over to show Einar what he'd done.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar let himself work in silence, appreciating at least that Lucas had done what he asked, he seemed to figure that Lucas would be a small fixture upon his life, so as long as they could work in silence he might deal better with it. Einar sketched roughly, making faint outlines of what appears to be a man circled by darkness. He munched slowly on the scone until it was gone, soon forgetting Lucas was even there as he drew. It was all he’d needed, some silence and his mind got to work. So when a sketch book that was not his own was suddenly in front of them, Einar looked up a little startled to Lucas. He looked at what Lucas had done, and his features froze. It was a good sketch, the stars had always been a point of interest to Einar, he had always loved them but he hadn’t drawn them since Hewie...Einar had only looked to them. Drawing them made him think of his family and he was always keen to not. Einar could only think of Hewie, he could hear Hewie telling him about the stars as sat on his lap. He could hear Hewie reminding that with the stars they were never really alone. Einar felt pain burst in his chest, his heart started aching, he felt his sorrow and anger mount. This wasn’t Lucas’ fault - he didn’t know, could know. Einar shook his head and got to his feet. ”Sorry,” he muttered, just kept muttering the word over and over as he packed up his things, taking the remainder of the scone and walking out of the room. He stopped just before walking out the door, and just looked one last time to the picture and to the boy who’d drawn it. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas was surprised when Einar jerked up, apologizing repeatedly. His brow furrowed and he looked back to his drawing. Was it that bad? Was there something wrong with it? Was there something wrong with Lucas? Well, probably, seeing as how he still stuck around even when Einar didnt want him too. But something was different in his eyes this time. Lucas was somehow more determined now.

He was a little further from Einar than he usually was over the next few days. Not gone, just giving the other boy a little more space while he worked on a new project. After four days, Lucas went to the dorm room while Einar was at Quidditch practice and left his completed project on the boys pillow. It was a charcoal sketch of a lone, dark figure standing on a horizon void of stars. The only star to be found was in the figure itself.

Lucas smiled before leaving again.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar had found the picture after his quidditch practice, and it had been tucked away into a place where Einar knew it would be safe. It had been such an oddly touching drawing, it had seemed to have captured exactly how he felt. It seemed to have gotten right to the core of him. He had appreciated it in a manner he hadn’t known how to express, it had made his heart with such a deep longing to hear his brother again, so see his brothers again. To hear the way his mother spoke so fondly of their family in the stars. He didn’t know why Lucas was so drawn to him, he didn’t know what he had done to deserve it, but he felt a little solidarity to his shadow, Einar knew he didn’t deserve it, that Lucas’ life would be ruined by his proximity to Einar. But Einar didn’t want to give it up just yet.​

​

A number of days had passed since then and the horned serpent wasn’t particularly looking for the boy - expect that he absolutely was. He’d been to see the therapist, and following it had decided he could actually use the company so he was mostly going to places where Lucas might be. He’d been told by his therapist to sign up to the penpal programme, which he was sure to agree to, they seemed insistent on Einar reaching out and Einar didn't dare tell him about Lucas yet. Still, Einar felt a little raw after the therapy, unsure of the feeling in his chest, his head seemed to ache slightly which it always seemed to after. He walked into the room, he tended to use most frequently where Lucas tended to be, his eyes immediately found his shadow but they also spotted at the other side of the room, the older boy, that one from the last time, when Einar had walked out. Einar could spot that Lucas hadn’t seen him yet, but the older boy had certainly seen Lucas. Without thinking Einar walked over and put himself directly behind Lucas, glaring hard at the older boy. Einar’s nostrils flared and his hands balled up into fists. The guy was probably twice his size, but Einar wasn’t going to let him pick on Lucas again, not if he could stop it. Einar seemed to half growl at him, asking him to try it, Einar wanted the fight, he wanted to take out his frustration, his anger, his raw emotions and absolutely take it out on this older boy. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had been reading today, a book about a group of kids that lived in an old boxcar. Maybe he could do that. Build up some supplies. Survive on his own. He was considering the possibilities, two months out of the year wasnt really so bad. He could do it. He didnt notice Dawson lurking, didnt notice his brother smirk and start towards him. He also didnt notice Einar step between them.

Dawson paused at the small boy that stepped in his way. He looked rather... angry. He snorted. Whatever, he would see Lucas around. He always did. He rolled his eyes, turning and strolling out of the room again.

Lucas glanced up as he thought he heard something. He hadn't seen Dawson, but he did see Einar facing the other way. Without thinking, Lucas reached out and tugged lightly on Einars sleeve. "I'm hungry," he spoke softly, meaning they should both go to the great hall for lunch.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar was pretty pleased when the boy who had been clearly about to pick on Lucas left, he wasn’t sure how much good that had done, and he had really wanted the fight, but it was fine, he would have to just be satisfied that Lucas was safe for now. And that he wouldn’t have to worry too much about Lucas getting hurt for now, it wasn’t like Einar would ever let that happen if he could prevent. Lucas was his shadow, he could be annoying, frustrating and in his space when he didn’t need him, but he’d be damned if the boy was going to end up bruised again. He still had waves of anger rolling over him, he looked down at the boy who seemed to be tugging on his sleeve, and Einar just barely managed to not jerk it out of Lucas’ grip. ”Okay, let’s go,” was all he said. He knew that he wouldn’t have been very productive with his work, he didn’t tend to be, the anger was washing away, but the ache in his head and the feeling in his chest from where he’d just been were very present. He didn’t want to encourage lucas much - even if he’d been the one to seek him out, but what was having one meal together. He also decided it was better to not mention what had just happened. Einar uncurled his fists and took a deep breath through his nose. He was already heading for the door, opening it and waited for Lucas to come so they could go. ​