Closed Secrets

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had been avoiding Einar for the last few days, embarrassed that not only had Einar seen him cry but that Lucas had been so vulnerable with the other boy. It felt like he'd been hit in the gut with the rejection, and it had been weighing on him hard the last few days. He wasn't sure why it suddenly mattered so much now. It wasn't like it was anything new.

As if clued in on Lucas's state of emotion, Dawson had appeared. Lucas wasn't sure why he was surprised, Dawson was never quiet for long. He yelped as he was pushed to the ground, his papers flying around the hall. He winced as he heard the familiar laugh, keeping a straight face as he started to gather his papers. "Aw, aren't you going to say hello?" Dawson kicked at Lucas's papers, sending them flying. Lucas looked up. "H-hello," He greeted, trying not to panic as Dawson picked him up by the front of his shirt. "You aren't going soft on me, are you Lucca?" Lucas shook his head quickly, holding onto Dawsons arm and flailing his feet a little. "I'm not, I'm not! Put me down, Dawson, come on," He pleaded softly.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar had the note from the other morning, still in his pocket. He’d woken up alone, still on Lucas’ bed, he’d read the note and cursed himself for falling asleep, he’d been trying so hard to not fall asleep to avoid what this was, to avoid Lucas avoiding him before he could give any explanation as to why he had acted how he had. Of course it hadn’t come to pass and Einar had been a little concerned, a little frustrated and really, just believe that of course he could never have a friend, or whatever they’d been becoming, he didn’t deserve to be anything other than alone. He hadn’t seen Lucas in a few days, he’d tried his best to seek him out, but much like before, he just hadn’t managed to see him long enough to talk. Einar had noticed the boy who’d once almost picked on Lucas brush past him quickly, and with a look that Einar hadn’t particularly liked, so he’d followed him, turning down the same corridor and heading back towards the common room he hadn’t left all that long ago. Einar heard the harsh voice and then heard Lucas too, and rushed forward, he spotted the two, and frown, his hands immediately balled into fists and he practically growled at him. It was easy for Einar to get angry, but it was even easier when the last few days for him, just hadn’t been good. ”Put him down now!” Einar approached with a determined expression. He didn’t want to shove the older boy incase he dropped Lucas too hard but he wasn’t going to back down. He had an angry expression on his features, ”Why don’t you pick on someone who’ll actually give you a fight,” ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Dawson laughed at Lucas, but before he could respond Einar was there. Lucas looked at him with wide blue eyes. "E-einar, no," he tried to protest, but yelped as Dawson dropped him to the ground. Dawson stepped past him, lowering down to glower at Einar. "This hardly concerns you, twerp. What, you think you can fight me?" He sneered. Lucas scrambled to his feet, darting between them and grabbing onto Einars arm. "N-no, Dawson, he-he just, I'm sorry, its-" he tried to stop it, but Dawson just shoved him aside.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar couldn’t help but be quite relieved when the older boy let go of Lucas, somewhat carelessly dropping him to the ground, but at least turned the boy’s attention to Einar. Einar knew that no matter what he did it wasn’t going to resolve the issues that Lucas had with this boy but Einar would actively want to prevent it wherever he could. The horned serpent looked up at the older boy with a hard glare. He looked to where the boy had grabbed his arm, and really it was all that Einar needed, all the prompting he needed before he threw with his other hand a quick, fast punch. He wasn’t going to let this boy get away with it, and he wasn’t going to back down. Einar had so much frustration so much anger he needed to get it out somehow. He knew this wasn’t the best way to deal with it but he didn’t much care. He’d fight this kid for Lucas, and let his anger go with it too. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Einar didnt listen to Lucas, and whereas Lucas was secretly pleased that someone had decked Dawson, especially for him, he still squeaked and jumped in front of Einar, grabbing hold of his arms. "No! Please," he pleaded, looking up at Einar with tears in his eyes. "Einar. Hes my older brother. Hes- hes just playing," he defended weakly, glancing back at Dawson. The older boy looked shocked that he'd been punched. Fortunately, he just laughed and shoved Lucas into Einar. "Spunky little twerp, isnt he? I'll see you later, Lucca," Dawson walked away, but not before grinding his heel into Lucas's sketchpad, crumpling and ripping the top few pages.

Lucas yelped, quickly straightening himself so he wasnt leaning on Einar. He bit his lip as Dawson strode away, moving to gather his papers again without meeting Einars eye.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar was very pleased when the punch connected, the pain blossoming in his knuckles, he’d have hit the guy again, but Lucas was suddenly in front of him, holding his arms and preventing him from doing anything else. His gaze met Lucas’ and his anger softened at his tears, but it only came back stronger when Lucas said this was his brother. This boy, this absolute disgrace of a person was his brother. No wonder he felt so alone, so distant from his family when his brother was doing that to him. He couldn’t imagine Hewie or Adam ever raising their hands to him, not even in play fighting, not even when in Einar’s own anger he had pushed and shoved Hewie away. Einar practically growled at the older boy, especially as he shoved Lucas into him. He wanted to take his frustrations all out on this old boy. All of the anger at his situation, at messing up with Lucas, at the loss of his mother, at the unfairness of life, at the mere idea that this boy would ever treat his brother like he was.​

​

”No, I’ll see you,” Einar shouted back at him, a coldness in his tone, an anger, a deep truth behind his words. He looked towards Lucas who was gathering the papers and avoiding looking towards him. Einar’s anger seem to just grow and grow, the more he thought about it the worse it felt to him. ”How can he treat you like that?” Einar demanded, ”That wasn’t playing, don’t lie to me like that,” Einar’s hands were still curled into fists as he’d approached Lucas, ”Why didn’t you let me hit him again? He deserves it, you don’t treat brothers like that,” Einar couldn’t stop moving, the building frustration, the anger. He couldn’t bring it down, he could only feel it building. Lucas wouldn’t want to deal with him when he was angry, he’d just be as bad as his brother, Einar couldn’t calm himself. Before he’d punch the surfaces nearby, the walls or the doors but he really didn’t want to freak Lucas out. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas had just stacked his papers together, still in shock that not only had Einar defended him but that he apparently meant to do so again. If his yelling after Dawson meant anything. He looked up at Einar, knowing the look of anger and seeing his clenched fists. "Its not as bad as when Gabriel was here," he admitted, looking up to the other boy as he approached. "Dawson is just... starting to branch out without Gabriel telling him what to do. Give it a few months and he'll be bored of it," he tried to reassure Einar, glancing back at where Dawson had left.

Lucas stood, turning to see Einar still looking furious. Without thinking, his emotions got the better of him and he darted forward, knocking into Einar and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Lucas sniffled, trying not to cry. "I cant believe you hit him," he bit his lip to keep from smiling. His head caught up with him then and he quickly let go of Einar with a gasp, spinning around and grabbing his papers. "Sorry to bother you I wont do it again bye!" He rushed, straightening with his things in his arms and trying to hurry away.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar could feel himself practically vibrating with anger, it seemed to only because it seemed that Lucas had a second brother who did or had done the same in the past, he shook his head at him, he wouldn’t let it continue for months, ”It’s been months,” his tone came out concerned but laced with the anger that he felt. He didn’t think that it would, if he was doing this now, and pretty openly he wouldn’t stop, Lucas had to know that. He couldn’t understand why his brother’s would treat him like this, why either of his brothers would do that to him. Einar felt furious, he was a little surprised when Lucas wrapped his arms around him. He felt a little relief, some of his anger fade slightly as Lucas gushed about what he’d done. But it was quick and short and Lucas was moving away. Einar bit his lip, his body was still coursing with anger but it was less than moments before. Now all he was thinking about was that night before. ​

​

”Lucas, stop,” Einar asked him, ”Let me explain, please,” he didn’t know why he cared so much, why he was bothered, Lucas leaving him alone was what he’d wanted for so long, what he’d asked for, but faced with prospect of it he wanted to prevent it. Einar would respect Lucas, if even after his explanation that he didn’t want to remain whatever it was that they were. Einar knew he’d still fight the boy’s brother whenever he got the chance to, especially if he saw him act like he once had towards him. But he’d stay away. Even if he didn’t want that to happened, a part of him definitely thought it would be for the best for Lucas to not have Einar and his toxicity in his life. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas paused as Einar stopped him, sighing and keeping himself turned away. "It... it's okay, you don't need to feel... obligated to help me or whatever. I don't... I don't know why I've always been so drawn to you, but it- I get that you don't like me. I'll stop pushing so you don't have to worry about it anymore." He fiddled with the edge of one of his papers. Honestly, they'd spoken more in the last few days than they had the last few years. Lucas's voice remained soft, quiet, like if he spoke too loud he might break. He hesitated, pulling another page from his notebook and offering it to Einar. "Just- you aren't as bad as you think you are." He told the boy quietly, the picture similar to the last, a dark figure sitting alone before an empty horizon, only this time instead of a single star there was an entire galaxy in his chest.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar couldn’t help the light relief when Lucas paused, but not for long. Einar shook his head, he knew that was how he had acted, that was how he had been towards Lucas, but things were different. Things had changed between them, he had liked it recently. His shadow had been annoying, it was still over bearing at times, but he didn’t mind it, he liked Lucas….he did...as weird as it sounded even to him. Einar didn’t quite have the words to say, especially as Lucas just kept speaking. Saying he wasn’t as bad as he thought he was and Einar’s anger fell away, his face fell into a small look of sorrow, in all of this anger he had only been thinking of his brothers, of his old family, of what he’d lost and what Lucas had never had. He was as bad as he thought he was, Lucas couldn’t understand how bad he was, how this was his fault, that he would only bring misery to Lucas’ life. ​

​

”No, Lucas, just listen to me,” he repeated, keeping his gaze on Lucas, his anger clearly gone, ”The other night, I just….I can’t handle that kind of physical contact....it reminds me of...my brother. But I care about you and I'd like to be friends if you'd let me,” Einar half frowned as he said that, disbelieving his own words, he'd hesitated for a good moment before saying it reminded him of his brother. ”I know I should just let this be the end of our whatever...I’ll ruin your life Lucas, but I can’t.....be alone” Einar seemed to struggle over every word, taking the greatest care to figure out what words he should pick, uttering out some words with pure hate towards himself. He shook his head and just dragged his hands nervously through his hair. He opted to be alone, but he didn’t want to, lucas was annoying he was overbearing but there was nothing else in his life, no one else in his life that would give him the time Lucas was. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas listened to Einar, his brow furrowing at the boys words and the look on his face. Lucas sighed, putting his papers into his bag. "Of course I want to be your friend," He murmured softly, hesitating before walking forward and catching Einar up in another hug. "I don't know what happened," He murmured softly, "But you aren't alone. Not anymore, anyway. And you can't ruin my life if you're the only good thing in it," He admitted softly, his arms tightening a little around Einar. He was actually terrified right now, sure Einar would push him away, maybe punch him, but it looked like Einar needed a hug as much as he did. "It's okay if you don't like the contact thing, it's not like I've ever had it anyway. Just- you look like you need a hug as bad as I do," He confessed softly.

 

[Einar Haines]

Einar felt no small amount of relief as Lucas told him he wanted to be his friend. At least he did also want to be friends, Einar had so actively avoided making any friends and yet he’d stumbled his way back into one. He had told himself for so long that he didn’t need anyone else, that it was just a bad idea to have anyone else, and yet here he was letting Lucas be his friend, being Lucas’ friend, letting this happen. It would only end badly. He was just bad news for Lucas and yet he wasn’t stopping it. The boy was a little surprised as Lucas wrapped his arms back around him in a hug, he leaned in his head down slightly to listen better, feel that same hard emptiness in his heart at the words, wanting to argue against it, that he was alone, that he would ruin his life, that he would just be another bad thing in his life. He felt Lucas tighten the hug slightly, and he knew that he welcomed the physical contact now because after all of those emotions, all of that blind rage, all of the frustration, and just for him all of the underlying sadness, he just needed a little hug. His head dropped on to Lucas’s shoulders, and a small shuddered breath came out. His arms tentatively snaked around Lucas’s body, hugging the boy more clearly back, though he didn’t have nearly as tight a hold on him as lucas had on him. ​

 

[Lucas Ames]

Lucas was a little surprised, to say the least, when he felt Einar hug him back. It was light, but it was still there. And for all his bluster about Einar needing the hug, Lucas just sniffled and practically melted against the other boy. He burrowed against him, content to just stay where he was forever.

His stomach had other plans, as it soon grumbled loudly. Lucas opened his eyes, laughing and pulling back. "Food," he announced softly, unthinkingly taking Einars hand and trying to pull him with him as he turned to go to the Great Hall.