Hello and welcome to your fifth edition of the new and spectacular 'Rumor Has It' Gossip Magazine. And we know how much everyone loves gossip, what with posters going around the school, whispers whispered, and we uncover and reveal them to you.
Did everyone miss us? I am sure you all did. If we had some interesting people in Hogwarts instead of a bunch of moping morons of Manhattan, then we would have been out sooner. Apologies, we don't have pictures this time around. Who has time to take pictures? You all want the gossip, so here it is, sans photos. Psst, we didn't want to break our nice cameras with your hideous faces.
Did everyone miss us? I am sure you all did. If we had some interesting people in Hogwarts instead of a bunch of moping morons of Manhattan, then we would have been out sooner. Apologies, we don't have pictures this time around. Who has time to take pictures? You all want the gossip, so here it is, sans photos. Psst, we didn't want to break our nice cameras with your hideous faces.
D E A D A T L A S T ! [ul][li]Faxen Lowart</LI>No one has heard of this little rat named Stefan Archer in a long time, right? I heard through the grapevine that our dreams have finally come true. He stopped writing to Kate Moon because he was too stupid and too proud to ask for help, and he withered away and died. Thank Merlin Styx didn't give him Prefect, eh? He wouldn't have deserved it after he played the game 'Orphan So Love Me' during his fourth year when he vanished. No one gets anything when they vanish. Shame he can't read this and celebrate with us over his death. So what would be the chant that we should sing over his grave? Oh yes, something like this, "Yipee! The Pathetic Orphan is Dead! The Pathetic Orphan is dead!" S O R T I N G S T U P I D M I D G E T S Oh joy! A bunch of new first years. I swear they get more stupid by the year. Almost single one of you youngin's got a fright when you heard your name being called! Are you lot for real? What did you expect? Of course you are going to get called up, how else would you get sorted? I beg that you at least try to use your brains this year and don't run this school to ruins! Especially you, Kyndel James! You have already started off being the School's Most Brain-Dead, but there is chance for you yet! And oh Lord, another Cowgirl, Ellie Linton? As if this school didn't have enough man-girls, we get someone else acting the complete opposite to the way a lady should act. And don't get me started on the class weirdo, Damon Kyle, the fool almost missed the stool! And then we have the absolute basket-case, Theo Delancy. Who in the name of Merlin has rainbow-colored-hair? Seriously? Are you trying to be cool? Because it's having the complete opposite affect. Oh we are going to the dogs! M O R O N A N D I D I O T We all know that little guy. Minoas Stratis, the Gryffindor with a beard since he was eleven. The one that was once in love with Briar. Yes, we know him. And we heard the tales. Professor Zhefarovich busted him, and his little lovers (centaurs actually) came to save him. How he isn't expelled for associating with beasts that threatened professors is beyond me. What blows my mind is that he thinks he is the 'poop' since he was buddy-buddy with the former Head Girl and that he is from Greece. Okay, you aren't the Boy Who Lived, and will never be. This little hated thing you have against Slytherins or the Slytherin Head of House is so last season. Harry-Potter-wanna-be, you need to face the facts. Just because you sprouted a beard when you were eight doesn't make you the king of the world. Kingsley had about enough of this kid. No wonder she took a long break from school. Might be because of her baby, but still. For her students to act out like that, she is like a joke. I feel bad for her for having a student like Stratis around. Stratis, really want a full page in the Daily Prophet and want to be famous? Take a skydiving journey off the cliffs, and oh, die. W I M P , W O W Just when you thought we were rid of the Archer's, another one comes along. It's no surprise that this idiot is colour-blind too, but he is also a cry-baby. Oh the joy! One drama-king to the next. I suppose nothing about Tybalt Archer should surprise us as we've probably seen it from Stefan already. But here's something we didn't see coming - this dude got punched by a girl. Not only did he bleed but I bet he cried his little heart out. I vote that we keep hitting this little girl until he is gone, like his Archer-relative. T O P F I V E E A S I E S T G I R L S Presenting the top five category! This is where we see who would be the top five of whatever. This time we see the top five easiest, which means you pervy guys will get your satisfaction easy with these girls, so you are welcome. [li]Kate Moon [li]Ostensia Romanes [li]Cosette Mayfair [li]Daisie Riverwood[/li][/ul] | W I D E L O A D M O V E A W A Y [ul][li]Emo kid David Pike is crushing on Drew Handler. For some reason.Anyone else wondering what happened to the School's Drama Queen? Miss Moon was hardly recognizable at the start of the year, and over the holidays, it seems that Kate put on more than a few pounds. Weighing roughly around the size of a small whale, we should be glad to realize that perhaps this is the result of Kate's contagious disease disappearing; though don't take my word for it, I would still suggest to keep your distance from this freak. This may be another cry for attention, but I beg of you - don't give it to her! Fatty doesn't deserve it. O B S E S S E D O R D E S P E R A T E ? Finally one dies, and then another one pops up? Really? How sad is this place? We were just getting used to being without a bloody Archer and now we have one? This just sucks. Anyway, this isn't about Tybalt. This is about the slob that is obsessed with him, Indiana Night. Girl, you are eleven (or twelve). Don't give it out to some freak and have a baby that can't tell the color green from red. I know you probably can't get any guy to like you because of your desperateness, but well, why settle for a freak? Ten bucks says that he is orphan too and wants someone to love him. Want to turn into a bulimic Kate Moon? Be our guest because we need someone else to spotlight since she is getting boring anyway. She tries to latch onto so many guys, like Preston and Damon. Boys, unless you want to go to the free clinic, get the hell out of there. P R E F E C T S W I T H O U T R E S P E C T There are several new prefects. Allow me to list them, starting with: Aphrodite Snow, Samual Kaster, Hades Lutrov II, Warren Hewitt, Kaia Lutrova, Yerik Rhys Price, Zayne Baros and Athena Zhefarovich. Let me just say, wow. Really? There weren't any better choices? We have a hyperactive Gryffindor that is in love with a cow, Kate Moon. That's Samual Kaster. And then there is Aphrodite Snow, a girl that seems to be all looks and no brains. On the other hand, there is all brains but no looks when it comes down to Kaia Lutrova. Oh and there's that pervert for the second prefect for Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff couldn't be worse with a future murdered, Hades. I bet his first victim would be Warren. Warren is about the most stupid kid I've ever laid eyes on, flirting with the cold Athena, probably going to be knocked up in her seventh year like her older brother that did the same thing. And finally there would be Zayne. Oh poor Zayne, loving his best friend. Sorry kid, you are friend-zoned, even if you are hot. How can the Heads live with themselves picking those eight idiots but well, did they have any other choice? E Y E B R O W S A N D M O R O N Oh good merlin, just what we need, another slut in this school. Faxen Lowart, everybody probably knows her as one of the school's biggest sluts. I am unsure how, with eyebrows as large as hers. Her poor hopeless boyfriend, seems unaware of her rendezvous' with other blokes in this school, follows her around like a pathetic puppy, has been heard to propose to her numerous times, though I don't think anyone blames Faxen for saying no. However, her wild days might yet be over; Rumour Has It, this Gryffindor Prefect is preggers. She hasn't grown obese, like Miss Moon, but is seemingly rounder, and is glowing straight from her oversized eyebrows. Can't say I feel for Dymetris though, he has brought it upon himself. H A V E Y O U H E A R D T H E S E R U M O R S ? [li]Epiphany Bones, you aren't a genius. Like all other second years, you, are an idiot. [li]Athena Zhefarovich is in love with dirty blood. Kiara Tine herself. Talk about gross. [li]Troxa is playing nice guy. Careful Auden, this is a trap. [li]Kaia, Zayne, you aren't fooling anyone with being "friends". <LI>[li]Ostensia is a wreck without Damian. Talk about clingy. Keep it up and he will dump her for sure.[/li][/ul] |
So there you have it kids. Owl us with any rumors - whether its something you've seen, or something you want to spread, we want it all!
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