Hello and welcome to your fourth edition of the new and spectacular 'Rumor Has It' Gossip Magazine. And we know how much everyone loves gossip, what with posters going around the school, whispers whispered, and we uncover and reveal them to you. I do apologize for my lack of entertainment, but it will be worth it, I assure you.
H O G W A R T S B I - Y E A R L Y
We all have seen the Hogwarts Monthly. Yet how many times have we seen it? Come on, you have more staff than we do and we send out more than you all. And we get a lot more readers. Though you can't expect much from the staff there. Let's see, there is that none other than Dmitri Blaze! Reminds me of Robbie. Never saw much of either of them in either. So, how about this, the staff of Hogwarts Monthly, do your job like it should be, because it can't be that hard to get out a news letter that no one cares about. About the same with Lea Mauven (now who is she? Oh, that one ugly broad that no one ever sees that needs a really huge hair cut). At least we get the job done, on a timely manner. I'm sure we have more fans than you all, and we've made people cry and punch walls.
O N E B I R D T W O B I R D S [ul][li]Cyndi doesn't trust Blaze to run the school on his own. No surprise there. At least the fat woman is losing weight, but newsflash, you still have 40 more pounds to lose.</LI>H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? This little Head Boy has quite the girls going after him. Not surprising, he is amazingly cute. But are his looks alone gathering the flock of girls? No, it is his title too, the Head Boy. Because the girl of the Head Boy, and you will be instantly famous, it has always been like that. Same with the Head Girl, but let's just leave it at that. We are discussing the Head Boy. Turns out, he isn't the nice guy that we all thought he was. He is so very shallow. He rejected Sapphire Bookchild, perhaps because she was not blonde. Yes, he had two blonde love interests. One being Kendra Snow, the Snow Veela that apparently can't even get a guy even by being herself. Get over it, Kendra, Jeremy went over to someone with less Veela blood and the less prettier Alyss Summers. He is just someone that loves some feathery action. Girls, get out of there while you can. Wait, I doubt you would because of your bird sized brains. Signing yourself up for your own heartache. How pathetic. P A T H E T I C A N D W O R T H L E S S H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? You've seen this girl around, and we all know her as the loudmouth, got Gryffindor into loads of trouble Tamalia Kaster. Why she hasn't lost any more house points is beyond me. Anyway, she has this knack for having a huge rivalry on Annalie Darkhart. Why? Perhaps both have a crush on the Pedo Professor Blaze. Competing for his affections would be pointless unless you had gender fudge but I digress. It is quite amazing that no one has accused Annalie Darkhart of writing this. After all, the perfect cover up would be to write an article on herself. Or myself. Whichever. She spills secrets and everything, so think about it. Then again, would she really be stupid enough to humiliate herself? You'll never know, but I will have to agree with one statement that was said about her was so true. "You filthy little excuse for a human being," said by none other than Annalie Darkhart. Then again, why would I think that is true? The meanest girl out there, is not the self-proclaimed Annalie Darkhart. I doubt she would live up to the name of others that have passed through this school. After all, we have had this one Slytherin expelled from school. Psycho much? Seems like they are becoming a routine thing for the sixth years, and it is getting to be a little uncomfortable. We need to get some Aurors in here. I don't know which is worse, psychotic women (then again, the worst they can do is yell at us to death, so scary) or pedo professor. T W O - T O N E D F R E A K H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Let me just ask you one question. How the hell can someone supposedly be Part-Veela, yet have different eye colours? Aren't Part-Veela's supposed to be stunning? This is the thought going through our head also. But Slytherin's Fourth Year, Krystin Saenger, is allegedly not human. Sure, they seem human enough, but has anyone seen these half breeds actually get mad? Veela's turn into horrid creatures that have you running for the hills or cowering in fear. Though, I suppose Saenger is in Slytherin, so a bad mood would be easy to come across. Maybe that's why her eyes are messed up? The curse of being an angry Part-Veela? I say, everyone watch out for this chick, she will lure you in with her Veela ways, and then slaughter you faster than Medusa's stony glare (Muggle story kids, look it up). Why is this school allowing half breeds in? No one is safe any more! H U F F L E P U F F N O T S O P U R E H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Ostensia Romanes has been flying under the radar so far, well not anymore. News flash Ostensia, no ones safe. Not even you. In case not everyone's familiar with this Hufflepuff Prefect yet here are the basics, Sixth Year, current girlfriend of former student Damian Metzger, and local sweetheart. She sounds like the last person that would wind up being mentioned in here, right? What if I was to tell all of you that Ostensia isn't as innocent as she likes to pretend she is? Rumor Has It that she's giving her boyfriend Damian a lot more than just hugs and kisses these days. It looks like Ostensia can now join the long line of girls at Hogwarts who find it much easier to sleep around than anything else. Who knew this little sweetheart was just as flimsy as the rest of the female population is? I wonder if that's why he's kept you around so long? There had to be something about you that he liked. It must have been that whole good girl act you like to put on around others. Good luck fooling anyone now sweetheart. W H * R I N G H E R S E L F O U T T H E R E H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Unless you like girls with facial tattoos- boys, I suggest you start running now. Our former mute has now plucked up the courage to start her manhunt. Who knows if she is still interested in the Head Boy; but she's obviously realized he is very much out of her league. However I don't think that is going to stop her from pouncing on the next boy that gives her attention. Perhaps it was the sting of going solo to the Yule Ball that strung Sapphire Bookchild into her hunt, but Merlin knows it's about time this Sixth Year Puff got a bit of action. Apart from having a sex-addict fling himself on her in former years, Bookchild has been lonelier than a puppy left on the side of the street. And that's probably what Sapphire will look like when she gets her rejections; a filthy mutt that no one loves. I suggest you get used to it chatterbox, I don't see many yeses coming your way. A N O T H E R T R A M P ? H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Oh young love. How terribly cliche'. The supposed gay Gryffindor, Damien Blade, seems to be getting super chummy with the Gryffindor slut, Andrea Kelize. How Blade managed to get one as pretty as Kelize is beyond me, but even she won't admit it. The girl apparently flung herself on the young boy, but as soon as anything was brought up about it, she quickly denied it. Keeping her options open mayhaps? This pretty little lion won't be held down by a boy that's supposedly younger than her. Kelize is not as innocent as she looks! Rumor has it, Miss Kelize is going around dropping hints of love potions in boy's drinks; which would explain why a gay boy has fallen head over heels with the house wh*re. H A V E Y O U H E A R D T H E S E R U M O R S ? [li]Have you all seen the Karah, Ezra, Michael and Azolla switch up? Oh my God, could you guys take it any more slow? I think Blaze got laid with one of his many puppets by the time you all figure out this idiotic ordeal. [li]Riley and Jerrod. Oi. Gag. [li]Bella has a new beau? Oh wait, no she doesn't. Even he can't stand her face. No surprise there... [li]The no-one Khalid. I can't remember his name, but wasn't he the one that was always bragging about being the next Head Boy and Dumbledore? Yeah, doubt it. [li]Oh great, we have a new Headmistress, hopped up on happy pills. Oh please, this magazine is definitely going to not be found out now. [li]Zayne and Kaia, battle it out. I don't think anyone really cares about them though so moving on. [li]A certain Hufflepuff prefect got groped in the corridors. What is it with all the wh*res in this school? <LI>[li]Kate Dramatic Skank Moon is at it again. Her new victim? Drew Handler. Spotted outside, who knows what they were doing.[/li][/ul] | S O T Y P I C A L Y A W N H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Has anyone seen this guy? He goes by Drew Handler, and from what I have seen of him, he is the perfect stereotype of a Hufflepuff. Yawn. How boring. Anyway, we figure this nobody needed his own moment to shine, or cry, whatever he will do. No one cares about him so I doubt anyone would pay much attention to what is about to be said except for him. So allow me to go on about how he is this huge pacifist. That means, everyone who wants to pick on him, please do! He won't do a damn thing to protect himself, so why not? And let me go on to say, what type of last name is that? Handler. Hmm, sounds like he can handle certain things, if you know what I mean. Perhaps broomsticks for any guy out that that is interested. That is, if they can stand to look at his face for a long period of time. D I R T Y P R E F E C T S H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Love is in the air. Or is it hormones? It's hard to tell but whatever it is, it has completely taken over Fifth Year Ravenclaw Prefect, Isaia Romanes. During the latest Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor he asked his sweetie pie, Aphrodite Snow to be his girlfriend by holding up a sign for all to see. How cute, right? Wrong. First of all, gag. No one wants to see love birds confess your love to one another. We already had enough of that whole ordeal with Kate and Stefan. So do us all a favor and keep your gushy love confessions to yourselves. While I'm on the subject, I might as well mention how easily Aphrodite fell for it too. Words of the wise Miss Snow, you had better watch yourself. Other than that pretty face of yours, you really dont have that much going on for you. Once he gets what he wants from you, Isaia will lose interest. Why else would he work so hard to ask you out? No matter how sweet he tries to pretend he is we all know he's just like every other guy. We should all make bets on how long their relationship will last. Ten Galleons says they only last a couple of weeks. N A S T Y I N B R E E D I N G H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? It appears as if Samual Kaster has nicknamed himself, the 'Hogwarts Hugger'. Now, I don't know if anyone else agrees with how crept out that makes you; boys and girls alike. I would have assumed Baby Sammy was actually a fan of his own gender, but he actually seems into something a bit more disgusting. Everyone probably thought they got away unscathed from the Yule Ball, but the Eyes were ever watching, and witnessed something disturbing. Baby Sammy attended the Yule Ball with two girls, but before you get jealous of his skills boys, have a read of who he took. Nadia Kaster, and Kate Moon. Wow. Taking your own family as a date Baby Sammy? Must have been hard for you to find someone who would actually attend with you; but then the meat in the sandwich comes along! Don't get too excited Baby Sammy, she was probably using you as a type of 'arm candy' to make her brusied boyfriend jealous (wasn't such a smart move there Twiggy, Baby Sammy makes you seem more like a cradle snatcher than a 'Hot It Girl'). Seriously, you guys are making this too easy for us. And this story creeps me out. C H I C K E N S H * T H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Andy Hydran. We all know him right? Hes that annoying little chicken boy that does nothing but faint every two minute's. I'm surprised he hasn't been scared to death or something. I'm sorry Andy, but you're fourteen and still scared of your own shadow pretty much. I've seen first years with more bravery than you own. It's both sad and pathetic. How do you expect to ever go out in the real world if you can't even last throughout school without peeing yourself? Last I checked it was a lot scarier out there than it is here. Last I saw him; he was making friends with a ghost. Or maybe he was pleading for his pathetic life. I can't really recall. He's weird enough to do both I suppose. Wow Andy, are you really that scared to the point where you can't even associate with live people anymore? You need some Help Andy. Perhaps we can send you off to a psych ward. That way you can live in your little padded cell without anyone to frighten you. Or do padded cells scare you too? Or you could do us all a real favor and grow up. Only little girls are scared of everything like you. Then again, maybe you are a little girl Andy. It would only make sense. Watch yourselves closely readers, you don't want to scare princess Andy with any quick movement. A B S E N T L O V E & B R A I N S H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? We just haven't had enough of the overly dramatic Kate Moon who can't even see how dramatic she is, can we? Let's start off with her weight. Once again, she is skinny. How skinny? She could turn to the side and vanish. She looks just awful with her weight. Hang back because we have a lot to say. Let's then top that off with some disease that she had, that seemed like she had a tumor. Newsflash Kate, if Saint Mungo's can cure bloody cancer (worst thing in the muggle world, amirite?) then a small tumor would be easy. But no, you had to play it all out, all dramatic like. If one was as sick as you claimed to be, then you would not have been in Quidditch. Simple. We have a quote that makes some wonder: "Kate Moon is the most fragile person I have met in my life. However, she managed to pull the whole Hufflepuff team to the end." said by Minoas Stratis. Seems to me like if she can pull that off, she is faking everything else. Now let's start on her absent wishes-he-was-her-boyfriend. How his life is so horrible. Let's get this straight, his dad was horrible to him, why not move to another relative? Better yet, he was homeless for a time, came to Hogwarts, was offered several times on places to live and TURNED THEM DOWN. What, does he really like living on the streets, begging for food and wishing to be pitied? We have lost all respect for that boy, whom dropped out of Hogwarts to be homeless. What a moron. Anyway, the two dramatic people of the century claimed their love for one and another, and aren't together. Who does that? Really. So, my assumption is, one doesn't even feel it. I would say Stefan (why would he feel anything except pity for himself?), so that leaves Kate Moon not being loved. How does that feel, Kate? When your own love doesn't love you enough to stay in school to be with you, and drops out just so he can't see your skeletal face? If anyone else wants to drop from the school to avoid the drama queen, be my guest. Wait, don't, then there'd be no one left to teach. W A N N A - B E S P O I L E D B R A T H A V E Y O U H E A R D ? Juliette DiSnow. Wait, DiSnow? What kind of crap is this? Am I the only that's noticed how close her name is to the actual Snow's? It's like she's some cheap knockoff of them or something. News flash Juliette, one of the only things worse than being a Snow, is trying to be one and clearly failing at it. Chances are, you're too insignificant for them to care about anyways. Unless you're a pile of money or jewels they probably won't even notice you. I don't see why you would even want to be like them anyways, Juliette. Clearly they are nothing but a bunch of spoiled brats who use their looks or their daddy's money to get whatever they want. Having a silver spoon shoved far up your ass must be so awesome, isn't that right Snows? |
So there you have it kids. Owl us with any rumors - whether its something you've seen, or something you want to spread, we want it all!
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