Closed Quiet Nights

Lucas Ames

Soft- Tall- Silent- Lost
 
Messages
535
OOC First Name
Jess S
Blood Status
Mixed Blood
Relationship Status
It's Complicated
Sexual Orientation
Demi
Wand
Straight 9 inch springy Willow with unicorn hair core
Age
1/21/2037 (23)
Lucas didn't usually have trouble sleeping. But he'd been having such a rough time this year. Dawson had been getting more aggressive towards him, growing more confident as he got older. Gabriel wasn't any better when Lucas saw their eldest brother. He slipped quietly out of bed, moving to grab his jacket and shuffling softly from the dorms. No one would notice his absence. He was sure of it. He worked his way slowly out to the courtyard. He sat down on the steps, burying his head in his arms and starting to cry. What did it matter if he was out late? No one would find him here. No one would care, even if they did see him. No one ever cared about Lucas.
 
Einar didn’t have that many people around him, despite joining the quidditch team, he hadn’t actively tried to get to know any of them yet, and he didn’t want to. EInar didn’t need anyone. He’d signed up to the pen pal scheme and received his first letter, his response had taken a while to write, but he’d sent it off, it was distant enough that he didn’t mind it. He didn’t need anyone else. However, in the last week he’d noticed a distinct lack of his shadow. Einar could tell he was in the dorm at times, but he hadn’t seen him. He hadn’t joined him at the dining table, nor to study or when Einar looked for a quiet spot to sketch. It had become a staple of his life, that whenever it wasn’t there, he noticed. He didn’t bother to consider what this meant, that in noticing it and caring he would only bring ruin to Lucas’ life. That he should keep the distance because Lucas deserved better than Einar’s toxic luck. But, he didn’t care about Lucas, and he definitely would never admit that he had become used to having him around. Perhaps with no one else left in his life, Lucas as frustrating as it had been at times was welcome, he seemed to just keep trying no matter how Einar was.
Einar hadn’t fallen asleep yet when he’d heard shuffling from the bed next to him, the sound of someone leave. He was both curious about what Lucas was doing and a little concerned. He’d noticed that someone much older was fairly bold in their picking on Lucas. He wasn’t sure why, but at every opportunity Einar was set on preventing it. He decided to follow Lucas, he just needed to be sure that he was okay. It wasn’t that he cared about him but he did need to make sure he was okay. Einar grabbed a jumper and changed into his jeans. He ran a hand through the bleached white hair before making sure that no one was following him as he headed out the dorm. Einar had taken a little longer to make his decision to follow Lucas, and clearly wasn’t as good at following people, because he ended up just guess where Lucas might’ve gone. Einar spotted the boy in the courtyard, sitting on the steps, and evidently crying. Einar stood a little away, unsure of what to do, he had never been particularly good with crying and he wasn’t particularly good at bringing comfort. But, he approached and sat down next to the boy, ”What’s wrong?” he asked, putting his hands on his own lap and looking at the boy. His tone had an attempt at some warmth, to show some concern, but he wasn’t sure he’d managed it.
 
Lucas was startled when he heard Einar speak to him. Especially in a tone that was attempting to be nice. He looked up, rubbing at the tears on his cheeks and lip quivering. "Why do you even care?" He questioned, not meanly but with genuine curiosity. "You dont even like me." He sniffed, running his hands through his hair and leaning his forehead against his palms. "No one does. I could dissapear and no one would even notice," he sobbed, curling in on himself. "My parents care more about their jobs. Gabriel was the genius and Dawson was the sport's star. None of them care," he ranted, voice breaking.
 
Einar frowned a little at the question, looking up from his hands to Lucas. He didn’t want to say that he cared, he didn’t want to say it. He couldn’t. If he did...if he admitted it, let himself care, it would only end badly, and he didn’t want to bring Lucas down. He also wasn’t sure he wanted to admit that he somewhat liked the boy. ”I...eh..,” he found himself starting, unable to really finish the thought before Lucas seemed to break down more, curling away into himself, speaking of his parents and who Einar could only assume were his brothers. The name of the latter was a little familiar, but he was sure it was just a coincidence. He felt a little fury build inside him on behalf of Lucas, didn’t they know how important family was? Didn’t they realise how special it was to have family. How could Lucas be left with thinking they wouldn’t notice if he were gone. His chest constricted tightly as he thought of the loss of his brothers, of the space they had left in his life, how empty his life felt without them. Einar tentatively placed a hand on Lucas’ back, knowing that his touch was as light as he could make it while not hovering. Einar wasn’t sure what to say, ”I care,” was all he muttered quietly. His voice remaining as it tended to, quiet and cold, but there was no arguing with him on it. ”I’d care if you disappeared,” he spoke quietly, even if Lucas had been annoying, if it was frustrating to always have a shadow, but at this point, he knew he would definitely care if Lucas disappeared, he’d lost enough and he didn’t want to bare the thought of losing more.
 
Lucas looked over to Einar, still crying and gasping for breath as Einar touched him. His lower lip trembled and he leaned into the other boys side. Lucas wrapped his arms around himself, burying his face in Einars shoulder as he broke down completely. He bit his lip to try and quiet his sobs, but he was just so upset he really had no control. It surprised him that Einar cared at all, but Lucas clung to it in this moment, feeling like Einar was the only thing that kept him from drowning in the darkness that surrounded him.
 
Einar as a little surprised as Lucas leaned into him, leaning his face into his shoulder and creating a growing stain on his t-shirt. He didn’t move his hand or do anything other than sit and let Lucas cry. He couldn’t help but feel pretty bad for Lucas and his situation. Einar knew he hated when people felt bad for him, or sorrow for him. He hated the glances he got from professors who knew of his situation, but he couldn’t help feeling bad for him. Einar had no family left, but he had fond memories of them. They had all loved him, treated him with respect, they would’ve cared if he’d disappeared. Perhaps it would’ve been easier to lose them all if they hadn’t. It didn't matter now. He couldn’t help but be reminded then of after his father and brother had died, and he’d cried in a position not unlike this to his brother. He couldn’t remember what his brother had said then, what words of comfort he could then pass on to Lucas. But he didn’t, instead he just kept still, kept his hand on Lucas’ back and would stay there until he was feeling better. Einar knew if someone caught them, he’d be able to just say that it was his fault and the head master would allow it.
 
Lucas wasnt sure how long he cried. He tried to focus on Einars warmth, the soft touch of the blonds hand on his back, and slowly his sobbing started to quiet. After what felt like an eternity, Lucas slumped against Einars side, still softly sniffling as he cried himself to sleep sitting there on the steps.
 
Einar remained there, mostly motionless waiting for Lucas to stop. He didn’t pay that much attention to him, letting his mind linger away, thinking of Hewie and Adam, he could almost hear their voices telling him what he should do to help Lucas, telling him, it was his responsibility to help the boy, even if he had spent so long trying to shake him away, even if he brought his awful life to him. Lucas deserved to not feel alone, and if Einar was to be that person for him then he would be. It also meant that Einar wouldn’t be as alone, even if he truly thought it would be for the best. Einar looked down at Lucas when the weight on his shoulder shifted. He looked down at him, and watched for a moment realising that the boy was asleep. ”Lucas?” he whispered quietly, he wasn’t sure what to do, but it would probably be better if they weren’t caught out, he might be able to wake him up and take him upstairs but Einar loathed to wake him.
He shifted as slowly as he could, moving his hand on the boys back to be sitting on his shoulder. His other arm went under the boy’s knees and with some difficult he stood up with the boy. It wasn’t particularly easy, Einar had only started going to quidditch. He was slow in getting back to the dorm, but he eventually managed to make it back. He placed Lucas on the bed and took a moment to just collect himself, rubbing down his arms. He moved a blanket to cover Lucas and shift the pillow a little so Lucas’ head wasn’t just caught on the corner. Once done, Einar began to move away. He knew he’d probably stay awake just in case Lucas woke up upset but he could do that from his own bed.
 
((OOC: Godmod approved))

Lucas woke slightly, shuddering at the coldness of his bed. Feeling a bit disoriented, his eyes opened slightly to see Einar leaving. Barely awake, Lucas reached out a hand to grab onto Einars sleeve. "Dont leave me," he whimpered, barely above a whisper, before his hand dropped back to the bed and he fell back asleep.

He awoke what must have been an hour or so later, eyes fluttering open again to see Einar laying next to him, staring at him with dull, tired eyes. Lucas gave him a soft, tired smile, and without thinking he schooted over and laid an arm over Einar, snuggling in against him.
 
Einar had been about to leave Lucas alone in his bed, when the boy had grabbed his arm. He didn’t particularly want to remain on the bed, he knew it wouldn’t help him sleep much, he hadn’t really slept well next to others in a while. Not since before Hewie had died, and it always reminded him of that. He did however remain on the bed, he just lay next to Lucas and let his gaze stare blankly up at the ceiling. He kept playing over and over what had happened here between them, how this had come, how he had gone from having a shadow and being annoy at it, to laying on a bed having provided him with some comfort. He couldn’t help in the silence of the night, with only the sound of the boy breathing next to him, let his mind wander. He could see his mother in his minds eyes, see her watching him, see her in those final weeks. His mind went to his old home before all of the bad things had happened. He thought of how happy he’d once been, thought of how good there family had been before. He couldn’t help but think of Lucas who had what Einar so desperately wanted but he had it in such a twisted and terrible sense all he felt was sorrow for him. To not know how good it could be. Einar looked towards Lucas as the boy shifted in the bed, laying an arm over Einar and getting all too close. Einar began feeling a little trapped, his mind reminding him cruelly of Hewie, of how Hewie had used to sleep like that, of his face, of his kind words, of his comfort in the worst nights. Einar couldn’t help it, he was quick to move away from the touch, scooting over to the edge of the bed. He didn’t want to leave Lucas alone, but he couldn’t handle to casual manner in which Lucas seemed to be okay with touching, with physical closeness. Crying on his shoulder had been one thing, this he couldn’t do. He didn’t want to leave Lucas alone.
 
Lucas was startled when Einar jerked away from him. He laid there a moment, hand half outstretched for the other boy, before he let out a soft, dejected sigh and rolled over, scooting to the other edge of the bed to give Einar space. Who was he kidding? Cuddling? Please, Einar barely liked him. His brothers saw him as more of a target than a kid and his parents were never home. He lay on his stomach, wrapping his arms around his pillow. Maybe Lucas just had bad luck. The only time anyone gave him the affection he craved was when his aunt was in town and she would play with his hair. But she was gone so much he wasn't sure if that counted. He just lay there for a while, feeling like there was this huge chasm between him and Einar that he might never be able to cross. Did Einar even want him to try? Lucas had been selfish, pushing himself onto the other boy without ever considering how Einar might feel. He felt tears prick his eyes again. Merlin, he really was useless.

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered, unsure if Einar would even hear him. Well, it didn't matter. This was the last night that Lucas would bother him. If Einar didn't want him around, then Lucas would just face his solitude in the morning. The last thing Lucas wanted to do was hurt the other boy.
 
Einar looked back towards Lucas as he noted the boy pull away more so, going to nearly the other side of the bed. He heard the little apology and Einar knew that he’d probably just made things worse, he was trying his best to be comforting to his friend, to show that someone did care that someone was there for him and he’d just ruined it. He couldn’t have helped it either, there was just no way he would’ve managed it. Einar had just struggled too much with that amount of touching that Lucas had wanted, the unwanted memories in Einar’s head. He just hadn’t been able to cope, he had needed the distance. Einar looked back towards the boy, knowing that like he always did, he’d ruined everything, that Lucas wouldn’t ever want to spend time with him now, that he had only made the boy feel lonely and sad again. Einar didn’t move off the bed, he remained at the other side, remained awake, looking up at the ceiling of the bed as the time passed. He would wait, maybe in the morning he could explain that he just hadn’t handled that well, he would fix that, he would do something to make it better. He could do that. It would just need to wait until morning.
 
((Approved by Em))

Lucas was quiet, feeling the night slip away. He dozed on and off, waking for good in the early morning light. He sighed as he got out of bed, glancing over to see Einar sleeping. He sighed, resisting the urge to just crawl over and curl up against him. He sighed softly, getting out of bed. He dressed quickly. He wrote a quick note, slipping it into Einar's hand before taking off, pulling his hood up to hide his face.

I'm sorry. You don't have to- I won't push anymore. I don't know why I- It's okay, thank you for being there.
 

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