Closed Point of Perspective

[Sia Tofilau]

It didn't take a mindreader to tell that Sia wasn't doing well. And as far as she was concerned, any mindreaders, magicians, witches, or whatever, could stay as far away from her as possible. Finding out René was magical as well had stung. Like some mystical force had passed over their family and somehow found her wanting. It almost reminded her of when they were kids, playing games together that she could never figure out the point of, already being far too old to play make-believe.

Finding out October was magical had made something in her break. October had been her one refuge. A little pearl of happiness that made her think maybe this normal, mundane life she'd carved out for herself where she worked hard and went to school and drank coffee like a normal person was still worth it. But seeing October there, seemingly at home with all those strange and fantastical people had proved that a lie. At best, October was settling for her. At worst? Maybe it was all just some cosmic joke. That special club everyone but her got an invite to. But there had been one person at least, she knew, that hadn't been invited either. Adelia Kolter had left a burning impression on Sia when she'd seen her speak at the event the other year. Passionate, intelligent, and her words resonating with a hurt and understanding Sia had felt in her bones. If anyone could help Sia put the pieces back together, maybe it would be her.

Calling Ms. Kolter had been a bit awkward, but after a stammered introduction, Sia was relieved she'd agreed to meet her for coffee. She didn't know if it was some wizard faux pas to discuss stuff like this in a coffee shop, but Sia figured the bustle of the shop would hide them from any eavesdroppers, and if anyone asked, she'd say they were discussing a book or something. So she sat, slowly shredding a napkin, with her coffee cooling in front of her, eyes trained on the door. Sia just needed somebody, anybody, who understood. Since apparently October never could.

 

[Adelia Kolter]

The magical world was a funny thing. On a technical level, Adelia was less connected to it than she had ever been since April was born, now that her daughter was working as a dancer in the normal world. And yet, Adelia kept being called back again and again, her connection to magic apparently sealed now no matter how far her life diverged back into the normal world. She had been honoured to represent her own society in the Minister's event, however little it had made her think of her daughter's former principal in the process. Adelia's main goals had been both to spread awareness and understanding, and to reach out to any other muggles struggling in the same limbo she had found herself occupying.

And now, here she was. She had half-forgotten about giving out her contact details, until a young woman had called her with a concern Adelia knew all too well, one she had responded to without any hesitation. Looking around the cafe for a moment, Adelia spotted someone she believed was the person who had phoned her and made a beeline for the table, smiling as she sat down. "Sia, was it? I'm Adelia, we spoke on the phone." She introduced herself, though if the woman had gotten her number from the Ministry event it stood to reason that she would recognise Adelia already. "It's nice to meet you."

 

[Sia Tofilau]

The relief Sia felt when Adelia joined her was palpable. Part of her knew expecting this woman to fix all her problems with a few short words was silly, but Sia couldn't help but hope it would. It was the same feeling she'd had when her mum had shown up the first time Sia had wrecked her car after hitting the curb too hard; she just needed someone, anyone, who knew what they were doing to tell her things in a calm voice, and then maybe she'd be alright.

"Adelia, yes hi, thanks so much for coming," she said, hoping she was doing a good job of coming across like a put together adult and not someone who just spent the last week crying about her girlfriend. "I remembered you from the uh- Event, and well, I'm in need of some advice and I wasn't sure who to ask. You seemed like someone who might actually have a decent grasp on dealing with all this magical stuff," she said, giving Adelia a weak smile as she splayed her fingers on the table between them.

"I've been struggling, I guess. Both my brothers are wizards now, like it was hard just one of them being magic, but now my littlest brother is also going to that dumb school and I feel so stupid for being upset but it just feels so unfair, you know? And then I find out my girlfriend is also magical and it just feels like everyone's allowed into the club except me and, and-" Sia cut herself off, waving a hand to try and describe the ball of hurt and rage and loneliness that was lodged in her throat. "I just wanted to talk to someone who might get it, you know? I don't know what to do," she said imploringly, wrapping her hands around her drink so she'd have something to focus on besides the embarrassing word vomit she'd just dumped in Adelia's lap.

 

[Adelia Kolter]

Adelia was relieved she had picked the right person, giving the young woman a smile as she returned the greeting. Given the context of the talk she had been part of, Adelia wasn't surprised she was being called on as a authority figure, but it was still a little strange to hear in this context, after so many years of the magical world being the one place she felt entirely out of her depth. As Adelia listened though, the young woman's problem became more and more familiar. "I see." She said softly, remembering her marriage to Matt, the uncomfortable divide that had always existed between them. "I do know how you feel." She said gently. "It's difficult. Feeling... locked out of that world, like... you've been left behind. But I try to see it as... a gift. If we're not destined to be part of the magic world for whatever reason... it doesn't really make a difference. I've got no problems at all with the life I've made for myself in the normal world, and my daughter being a witch is just... a nice little cherry on top. Makes things easier for me when it comes to things that would take me all day by hand, all I have to do is ask her to wave her wand and it's already done. I know this is a really simplified way of looking at it, but it really is easier than.... dwelling on what might have been. You could have had a totally normal life and never even known about any of this, but instead you get to... be around people with all these amazing powers, get to glimpse this world most normal people never even would. It's not the same, but it's its own kind of gift."

 

[Sia Tofilau]

Sia didn't know what she'd been hoping to hear, but she supposed she'd been right in thinking Adelia couldn't just fix all her problems with a few words. She knew Adelia meant well, and she probably believed what she was telling Sia, but it wasn't what she'd been hoping to hear.

"But what's the point of knowing about it if I'm never able to participate?" she asked Adelia imploringly, setting her coffee down slowly in front of her even though the voice inside her head wanted her to do nothing more but throw it at the floor. She wanted Adelia's help, not to throw a tantrum. "I just. I just wish I could understand why. Why them and not me? Why my girlfriend and not me. It's like being back in high school and finding out everyone got invited to the party but me." And Sia couldn't see that as a gift, no matter how sweetly Adelia framed it. "Don't get me wrong, I'm damn proud of my work and my school and all of it," Sia waved a hand, frustrated, "But I can't help thinking about just. What if. What if I was allowed to be magic too? And then I just get bitter and mad that I'm not. I feel like it's ruining my life." Sia slipped her face into her hand, using the quiet behind her palm to calm herself down a moment. "Did you feel like this when you first found out about your daughter? Or about magic? Was it that easy for you?"

 

[Adelia Kolter]

Adelia's heart broke as she listened to the young woman talking about her experience, thinking back to her own youth. She waited until Sia was done, shaking her head slowly at the young woman's question. "I felt... very much the same, when I found out." Adelia said slowly, her tone gentle. "I was angry, hurt, everything you're feeling. But... it's not sustainable." Adelia said softly, resting her hands on the table in front of her. "If I was still angry it would... have burned me alive. It would have ruined my relationship with my daughter, my friendship with my ex-husband and his new family. This isn't like... the kinds of injustice where anger can be constructive. All anger can do here is destroy. It won't make you magical, it won't bring everyone onto an even playing field. It'll only push people away, destroy your relationships, and cut you off from the people who matter. You need to find a way to accept your situation, in the long term."

 

[Sia Tofilau]

Sia very a small spark of vindication when Adelia at least acknowledged that she'd been angry too when she'd first found out about magic. Her parents seemed to have taken it in stride, if with a level of nervous confusion, and Sia felt like she was going insane being the only one to feel so hurt about such a world-shattering revelation. Like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room and she was the only one suffocating.

But Adelia continued and Sia tried to actually listen instead of focusing on the bitter taste in her mouth. She could see it, very easily, the anger Adelia was talking about. Sia already hated how she felt around her brothers, especially René, she knew it wasn't fair to blame them for it all. Or blame October. But she just didn't know how to make herself be okay with it. "I just- I don't know where to begin," Sia said after a moment, suddenly exhausted by the sheer idea of it. "But, I guess I can try. I don't- I don't want to lose some of the people in my life. I think I've already messed things up pretty bad as it is," she admitted, heart heavy. Maybe she could fake it for awhile, until she was really at peace with it. If they'd let her.

 

[Adelia Kolter]

Adelia was relieved when she saw the shift in the young woman's body language, glad that she was finally getting through. There was plenty in this situation that they could be angry about, but Adelia knew all too well that that anger would never lead to anything good. "It's normal to be angry, and to... want to lash out." She said softly. "But the people in your life aren't the ones to direct your anger to. They didn't choose this any more than you did, and they can't change anything. The important thing is that they understand and respect you, never treat you like less because you don't have magic." She said gently, slowly running her palms over one another as she thought. "So let's focus on... what you have, rather than what you don't. How have things been with your girlfriend since she told you?"

 

[Sia Tofilau]

Sia drummed her fingers on the tabletop, uncomfortable with the words Adelia was saying even though she knew they were true. Had probably known it was true this whole time, even if she didn't want to accept it. "Maybe I need a new hobby," she said with a weak smile at the mention of needing a target for her anger. She'd played netball in intermediate, though maybe she needed to look into a contact sport to help get her anger out.

Sia sighed as Adelia continued, tucking her chin in her palm. Adelia was right, about everything, and Sia was glad she'd come to talk to her in the end. Even if she could see a lot of uncomfortable truths in her future. "Well... I haven't exactly spoken to her since- Since everything come out," Sia said, rolling her wrist and trying not to grimace at the memory. Or the sad pit in her stomach at the thought of how bad she missed October, a feeling that had been nearly entirely buried under blind rage for so long. "I should probably call her, huh."

 

[Adelia Kolter]

Adelia chuckled softly at Sia's comment about needing a hobby, though the smile slipped from her face as the girl went on. "I think that's a good idea." She said gently. "I don't know how it went when she told you, but if you've been distant since, she's probably been worrying. It sounds to me like what you really need is just to... communicate with each other."