Please Let's Not Argue

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis entered the Owlery nervously, but was put at ease by the multitudes of drowsy owls. She was vaguely reluctant to write home, given recent events, but felt an obligation to Esmerelda. Besides which, she could see nothing in her letter that would offend. Approaching a haughty Great Grey owl, Lapis tied her letter to it's leg, and sent the bird flying her missive to Dunedin.

Dear Mother,

It's been only a short time since I left home, but I'm already missing you. I know that things have been a bit frosty over the past few weeks, but I'm hoping that we can forgive each other by mail. I'm already getting used to being at Hogwarts. I was sorted into Ravenclaw, and I'm already making some friends. What have you been up to?

Love, Lapis.

P.S. Can we please try not to argue this time?

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

Esmerelda sighed as she read her daughter's letter. She knew that Lapis would not like her reply, but it had to be said . . . she would not be keeping more secrets. After the truth about Lorenzo's death had been revealed, there had been a cold silence pervading the house. She and Lapis had been avoiding conversation, it was true, and now that the girl was at hogwarts there seemed to be a sort of relief. Esmerelda sat down at her desk, and began to write.

Dear Lapis,

I am very glad that you've been sorted into Ravenclaw; I know how much you wanted it. I'm sorry your post-script request is to be broken so soon (for I know we will argue about this), but I'm not going to keep any more dark secrets from you. I must be honest: I have been joined the Death eaters. You know that i've always wanted to, and I think that Lorenzo would have wanted it too. Please don't be too angry with me.

When you found out the truth about Lorenzo, I decided never to lie to you again. You're too precious to me for that, and I should have realised it sooner. When . . . when I killed him, I thought it was all for the best. I only wanted to be a Death Eater like him, because he seemed so content with it. Turned out he was having moral scruples. Turned out I was only a tool for the Death Eaters; a way to conveniently get rid of him. I decided I would never be used like that again, so I had to join them. Lorenzo's death . . you're not like me, so you'll never understand how much I regret it now. I just hope you can find it in you to forgive me.

Love, Esmerelda.

Esmerelda gave the letter to the owl Lapis had sent, and let it fly away once more, into the gathering dusk.

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis read her mother's letter twice. Then she read it again, just to make sure. She didn't know how to react. Part of her wanted to scream and shout and rage, to send a Howler even though she didn't know how. Another part of her just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. Yet another part wanted to simply forgive Esmerelda for everything, but Lapis pushed that thought far to the back of her consiousness. No. Not yet. Lapis couldn't quite believe that her mother had gone through with becoming a Death Eater. She couldn't picture their trademark tattoo on that pale arm. Lapis compromised her conflicting emotions by running away from the Owlery, away to the school grounds.

---

Later (much later), when Lapis had calmed down, she attempted to compose a reply to Esmerelda's letter. It was difficult, as she still didn't really know what to say. Given this, the letter she eventually came up with was surprisingly eloquent.

Dear Mother,

I must admit I was startled by your last missive. For your sake, I am worried about the consequences involved. I'm sorry to say that I cannot forgive you for killing Father. As for joining the Dark Side, I really don't know any more. I cried, but I can't claim that I properly know how I feel about it. I do know that this has been your wish for a long time, but. . . I don't know what to say. Mother, you have proved unfathomable once again.

Lapis.

Lapis sighed as she read over her letter one last time. It was short and awkward, and not at all up to her usual standards. But that was understandable, given the unexpected scenario. Finally, Lapis gave her missive to a new owl and watched it fly away, still thoroughly confused.

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

Esmerelda almost wept as she read her daughter's formal-sounding letter. She had expected tears, or rage, or something other than this detached lack of reaction. Even hate would have been better than this. Esmerelda had never before known Lapis to be completely speechless about anything. The girl had always been sure about her emotions, and made them clear to everyone else. This made it evident how much the truth had shocked her.

Dear Lapis,

I am deeply sorry that I have prompted this reaction in you. I wish that our relationship could go back to the way it was before all of this happened. I want you to understand that I want something that I can do for myself. Lately my whole life has been shaped around you and Lorenzo, but now you're at school we need to accept that he's gone, and move on. I may have found something I want to do with my life. I know you can't accept it, but I wish you could. I wish we could just be a normal family, but that is never going to happen.

All my love, Esmerelda.

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis had postponed answering that last letter for a long time. She knew what she wante to say, but not how to say it. She still didn't know how she felt about the whole thing, but had subconsiously decided to be angry, because it was the easiest way to feel. Her eventual return letter reflected this.

Dear Mother,

How can we ever go back to how we were when I was little? Don't answer that. We can't. For the past four years, I've lived with grieving for Father. I thought you felt the same way. I thought there was nothing we could have done to stop his death. Now you suddenly tell me it was your fault, your scheming, and expect life to just go on the way it always has?

Besides, that last letter from you was confusing. First you say you want to change the way you're living, then you say you want it to stay the same. Make your mind up. I have. I don't want anything to do with the dark side, ever.

Yours passionately, Lapis.

Lapis would have liked to say more, but didn't know what she could add to that. On reflection, it was probably a good thing she had stopped there. She would have brought up too many old problems, things best left well alone. Even now, the letter didn't sum up the way she felt. Lapis didn't know how to express that, except perhaps through music. Her signature, 'yours passionately', probably was the best she could do in writing.

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

"Oh," said Esmerelda out loud, reading Lapis's letter. She stared at it stupidly for a moment, not having realised how good her little girl was at arguing. Maybe she should join a debating team . . . What do I say to that? Esmerelda shook her head sadly. Perhaps Lapis didn't see just how much she still missed Lorenzo, how painful it was. Esmerelda thought back to her daughter's first letter. Yes, let's not argue. Not able to think of what to write, Esmerelda decided to write nothing. That, at least, wouldn't start still more arguements.

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

It was a long time since Lapis had sent her last letter, and there had been no reply. Given the tone of that missive, it was probably just as well. Now Lapis was rethinking, and she wanted to change the subject. She couldn't afford to stop speaking to Esmerelda.

Dear Mother,

We just had exams at school, and that was interesting. The marks I've recieved so far have been good, and it's nice to lost the stress now they're over. Life has settled down, and it feels like the return of some sort of normality. I've been meeting some new people, and I might be joining a wizard band. It would be nice to have a new situation to play my flute in. It's Brightstone Weekend at the moment, and I met cousin Phaedra there yesterday (by accident); it was quite a shock as I don't really remember her, and she looked so like Uncle Stephen. We had quite a ridiculous arguement, but I hope I see her again.

I would like to meet you in Brightstone if you can be there. I know our relationship has been a bit turbulent lately, and it would be nice to talk things over face to face. Doing it in writing has never been quite the same; if we get into a massive arguement, so be it.

Love, Lapis.

Lapis hadn't been entirely sure about signing it with love, but she was hoping for some sort of reconciliation. She couldn't forgive her mother. There was only a certain amount of time the pair of them could stay furious for.

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

Esmerelda smiled coldly at her daughter's letter. It was nice that Lapis was making an effort to avoid bringing up their disagreements, but it was also far less subtle than the girl usually was. Still, probably just as well. It's about time we stop arguing.

Dear Lapis,

I'm glad that you're not panicking over your Hogwarts exams. In my experience, worrying excessively only makes it worse. I've been getting out and meeting new people too. I have noticed how much Phaedra looks like her father; I hope you didn't bring up that old family scandal. I know that she's always been quite livid at being born a half-blood. As for your flute . . . I realise now that I never liked you playing it because it reminded me of your father. I'm sorry for that. I seem to be sorry for everything at the moment.

I'm also sorry that I can't meet you in Brightstone this weekend. There are things I have to do, but I look forward to arguing with you some other time.

Missing you, Esmerelda.

Esmerelda was sorry for the reason that she couldn't come to Brightstone, but it was nice to have something important to do with her life.

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis raced into the Owlery straight from the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. She had been seriously disturbed, and pulled out a piece of parchment from her bag. Lapis scribbled a frantic letter with no idea what the reply would be. She just needed to get it out.

Dear Mother,

We just had our first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. I'm scared. The things Professor Smith has been saying . . . I don't know what to say. I didn't really understand before, but now I do. Dark magic is really dangerous. Do you know what you're dealing with???

Lapis.

Lapis wasn't sure what she wanted from Esmerelda. Perhaps it was some sort of reassurance that everything would be all right. Perhaps . . .

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

Esmerelda read her daughter's panicked letter with a sad smile. She had no idea what to say to the girl in reply: Esmerelda couldn't reassure her that everything was all right, because it wasn't. She knew the Dark Arts were dangerous, from the start that had been what drew her to them. The woman had been lured by darkness and danger for as long as she could remember, with no clear idea why. And as for the last line? Esmerelda had no way of knowing that the answer was a resounding no.</COLOR>

---

Several weeks later, Esmerelda finally did send a letter to Lapis. It wasn't exactly a reply to the previous missive, more of a general wild update on what had been happening. Esmerelda had had an intense couple of days, and she felt her daughter needed to know all that was happening.

---

Dear Lapis,

I'm sorry I didn't reply to your last letter, but I've been very busy. I found out some information I think you will like.

I was trying (and failing) to tidy up the attic on Monday, and I found an old family tree. A copy of it is enclosed in this letter, because it's quite amazing. As you will see, it provides the link between my family and the Lazulis, and a surprise third family. It's true! Cassandra, and by extension Katie, are related to us. I know you're fond of the girl; as far as I can decipher she is your second cousin (because she's Cassandra's niece and Cassandra and I are cousins). It is rather confusing . . .

Anyway, the second thing I'm writing to you about is more important: I saw your father's ghost yesterday! Lapis, I don't know what to do. We argued, and I'm worried about him. He doesn't know why he's here, and neither of us understand what's going on. Still, I thought I'd better warn you.

Love, Esmerelda.

<COLOR color="#000">If Esmerelda was more honest, she was not at all sorry she hadn't replied to the last letter, and she was more scared than worried about Lorenzo. Nevertheless, although she had vowed to be truthful to her daughter, she saw no reason to worry her unnecessarily. Esmerelda knew that at lest Lapis would be glad to see her father.

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis read and reread Esmerelda's letter several times (as she seemed to have done with every missive sent). It was too much good news to take in all at once. Of course, not all of it would be good for her mother, but Lapis didn't look at the matter from that point of view. Hastily, she scribbled a reply.

Dear Mother,

Oh my goodness, really? Silly question. You wouldn't have said if you weren't sure, I'm sure. Was that a bad sentence? I don't think it made any sense. Never mind. That's amazing! All of it's amazing! I suppose I'll have to tell Katie the news, since Cassandra never will. She hates her too much to bother saying something that would make her happy.

Warn me? Mum, I think it's wonderful! There's so much I want to ask him- so much you wouldn't tell me. I think you should just keep calm, try and talk it over or something. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I don't exactly have much experience dealing with ghosts. Or Dad, for that matter. I can't wait to see him! Do you know, I barely remember him? Wow! You've really had quite a time, I guess.

Love, Lapis.

Grinning, Lapis sent the letter before she could notice how confusing her grammar had been. Nor did she register how unconcerned she had seemed for Esmerelda's plight. . .

 

[Esmerelda Lazuli]

'No answer, came the stern reply.'

 

[Lapis Lazuli]

Lapis sat in a secluded corner of the Ravenclaw common room, quill poised over a dauntingly blank sheet of paper. She hadn't written to Esmerelda all year, but she really felt the need to tell her mother about recent events. It was hard to summon the courage to finally write it down. With many long pauses to think of what to say, she finally scratched out the letter.

Mum,

It's ages since I've written, I know. But I had a really interesting reading in Divination the other day, which I think you should know about.
The Present card was the Queen of Spades, which I think represents you. The Immediate Challenge card was the Ace of Hearts, which usually represents a love letter. I thought that might be a letter from you to me, about love. The Distant Past card was the King of Hearts- I think it means Dad. The Recent Past Card was the Eight of Clubs, something unfavourable to do with jealousy, like his murder. The Best Outcome card was the Five of Diamonds; good news for a child, or someone having a baby. Since I can't think of anyone I know likely to have a baby, I would guess the former. Only child I can think of is Katie. And what's good news for Katie is pretty much always bad news for Aunt Cassandra . . . The Immediate Future card was the Jack of Hearts- a younger admirer. Something you haven't been telling me about, Mother? The Factors Affecting the Situation card was the Queen of Diamonds: a fair-haired gossip. That's got to be Aunt Cassandra. The External Influences card was the Six of Diamonds, representing relationship problems and arguements. The Hopes and Fears card was the Seven of Spades, representing obstacles to success. The Final Outcome card was the Two of Spades- deceit and break in relationships. It sounds like a bad reading for you, to me. . . what do you make of it?

Also, we covered the Killing Curse today in DADA. I was really scared. It was so pretty. It freaked me out. I couldn't stop thinking about Dad . . .

Love, Lapis
Hate, Lapis
Conflicting emotions, Lapis.

Lapis rushed up to the Owlery and sent the letter before she could change her mind.