Open Painful Disappointment

Ivelisse Burleigh

just not good enough
 
Messages
1,352
OOC First Name
Marijke
Blood Status
Half Blood
Relationship Status
Single
Wand
Curly 14 Inch Flexible Laurel Wand with Hippogriff Feather Core
Age
03/2042 (19)
After failing to convince the referee that she could still play Ivelisse had reluctantly let one of the nurses guide her back to the hospital wing. She had wondered for a second if she could negotiate with them to let her at least watch the remainder of the match before she realized she didn't want to. There were only two possible outcomes in her mind anyways. Either the team won because the alternate seeker would turn up to outperform her again or Gryffindor would win and they would all be losers. In all honesty, she wasn't even sure which outcome she would prefer. It all just seemed.. unfair. She had been so ready to play her first game, ready to show the whole school what she was made off. And for what? To be knocked out by three bludgers in a row. It wasn't even as if there was much time between the hits as well, it was just one collision after another. And still she felt fine, felt like she could play on. Things didn't even hurt that much. Or perhaps that was just the adrenaline talking.

It wasn't untill Ive was sat down on one of the beds in the hospital wing that the pain started to settle in and she realized everything hurt. Getting knocked out of a game would do that to a thirteen year old girl. Maybe the adults were right, maybe she wouldn't have been able to play on after all. Not that it mattered anymore anyways. Even if the game wasn't decided yet, it was for her. She had lost. And she hated losing. More than anything in the world. Almost as much as she hated crying, which was exactly why she was quick to close the curtain around her bed when she started to feel the tears prickle in her eye. And so she just sat there, sheltering behind the thin fabric of the curtain as if it was a solid wall to would keep everyone out. Keep them from seeing her cry.
 
Contrary to popular belief, Celia could be kind. Yes, kindness was what drove Celia to take a quick detour on her way to the common room after the Quidditch match. She was visiting Ivelisse because she wanted to make sure the girl wasn't kept in suspense, waiting to hear how the match had ended. After all, who else would bother to come up here and break the news? It wasn't like Ivelisse had any other friends on the team (not that Celia was a friend either).

Celia definitely wasn't here because she wanted to see Ivelisse's reaction when the girl learned that she had been bested by the second-year alternate once again. That would be cruel, and Celia was kind. She also wasn't here because she was still a little frustrated by her own performance and wanted a visible reminder that at least she hadn't been the worst player out on the pitch today. She wasn't that insecure.

Celia entered the hospital wing, her gaze immediately falling to the bed that was curtained off. It wasn't hard to guess that might be where Ivelisse was resting. "Ivelisse? Is that you?" she called out softly as she approached the bed.
 
Ivelisse's head kept spinning with thoughts almost as uncontrollable as her broom had done when the second bludger hit her. Thoughts of every shape and size. Disappointed thoughts mixed in with angry thoughts. The only thing pulling her back to reality every now and then was a sudden stab of pain that made her realize how much everything ached all over again. Ive was quick to wipe her tears and try to get a grip on herself when she heard a set of footsteps enter the mostly empty hospital wing. It didn't sound like one of the nurses, the footsteps were smaller, which meant it had to be another student. And whatever business they had in the hospital wing she wasn't going to let them see her cry. When a voice called out Ivelisse couldn't help but to roll her eyes when she recognized it. Of course it had to be Celia. Of all people. One thing she was sure of was that the girl likely wasn't there to check up on her and Ivelisse's stomach turned at the idea that perhaps she was there to gloat. That maybe the vague sound of cheers the wind had brought in had been because Slytherin had won. And she hadn't been the one to make that happen. Surely, Celia would enjoy nothing less. In an impulse reaction she threw open the curtain, looking at the other girl with barely any emotion. "What do you want."
 
Celia flinched as the curtain was thrown open; she hadn't been expecting such a violent reaction. For a moment, Celia just studied the girl. It looked like Ivelisse had been crying, and Celia felt bad, thinking that maybe those bludgers had done actual damage. But then she remembered the way that Ivelisse had protested the ref's decision to send her off the pitch. Ivelisse wasn't hurt — not physically at least. That meant she had been crying from disappointment, and Celia felt her sympathy for the girl dry up.

"The match is over. I thought you might want to know how it ended," Celia replied, pasting on her best innocent expression. "I also wanted to see how you were doing," she added in for good measure though she was pretty sure Ivelisse wouldn't believe her. Technically, it wasn't a lie. "But I can leave if you want. Maybe someone else on the team will stop by to catch you up." Celia thought it rather unlikely, and she hoped Ivelisse did too.
 
Ivelisse wasn't sure why Celia out of all people was visiting her at the hospital wing right now, but if she was being honest it wasn't like she was expecting a bunch of other people to come check on her. She hadn't even expected anyone from the team to actually come and see how she was doing. Especially not if they had won, which was what she suspected. "So w- the team won, huh?" She asked flatly, cutting herself off for a reason. There was no we after all. This wasn't her win and if they had won that was just because the team was fine without her. Which wasn't exactly the outcome she had been hoping for.

"Right." Ive let out a shrill laugh when Celia mentioned she wanted to see how she was doing. They weren't friends, they had never been friends, and while she normally tried to tolerate her classmate Celia was about the last person she wanted to see right now. "As if." She rolled her eyes at the girl's mention of the team. "I'm sure they're either far too busy sulking or celebrating and since you're here, I'm guessing the latter. Which is.. ironic, because pretty much no one on the team deserves to celebrate after such a lousy performance." Ive added for good measure. There was no way of denying it though. During the time she was still in the game the chasers had done absolutely nothing worthy, the keeper hadn't even managed to block a shot and the beaters.. Well, don't get her started on the beaters.
 
It didn't escape Celia's notice that Ivelisse had nearly said "we," and she was almost amused that the girl had enough self-awareness to correct herself. "We" was far too inclusive. Ivelisse hadn't contributed to their victory at all — unless you counted her getting knocked out and making room for Avery to play "Yeah, Slytherin won, 160 to 30," she said, unable to help a small smile. They were first in the rankings. "Avery caught the snitch. I don't think Flynn even laid eyes on it." Mentioning Avery had been unnecessary, but Celia was looking forward to seeing how Ivelisse would react to the alternate's name.

Normally, she and Ivelisse at least tried to be cordial to each other, and it was strange to see Ivelisse drop all pretense at politeness. Celia bit her lip, struggling to keep a neutral expression. It felt good to finally be the calm one, the person who wasn't bitterly lashing out. She smirked. "I never took you for the jealous type." She did privately agree with Ivelisse. Aside from herself and Avery, no one on the team had done much of anything. Ares, for example, had been useless, forcing her to protect Avery when she could have spent her time targeting Flynn instead. It was irritating having such incompetent teammates, but at least it made it easier for her to stand out. "Good thing we're a team, huh? You and everyone else still get to claim to be a part of the winning team even though it was only a few of us who did all the actual work," Celia said, making it clear she counted herself among the latter group.
 
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In all honesty, Ivelisse would love nothing more than for Celia to leave so she could stop trying to ignore her aching body and just let it be. Maybe ask the nurses if they could do something about the pain or even get her dad, although that would likely be a last resort. She didn't want her dad to come storming in all worried and embarass her. "Wow, so the chasers accomplished absolutely nothing- as per usual." Ive scoffed, giving it her best effort not to play into the game she was certain Celia was playing. She could've confirmed the team had won without any other information, but she just had to mention it was Avery who had caught the snitch.

Ivelisse cocked her head when the words 'jealous type' left Celia's mind. Jealous? No, she wasn't jealous. Bitter, angry, disappointed. annoyed? Yes. But not jealous. At least she didn't think so. "I'm not." She simply stated, also not willing to give Celia the satisfaction of fighting those words when there were other things she'd much rather disagree on with the girl. Things worth disagreeing over. "A few of us?" Ive looked at the other girl with an amused grin. "If with that you mean Avery did all the work after I was forced to leave, then yes." She continued, hardly believing the words left her own mind. Did she like the other kid? Not especially. Did she believe he had won the match for them without any solid backup from the other players? Yes, even if she hadn't seen what happened after she was escorted of the pitch. And as annoying as she found it he did deserve at least some praise for that. "Or did you actually mean yourself as well? Because if you and Ares had been good at your job Flynn should've been here as well. And I sure don't see him around."
 
Under any other circumstances, Celia would have laughed. It was true. Slytherin's chasers weren't all that talented. Aggressive, maybe, but it was rare they scored in an actual game. She didn't really care, though, because chasers ultimately didn't matter. No game would ever be decided by them. Celia raised an eyebrow when Ivelisse claimed not to be jealous. "Really? Then why are you insulting your teammates? Why are you lashing out at them for being better than you?" Ivelisse hadn't reacted to Avery's name, but it was clear from her rant about the team's "lousy performance" that she was upset.

Celia's face hardened at the mention of Flynn. This had been the first game where she hadn't landed a single hit against the opposing seeker, and she still didn't know what had gone wrong. Celia struggled to school her expression into something more neutral. At least she wasn't the one stuck in a hospital bed, she tried to remind herself. "I'm the reason why Avery was even able to catch the snitch," she snapped. "If it weren't for me, he'd be in here as well." Objectively, Celia knew she should be proud of the fact that she had defended the seeker, giving him the space to do his job. But at the end of the day, no one cared about the beater who played a great defensive game. People only cared about how many hits a beater managed, how many players they knocked out. "I tried to give you a head start as well," she said scornfully, "But I can't help it if you're so bad at flying that you managed to get knocked out by two injured beaters."
 
Ivelisse shook her head, unimpressed at Celia's words. She wasn't insulting her teammates. Well, perhaps a little. But chasers, by definition, held the most useless position in the team and the fact that their chasers couldn't even get a hold of the quaffle made them slightly pathetic. "I'm simply stating a fact. Don't tell me you think chasers are useful. In any team." She questioned the girl, wondering if perhaps she had been wrong about Celia. Even if she disliked the girl Ive was confident that they shared similar opinions on some specific subjects and this had to be one of them. Whether Celia would admit that was a completely different story. "Plus, I don't see how the chasers were any better than me." She added calmly and confidently. Sure, they didn't get three bludger hits to their name but they weren't exactly targets either.

Ive tried to control the corners of her mouth curling up when Celia's facial expression changed, meaning mentioning the beater's performance had impacted her in some way. Perhaps she wasn't as confident in her own actions during the game as she made herself out to be. "Oh?" She grinned, amused when the other girl snapped. At least this was a good distraction from her pain. She wondered what the aftermath of this conversation would be though, especially after trying her best to be civil with Celia for quite some time now. "So you decided to back him up, but not me? Not very team spirit-y of you." Ive responded with a, exaggeratedly disappointed, click of her tongue. She couldn't help but to look slightly surprised at the girl's next words though. "You hitting anyone but Flynn was to give me a head start? And here I was thinking you just had terrible aim." She retorted, more clear-headed now that Celia was the one slowly losing her calm demeanor.
 
Celia agreed with Ivelisse, but she wasn't going to tell the girl that. "The chasers scored more points than you did," she pointed out. Sure, they had scored a grand total of ten points between the three of them, but that was ten more than Ivelisse had. And the ten extra points meant Slytherin was entering the championship match as the number one seed. Celia laughed when Ivelisse tried to claim she was just as good as the chasers. She was almost impressed that the girl had managed to say it with a straight face. "You're right. I guess I missed the part where they took three bludger hits in a row and got knocked out of the game," Celia said sarcastically.

She knew that Ivelisse knew that the comment had struck a nerve. And yet, Celia couldn't keep the anger from seeping through, twisting her features. "If I had backed you up, would it have even mattered?" she asked coldly. "I could defend you from all the bludgers in the world, but it wouldn't mean anything if you can't catch the snitch. At least I didn't have to worry about that with him." Both the game and the last practice had made it abundantly clear who deserved to be Slytherin's starting seeker. At Ivelisse's next comment, Celia threw the girl a contemptuous look. "Flynn wasn't a threat," she said dismissively. "The beaters were. Or did you forget how you ended up in here?" Of course, hindsight was 20/20 and the hits against the beaters had been accidents, but she wasn't going to admit that.
 
Admittedly, Ivelisse was surprised when Celia didn't agree with her about the use of chasers in any quidditch team. She didn't fully buy it though. No, scratch that. She didn't buy it. Period. Even if she didn't like the girl she still liked to believe she had some sort of knowledge about what Celia was like and right now she had a feeling she was just sticking up for the chasers to annoy her. Belittle her because she had gotten knocked out of the game and had therefore, almost by default, been the worst player on the team. At least that's what Ive believed Celia to think. Which was a downright dumb way to think, obviously. "It's not like that would make any sense." She shot back at Celia's remark. "Unless the Gryffindor beaters' aim had been as bad as yours, but unlike Ares and you they were capable of doing their job." Ive added calmly, starting to get tired of it all. She wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline wearing off or Celia's arrogance that did so but both were equally probable.

She crossed her arms when the girl started questioning her abilities as a seeker directly, her amusement at Celia losing her calmt demeanor slowly dripping off. "It would have." Ive responded confidently. "I can't exactly focus on the snitch if I've got a bludger slamming into me every second now, can I." She added in an irritated tone. Of course Celia didn't have to worry about Avery catching the snitch, she backed him up. Which meant he didn't have to worry about dodging bludgers like she had. "Merlin, you're so arrogant." Ive scoffed. "You think you're all that when really you're not." It was perhaps a bit of a hypocritical thing for her to say, but no matter how much she wanted to be the best she was still able to admit when someone else had been better. She didn't enjoy it, but she was capable of it. Celia didn't seem to be. "And you never will be if you can't even admit to yourself that you sucked." She added coldly, completely over the conversation. "Now don't you have a party to attend or something? I'm sure getting Avery to tolerate you should be somewhere on your agenda today."
 
Celia decided to ignore the jab about her aim. Ivelisse was just grasping at straws, trying to come up with excuses for the fact that she was the only one who had gotten knocked out. "The bludgers are enchanted to knock everyone off their brooms. The chasers aren't safe just because the beaters aren't aiming for them. You just can't admit that they're better at flying than you." It seemed as if Ivelisse's arrogance had no limits, and Celia watched incredulously as the girl tried to claim she could have caught the snitch if she had been protected. "Are you sure about that? We all saw what happened in practice. Avery was flying circles around you. And there weren't — what was it? — 'bludgers slamming into you every second,'" she said, using air quotes. Celia found Ivelisse's entitlement incredibly annoying. It wasn't (or it shouldn't be) her job to protect the seeker. How was she supposed to knock out the other team's seeker if she was stuck playing defense? "I'm arrogant?" Celia repeated in disbelief. "I'm not the one sitting in a hospital bed blaming everyone but myself for my failures. You still think you could've caught the snitch even though you've proven twice now that you're a terrible seeker," she said, referring to the game and the practice.

At the mention of the party, Celia paused, an idea coming to her. Her expression suddenly shifted to one of practiced neutrality, all traces of anger gone. "You're right," she said, straightening. "I do have a party to get to, and I'll be sure to tell the team you said hi. Maybe I'll even pass along your thoughts about their performance." The corners of her mouth curled upward into a poisonous smile. "I'm sure our captains would love to know what you think about chasers. And Ares... I bet he'll take all your feedback about his beater skills really well." Celia didn't know much about the new beater, but judging by the last practice, he could be a bit hot-headed and vindictive. While there wasn't a lot Celia could do about her roommate, there was plenty that the others could. If Eleanor and Liusaidh didn't demote Ivelisse back to alternate, then Ares could at the very least make her miserable next practice. Now that Celia thought about it, she supposed she could do that as well.
 

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